HUGE F BUDDIES: Epilogue

It’s a big day for all of us—the first formal occasion we’ve been invited to as a group. Maisie’s babies are finally old enough to be baptized, and we’re heading to the church for the service.

As I sit to buckle my silver sandals, my boys start appearing from upstairs. It’s Carson first, always the most punctual, dressed in a gorgeous navy blue suit that hugs his shoulders and nips in at his narrow waist. He’s pulling at his cuffs, the silver links I bought him for his birthday glinting in the sunlight streaming through the hall window. Even after all this time, seeing him still makes my heart flutter.

Anderson and Brayson are next, in different shades of gray, with crisp white shirts that perfectly set off their tan skin. I get two mega-watt smiles as they near the bottom of the stairs. ‘Well, don’t you look fucking gorgeous,’ Brayson says. He leans in to kiss me, and I taste spearmint toothpaste and sexy man.

They start to look for car keys and wallets, the final preparations before leaving.

Jefferson is last. He’s wearing a medium-blue suit that is perfect for the sunny day outside. The wink he gives me when he catches me gawking makes me warm in places that should definitely be under control. We don’t have time to do what my body is craving right now. It’s a long journey, and we need to arrive on time.

‘Everything okay?’ Anderson asks. He knows I’ve been nervous about today, and maybe my expression is revealing the butterflies in my stomach. This will be the first time that most of my college friends will meet my stepbrothers, and it feels huge. Huge because they know they’re my boyfriends, not just my fuck buddies. I feel self-conscious of the love I feel for them and of the love they feel in return. I know it’s stupid, but I’m still getting used to my heart being involved in my life in such a big way. I still have moments when I lie awake at night, surrounded by these amazing men and doubt whether I deserve them.

It’s not that they make me feel insecure in any way. My insecurities come from a deep place left over from my childhood, and I can’t expect them to disappear overnight. It’ll take time and patience, something I know my boys have.

They tell me every day that they love me and that I’m precious to them. They remind me how special I am, and it’s not just for how I look but who I am inside. They are as tender and careful with me as they are demanding and passionate. The perfect blend that helps me continue to take steps closer to believing that this amazing life is actually mine.

The car journey is fun. We’ve come up with a new system for deciding what music to listen to. Each of us gets to suggest a song in rotation, and it’s great. I’m listening to so many great tracks that I’ve never heard before, and there are no arguments, which is always a bonus.

As we pull up outside the church, I catch sight of Hannah and Millie, and a big group of jocks from Eastern who will no doubt know my boys as opponents. I’m really hoping they will all be mature enough to enjoy the day without jibes about past game performance, but to be honest, I’m not holding my breath.

Boys will be boys, after all.

Maisie pulls up in a car in front of us. Jameson gets out of the driver’s seat, and the rest of his brothers appear too. Maisie takes longer, and I’m assuming that’s because she’s trying to sort out the twins, Jodie and Joy.

It’s been a week since I saw them. A week too long. They have their father’s dark hair and their momma’s pretty eyes. They’re also the calmest babies I’ve ever spent time with. I think it’s because they are always surrounded by people.

There’s a lot of bro-style hugging as I introduce my boys to Maisie’s boys. I hug my bestie tight because I’ve missed her, and I need the reassurance. The great thing about having a friend in a poly relationship is that she understands all of my insecurities. She’s walked my path and has been invaluable in keeping me sane through the early part of my relationship. I love knowing where I could be in a year or two with four men who adore me and maybe a chubby baby or two to snuggle up to.

One thing I know for sure is that my babies will never think they’re not deserving of love. They’ll never wonder what their father’s voice sounds like or sit worrying through their mother’s drunken sleep. They’ll never know what it feels like to wear shoes that are too tight or to wash their own clothes because kids were laughing at how dirty they are.

They’ll know the strong arms of many loving fathers, the deep laughter, and the rough and tumble. They’ll know a mother who will put them first, no matter what, who will love them for all their good and their bad.

‘I’m so glad you guys could make it,’ Maisie squeals. ‘I’m so nervous. Joy has been screaming the whole way. It’s as though she knows she’s going to be the center of attention.’

