(20): Bitter-Sweet

"Kat wanted to go shopping. Do you think we should call her?" I ask Winnie.

She woke me up this morning, telling me that the boys had already left and it was a good idea if I continued my sleep in her room. I fully woke up instead, showering and eating before going to her's.

We didn't really speak much the whole time because I was scared that if we did, I'd start asking her questions about my finding from last night. I don't think she'd appreciate that.

She noticed my silence and asked what was wrong. I just told her that I had a headache. It was half true though.

She nods eagerly "Yess. I'm in desperate need of new clothing"

I then dial Kat's number, informing her to meet us at the mall. I then wait for Winnie to get ready before she drives us there.

"Hi, my bitches" Kat greets excitedly when she sees us. I haven't been inside this mall in such a long time but it's still as big as I remember.

I would know because Kat always used to drag me with her and go inside all the shops. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm kind of dreading this. I guess I just wanted to get out of the house.

"Hi Nathan's bitch" Winnie teases cause the both of us to laugh and Kat to scowl.

"Only he can call me that"

Winnie covers up her laugh "Okay sorry"

"Let's get shopping" She grins happily.

Oh good lord.

"I totally agree" Winnie also grins. Oh no, I'm with two shopaholics.

Kat narrows her eyes at me when she sees my lack of enthusiasm "You, lady, will very much shop too, okay? No excuses. It's time to put all that money your dad sends you to use."

"I guess" I shrug as we start to walk around "Did I tell you that he called the other day?"

Her eyes widen "He did?"

"Wait, I'm confused" Winnie chirps "Isn't he supposed to?"

"Well I think the last time he did was a year ago" I inform her "So it's a surprise every time he does"

Winnie frowns "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that"

I wave her off "Don't be. I'm used to it"

"But he sends her a big stack of cash all the time" Kat says to try and make the mood lighter "Which today she will be using to shop until she drops"

I can't help but smile.

The two of them find a clothing store they're interested in and drag me along "Okay, so our full attention is on you, Chels. We will help you pick" Winnie announces.

"No you don't have to"

"We want to" Kat interrupts sternly.

I groan "Okay fine then. I guess I need dresses and a few jeans"

"Good" Kat grins satisfied that I gave in.

****

"Can I please tell you about my day yesterday. It was absolutely horrible. Kat and Winnie dragged me to go shopping with them and I was so exhausted after" I rant to a very uninterested Kyle. "I even bought things I didn't need just to get them off my back"

I'm guessing he only got to the apartment a few hours ago after visiting his home which means that he didn't attend class because they're all over now.

"I don't really care" He tells me watching something on TV, with me right next to him on the couch.

I shrug "I need someone to talk to"

I hate to admit it, but an entire day without him was so long and boring.

"If it wasn't for the fact that I was seeing my father, I would've really enjoyed my time away from you" He deadpans dryly.

Jeez.

"Just when I thought you couldn't get anymore blunt" I tsek but lucky for him I don't care enough to take it to heart "How did that go? Did he promise to leave me alone now"

"Men like him don't keep promises anyways"

I frown deeply "So he's still going to bother me?"

"Don't worry about it" He tells me.

"Hate to break it to you, Chambers, but that doesn't really ease my conscience" I scowl "I need you to tell me that he'll leave me alone, your brother included"

"He'll leave you alone. My brother included" He mimics expressionlessly giving away that he's just saying that cause I asked him to.

I pinch his shoulder hard and he yelps "Kyle, I'm serious"

"Okay jeez. I don't know if he will. He didn't exactly give me a straight answer" He replies rubbing his shoulder. I didn't pinch him that hard, seriously.

"What did he say?" I ask.

"The usual, which is if I want him to do something for me then I have to work for him" He explains, clenching his jaw and I can tell this topic ticks him off.

Was my research right?

"Well what's so bad about that?" I try my luck.

He turns his head that was on the TV the whole time to look at me, his beautiful grey eyes darker "Everything... And I don't know why I'm telling you this"

I gulp mesmerized "Okay... Your eyes"

"What about them?"

"They're... pretty"

Shut up Chelsea! Mouth, control yourself!

He chuckles and they soften instantly "Didn't you tell me they darken when I'm agitated? How are they pretty then?"

"Uhm I guess they're pretty like that too"

He looks amused the whole time "Your nose flares when you're agitated, and your forehead creases. Nothing really happens to your eyes"

He notices.

I touch my nose then forehead on instinct sheepishly "I need to work on that. I don't think I like it when people know I'm angry or annoyed. I don't want them to feel bad"

"If they made you angry, then they have every right to feel bad" He informs. "You care too much what other people think"

"I know" I mutter embarrassed.

He doesn't say anything.

