Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I watched as his long fingers ran quickly over the strings, strumming the tune of "Always Attract." His face was blurred. His angelic voice slithered through my ears, making everything in life seem irrelevant. I leaned in closer, hoping to get a better look...

"Alex... Alex!" Mrs. Avoc called, startling me from my sleep. Everyone's eyes were on me.

"What are the main parts of a haiku?" she asked again. Everyone's eyes burned into mine.

"Uh... three lines?"

"No. Maybe you should sleep during detention after school." Everyone's giggles made my cheeks burn. Just as Mrs. Avoc was about to get to the rest of her lesson, Elias walked through the door, his hood covering his face.

"Well, Alex, I guess you'll have a friend to join you in detention," she said, taking note on a piece of paper. Elias ignored her, taking his seat beside me. He slouched in his chair.

"Here," I whispered, handing him his essay. He avoided eye contact, taking the paper from my grasp. Whipping out his phone, he began playing with it, distracting himself from class. I glanced at him every now and then to see if he was okay, but his face was still blocked by his hood. Creases formed on his forehead and his eyes were blood shot. My fingers were itching to tap him on the shoulder to ask him what was wrong. He was usually the jockster in class, but today he looked like me on the inside- miserable.

I sat back in my chair, tracing an outline of a guitar in my notebook. My dream resurfaced in my memories. I listened to his voice as he sang the lyrics, feeling everything in my body burn. That song was a reminder that I had a hole to fill inside of me. Everyone seemed to find love so easily while I looked it in the face and screamed and sprinted the other way. I felt safer running against love than running into it.

The bell rang, releasing us from class. Without hesitation, Elias hurried out of class with Victoria following close behind trying to get his attention. I walked out to the quad to see Sam sitting alone.

"Hey, where's Chris?" I said.

People were scattered among the grass and lunch tables stuffing their faces with only god knows what. The lunch here was a guessing game: can you guess that meat product? Spoiler alert! It wasn't meat.

"Trying to get Elias to talk to him," she said, pointing to the hallway where Chris was yelling at Elias who seemed to just be taking it.

"Is he okay?" I frowned, sitting next to her. She shrugged her shoulders, sipping her soda. I watched intently as Chris threw his hands up, his face exploding. Elias looked as if he was about to cry, but pushed Chris instead and began yelling back.

"Awe shit," Sam sighed. She grabbed her bag and jogged towards them with me hot on her tracks.

"What the fuck, Chris!" Elias yelled, trying to get Chris away.

"Boys...boys, stop!" Sam yelled. The boys stepped away from each other, eyes flaring.

"Elias stop being a fucking girl and just tell me what happened," Chris said as calmly as he could with clenched jaws. Elias glanced at me quickly before spitting back.

"Fuck off," he gritted his teeth, lifted his hood and walked away. Chris looked as if he was going to pounce on him, but Sam held him back.

"What happened?" She asked Chris.

"Nothing," he shrugged her off and walked in the other direction. Sam tried following him, but I grabbed her wrist.

"Let him cool off," I told her. Her lively green irises began darkening. It was a rare thing for Chris to push her away, but when he did, she was a lost puppy trying to find her way back to her owner. "He'll be okay," I reassured her.

"Okay, I guess I'm going home then. See you later, Alex." We parted with a hug. I waved her off and walked to the bathroom before I decided to go to detention.

I looked in the mirror, fixing my eyeliner. I hated mirrors. Although girls enjoyed staring at their reflections, it was a horrific reminder of what lied on the inside. Mirrors could tell you so much about a person. If you looked close enough, you could see cracks in the mirror. But when I looked in the mirror, the rifts were much more vivid. They were scars lingering on my skin, a reminder that I once was as solid as my reflection showed.

Sighing, I pulled down my red V-neck to the brim of my black sweats. I pulled my hair back into a messy bun, and then headed to the music room where detention was being held. Surprisingly, Elias was already there, alone. I sat a few rows down, not wanting to bother him. Mr. Antonio walked in with a clipboard in his hand.

"Since it's just you two, I'll be in my office correcting papers. You have one hour," he said, rubbing a hand against his brown buzz cut. He stepped into his office and locked the door behind him. I turned to face Elias who was staring blankly at his desk. His eyes were blood-shot, and his face stained a bright red. I tip-toed over to the seat in front of him, but he continued to ignore my presence.

