Chapter 25

I lied against Elias's chest, his arms around my waist. We had been like that for hours, a think blanket of silence hovering over us. Chris and I found an apartment in London with two other roommates and were well set. This didn't make Elias very comfortable since I was going to live with a bunch of strangers. He twirled a strand of my hair with his finger, sighing.

"Why can't time stop," He mumbled to himself. I wanted to cry. I wrapped my arm around his torso, nuzzling my face into his chest. I breathed in deeply, taking in his familiar scent of cigarettes and warm vanilla. I leaned up to peck him on the cheek, but instead his lips pressed firmly against mine. His hand slid around my neck, pulling me closer to him. Our lips danced together in sync before he pulled away slowly.

"We have a month, Elias. Let's just make the best of it?" I encouraged, but who was I kidding? We thought we'd be okay once we both went our separate ways, but we weren't. I wasn't at least.

"I know, but look at us. We haven't gone out once since we've been here and we can't hang out with Chris and Sam without those two bickering like an old married couple," He chuckled shaking his head. Chris and Sam were in a much rougher patch than we were. Sam wanted to confront Chris about their relationship, but every time they're in the same room together, it's like a tornado whipping through. Then the thought crossed my mind. Are we going to end up like them? I know we haven't been together as long, but what if things turn out bad between Elias and I once I leave?

"Do you... do you think we'll end up like them?" I shuttered, sitting up quickly. The bed creaked underneath us as Elias sat up beside me. I glanced at him to see his eyes tracing the outlines of my carpet. His face fell into his hands as he took in a deep breath.

"I...I don't know, Alex. We have to think about it soon, too. Can we really wait until the last minute?" He questioned through his palms. I stared down at my cold fingers. No, I don't.

"I'm not sure I should answer that..." I breathed. His eyes flickered toward me with disbelief. I could feel the idea sink in: We'd have to break up, and soon. He slipped his hand into mine, squeezing it lightly.

"Let's not talk about it," He sighed, standing up and walking to my desk. I listened to the new silence, but I could already hear my heart cracking. I turned to face him, but his back was turned. His shoulders were slouched forward, his head hanging lowly.

"Well we need to. We have to-"

"I said I don't want to talk about it!" He yelled back, slamming his fist into my desk. My breath was shaky as I stood and walked toward him. My hand hovered his back, but I pulled it away. Nothing I'd say would make this any better. My hand fell limp to my side as I watched his shoulders rise and fall slowly.

"Okay, we won't talk about it," I whispered, my gaze falling to the floor. Tears played mockingly on my brims, but I fought them back. A low sigh escaped his lips as he turned toward me, placing his hands gently on my shoulders. I raised my eyes to see his red and irritated from the battle he was fighting inside. The ends of my lips twitched into what I hoped could pass for a smile.

"Let's go take a walk," He suggested, slipping his hand into mine. I grabbed my satchel and followed him outside. Our hands intertwined, he lifted his arm over my head, resting it gently around my shoulders. I nuzzled closer to him as we walked past my neighborhood into his. Glancing over at Austin's shop, I saw Victoria sitting beside him, sipping a coke. We walked over to them, joining their conversation.

"Hey guys!" Victoria greeted cheerfully. Austin gave us a quick smile before going back to fix a beat up red honda.

"Hey how are you?" I asked, sitting beside her. Elias left us and went to help Austin. At least they were on good terms. Austin and I were still trying to fix our friendship, no progress whatsoever.

"I'm fine. Mostly been hanging out here," She smiled, her eyes glistening wit happiness. I gave her a questionable look before glancing at Austin.

"You and him?" She threw her head back giggling as I realized I was the only one who couldn't see it. I guess they looked cozy and everything, but I never thought much of it.

"Kind of, I guess. It just sucks because I'm leaving for college in just a few weeks, and I don't want to start something that won't get finished, you know?" She sighed, her smiling fading a bit. I nodded, understanding completely. I looked over at Elias and watched his lips curve into a smile before the sound of laughter played. My stomach churned at the idea of not being able to see that everyday.

