Early Birds

I was hot. Too hot. I flipped the blankets off of me and untangled myself from Chase, more aggressively than I meant to which woke him up in the process. He reached to pull me back to him but I put my hands up, warding him off. His face dropped and he sat up.

"Sorry, you're a furnace. I'm sweaty," I told him with a lopsided smile

His eyebrows knitted together. "That's it?"

"Uh yeah? You were practically on top of me," I laughed brushing my hair out of my face. I sat up beside him and turned towards him. He was looking at me wearily.

Did he regret last night? My face flushed slightly and I dropped my gaze to his chest to avoid the tears I could feel prickling my eyes. Liquid courage was on my side last night and not for the first time, I had tried to get him to sleep with me. It was easier to tell him how I felt when I wasn't over thinking everything. When I knew he would see the real me I try to be while I'm sober around him. At least I thought he would. He just saw the psycho drunk girl again, he probably thought I was embarrassing as hell last night.

"Are you okay?"

Humiliation burned through me, but I nodded anyway.

"You regret it don't you?" He said softly. My head snapped up and I met his eyes.

"No-I. I thought you did,".

"What? No! God no. Never,". He grabbed my face and pulled me in for a kiss. Stroking his thumbs across my face to wipe the tears that spilled over. "I thought you did. You were teasing me all night and you really wanted it. I shouldn't have taken advantage. I-"

"Defiled me,". I snorted my thoughts echoing back to the first time we met. "There was nothing to defile. I thought you knew that,".

I smiled at him, but he stared back incredulously. "Soooo"

"I wasn't that drunk. I wanted it. It's just easier to tell you what-"

He grinned then cut me off with a hard kiss. His mouth slanted over mine, demanding. Minutes later, he pulled back. "No sex until you're ready when you're sober. You're sure last night was okay?"

I rolled my eyes and climbed into his lap with my arms wrapping around him. "Yes. Last night was, " I sighed "So good,".

He kissed me again "Mmm, it was."

"That's still on the table though right?"

"Fucking right it is, " He kissed me again. "However we both have morning breath, and I need a shower,". I rolled off his lap. "You want to come?"

I bit my lip. I wasn't so sure I was ready to go all the way yet, but the idea of seeing him naked again. Preferably On his knees, made me unsure.

"No sex, " He reminded me, kissing my forehead. "I won't even touch you. Hands to myself, scouts honor,".

"What if I want you to?"

His eyes lit up and he gave me a grin, checking me out. His hand smacked against my ass, giving it a firm squeeze. "Then get your ass in the shower. It's still early so you better be quiet.

"Make me,".

And that, he did. Forty five minutes later, We strolled out of the bathroom, a cloud of steam following in our wake. Giggling, I checked the hall before darting into his bedroom. I thought last night was good, but this morning? I made sure to wipe down the counter with cleaner, feeling not even half as ashamed as I was satisfied. He had me sit on the counter facing the full length mirror that covered the pantry door while he ate me out, then used his fingers while he had the fingers of his other hand shoved into my mouth, demanding I suck to stop the pornographic sounds coming out of my mouth. Watching him work on me was singlehandedly the hottest thing I'd ever seen. Until I got to see him on his knees in the shower with ,y thigh draped over his shoulder. The way he looked at me was almost predatory, like I was his first meal in weeks.

It was nice to have someone who was okay with waiting. I didn't even understand my own hesitation with having sex. Whenever we got close, my anxiety went through the roof. But he also wasn't just a quick round to get himself off kind of guy. He took his time with me, and talked to me in a way that was so vulgar yet so caring that just the sound of his voice had me a mess. He checked in on me, made sure I was okay, and made sure I finished several times before he did. I've never had an experience like this before. I was lucky to get foreplay out of Will, and he never showed me this kind of attention. It was nothing but a way to get off for him.

When we got back to his room, the alarm clock said it was only six thirty, so I tugged a pair of boy shorts out of my bag and swapped the shirt I was wearing for one of his black wolves shirt then climbed back into bed. Chase flicked the Tv on before settling in behind me so we were spooning.

"You're really cuddly, you know. I would have never suspected, ". I laughed

"Shhh. I have a reputation to uphold,"

I snorted and wriggled closer to him.

"Keep doing that and I'll need another shower,". His voice was husky as he rolled his hips into mine suggestively.

