Chapter-4

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"Zoya..didn't you love me?"

"I loved you Yash..but you didn't deserve my love!"

"I didn't had any option left Zoya..."

"Which option Yash? To have an affair out or to make a fool of your wife!? Huh?"

"Actually..you shouldn't be called a wife..you were my wife only on paper but never in reality..I had to go out and find people and let all my worries out otherwise I would have been depressed...like you."

"I'm not depressed! And for the reason that you are giving, I was always loyal to you but you never at once tried to tell me about your worries..I didn't had any magical power to listen what you never said. I hope I had it so I wouldn't have to live like this...and I would have left you long before..happily, but see now what have you done to me..I always used to be cheerful and now other people are trying to cheer me up." She said wiping some tears from her eyes.

"If you are not depressed then why are you meeting a psychologist..is he your school time crush? Huh?"

"Stop it Yash!"

"I tried to tell you about what worries me, about my financial state, about my company which was drowning in loans but you acted so dumb..always! What would have I done?"

"Having an extra marital affair is not a solution and it can never be justified! And, why did you marry me?"

He remained silent.

"I loved you..I love you even now..I can't make myself hate you..free me from your love Yash..I can't bear this pain anymore...its like I've been stuck in this place and will be stuck forever, alone...I left everything for you and you left me for someone..I trusted you with all my heart and you broke it..what was my fault...you only proposed me...you were the one who took our relationship to another level..then why..why did you do this to me..." She sounded begging.

He still didn't say anything.

"Answer me!"

"I didn't loved you Zoya.."

"Then why the hell did you marry me?"

He started backing away.

"Answer me! Was it lust?" She shouted on top of her lungs.

He was out of her sight by now and nowhere to be seen.

"Yash!?!" She shouted waking up from her nightmare.

She usually tried avoiding sleep but today her body demanded it and she drifted off. Earlier, when she slept she used to get these nightmares which left her mentally exhausted. She had questions and only questions and no one to answer them. She tried to find answers but there was none. She tried to replay the past in her mind to find them but still she wasn't able to find any. She looked at the clock and found it striking 2. She let out a heavy sigh and got up from her bed. She went to the kitchen to make herself some coffee. While making coffee, she was only thinking of her dream and the happenings of the day.

"Am I really depressed?" She asked herself and walked to her room with her black coffee; bitter and dark just like her life. She sat beside her window and looked outside. The city was quiet with only a few cars moving about. It seemed as if the city was finally heaving a sigh of relief after a hectic day. The sky was gloomy. The nature was reflecting her current state.

She replayed the day's events.

"You are unique!"

"Really..." She questioned herself.

"Oh come on Zoya..he was only trying to comfort you there is nothing which makes you unique.." Her mind chided her.

"Everyone is unique in his/her own way.."

"Leave it Zoya..do I have to go to him tomorrow also?" She started thinking to herself.

"Well, I liked that meeting with him..I felt as if a burden was lift off my shoulders. It felt good to laugh again and I missed that pain in stomach which you have when you laugh so much..we can really be friends..his talks did made me feel good..." She kept thinking about him and contemplating about her day which was different from the other days in the past one year.

The birds' chirping brought her out of her trance and she looked out. The city was awake! The sun had risen and was illuminating its light to every dark corner in the world. She looked inside her room. It was also illuminated by the sun rays. She made a resolution for the day to not cry at all and try to live as normally as possible. She made this resolution everyday and failed miserably but still continued making it.

She started getting ready for the day. When she was wearing her earrings, her phone made a sound. A message was there from an unknown number:

'Let's meet at 10...' She opened the contact's picture and it belonged to Dr. Aditya Hooda.

She checked the time in her mobile.

8:57

"I still have some time with me..But do I really want to go there? I have to go for my parents..I can do at least this much for them..." She thought. She quickly got ready and practiced smiling in front of the mirror many times which made her eventually late. She rushed down and without having breakfast she left. Her mother was happy that her daughter was finally trying to move on and was eager to meet the counselor.

•••

"So, you are saying that you get nightmares?"

"Yes, that's what I told you right now.."

