The Equation of Love

I was in deep. There was no turning back now, not that there ever had been for me.

Because Sienna had me on a leash, ~like a domesticated dog~, and yet I had no idea if she hated me or had feelings for me.

Even after that dinner, I couldn’t tell. I could never tell with her. And that thought made me question what would happen if she ultimately chose to reject me, reject us…

~Fuck.~

I swiped my claws across my desk, knocking everything from stacks of signed documents to old sports trophies to the floor in a clatter.

Josh cringed especially hard as I scattered hundreds of Yule Ball invitations around the room, some of them hitting the ceiling fan and getting ripped to oblivion.

Not that I cared. In my current mood, the Yule Ball, its implications, and everything in between could go fuck themselves.

“That girl,” I snarled. “I can’t get her out of my fucking head. She’s completely taken over my every thought, and it’s driving me insane.”

“I’m sure it’s just the Haze,” Josh said warily as he tried to recover what was left of the invitations.

~The damn Haze.~ It felt never-ending, but I knew it wasn’t just that. I’d teased Sienna relentlessly about her control, but the truth was, I was barely holding it together myself.

When I was in her presence, everything else felt blurred, and I couldn’t focus, but for me to be feeling this when she wasn’t even around? It made me want to claw my eyes out.

I never lost control, not like this. But since I had met Sienna, I was like a runaway train, with no conductor and I was headed straight for a cliff.

“How the hell are you dealing with this?” I asked, pacing in circles.

“Doesn’t Jocelyn distract you from your most important tasks, burrow into your brain like a parasite, and make you want to rip something in fucking half?”

“Uhhh—” Josh quickly pulled a vintage mural of my family tree out of my reach.

He paused for a moment to think about my question.

“Actually, not really,” he said, looking a bit confused. “I mean, Jocelyn is great and all, but I can’t say I’ve felt anything like what you’re describing.”

Probably because Jocelyn wasn’t Josh’s mate. “Well, you’re lucky, then,” I growled. “Because this is torture.”

My phone started buzzing in my pocket, and I pulled it out cautiously, knowing exactly who it would be.

~Hey Aiden~, my mate wrote. ~Got your note. Hope you have a good day at work…Sounds busy. Maybe I can find a way to make your day less stressful.~

And just like that, my Haze ignited.

I threw my phone across the room in a fit of rage and watched it shatter against the wall. It was so unlike me, but this season I was just feeling ~everything~ so much more intensely.

“Josh, I no longer have access to my planner,” I said without a shred of irony. “What’s on my schedule for the rest of the day?”

“Just the pack lunch,” replied Josh. It was a thing in the pack house for the men in leadership to have lunch at least once every week, just to shoot the shit, while putting work aside.

“Do you want me to cancel it?” he asked.

“Hell no,” I said, my blood boiling. “It’s exactly what I need. A testosterone-filled room. No women and ~especially~ no Sienna.”

Because if I saw her now, I didn’t know if I had enough self-control to keep my Haze in check.

The Haze had been here for almost a month. Normally, going without sex for such a long time during the mating season wouldn’t be an issue; as an alpha, I could handle my urges, even during the season.

But living with Sienna, breathing her scent every day, knowing she was my mate, knowing that she was meant to be mine…

Even an alpha couldn’t win that battle.

I’d woken up hot and bothered earlier that morning, and not in a good way.

I was beginning to descend into madness, both from being celibate for a year now and from not having Sienna in my bed, buried deep inside her tight…

I gritted my teeth, trying to push my Haze down.

~Get it together,~ I thought. ~Act like a damn alpha. Take control.~

But there was more than just the Haze that had overtaken me. Having dinner with Sienna, seeing a different side to her, feeling her opening up to me…I needed more.

I wanted to know everything about her, know all of her secrets, make her smile, wipe away her tears when she cried, make her proud of her mate.

I needed so much from her, and admitting that was scaring the hell out of me. So I’d channeled my fear into rage.

I’d never felt like this before. Not for anyone. None of my former lovers had managed to elicit such strong emotions inside me. None of them had been able to make me laugh, to make me want to tease them.

And that was because none of them were Sienna.

***

My Haze was riding me so hard, I could barely listen to Nelson as he dragged out a story about his mate.

All I heard was the end: “…and then I told her, ‘Babe, your mother hates my guts. I’d rather eat dirt than spend three weeks with her glowering at me in fucking Bucharest.’”

Some of the men groaned. “In-laws are a fucking hassle, man,” Rhys said, shooting the man a pitying look. “This is why I don’t date anymore; I don’t want to deal with those judgmental folk.”

“To be fair, though,” said Johnson, a high-ranking officer in the guard, “you are every parents’ nightmare when it comes to their little girls.”

They laughed, and even I cracked a smile, but then I sniffed the air.

That alluring scent, was that really—

The doors burst open, and into the room strode Sienna, her hair perfectly tousled and her shirt low enough to expose her mark.