I swatted at him before grabbing his hand and pulling it up to my chest. We laid there alternating between talking and taking naps until we heard signs of life from down stairs. With a sigh, we both got up. I threw my bra back on under the borrowed shirt and a pair of black yoga pants while Chase pulled on a grey hoodie and a clean pair of blue jeans. We made our way downstairs to find Cass and Olivia puttering around the kitchen.

"Morning,". I chirped

"You are so loud," Cass groaned, glaring at me.

"Oh somebody has a hangover,". I sang, grabbing a glass from the dishwasher.

Chase padded over to me, reaching into the cupboard beside me. He grabbed a bottle of Advil and tossed it over to Cass, who accepted it gratefully.

"Unlike you, we didn't sleep in a cozy bed, we passed out on the couch,".

"That sounds like a you problem, " I laughed.

"No, that would be an us problem," Reid rounded the corner, a tired smile on her face. "Those two shared the couch and I curled up on the loveseat,". She stretched, then took the Advil from Cass, popping a few pills herself.

"I mean the early birds in the shower didn't help.". Olivia said pointedly.

My face burned red hot straight up to my ears. I hid myself behind Chase, which didn't help when even his own skin started sporting a pink tinge.

"Uh, sorry?" I didn't know if the apology was for them or for me

All three of them started laughing, heating my face up even more.

"Jesus Christ! All we heard was the water running through the pipes! I didn't even know if there was more than one person," Olivia cackled. "Guess we do now,"

I buried my face in Chase's chest, groaning in frustration. First he convinced them we were having shower sex yesterday when we weren't, and today I outed us for having Shower "almost sex". His chest rumbled with a laugh and he put his hand on my head while pecking my forehead "Sorry." He whispered. "I think now would be a good time to go get breakfast,".

"I'm in!"

"Me too!"

"Me three!"

I cursed. "Do you have super hearing!?"

An hour later we were all squeezed into a large corner booth. Cass and Olivia even took a few hours out of their day to come out to breakfast instead of working on their group project. I took that as a good sign. I didn't think much about Chase having three room mates until we tried to fit his room mates, plus mine, and Reid into one table. We had meant to sneak off, which turned into taking two vehicles to the restaurant where Owen, Cass, Olivia, Callum, Miles, Reid, Chase and I all struggling to eat without hitting our elbows off each other.

Although it was cramped, I was having a blast. Reid was hilarious and dull of funny stories about the guys. Olivia and Callum were hitting it off like I knew they would, As were Owen and Cass which was surprising to all of us. I never meant to hook them up, but Chase turned around and did it by accident. Cass was a little gun shy like I was. She had a bad dating history so whenever we went out she made sure to come home alone. For all the dirty jokes she made about hooking up, it wasn't her style. She hadn't gone on more than three dates in the last year, yet here she was with Owen two days in a row.

I smiled, looking around at the table, realizing I finally found my people. My best friends were getting cozy with my boyfriend's friends, plus Miles and Reid. It wasn't weird. Nobody was making nasty comments or trying to show someone up, or dressing like Barbie's. We were all in track pants, yoga pants, and sweaters in all our morning glory. I wasn't second guessing what I was wearing, how I looked, how they looked at me. I was comfortable with everyone in this corner for the first time in a long time.

I never got this experience with Will. I only knew him, my brother, and Mark from the team. Everyone else treated me like I didn't exist. I wasn't allowed to go to the bar with them, after game parties, even the charity events they run or attend. There was no laughing over breakfast, no morning after with the girls, no hanging out whatsoever. The few times I was "allowed" to be there, the other girlfriends didn't want anything to do with me. They were always dressed better, clinging onto their boyfriends who paraded them around in heels like they were proud to be seen with them. I'd never been treated like I belonged around them, even by Wyatt. Even he only really liked having me there was when I was taking photos for them.

Chase's knee bumped into mine. I turned to look at his puzzled expression "You okay?" He mouthed.

"Yeah, more than okay,". I smiled.

By the time we finished breakfast it was around 11 A.M. and the three of us had some major work to do. We were approaching December, meaning our work load was tripling in size in for every class. Chase drove us back to his house to drop Reid off and grab my belongings, doing his best to convince me to stay.

"Chase, I have a huge history paper to do, Photos to edit, Event coordinators to talk to for the tournament next weekend, and other business emails to respond to,".

"And? You can do that here, ". The words were a whisper as his lips ghosted over mine. He slid a hand to my lower back.

My chest fluttered in response but I couldn't let him have this one. "No, I can't. with you here and hell bent on distracting me, I won't get anything done,".

"It's not my fault you're easily distracted,". He smiled against my mouth before kissing me softly.