"Yeah, I get it..." I trailed off, feeling sadness wrap around my heart. Time was going by too fast and soon, time will be up. Then her smile fell and she looked over at the boys.

"Oh, I forgot. How are things between you both?" She asked hesitantly. I didn't want to answer, but so much was running through my mind that I had to tell someone, and Sam wasn't an option right now.

"I'm not sure. We know we won't last with the long distance thing, but he wants to try. I don't think I'd be able to handle it, though. I just... I don't know," I whined, placing my head into my hands. It felt awkward confiding in Elias's ex-girlfriend, but she didn't seem to mind.

"You guys will figure it out, I promise. Just give it some time," She said, her hand rubbing my back gently.

"We don't have time! I have two or three weeks left, then that's it. I don't want to break up two minutes before I get on the plane and cry all the way to London. It's not exactly my dream welcoming to a new country," I chuckled, trying to lighten my despair. She lowered her head, running out of things to say. Nothing would make this any better. We used up minutes laughing, arguing over silly things. We went through hours missing each other, and spending endless time on the phone talking about things we really didn't care for. We spent days lazying around my room, watching movies and going into deep discussion of who would win a fight: Batman or spiderman? (Obviously Batman if the battle took place in a corn field.)

"Hey, we're going to go get pizza, want to come?" Elias asked whipping beads of sweat from his forehead.

"No, I'm okay. You guys go ahead, I think I'm going to go finish some packing," I smiled. Elias's grin faded disappointedly as he nodded.

"I'll see you guys later," I said, pecking Elias on the cheek before walking off. I took in a deep breath, trying to steady my breathing. I dragged my legs to the park and walked to our spot, sitting in the silent environment. I sat on the table, staring out into the trees. My heart ached as the tears began sliding down my cheeks, sobs escaping silently. I pulled my legs to my chest, my body trembling. Why did I do this? This was my fault. I knew what I was getting myself into, but... I didn't think it'd hurt this much.

Memories played in my head, a movie I wish I could erase. My sobs grew louder as my heart began to break even more. I fell too hard for this troubling boy, but I loved him more than I ever let on. Everything he did was amazing to me. From the way he smiled to the way he concentrated on whatever it was that he was doing. And I had only a few days left. I lied back on the table, the cold cement cooling my hot skin. I stared up into the sky, my eyes blurry from the salty liquid. I closed my eyes shut, trying to stop the sobs, but they only continued.

God, I felt pathetic. I was crying like a psycho while Elias was perfectly fine eating pizza. Sighing, I sat up and stopped myself from crying. Whiping away my tears, a few hiccups escaped. I pulled my journal and pen from my bag and starting writing, it was the only way I could express my emotions.

Split

I feel lost. My white phantom is tired of this frail body, but is scared to venture the world without it. They've been tied by DNA, but are now cutting each other loose. One has spread its wings while the other is decaying six feet under, maggots feeding on its broken skin. They've become separate beings with one mind. Everything disappears at a single touch, turning into ash as the memories fade into nothing. What is now will mean nothing later. We learn to escape from who we once were to who we are now, to who we will be in five years.

We've become slaves to the on-going cycle, only moving forward. Our lives will only move forward while we miss the small things that mean more than the parties, more than the fights. The more inches we grow, we begin to miss the small flowers blooming in the tall lines of grass. We miss the love people were trying to hand us, but refused because our hearts were filled with ache and painful memories. Why couldn't we stuff them into a box and lock them away? Why couldn't we wash away the dead smile and let a real one spread across our face? We could have been free, yet we chained ourselves to society so young; we embedded our lives into the slow time trying to make everything perfect when nothing was perfect. So now we try to align perfection with our personalities and be an actor with our walls built up, hoping no one can see through the fourth wall. But the audience is a bunch of mixed up faces made up of broken glass shards glued together. To most, that's all they'll ever be. They'll continue to struggle against who they were, trying to find who they are.