"It is just in your mind Zoya..did you notice a fact that there wasn't any answer in your dreams..it was only your questions..they haunt you and trouble you..it is just a game played by your mind.."

"Game played by my mind?" She asked with a frown.

"Yes." He said nodding his head.

"But how?"

"There is nothing like a dream or something..it's just our subconscious mind which tells us what all it has recorded during the day...no matter how much you try to forget the tragedy..it is going to come back to you..you have to let it go from within..from your heart.." He stated bending a little bit on his desk towards her.

"Do you trust me enough to tell me what happened with you?" He asked looking sincerely in her eyes. She nodded at him.

"Words, Zoya!"

"Yes.."

"From where should I start..?"

"From where you feel the need to..tell me from the start.."

"So...it was five years ago that me and Ya-Yash met..he was my husband.."

"Was?"

"He is no more in this world." She said trying to ignore his eyes and looking down.

"I'm so-"

"No, don't be..actually that's the problem that he is dead..we had a love marriage back then..I loved him, he loved me..it was simple..I thought that I had a perfect life..but you know nothing in the world can be perfect then how could my life be? It was a year ago...he went out in the morning giving me the reason that he had some work..he used to travel regarding work so I didn't questioned him..then.."

"Then?"

"Then..." She said taking a deep breath.

"Zoya, it's okay..we can talk about this any other ti-"

"No, I have to do this eventually" She sniffed. "Why not now.."

"Then in the evening when I was trying to bake a cake for him..I got a call..that..that there has be-been an accident...and Ya-Yash was there in the car.."

He noticed her trying to catch hold of her emotions. There was sympathy in his heart for her. She sniffed and hiccuped in between her talks and he wanted to muffle down her sobs...her cries. He wanted to relieve her of her pain as soon as possible and wanted to see a cheerful, happy girl enjoying her life with a smile.

"The phone fell off from my hand..it felt as if there was no floor beneath my legs..my stomach was twisting..my heart rate was increasing with each passing second..I rushed to that place as soon as possible..I just wanted it to be a bad dream, a nightmare but, it wasn't.." She said looking in his eyes with her teary ones.

"I saw two bodies lying side by side on the ground, covered with a white cloth..their faces were also covered..I was still praying in my heart for it to be a bad dream...I started moving towards the bodies with slow and tiny steps...I stood by the bodies' side..and slowly uncovered the face..it was him...the one whom I loved..the one with whom I have vowed to live my entire life with..it was him..my Yash..I couldn't believe my eyes.."

She finally broke down hiding her face in her tiny palms. Her cries echoed in the whole room. He could feel the pain in them.

"It's okay Zoya..I think it's enough...give yourself some rest.." She looked up to find him offering her water. She took the glass with trembling hands and drank some amount of it.

"It's just the half of it..there's so much left.."

"There's no hurry..it's enough for today I think..how are you feeling now.."

"A bit better.." She said not believing her own self.

"See, if you bottle up all your emotions..then one day that bottle will blast and it will blow you up..so..discuss your problems, your emotions with someone..it can be anyone or anything..you can write things up to drain them away from your mind..you can even talk to a non-living thing or a dog or a cat..even to a tree...but you have yo let it all out..I know it is painful for you to tell me about whatever ill happened with you but eventually it is going to make you feel better...value your life, Zoya..you are so much fortunate that your body is perfectly fine and that you have your parents by your side..everyone is not that fortunate enough...value the people who are still standing with you in your difficult times before its too late..."

She nodded her head faintly wiping her tears.

"I think I should go now.."

"As you feel..."

"We will continue this talk later...when will the next session be..?"

"I'll message you the details..and have a peaceful sleep today..if still you don't find it you can call me..I hope you have my number..." He said searching for his card.

"Yes..I have it..so we'll meet next time.."

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So..how was it? I'm going to give so much 'gyaan' 🤭Next chapter will be uploaded soon...have some patience with the story...it will go slow and Zoya's journey to finally learning to let go of past will slowly be blossoming plus something else will also be blossoming😉 I hope you got the clue...stay hooked..hope it is keeping you hooked...😅.

Have a fantastic day and love you all❤