I stared at her in shock as she marched into the room as if she owned the place, her scent overwhelming with a dominance that hadn’t been in it before, a dominance that called out to my wolf and made it grin with savage pride.

~Mine,~ it whispered in my head, and even more so when I realized I wasn’t the only one taking a whiff of my mate.

Other men around the table, including Rhys, were staring at her, as dumbfounded as I was, lust burning in their eyes.

Raging possessiveness burst to life inside me, growing stronger when she came to a stop next to the table, causing my Haze to flare so sharply I had to dig my claws into the table.

~What the hell is she playing at?~

Sweat beaded across my forehead while my cock strained against my jeans.

When she leaned over the table and licked her lips, I had to forcibly remain seated.

“I missed you when I woke up this morning,” she murmured silkily, her voice echoing in the deathly silent room.

“I started touching myself, but it just wasn’t as much fun without you. Your fingers are so much more satisfying.”

If this was a game, then I’d gladly declare myself the loser. I was at the mercy of the Haze and of Sienna.

But that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to act the part of the alpha. On the contrary, I’d show her ~exactly~ what she’d just unlocked.

In one swift movement, I picked her up and threw her down, back against the table. I growled, crawling over her. I realized we still had an audience, as if the others hadn’t got the fucking memo.

“Out,” I snarled at them, my eyes still on hers. “Everyone out. NOW.”

I could barely hear them shuffling to their feet, heading to the exit, but every ounce of restraint I had was already gone.

My hands were on her breasts, squeezing them, wanting to expose them, to get my lips and tongue all over them.

She was in no rush; she teased my mouth until a growl burst out of my chest, impatience and anger making me want to rip her clothes off and get it on, right there, right then.

“Oh, someone’s angry,” she murmured, her voice so lush and seductive, my cock was in fucking pain.

“You have no idea,” I growled again and pressed my mouth against hers, needing to possess at least that part of her sweet, beautiful body.

And she let me, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist, grabbing a handful of my hair and pulling so hard that I bared my teeth.

Sienna smirked. “Fucking bite me.”

She didn’t just say it, she ~demanded~ it.

I was completely thrown off. “What?” I said, staring at her. “Since when do you—”

“Do what I tell you,” she interjected, a command in her voice. “Sink your teeth into me!”

And any other time, I would’ve complied, happy to give her what she wanted, but I wasn’t so sure she knew what she wanted.

Something else must have been going on here because Sienna… It pained me to admit it, but she wasn’t ready for this.

I couldn’t just take what she offered without question. Not when I knew there was something much deeper going on underneath the surface. Something she still hadn’t shared with me.

I picked her up and set her gently on the edge of the table, searching her face for answers, trying to pull myself together at the same time.

“Sienna,” I said softly, my Haze gone under a rush of concern. “What’s this about?”

“What are you talking about?” she snapped, annoyed. “Don’t you want me?”

“Of course I do,” I said, grimacing. “But not like this.”

Not when it was obvious she was acting out of character, unlike herself. She was always fighting me, always challenging me.

~This? Willingly giving herself to me like this, after everything? In front of everyone?~

No. I wouldn’t take advantage of her. I wasn’t going to do that again.

To my surprise, her confidence waned, and doubt began to swirl in the endless blue of her eyes.

“Do you even find my scent alluring?” she spat, hurt in her voice. “What if I weren’t your prospective mate? Would you even pay any attention to me?

“You’re an alpha”—her lower lip trembled—“a different pedigree. I’m just a commoner, a girl that was abandoned by her parents. I’m nobody.”

Tears welled in her eyes, causing my chest to tighten.

“I can’t be with someone who’s superior to me. I can’t be in a relationship where I constantly feel insignificant and burdened to live up to your expectations.” She shook her head. “This just can’t work.”

I froze, stunned. Did she really think I was trying to make her into something she wasn’t? I loved her just the way she was.

~Fuck! Did I just think that? Love?~

It was true, but the words wouldn’t leave my lips. Not yet.

I still needed to set the record straight. She needed to know how I really felt.

I could almost feel Aaron guiding me as I said what I did next.

Softly, I cupped her cheek and stared straight into her eyes. “Sienna, I don’t view you as a commoner that has to bend to my every whim. I view you as an equal.”

Her eyes widened, and this time she looked stunned.

Now I was sure Aaron was in that room with me because I had ~never~ managed to say the right thing.

“Look, I can’t explain it, but…” ~Come on, Aaron, help a bro out.~

My words began to form again.

“But lately, I feel connected to you, to what you want. I can sense your desires and your doubts like they’re my own. And I know you don’t want it here—in my office, on a conference table.”

I began pacing, trying not to show how nervous I was, but a light had turned on inside my head, and I knew what needed to be done.

I knew how I could show Sienna that she was special to me.

Something that I’d never done with any other woman before her, not even Jocelyn.

“What I’m trying to say is…” I faltered, but then turned to face her, determination in my blood. “I think it’s time we go on a run.”