"Was your mom happy to see you?" I ask curiously, after a while of silence "She sounded like she missed you the other day"

He nods "Yeah. Too happy"

I snort, trying not to coo because I know that would make him uncomfortable and probably shut off after "Well at least someone is happy to see you"

"I know you missed me, Chelsea-Anne" He replies smugly, a smirk playing on his lips "You don't have to pretend"

I did.

"You wish, Chambers" I snort, my heart beating faster. That happens when I lie. I sure hope he doesn't notice. "You're the one who missed me"

He shrugs "I'll admit, the quietness was a bit unsettling at first. I haven't had it in a long time"

"What? I'm not that loud" I scoff incredulously.

"I didn't say loud. You just speak a lot. More than the average human being" He explains, still with that amused look.

His eyes brighten when he is like that and his lips stretch wider and aren't in that straight line they're always in. He looks animated when he speaks too, like he really wants to and no one is forcing him. And I swear his blonde hair also becomes brighter... maybe I'm just imaging that one though.

I like it. A lot.

He looks... handsome; younger. Handsome.

"This is nauseatingly cute"

I almost get a heart attack at that familiar voice. I look behind me to see Nicholas standing by the corridor. He looks like he just woke up so I'm guessing he was sleeping in Kyle's room.

"You fucking psycho" Kyle mutters when his friend joins us by the couch "How long have you been standing there?"

"A while. You two sure were enjoying that conversation, huh?" He smirks at the both of us. "I guess Kathrine was right"

"About what?" I enquire.

"Good relationships/friendships start with hate and bickering" He explains, causing Kyle and I to groan.

Kyle shakes his head "I can never get a break"

"Yeah and what are you? A nomad?" I ask with an attitude "Why do you go around sleeping at other people's houses"

He shrugs "I hate being alone"

"Maybe you should get a roommate" I suggest sarcastically.

"That's definitely out" He immediately objects "They always start complaining when I bring girls over. Something about being too loud and inconsiderate"

I nudge Kyle "You hear that?"

"What?" He asks defensively "We both know I stopped bringing them over, Chelsea-Anne, so what are you talking about?"

He has a point.

I roll my eyes "Okay fine, maybe you did. But it was still wrong at first when you didn't"

"I stopped, so stop complaining" He warns, glaring at me "I can always start again. This is my house after all and it was in the rules"

Right. The rules. I forgot about those.

I immediately shut up "Okay, okay"

"You know Kyle, normally you're the third wheel here, not me" Nico grumbles childishly "I don't think I like this new friendship"

The boy sure loves all the attention.

"We're not even friends" Kyle deadpans.

"Yeah" I agree half-heartedly, mostly to protect our love-hate relationship that I kind of enjoy just the way it is "We're just civil acquaintances"

Nico raises a brow quizzically "I thought that was you and Nathan? Plus you and Kyle are anything but civil."

"Sure we are" I argue then look at a bored expressioned Kyle "Aren't we, Chambers?"

"Sure, whatever" He half-agrees.

I grin at Nico smugly "See?"

"Wow... since when are you so submissive, man?" Nico asks his friend, feigning concern and worry.

Kyle shrugs "Anything to shut her up"

"Hey!" I smack his shoulder hard.

"Fucking hell" Kyle hisses angrily, cradling his shoulder "Do you have any idea how sore your hand is? And you keep hurting the same shoulder"

Nico high fives me as we laugh at Kyle.

"Pussy" Nick mutters making me laugh even more.

"I swear you two make me sick"

I don't think I've ever laughed this much. I swear I love these two boys. I can't believe I ever lived a life without them.

***

After one of the most care-free days of my life yesterday, Kyle and Nick decided to go to the gym. I pleaded to come with but Kyle immediately objected saying he would lose his mind if he had to spend another minute with the two of us together.

That was a bit extreme, right?

Anyways I sulked until I actually decided to minimize my assignments. He came back much later when I was already in bed, making it very obvious what else he had been up to.

Boys. Boys addicted to sex.

"Chels, hi" Noah greets after he tapped my shoulder to get my attention, as he smiling softly.

I bid my final goodbye to Winnie watching her walk into her class before smiling back at Noah "Hey"

I can't help but feel guilty because I haven't thought about him in such a long time. The mention or sight of him doesn't even hurt me as much as it would have a week ago. What is happening to me? Do I not love him anymore?

Don't say that, Chels.

I guess I've just been so distracted with everything else that I haven't had the time to dwell on my momentary ex-boyfriend.

'Miserable without you' is what I said to him when he decided to call the break. At the time, I really did mean it but I'm not so sure it's like that anymore. His absence in my life doesn't seem to make me any less content. It's like I don't even care.

What do I do?

"How are you doing? I just wanted to check up on you. We haven't spoken in a long time" He says.

I nod, the still joyful after-effects of my past two days radiant "I'm good. How are you?"

"You sound good" He mutters, a hint of sadness and disappointment in his voice "I'm peachy, I guess"

Oh no. This is making me sad.