‘She can probably sense your nervousness,’ Anderson says.

‘I told her that,’ Kyle, one of Maisie’s twin stepbrothers says. ‘He bounces Joy on his hip and kisses the top of her head. She’s wearing the sweetest little cream silk dress I’ve ever seen and has a pretty silk rose clipped in her shock of dark brown hair. ‘My princess knows that everything is going to be fine,’ he coos.

I catch Jefferson watching everything, and I know exactly what he’s thinking. How could his father have treated him and his brothers so badly? It started from young when they’d be shaken for crying. It ended in Jefferson’s burn from a maliciously tossed cup of hot coffee. Looking at how fragile little Joy is, it breaks my heart to think of anyone hurting her. Not for the first time, I wish that I could wash all of Jefferson’s pain away. He’s on the same journey as me, still coming to terms with his scars. Every time he lets me kiss his mottled shoulder, I feel him heal a little bit more.

Kameron rounds the truck with a double stroller, fit for his two princesses. Joshua is carrying Jodie, who is dressed identically to her sister.

Anderson throws his arm around my shoulder, and I catch a smile playing on his lips. I swear he can read my emotions and knows what I’m thinking about these adorable babies.

“One day,” he says softly, and my heart flutters.

We follow Maisie and her huge family into the church. There are so many people there from Eastern, and I feel the creep of heat over my cheeks as I catch a few of them staring in my direction. We find a pew toward the front, and Jefferson and Brayson slide in first, then me, then Anderson and Carson. I’m sandwiched between my four huge men, just the way I like it.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to see a face that looks familiar but that I just can’t place. ‘You’re Sara?’ the pretty blonde woman says. She has a child on her knee who looks familiar too.

‘Yes,’ I say, scanning the rest of the people sitting next to her. So many gorgeous men and they all look familiar.

‘I’m Laura, Maisie’s friend.’ Laura? Oh, my goodness! Laura from the TV with her ten gorgeous men. Maisie told me they met up a few times, but I didn’t know she’d be here today. ‘Maisie got in touch with me to tell me about her family and to tell me how inspiring my show has been. We’ve been meeting up and it’s so much fun to have another family that’s similar to ours to socialize with.’

‘That’s so nice,’ I say.

‘I hear you’re also going poly.’ Her gaze moves across the suited backs of my boys, and I grin.

‘It’s the only way,’ I chuckle.

‘I would introduce you,’ she says, waving her hand toward the guys that flank her on both sides, ‘but it would take too long, and you’d only forget.’

‘She’d remember me,’ the man to her right says.

‘Ford,’ I smile.

‘You see. You didn’t even have to tell her.’

Laura scowls. ‘That’s because you’ve got a big mouth. It’s impossible to miss you.’

Ford grins devilishly. ‘You love my big mouth,’ he says and wiggles his eyebrows. Damn. Even after having kids, they’re still on fire for each other.

‘Ssshhhh,’ Laura says. ‘We’re in church.’

‘To celebrate the product of human reproduction,’ Ford laughs.

Laura shakes her head but smiles as my boys turn to see what all the chuckling is about. ‘Anderson, Carson, Brayson, and Jefferson, this is Laura.’

Brayson reaches out a hand to shake Laura’s. ‘Thank you,’ he says. ‘For inspiring Sara. I think your show has a lot to do with us being together.’

‘No, no,’ I say. ‘I had this brilliant idea all by myself. I just used the show to make you think that it was normal.’

Jefferson chuckles. ‘There’s nothing normal about this, but who wants normal.’

The man sitting behind Jefferson raises a hand for a high-five, and they slap palms.

The piano starts playing, and we all stand to sing the hymn that Maisie’s chosen to start the service. I’ve never been to a christening before, and I’m surprised at how emotional it is. Watching Maisie’s family go through this process together is so beautiful that I end up needing a tissue. As I fumble around in my purse for something to dab my tears, Carson passes me a crisp white handkerchief.

‘Where the hell did you get this from, the nineteen forties?’ I snigger.

‘Don’t knock the oldy-worldy chivalry, doll,’ he winks, squeezing my thigh.

