Bon Appétit

I struggled to stay awake at my desk, propping myself up with my elbow. I’d already dozed off and face-planted on my desk ~twice~ today.

I wasn’t getting any sleep at home thanks to Sienna’s presence. It was excruciating to have her just feet away in another room but not be able to hold her, touch her, show her how much I wanted her.

As my eyes started to flutter again, I felt a feminine touch on the back of my head, and a warmth cascaded down my skin as if I was underneath a soothing waterfall.

I knew that touch well, and while the gesture was appreciated, it was unnecessary. “I don’t need a healer’s boost,” I said, my voice even.

But she didn’t listen, instead continuing to let her soothing energy flow through me.

Her healing ability made the aching muscles at the back of my neck loosen, eased the tension in my lower back, and made me feel far more relaxed than I’d been in a long time.

“Sometimes,” Jocelyn’s soft voice said, “an alpha needs to let go of their control, give themselves a chance to recenter, find their balance again.”

She removed her hands and sat on the edge of my desk. She gave me a genuine smile, and I felt another side of me relax. “You haven’t done that in almost a year,” I said quietly, a question in my voice.

“No, I suppose I haven’t,” she said, sounding far off even though she was right there next to me. “Things changed between us. But they changed for the better.”

I nodded, giving her a small smile. “I think we’re both right where we need to be.”

Jocelyn placed her hand on mine, then turned it over, looking at my palm, just as she’d done a year ago.

“Are you going to read my energy again?” I asked.

“I don’t need to,” she replied, her eyes twinkling as she smiled. “I can see it even without my touch.”

“Seen what?” I said, confused.

“That you found her, your mate,” Jocelyn replied, gently.

I nearly lurched forward in my chair, caught off guard. “Jocelyn, I—”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” she said as if reading my mind. “Including Josh. I know it’s your news to share and yours alone.”

I sat back, relieved. “Thank you.” But then Jocelyn threw her arms around me, wrapping me in a hug.

“I’m so happy for you, Aiden,” she said once she’d pulled away. “I know how badly you wanted this.”

“You’re the one who helped me realize it,” I said, grateful I had someone like Jocelyn in my life, even if we did go through some rough patches.

“But why are you here?” she asked. “Go home to your mate! It’s the Haze. Surely you can’t keep your hands off each other.”

~Yeah, surely,~ I thought, a bit annoyed. ~If only you knew.~

“Aiden, you work too much,” she said, resolutely. “As your healer, I’m recommending a leave of absence for the rest of the day and for tomorrow morning. You ~need~ to be with your mate.”

“I know, it’s just…it’s complicated,” I said rather pathetically.

“Wait…” Jocelyn clasped her hand over her mouth. She didn’t need to read my energy to know what I meant. “Oh my God, you haven’t told her, have you?”

I felt like an idiot. I valued Jocelyn’s opinions and her friendship, but I really didn’t want to discuss this with her.

“Just trust me when I say I have my reasons,” I mumbled. “It’s not the right time yet.”

Jocelyn nodded, respecting my boundaries. “I get it, Aiden, I do. But will you allow me to give you one piece of advice?”

I sighed. “Why not? Everyone else has chimed in on my decisions as of late.”

“Take the time you need, but don’t let the lies cloud the truth,” she said, standing up and walking toward the door. “Don’t lose sight of what you really want.”

And then she was gone. As usual, she had hit the nail on the head.

In my efforts to give Sienna space, I’d actually created ~more~ space between us. And if I wasn’t careful, it would grow into a chasm.

***

The graveyard was covered in the soft light of dusk when I walked through the gates.

I passed the rows until I reached the one in the far back, near the cliff, where the woods spread down the ravine and beyond.

There, in this sickeningly pastoral scenery, stood the double tombstone of Aaron Norwood and Jennifer Lovasco.

I could see the two of them in my head.

Aaron, tall and strong, with the same hazel eyes as mine, the same mop of dark hair, his skin a shade darker than mine, and Jen with her curly dark hair, misty blue eyes, and slender form.

The last time I’d seen the two of them was the evening before they had passed away.

Jen was teasing me about the lover I had had at the time, and Aaron had put me in a headlock as if I was still a kid and not a grown man.

They had brought so many good things into my life, enriched it in so many ways. And now, all I could feel as I stared at the gray tombstones was remorse.

“I’m sorry, Jen,” I said as I did every time I came to visit. “I should have never blamed you.”

There was no answer, but I wanted to believe she heard me, wherever she was. I wanted to believe she understood that my hatred had been blind, misguided.

Back then, I couldn’t deal with the loss. Aaron had been everything to me, more of a parent than our parents were.

He had been the guiding light of my life, the only person besides my grandfather who understood, who knew what I was going through at any given moment.

He was the one who understood me the most, and he was the person I needed the most now.

“I found my mate,” I said, my chest tight.

“She’s everything you told me she’d be. Everything I never knew I needed. She’s beautiful, strong, and smart. I’m so afraid to fuck it up, Aaron—I don’t feel like I deserve her.”