There are so many paths to take, but I'm willing to let myself go. I'm willing to step out of this pale corpse and walk on the ground less traveled on. I'm willing to rebel against time and break the clock to follow the sun and rain to a new place. A place where we can define who we once were and express who we are now. I'm willing to sacrifice the memories, the broken relationships... I'm willing to forget who I once was to see the little things, because what's important today will mean nothing tomorrow.

My hand trembled as I signed the paper in a scripted black ink. I glared at the page, feeling the tears fighting against my will, but I shoved them back. I wasn't going to lose again. Sooner or later we had to let go, and it'd have to be soon.

* * * * * * * *

I walked into my room to see my alarm clock read eight thirty in the evening. I had fallen asleep at the park. Luckily, I wasn't jumped or robbed. I threw my bag onto my bed and pulled out my cell phone, dialing Sam's number.

"Hello?" He voice was horse. She must've been crying, again.

"Hey can I stay the night?" I asked desparately. I didn't want to be home when Elias comes to find me. A few silent moments passed before I heard shuffling come from the other end.

"Sure, I could use a girl's night," She yawned. Sighing in relief, I pulled a duffle bag from under my bed and threw it toward my closet.

"Great! I'll be there in twenty minutes," I said before hanging up. I placed my necessities into my bag before grabbing my phone again. I stared blankly at the black screen, my heart racing. Tapping on the screen, I pressed on his contact and stared at his picture. It was a picture of him and I, his lips pressed gently to my cheek. I tapped the 'call' button and waited anxiously for him to answer. My heart beat so fast that I felt it was about to burst out of its cage.

"Hello," Elias greeted. I opened my mouth, but not a sound came out. I suddenly felt warm tears cascade down my rosy cheeks as I bit my lip. I took a deep breath, staring distantly out of my window.

"We need to talk..." I whispered chewing on the inside of my thumb. He breathed heavily on the other end, not saying anything. I took the time to fix my jumbled thoughts so they'd make sense coming out from my mouth.

"Shit," He whispered. I closed my eyes tightly, pushing more tears through the slits.

"I think it's time we call it quits, Elias. I'm sorry..." I shuttered trying to stop the sobs. I held tightly to the phone, steadying it against my ear.

"You promised me, Alex! You promised me you wouldn't leave!" He yelled, causing me to jump in surprise. I could hear the anger rising in his voice as he tried to control his feelings.

"Elias, I-"

"No, you don't get to say anything. You... you promised we'd wait, so why now?" His voice cracked. I shook my head, unsure of how to respond.

"I can't do this anymore... Good-bye," I sighed, hanging up the phone. I love you. I slipped my phone into my back pocket and grabbed my duffle bag. I hurried out of the house and ran toward Sam's house. My legs were heavy, but I made them move. They had to move on. I had to move on.

Elias's POV

As soon as she hung up, I chucked my phone at the wall, it falling into broken pieces. She couldn't do this. She promised me! I grabbed the picture frame from my desk, staring at us.

"I hate you," I gritted through my teeth before throwing it at the wall, letting it shatter into a million pieces. I sat on my bed, pulling at my hair. My door cracked open, a worried Lexi standing in front of me.

"What the hell is going on?" She asked wide eyed. She wrapped her hands around my wrists, but I shoved them away. I didn't want her, I wanted Alex.

"Elias, talk to me please?" She pleaded sitting beside me. I shook my head, pushing myself off my bed.

"I'm going out," I growled grabbing my skate board. Lexi called out after me, but I shut her out. Alex needed to explain this to me. We could try long distance. We could do it, I really believe we could. But she had to believe it just as much as I did. I rode toward her house, my lungs pumping aggressively. I jogged up her porch, banging on the door. Her mom came out with a worried expression.

"She's not here Elias," She sighed. She began closing her door, but I stopped it with my hand.

"Do you know where she is?" I asked desperately. She shook her head and closed the door. God dammit it Alex! My hands curled into fists as I grabbed my board and road down the street. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew where I wanted to be. With her.