When the service is done, we move to the church hall to carry on the celebrations.

‘You look so happy,’ Millie says, as we stand around watching everyone enjoying themselves. ‘I have never seen you this happy.’ She squeezes my hand, and it’s then I know that the front I’ve put on for most of the time that we’ve known each other didn’t really fool anyone.

‘I am happy,’ I say. ‘So happy.’

‘Do they have any friends?’ Millie asks, wiggling her eyebrows. ‘I mean, I was all for going traditional with one man, but now you and Maisie have started a trend, I’m feeling under pressure to go for more.’

I pick up a giant slice of christening cake and take a big bite. ‘More is more,’ I say with my mouth full.

Millie giggles, doing the same. We have frosting on our lips and mouths filled to bursting as we try to stifle the laughter bubbling up inside us. I gulp some champagne to wash it all down, and Millie does the same. We both glance across to where Laura is sitting on the knee of another one of her stepbrothers. I think it’s Grant, but I can’t be sure. Ten men are hard to keep track of. I wonder if she ever calls out the wrong name during sex and if she does, whether any of her men care.

I look over at my boys with warmth. They’re all talking sport with Maisie’s stepbrothers, but it’s not competitive. It’s business.

When it’s time to leave, Maisie pulls me into an embrace that crushes my ribs. ‘You remember where it all started?’ she smiles.

‘Fate put us together on that airplane.’

‘It sure did, and I’m thankful every day.’

‘Me too.’

‘So, are you staying on campus tonight?’

‘In my tiny bed with these huge guys…I don’t think so. I booked us a suite at that swanky boutique hotel we had pedicures at last fall.’

‘Wow. That’ll be amazing.’

‘And I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘I’ll come for coffee at Coffee Club at eleven am. Does that work?’

We hug again, and I manage to get Carson’s attention by sliding my hand over his shoulders slowly in the way I know he loves. ‘Let’s go check in,’ I whisper against his ear. I swear he shivers.

‘I’ll get my brothers.’

It doesn’t take long for them all to get the hint that leaving means we’re gonna have some sex. I really need some sex.

I know our relationships started as fuck buddies, but it’s now so much more. That doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy reveling in our past!

Anderson drives, and I don’t understand why Jefferson doesn’t kick up a fight until he sits next to me in the back and slides his hand straight under my skirt. He kisses me deeply, and memories of that first time come flooding back. The frantic need. The anger and passion in his every touch.

His fingers slide inside me, stretching, pumping, making me wet. He’s preparing me for what’s to come, and I can only be grateful. So, so grateful.

Carson’s hand pushes down the thin strap of my dress, revealing my breast. No bra today, and the knowledge makes both of my stepbrothers’ groan.

‘Fuck you guys. Take it easy back there,’ Anderson grumbles.

Brayson chuckles from the passenger seat. ‘Did you actually think they were going to keep their hands to themselves?’

I throw my head back, spreading my legs wide, and Carson’s finger finds my clit. I’m so close to coming when Anderson pulls into the hotel lot and my stepbrothers pull away. Breathing fast, I straighten my skirt and close my legs, feeling deliciously ravaged and hopelessly frustrated. We need to check in, and then I’m going to take what I need from these men, whether they like it or not.

Oh, who am I fooling, they’re going to love it all.

The bedroom is gorgeous; dark burgundy walls, black and white art, and the crispest white sheets I’ve ever seen. There’s a lounge area too with a widescreen TV, and a sprawling corner sofa big enough for all of us. There’s also a dining table surrounded by chairs so that eating room service can be more civilized. The boys aren’t interested in that, though. Brayson scoops me up, wrapping my legs around his waist, then lays me on the cool wood of the table. My dress is pushed up, and my panties tugged down before I even register the chill against my skin. Brayson pushes my legs open, gazing down at my pussy as though it’s the mystery of the universe revealed. He licks it like it’s the sweetest ice cream, and I don’t hold back the moans he elicits.

They take it in turns to eat me, using fingers to open me wide, and I’m writhing against the hands that hold me down, leaking arousal onto the polished wood beneath me. My mind is fractured and desperate, but it’s different from before. I’m not trying to escape the feelings that surround my heart like the softest, plushest velvet. I’m not trying to bury my fears.