I let out a deep breath. “I want to tell her. Believe me, Aaron, I want to tell her that she’s my mate so bad, it physically pains me that I haven’t yet. But she can’t know yet.”

I grimaced. “Not until she’s ready to come to me on her own. Until she’s ready to ~choose~ me. To accept me for what I am.”

There was no response. It was almost like Aaron agreed with me.

I sat by the tombstone and watched the sun set. I knew I should go home, be with Sienna, but I was ashamed to admit I dreaded that. After last night, and this morning, when we had barely exchanged any words…

~Coward,~ Aaron’s voice whispered in my head, loud and clear.

And he was right. I was a coward. But I didn’t want to be.

Groaning, I rose to my feet. “Fine, I’ll go,” I said, and then looked down at the tombstone. “If she bites my head off, I’m holding you responsible.”

It was time for me to face Sienna. Good or bad, I wouldn’t retreat. I wasn’t going to give up on us.

***

My house smelled like delicious food, mixed with Sienna’s scent, when I walked in, which was not what I’d expected.

She was in the kitchen, her red hair pulled into a shimmering ponytail, humming to herself as she cooked.

~I have to be dreaming.~

“I thought you didn’t want to be considered a submissive woman who does nothing but cook for her man,” I said dryly.

She shot me a glare. “Cooking is hardly a submissive trait. If you can’t make your own food, you’re the one being reliant on someone else.”

Relieved that she was at least talking to me, I grinned. “Am I ruffling your fur the wrong way, Sienna?”

She didn’t reply, and so I succumbed to my need to at least take her scent in and put my hands on her waist, pressing against her back, leaning forward so my lips were at her ear.

“Do you want to hit the big bad alpha?”

“Get off me,” she growled, but I could hear the amusement in her voice.

And just like that, the relief turned into wrenching affection, and I kissed her, and this time, I took my time.

With the Haze half-gone, I could simply explore, sucking and biting her lush lips, lips that threatened to bring me to my knees every time she opened them.

Glad she couldn’t read my mind and know how much power she had over me, I coaxed her lips to part and sneaked my tongue in, enticing hers to dance.

She obliged, relaxing against me, making me want to devour her, period or no period, but I knew that this wasn’t the time, and not just because of her virginity or everything else.

Tonight, I wanted to do what I hadn’t done until now, and that was to simply talk. Eat together. Have fun without getting hot and bothered in any sort of way.

I pulled away and grinned when I saw her flushed face, her bitten lips. “I think that’s enough for tonight,” I said, repeating the words she’d said to me so many times in the past.

She didn’t seem to appreciate it.

“Sit down,” she said sharply. “Dinner is ready.”

I liked seeing her so frazzled by my kiss, and I couldn’t help but tease her. “Well look at you, such a little homemaker. It suits y—”

In an instant, hot spaghetti Bolognese landed in my lap.

“Oops, sorry, ~dear~.” She smirked, her eyes dancing. “Let me clean that up for you.”

She grabbed a towel and started to clean the food in my lap, but both of us knew she was playing a game.

She paid extra attention to my crotch, bringing my cock to life. She was rubbing it vigorously, and it felt so fucking good.

So I indulged myself, letting my eyes flutter shut as she massaged me. Then, she stopped abruptly and threw the sauce-covered towel in my face.

“You’re a little messy down there,” she said smugly. “You might want to clean that up. Wouldn’t want to touch you on your period.”

I growled, standing up and stabbing my fork into the table, acting as if I was furious.

She glowered at me, her hackles raised, ready for a fight, but Sienna didn’t know what she’d just done, the dominant display, the teasing, all of it…

It was everything I’d ever wanted. And she gave it all to me.

We were just being ourselves around each other for the first time, and it felt…easy.

I broke into a smile, which quickly turned into all-out laughter bursting from my chest. I was laughing so hard I nearly fell over.

Because finally, finally, my mate was opening up to me. And this was a big step, a tremendously huge one.

She started laughing along with me and soon couldn’t contain herself. We were both doubling over.

When the laughter died down, we smiled at one another, and the moment felt so good, so perfect, like it was meant to be from the start.

We ate in silence as if neither of us wanted to tarnish that moment, and in all honesty, I had nothing to say nor did I want to speak.

Sienna’s cooking was great, and I was solely focused on just being there, with her, eating dinner as if we were a normal couple.

I looked up at her, and our gazes locked, and my need for her to know that she was my mate, that we were fated to be together… It was so overwhelming, I almost just spat it out.

But I couldn’t. Not yet.

Tonight was a start. A step in the right direction.

We still had a long way to go, but now I had hope that we’d actually get there.

Sienna watched me carefully as if trying to figure out what I was thinking, and I realized I was staring. So I flashed her a smile and returned to my delicious dinner.

“Bon appétit,” she whispered softly, and I simply closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment, for however long it might last.