"I'm not as good as I sound" I try to excuse "I have a lot of assignments to do and a lot of studying too"

He gives me a look "You don't have to say that. You're allowed to be good, Chels. I'm happy for you"

"Okay" I mutter biting my lip awkwardly.

I'm really not that good though. I still have Kyle's father after me. But I won't lie, Kyle, Nick, Winnie and Kat did make me forget about that for quite a while. I only thought about it just now.

"Is it the wrong time to tell you that I kind of regret calling that break now?" He asks sadly and my eyes widen. I think I stop breathing for a while too.

"What? Why?"

If he said these words last week, I would be jumping in his arms and kissing him.

He shakes his head "You seem to be just fine without me. Not that I didn't want you to be or anything. It just kind of sucks actually witnessing it"

"Noah..." Is the only thing I can utter.

I can't even deny it.

He gulps in realization "It's fine, Chels, really. It just sucks, that's all"

Say something, damnit! Tell him you love him! Tell him he's wrong and you haven't been coping at all without him! Say it! Speak!

"Noah, I..." I breathe.

Speak, Chelsea!

"You're more yourself with your new friends then you ever were with me. I saw it" He admits looking away from me.

"That's not true" I protest meekly.

"Yes it is" He objects impatiently, his voice louder and I flinch slightly "Don't lie to me to try and make me feel better about myself"

Oh no!

"It's too soon to tell Noah, I've only known them for a month"

He shakes his head vigorously "It doesn't matter. I know what I saw. It was a happier and more vibrant girl that I didn't recognize"

"Noah..." I utter again, my throat closing up.

I don't know what to say to make this better. I don't want to lie to him or to myself either.

He nods defeated, his Adam's apple bopping up and down "There's still a few more days until that month is over. I already know your answer. Please just say it now. I don't want to drag this further than it needs to"

The answer of our relationship. He told me that the break would only last a month so we would have time to rethink our relationship. Whether we still want to carry on with it or not. Whether it was worth fighting for still.

My throat closes "Noah..."

"Say it, Chelsea" He hisses.

"I can't, Noah"

He shakes his head, his eyes glossy "But you want to, right? Do you want me to say it for you?"

I find myself nodding.

"You're breaking up with me because clearly my absence in your life doesn't bother you. That can only mean you don't love me anymore, that is, if you ever did"

But I do. Right?

So, say it! Tell him! Chelsea-Anne Richards!

He's gone before I can say anything, before I can deny his allegations about my feelings for him. And the sad thing is that... I don't think I was going to.

"What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost."

I don't know how long I stood there, watching Noah's figure disappear and digesting what had just happened.

I look at my best friend, my eyes blurred with unshed tears that I'm too stubborn to shed "I think Noah and I broke up. For good this time"

She sighs dreadfully "Let's go to my dorm"

"But you have class"

"I won't be able to concentrate anyways knowing you're like this"

I blink smiling and two tears fall "I love you"

****

"He said that I looked just fine without him; happier and more radiant" I explain to my best friend after blowing my nose.

She really did get a new dorm, and it is a single with quite a big cardboard. I can tell she was happy about that. We're laying on her bed, facing the white ceiling and I'm explaining to her what happened.

"I think he's right" She whispers.

After registering her words, I turn my body so I can look at her and find that she had already been looking at me the whole time "What?"

"You are more vibrant. Last semester you were somber half the time, and now you're THAT bitch. I like it" She expresses with a small smile.

"No I'm not" I deny "I've always been like this"

"Chels, I'm your best friend and I know you better than anyone. So believe me when I tell you that" She says "I witnessed you slowly getting over Noah. I mean the first few weeks were bad but then after a while, you just got over it. Not even you can deny it"

I can't.

I sigh defeated "But does that mean we have to break up for good?"

"Yeah, Chels, maybe you still love him but you're definitely not still in love with him. I think it's been like this for a while and the break only made you realize it"

I stay quite for a while, digesting it all.

"Kat..."

She hums "Mhh?"

"I think you're right" I admit.

"Nothing new" She grins but it's not as wide as it normally is.

"Do you think it's the same for him?"

She shakes her head immediately "He's very much still in love with you. I don't think he'll stop anytime soon"

I gulp sadly "Do you hate me?"

"No. Why would I?"

"I broke your best friend's heart" I whisper.

She pulls me closer to her "You're my best friend too. I could never ever hate you. I would hate you however if you carried on lying about your feelings and gotten back together with him"

I nod "Okay. Do you think he hates me?"

"It doesn't matter" She kisses my hair.

My eyes start to feel heavy "I love you"

"I love you too, bestie"

And then I'm fast asleep. Peacefully.

***

It's officially the end of Chelsea and Noah. How do you guys feel?

Let me know in the comments.

xoxoxoxo