Chapter 23: Thomas

A/N: 07.07.20

Just finished my one month exams and now I'm free 😍 goodbye essays and hello summer!🌻

Do you guys have any plans for this summer vacation?

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*Thomas's pov*

After work, I didn’t go back home. Instead, I decided to take a walk. I didn’t know where I was going, where I was heading, or where I’d stop. I simply walked.

Clueless, mindless, listless, full of thoughts, I kept going. The sun was slowly going down, but I kept walking. There was too much on my kind.

Could I really be gay? No, I like girls too, a couple of them have caught my eye before but Eli… He's a guy! Could I be bisexual? Pansexual? How many sexualities are there?

Why did I like someone who didn't like me back? I apologized for kissing him only to kiss him again. Would I be able to control myself the next time? I didn't want our "friendship" or whatever we were to end. I've already lost enough people in my life, I didn't want to lose another.

What was it about him that I liked anyway? His bratty attitude? The dramatic eye roll he always did? His contemptuous gaze? Or was it because despite being born in a high class environment and always telling me how disgusted he was, he still made an effort for me? He returned the quarter that I lost. Even if I lost it because of him, he still could have given me nothing at all.

Then he came to my shabby neighborhood even though he was scared silly. He was always telling me how disgusting and dirty I was but he never told me to leave or stopped talking to me because of it. He threw insults at me but they felt more like his strange way of teasing me.

Maybe it was his soft gold hair that caught my eye, his baby blue eyes that turned into a million shades of indigo under the sunlight, his bright pink lips that jutted out whenever he was upset or his flawless pale skin that looked like silk.

Or maybe it was because despite our differences, despite acting like we were okay, despite putting on a smile for the people around us, we both shared one major thing in common: we were lonely.

I've always tried to convince myself that I was happy. Happy in my shabby neighborhood, happy in my rundown house, happy without my parents, happy with what I had, I was happy.

But how could I not be jealous of the kids whose parents always came to pick them up in elementary school? Or the ones with the parents who brought the best snacks during soccer practice? How could I not be envious of the kids who didn't have to quit boxing because they had money? The ones with parents who did everything for them? All they had to do was be normal kids and lay back while everything else was done for them. I had to do everything for myself, I had to grow up before getting the chance to be a kid.

There have been multiple times in which I wanted something but couldn't have it. So why was Eli different? It wasn't the first time I didn't get what I wanted, so why was I so upset? Why did I want to be selfish with him? He was happy with Steven, more or less. He should be with a rich guy who can buy him all the clothes he wanted, not some filthy rat who fought with his sister over a rusty bent spoon.

I continued to walk down the city, my shoulders feeling heavier each step I took. There were so many people around me, the city was full of life, people were hustling and bustling, stores were decorated with bright lights, everything was vivid and lively. And yet, I felt so lonely, like a small speck among a crowd.

As the pain grew in my feet, up to my legs, then reaching my chest, I decided to finally admit the truth.

I was one sad motherfucker.

I pretended to put on a smile, acting confident and mighty, as if I could take on the world if I acted like nothing could harm me, that nothing could hurt me. What did I care if people looked down on me? Why should it matter if people pitied me? Slap on a smile and give it a shrug, then none of it would matter. But it did. It did matter and I did care and it did hurt and I was sad, sad, sad, and shit, was I really bent?

My phone rang and I pulled out my phone, looking down at the screen. My eyes widened as I saw the name that appeared on the bright screen, my stomach twisting into knots.

It was Eli. I hesitated at first but finally answered.

“Hey,” I said, smiling out of habit even though he couldn’t see me. I couldn’t help but think to myself how pathetic my defense mechanism was.

“Thomas?”

“No, it's batman."

I could feel his eye roll.

"You're so stupid."

"I know."

There was a short pause.

"Are you okay? You sound depressed."

"I didn't know depression sounded a certain way," I laughed half-heartedly. I wanted to tell him so badly but I pressed my lips together. What good would it be to tell him anyway?

“I thought of a game,” he said. I raised my brows, walking into a park, and sitting on the swing sets.

“A kinky one?”

“Thomas!" He shouted.

"Yes, Karen?"

"I'm hanging up."

"No, wait. What was the game you wanted to play?"

He didn't answer and for a second I thought he had hung up.

"I'll start,” he said. “Remember how I said that you were ugly?”

“Like it was just yesterday.”

“I lied.”

My brows furrowed and the smile on my face disappeared.

“Your turn,” he quickly said. So this was his game?

“Um…” I tried to find something to say. “I said that you couldn’t do anything by yourself. I lied.”

There was a pause.

“I said that I liked Steven. I lied.”

My chest tightened. “Eli…”

“That doesn’t mean I like you,” he quickly said.

“Is that another lie?”

“We’re acquaintances which means you're tolerable.”

I smiled, strings tugging my chest.

"I really disliked kissing you. I never want to do it again," I murmured. Before he could snap at me, I said, "Why did you call, Eli?"

"I wanted to tell you that I pity you."

"My greatest apologies for not fitting your social and financial standards. Truly, you must forgive me."

"I'm not pitying you because you're poor," he snapped. "I pity you because you've made such a great life out of scraps and you've grown up just fine in a shabby neighborhood and you're hardworking but despite having friends you can lean on, you act like you’re all alone."

I felt a lump in my throat.

"And I think you're an idiot for thinking that you have to endure life by yourself when you have people who will listen to you and who genuinely care about you," he said. "I care about you."

My eyes widened.

'You're not only a filthy rat, but you're a stupid one too."

The anger in his voice made me stiffen, and I tried to keep my voice light despite the searing pain in my chest.

"How long did it take you to prepare that speech?" I said forcing a chuckle.

"You're so annoying!”

"Aw, you're making me blush," I murmured, tilting my head back. And I really was blushing.

"I don't like you," Eli growled.

"I don't like you even more," I whispered. The game had probably ended but I secretly hoped that we were still playing.

"I dislike you most. And FYI, I still think you're ugly, so text me when you get home!" he shouted angrily before hanging up.

I blinked, smiled, and then laughed. And suddenly, the world didn’t feel so lonely anymore.

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A/N:

Eli truth: I'm a whore for attention

Thomas's truth: I'm one sad motherfucker.

Hidee & Homies: 🥺

Yo but can we appreciate Eli's character development 😔👌

Q/A: what's your ideal type of guy/girl/person?

Please don't forget to leave a vote!

P.s: AB chapter is 26 will be out on Patreon tomorrow! You can join for early updates and exclusive scenes 💖