"How are you?" I asked, concern flooding my voice. He glanced up at me, eyes darkening with down-heartedness, but ignored my question. His eyes fell from mine as he turned up his iPod and rested his head against his arms. I looked around the room of assorted instruments until I spotted a guitar. Grabbing it, I slid against the smooth foam wall. The music room was the only place in the school that had soft walls to help the volume of the instruments flowy melodically. I set it up against my chest, picking at the strings. I begun humming as I strummed the song "Always Attract." I closed my eyes, feeling the music vibrate through my body. That's what I loved about playing guitar: it felt more like a connected limb than a separate instrument.

"I didn't know you could play," Elias said quietly, waking me from my trance.

"I only learned a few months ago," I admitted. Elias sat beside me. He grabbed the guitar and picked up on the tune I left off of. Just as I did, he closed his eyes, feeling his way through the rhythm. I felt hypnotized. He was so peaceful, being sucked into his own world.

Once he finished, he opened his eyes again, coming back to reality. I felt my body relax, becoming free from his prison hold.

"I didn't think you were the type of person to listen to alternative music," he admitted, half-smiling.

"I didn't know I had to be a certain way to listen to a type of music," I said while raising an eyebrow. His mouth fell slightly before returning to his cheesy grin.

"Well, I like it," he winked, gaining his confidence back. I rolled my eyes. He was himself again.

"Thanks," I shrugged. His face softened as he stared at me. Curiosity took over as I wondered why he was being so aloof today. "Are you okay?" I asked and he looked away, noticing where I was directing my question.

"Yeah, just some home issues," he said, stuffing his hands into his grey hoodie jacket.

"Oh...like what?" I was pushing.

"Just stuff, okay?" He hissed. I moved over a bit, shocked by his angry tone.

"Sorry," he apologized, placing his hand on my knee. I glanced down before locking eyes with his. They were yearning for affection, anything to release him from his prior nightmare.

"It's okay," I sighed, "sorry for being pushy." His eyes lightened up, rays of happiness shining through. I cracked a smile, suddenly feeling my cheeks heat.

"Why so nervous, babe?" he chuckled seductively. I shot him a daggering look before glancing away. I looked up at the clock, reading four-thirty. Shit. We still had half an hour left.

"Why can't time go faster?" I complained, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I know what we can do to make the time go faster," Elias said, smiling deviously.

"No," I growled, assuming what he meant.

"What?" he gasped, raising his hands in surrender, "I was going to say we should play truths. What were you thinking?"

"Nothing," I gulped, feeling awkward. He let out a chuckle shaking his head.

"Perv. You go first," he smiled. He's the pervert. I thought hesitantly before asking.

"Okay, let's start easy. Where were you born?" I asked.

"South Carolina, but my family and I moved here when I was a baby," he answered briefly. I nodded, acknowledging his answer. "What's your favorite shoe brand?" He asked.

"Usually Converse, but I wear Vans too," I said, pointing to my shoes. "Are you a virgin?" I asked knowingly. Rumors moved fast in my class and it was definitely no rumor that Elias slept around when he could, but I didn't judge. If he wasn't in a relationship (although he was now), then he shouldn't be pushed to sleep with one girl. It was normal-for guys at least. But definitely a double standard for girls... sexist assholes.

"Nope, lost it in the ninth grade... how about you?" he questioned curiously.

I hesitated before answering,"Is it weird to say that I am?" I was never interested in dating or sex the way most people were. I didn't see the fun in it. Dating seemed more like a hassle than a luxury.

"No, it's nice to find fresh victims," he winked moving closer to me. I moved my knees to my chest, feeling uncomfortable.

"Thanks," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"No problem... can I ask you something personal?" He got serious. Nervousness layered my skin, feeling suddenly cautious. I oscillated between letting him or not.

"Sure." Silence filled the atmosphere as I waited for his question.

"What happened in middle school? I heard you disappeared for a while and came back as this," He said, looking me up and down. I wasn't sure how to take his definition of 'this', but a lot happened in middle school- more than a twelve year old should have had to understand. I remember what it was like before I turned twelve. I was normal. I was happy... but my life shattered into a million pieces and was stepped on by people who once swore they loved me. It was a never ending nightmare I thought only happened in movies, but it was real... the worst parts were real.

"Life came up, I guess. Why is there something wrong with who I am now?" I said, feeling offended.

" No, of course not... but what exactly happened?" he tried provoking me.

"We all have our secrets, Elias," I said, shaking my head before locking eyes with his, "let's keep it that way." I stood up and grabbed my backpack, waiting for Mr. Antonio to dismiss us. Elias slid back into his seat, returning to his previous position and stared at the table top. We stayed quiet for the next twenty minutes as we waited to be released. Elias being interested in my past life was only asking for trouble. I guess most people don't know what happened to me in those few short months I was away. But why was Elias so interested in knowing why? Mr. Antonio walked out of his office, looking at us with stern eyes.