"Yes, actually. It is,". I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. He pulled me against him and grasped my hip firmly with one hand, the other one pressing between my shoulder blades, causing me to arch my back into him. He nipped my bottom lip gently and trailed kisses down my jaw towards my neck. I let out a breathy sigh involuntarily, tightening my grip for a moment before coming to my senses.

"Nope. No, no, no. You are not going to distract me," I loosened my grip and he gave me a lopsided smile.

"Can't blame a guy for trying,".

I turned away from him, grabbing my Camera while he grabbed my other bags with one hand. He delivered a harsh smack to my butt as I opened the door. I jumped, letting out a squeal while my face heated up "Chase!" I turned around to glare at him, but all he did was laugh as he followed me down the stairs.

After driving us home, he gave me a lengthy goodbye kiss, thankfully only after The girls jumped into Cass's car and pulled out to go to the school library, which got me a little more riled up than it should have, and a lot more than I was willing to tell him. Four hours later, I had several different projects scattered across the living room floor. The history paper was on pause, half finished, I was halfway through the edits of last nights photos, having sold off almost a dozen of them to the local newspaper for their website, and a few more to the school newspaper. The even coordinators were emailed, and I booked a short couple's session at the look out trail just outside of town Thursday evening. On top of that, I was nearly finished my sociology paper, and I was done my advanced English assignment on the works of H.P Lovecraft and his effect on the entire horror genre. In my opinion he was the father of horror, since ninety percent of today's hits are inspired by him.

My phone buzzed beside me and I was grateful for the distraction until I saw the name.

Wyatt: Anything you want to tell me? Hearing lots of shit about you.

Me: Actually yes. We were just friends, but I'm dating Chase. Also, Robin hooked up with Will while we were still dating, so if those two are your sources, find new ones.

Wyatt: What is your problem? You can't just break up with someone and be chill about it?

Me: My problem? I lost my boyfriend. He was cheating on me. Then I find out one of his affairs was with my best friend. So I lost him and two friends. Then my brother stands up for the piece of shit who cheated on me. And calls me a whore/nothing/not good enough for Chase. You treated me like shit because you have shitty friends. So I lost four fucking people out of this, all because I don't enjoy being cheated on, lied to, and controlled every day of our relationship.

Wyatt: I hear you're the team's pass around. How many of them have you been with besides Chase? You know since you can't be bothered to come to our games anymore.

I actually laughed out loud.

Me: You probably heard that from Robin since Callum refused to take her home or her number weeks ago. Forget that she's trying to sleep with wolves too? I don't come to your games because you said you didn't want me there.  Though that's nothing new, I was only welcome at games when you were all getting free promotion out of it. Btw, pretty sure if anyone else on the team tried to touch me, Chase would kill them. They treat me like a real person. Imagine that. When you're ready to hear my side, let me know and I'll tell you everything. Until then, stay the fuck away from me and Tell your puck slut to keep my name out of her fucking mouth.

Wyatt: Well wtf am I supposed to believe when you meet the guy at a bar and break up with my best friend the same night? Then you wind up dating this asshole? Hanging out with him and his friends, attacking Robin at your house? You never hang out with us

Me: I didn't hang out with you guys because Will wouldn't let me. He made me stay home, or made me feel like shit on the rare occasion I did come out. Robin showed up ay my house and picked a fight with me. I ended it. I've lost enough, if you want to be on that list tell me now.

I threw my phone down in frustration, deciding I was done with school work for right now. Against my will, tears began to spill over. I really did lose a lot over Will. My self respect, my friends, my freedom, my confidence, and now my brother. I angrily got all my things together, stuffing my textbooks into my backpack and tossing them onto the couch to deal with later. I was in the middle of organizing my loose papers when my phone started ringing. I was fully prepared to tear Wyatt's head off until I saw it was an unknown number.

"Hello?" I struggled to sound reasonable.

"Hey sunshine,"

Oh for fuck sake. "Stop stalking me, " I snapped, hanging up the phone.

It rang again. And again. Then the text messages started. He must have changed his number, or downloaded an app since I blocked him. Based on the time between my conversation with Wyatt and him calling me, He and Robin, or both must have just talked to him about it today. I opened the conversation to see there were at least eight messages already, one of them being a photo of him and Robin. I planned on ignoring them, but the picture set me off. She was laying down in his bed, he was straddling her hips, fully clothed, with his hand around her neck possessively. She was wearing my shirt. It was one of my shirts I left at his house when we broke up. It was designed like a jersey with my old number on the back and my last name, two hockey sticks crossed over on the front.

