Chapter 19

I followed Chris into math class and took the back seats. Mr. Gonzalez was still in his office so the room was filled with chattering teenagers.

I turned toward Chris to see him playing on his phone.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked him. Ever since I agreed to date Austin, Chris and Elias were A-wall. He looked up at me confused.

"No? It's your love life Alex, and as one of your best friends I have to support it," He half smiled.

"Then why have you been ignoring me?" I asked confused.

"Because... I'm Elias's best friend too and he's pretty pissed," Chris said. I crossed my arms and felt anger run through my veins.

"Well maybe if he didn't chicken out... and get up on Stella I would've reconsidered!" I whisper-yelled. Chris chuckled a little shaking his head.

"I know, J is complicating, but I don't know... Austin's just... I don't think he is good enough for you."

"And Elias is?" I asked feeling offended.

"Well no, but I know Elias would treat you just as good as Austin... maybe even better." Chris said quietly. As I was about to protest, Mr. Gonzalez walked into the room and started his lesson. Elias would treat me better? Sure.

The lesson went by fast and we were let out a few minutes early.

"Hey can you come over to Sam's so we can talk about our living expenses?" I told Chris as we grabbed our sandwiches.

"Sure, meet me at my car," He said. Nodding I walked toward my locker and pulled out my English and History text books. Looking up, I watched Elias laughing and messing around with his friends. He had his arm draped over one of the girl dancers, and walked passed me without acknowledging my existence. I stared at the concrete feeling my heart pulsate and ache. I sat against my locker and pulled out my notebook for a quick poetry entry.

The Magician

I've true again and again to re-write this logic, but it turns out to be nonsense. It's a complex equation made up of numbers that don't add up and divide into vapor. Is that what we are? An unsolvable mystery made up of tricks and illusions? If so, you can be the magician and I your assistant. You can cut my heart in two and show the audience how you can put it back together without string and staples, but that's the illusion. Don't you know you can't hide your tricks from someone who knows them too well? You've ran out of tricks and I've seen through your illusion. You're nothing more than a circus act who is embedded into his role. Tonight we will walk the tight rope above the clowns, lions, and tamers, but one of us will have to fall. One of us will have to slip and let go. Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to fall into your own trap door and disappear into the nothingness you left me in for so long? Wouldn't that be a story. "Magician Falls For His Own Trick". Quite the headline. But you forgot to tell them I wasn't your assistant. I was a freak. I was the werewolf girl who sat next to claw boy. I lived in the back car with drunken men who slurred themselves to sleep. You took me and made me stand at the center of that blue and yellow tarp. You made me look into every horrid eye until one finally cried. You tricked me into believing I was something more than an architects discovery. But I wasn't. I was an abnormal girl who fell for the trick.. who fell for the drunken magician. I fell for your beating heart only to find out it was never there. That might have been your best trick yet.

"Hey." I looked up to see Victoria looking down at me. I closed my notebook and slipped it into my bag.

"Hi?" I said unsure. Smiling, she slid down next to me. I looked at her unsure of what she was trying to do.

"Did Elias tell you? I got into NYU," She asked looking at me.

Nodding I said,"Yeah, I heard. Congrats." I smiled at her. She nodded giggling a bit.

"He told me you got into University of Westminster. That must be great," She said playing with her ruby ring.

"Yeah it's amazing," I laughed looking at the ceiling.

"Well, I just wanted to congradulate you really. You deserve it Alex, honestly I'm happy for you," She said turning to look at me with a genuine smile. I wasn't sure what crack she took this morning, but I liked this Victoria, the sweet girl from back in elementary.

"Thanks, you too." I said standing up. She stood with me and gave me a quick hug before walking away. Smiling, I walked toward Chris's car and hopped in.

"What took you so long?" Sam asked from the passenger's seat.

"I was actually talking to Victoria... I think she's on crack. But I like it so I'm not complaining," Sam and I laughed while Chris pulled out of the parking lot. We drove toward Sam's place and headed to her room. Sam and I lied on the bed while Chris spun around in her desk chair. He was typing away on the pink lap top searching websites for small apartments.

"How about this one?" He asked pointing to a small studio that was to the east of central London.

"Eh, try looking for one with a bedroom so at least I have somewhere I can sleep and you can sleep in the living room," I smiled innocently at him. He hit me on the head with one of the stuffed animals before going back to the computer.

"So you and Austin," Sam winked. I laughed a little shaking my head.

"Yeah, I'm just trying it out... just to see where it goes," I admitted. She nodded flipping through my journal.

"I can see that. Anyways, he's better for you than Elias- sorry Chris," She said looking at him. Chris shook his head ignoring our conversation. She continued to flip through the journal, her eyes fixed on the faded text.

"You know, a lot of these seem to have to do with Elias..." She said handing it back to me. My face reddened as I slipped it back into my bag.

"What no. Most of these are from before we became friends," I laughed nervously.

"Still... aside from what Chris and I know, you could have had a crush on him this whole time." She said looking amused. I rolled my eyes slamming a stuffed bear into her face.

"Drop it, Sam." I chuckled. She threw her hands up in defense nodding.

"Okay, okay. Still..." She smiled holding onto her bear. I lied back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. The next two weeks were going to be the longest weeks of our lives. And they would be my last weeks to tell everyone anything I've wanted to tell them, even Elias. I just hope he will start talking to me by then.