"You both behaved, right?" He raised an eyebrow. Elias and I nodded with innocent smiles.

"Okay, you're dismissed," He waved us off. We both rushed out the door and into the vacant hall. The night sky was filled with enormous grey clouds, denoting a stormy night.

"Do you have a ride home?" Elias asked, setting his board on the floor.

"No, it's Wednesday," I sighed, observing the sky. Every Wednesday, my parents took my brother to baseball practice, so there was no one who could come get me.

"Did you want me to walk you home?" He offered sweetly.

"No, I'll be fine," I smiled. "Bye," I waved, walking towards the bus stop. Rain sprinkled lightly for a few minutes before it turned into a shower. I lifted my hood and headed towards the alley way, taking the shortcut home. I could barely see a few feet in front of me as I made my way down the long, narrow side walk. Barking dogs came from each side of me, making me jump. My eyes gradually adjusted to the faint light of the city lamps, only allowing me to see faded figures. I looked over my shoulder to see a tall and slim figure following me, his face covered with a hood. My heart raced as I quickened my pace. The figure kept close behind, closing in on me as terror took over.

"Shit," I hissed, falling onto the floor. As I whipped dirt from my hands, a hand wrapped around my arm and pulled me into their chest.

"Get off! Help! HELP!" I squirmed in his grasp.

"Alex! It's me!" Elias yelled, turning me to face him. His hair was drenched, almost covering his eyes.

"What the fuck!" I shouted, "you almost gave me a heart attack!" I clenched my heart hoping to calm its accelerated beating. He began laughing, loosening his grip. "It's not funny," I mumbled as I punched him in the chest.

"Ow, sorry! I just wanted to make sure you were okay," he smiled.

"Awe, you care?" I asked amused.

"Nah, just wanted to scare the shit out of you," he winked patting me on the back. I stared icily at him, feeling my cheeks burn.

"Jerk," I huffed. I started making my way home, with Elias walking slowly beside me.

"Don't you have to go home?"

"Yeah, but the bus already left so I'm going to wait for the next bus," he sighed, holding his board closely to his chest.

"Oh, okay," I said, leading us to my house in silence. We made our way up to my porch before Elias turned away.

"See you tomorrow," Elias smiled, waving. I watched as he coolly disappeared into the rain before walking in.

"I'm home!" I called out. No one answered. I slipped off my shoes and walked into the kitchen to find my mom on her laptop. "Hi," I greeted her, kissing her cheek.

"Hi hun, dinner's in the fridge," she mumbled, eyes still glued to the computer screen. I opened the fridge and took out the pasta, not bothering to reheat it since it was still warm. I sped to my room, locking the door behind me and sat at the small white desk in the the corner of my room. I turned on my laptop and logged into my e-mail. I still hadn't received a letter from the Art Institution in England. I closed my laptop. Getting admitted there was my one-way ticket out of this hell hole.

I jumped onto my bed and checked through my phone. Sam sent me a message saying Chris was alright. I sighed in relief and grabbed my writing journal. For years, I spent hours writing-mainly poetry- but I never let anyone read it. Besides music, writing had been my escape from everything in the world. I plugged in my speakers, letting The Killers drown out the rest of the world. Letting the noodles and hot tomato sauce glide down my throat, I began writing.

Never Will Be Me

Here I am pretending for everyone. Do you know what it's like to have to pretend so that you will be liked? Listening to them make fun of your "kind" of people? It sucks; no one gets a chance to be themselves. I paid the price, now here I am trying to fix it, but I feel like I am being liked not for me, but who they think I am. Who knows... what if they find out? Then what? I'm going to go back to how it used to be? When people gave up on me because I was too difficult? Life will never be simple. It only gets crueler, never letting me stop so that I could look back and remember. No time for myself anymore, because it will never be just about me. It is only about the people I love. I feel like my life is fading away, shortening within seconds, but doesn't every teenager feel like that? Who knows, I'm not every other teenager. I'm me, well, me in the shadows. That girl inside me is waiting for her day, but I am hoping she will never return. The scars still linger on my wrists and the bruises still hurt like I left them... I'm afraid. But that's just how life is. Difficult.

Closing my book, I slid it under my bed and stripped into my pajamas. I wondered if Elias got home. There was something I was beginning to like about him. He always seemed so happy and energetic, but today I watched his happy face fall and morph into a more distraught side of him. But, I was the same way. I hid behind a glass mask and hoped people wouldn't find out that it was all an act. Maybe he and I were more alike than I thought.