Will: You're actually dating him now? You really are desperate. Bet he's fucking every hang around he can find

Will: He could have anyone and you think he wants you? I was ready to talk, to take you back. Again. I knew you would be begging for a shred of attention from me. All you had to do was ask instead of whoring yourself out

Will: What? You don't want to talk to me? Answer your fucking phone

Will: Seriously answer the fucking phone. Now

Will: I'm not even with Robin. I never cheated on you with her

I knew immediately where this conversation was going. We had broken up a few times over stupid fights, but never for more than a few hours because he had a system figured out. Call until He gets tired of it. Then text me. Angrily and defensive at first, insulting me, tearing me down, trying to make me feel like it was my fault. When that didn't get a response, demanding I speak to him, as if a text would intimidate me. Stage four: lie and make me feel like I'm over reacting, convince me that it didn't happen the way I said it did, get emotional, maybe even make a crack about "not being able to live with myself anymore" or "I'm sorry I'm such a piece of shit, I hate myself" stage five was usually bringing it back full circle to either being a dick or demanding things from me

Will: Baby, please. She means nothing to me. If you would have answered me I never would have slept with her after you left. You hurt me, so I did it back. Just talk to me.

Will: You know what? Fuck you Willow. I don't need you. You just hold me down. Maybe Robin is better for me. She's an open book. Adventurous in bed too, she always lets me do whatever I want to her instead of acting like a virgin. You used to love it when I did this to you, didn't you? It got you so wet for me. You were such a disappointing fuck, I'm glad I have a real body to play with.

That was low, even for him. I knew he was referencing his hand on her throat and he knew why I wouldn't let him do that to me anymore.

Me: Wow, tell me she's nothing then beg me to come back in the same breath? Does she know you feel this way about her? Would she still let you do that if you choked her until she passed out during sex because you wouldn't let go until you came? Or if you used the excuse of "trying to turn her on" as a reason to grab her throat and shove her head back into a coat hook and cut her head open because you were pissed she wanted to go out with her friends without you? Stop contacting me.

I blocked the number, tears spilling out of control now. I didn't like remembering these things. I'd never told anyone, and was stupid enough to think he meant the apologies afterwards. He'd throw himself on his knees and sob into my shirt that he was so sorry, that he hated himself for hurting me. He blamed his mental health (unchecked of course) and made me afraid of what he would do to himself if I left. He would take it out on things around him, too. He hit a doorframe or two, splitting his knuckles open. He even headbutted a wall because he "Hated that he couldn't control himself" I was naïve and in love so I believed him. He was never really sorry though. Just sorry I almost left him. I should have after the first time, only a few months into our relationship. We moved on from it, and he hadn't done anything like that in almost a year. We were past it, but I was coming to realize that I wasn't. When I panicked after kissing Chase the first time, I couldn't figure out why I was scared. My sub conscious registered his hand on my throat when I didn't. The realization made my heart drop. I couldn't sleep with Chase because I was afraid of him. He didn't even do anything wrong.

This didn't even make sense to me, but as soon as I thought about it I realized it was true. I was okay to do other things. Hell, his fingers were in my mouth this morning and that was okay? He wasn't being threatening then, or when he kissed me the first time. Why was I terrified then and not now? I had sex with Will for another year after he made me black out, but Chase had me scared? How was I even supposed to tell him that without sounding crazy?

It seemed like since I met him I was constantly taking one step forward and two steps back. This morning I was surrounded by friends, trading jokes and funny stories, happy that I had finally found my people. Now I'm sitting here crying in my living room because my brother hates me and I realized I was terrified of my boyfriend for something he didn't do and can't control.

Still crying, I put all of my things away in my room and flopped down onto my bed. My phone pinged once again and I was filled with dread. The one time I was prepared, it was Chase.

Chase: Hey babe, how's the homework going? I think I might actually have an aneurism with this. Below the text he had attached a photo of his laptop, his own report up on the screen.

Me: pretty shitty honestly lol. I have a lot of catching up to do. It's going to take me hours still

Chase: You could come over, I'll write yours, you write mine?

Me: Not happening, loser.

Chase: You get off on telling me no, don't you? See you Wednesday?

Me: Yeah, I'll be there.

I wasn't sure yet if I was lying to him or not. I couldn't tell him about the conversation with Will, but I didn't think I could look him in the eyes knowing I was keeping things from him. Telling him about Will would mean telling him about why I can't have sex with him and I couldn't do that to him either.