They’re naked by the time I begin to beg. I don’t want to come like this. I want to come with a big cock inside me and my hands and mouth on more. I want to be filled and used by all my stepbrothers until I’m a sweaty, ravaged, exhausted mess because now I know that what can come after the amazing fuck buddy sex is just as sweet. The love and affection that I’ve been craving for so long but never believed I could find.

Jefferson takes a seat on the sofa, and I’m forced to my knees so I can take him deep in my mouth. Carson is behind me, running his hands over my ass and pushing his hot and heavy cock inside me. I grunt when he bottoms out, the pressure against my cervix pleasurable and painful in equal measure.

‘You see how good she is at taking us now,’ he says proudly.

Brayson sits next to his twin, taking hold of my hand and wrapping it around his cock. I shift so that I can suck him too, moving back and forth between the twins, whist Anderson and Carson take turns to fuck my pussy. There’s no selfishness between my boys because they know I belong to all of them equally.

I come hard on Anderson’s cock, Carson’s finger on my clit, Brayson’s cock in my mouth, and Jefferson’s cock in my hand. Then I’m flipped over so that Carson can fuck me face to face. He has a thing about holding me down and looking into my eyes that has my toes curling. I love watching that moment before he fills me with his cum, that moment of total surrender. Brayson’s next, hauling me into his lap so that I can ride him to the peak of ecstasy. His fingers dig into my hips as his cock swells, and when I move to stand on shaky legs, three lots of cum trickle down my thigh.

Jefferson is last, but never least. I think he enjoys the wait, building his arousal with the visuals of me fucking his brothers. His cock is impossibly hard, like one of those huge nightsticks that security guards carry. The look in his eyes is part mean, part desperate, so when he takes me and deposits me onto the clean comforter in the bedroom, I’m surprised. He climbs on top of me, taking my hand and pressing it to the scarred skin where his heart is sheltered. ‘You know we love you, Sara,’ he says. “You’re everything to us.” He blinks, the sincerity of his words slipping inside my like warm honey.

‘I love you too. All of you. So much.’

He enters me slowly, fucking me skin to skin in a way that he never has before. His ethereal gray eyes meet mine, and I understand that this is him surrendering to the “more” that has terrified us both for too long. His fingers stroke my face, his hands stroking over my body gently. I run my hands over his arms and he winces.

“What is it?” I ask, looking at the place at the top of his bicep where his tattoo is. It’s red and inflamed and different.

“I changed it,” he says softly.

I read over the phrase, finding it altered. The tattoo artist has covered the word doomed with five joined hearts. Below, in the same cursive is the word love. “Everything is more beautiful because we love,” I say.

Jefferson nods, kissing my lips so gently that a tear slips from my eye. “You showed me that, Sara. You made all the difference.”

I remember what Brayson told me in the club. Jefferson needed someone to help him feel optimistic about the future. Someone who won’t let him down. When he finds that person, the past will lift. I guess he was right all along. I never thought I could be that person, but this small but permanent change marked on Jefferson’s body tells me that I am.

I couldn’t be happier.

Jefferson’s brothers are with us, but they don’t touch me now, seeing something in their brother that they’ve never seen before; openness and tenderness.

When Jefferson comes, I come too, the relief that I feel for both of us overwhelming.

After, as I lay sheltered between my four gorgeous stepbrothers, I say a silent prayer for all the little parts of my life’s journey that have brought me to this place of happiness and contentment.

Sometimes it takes facing our deepest fears to find the true path in life.

Sometimes that path looks nothing like you thought it would.

Would my life have been the same without that lucky scratch ticket on my eighteenth birthday? Would it have been the same if I had checked into a different seat on the plane and never met Maisie? Would things be different if I hadn’t decided to seek out pleasure despite my fear of risking pain?

I don’t think so. Facing our past and our truth takes courage and help, but once we have, we’re free to enjoy all of the great things in life.

And here I am with greatness times four.

I turned my fuck buddies into lovers, and I couldn’t be happier.