Stubborn

Willow

I knew I was being ridiculous, but I didn't want to see him. Or talk to him. Or think about him. Clearly it was going well. I don't know what I expected after practically sprinting away from him the day he dropped me off. Which was after I made out with him like a sixteen year old, then chickened out and all but demanded he take me back to my house. But what was I supposed to do "I don't think friends do this "the phrase had hit me like a punch in the stomach. Did he not want to keep going? Did he regret it already? Did I over step? Did he not want me that way? Or worst of all, was this all he wanted all along? Just to work his way into my pants? Was I just another challenge to him?

The more I thought about it, the easier it was to convince myself that I really was nothing to him. Clearly he wanted someone who was willing to drop their clothes for him any time, anywhere. I couldn't do that. I recently found some kind of freedom and stupidly threw myself at the first man who bothered to speak to me for anything other than my friends or my photos. I felt pathetic. I was so desperate that I became just another girl pining after Chase Andrews, hoping he wasn't who he really was.

On top of the situation at hand, I was finally dealing with the fact that not only was I cheated on, but one of my best friends hooked up with, or at least made out with my ex; knowing her history a make out never has innocent intentions to her. Then I'd lost two friends for the price of one, and put a strain on Cass and Robin's friendship. I never told Cass what happened at the arena because I knew she was still talking to her. I tried not to let it upset me, but it did. I couldn't expect her to drop Robin over what she did, but it was still weird to hear about their conversations. She did her best to keep those topics away from me, but you cant avoid them all and I can't force her to sensor her life for me. So I lost my boyfriend, two of my best friends, strained my relationship with Cass, and her own friendship with Robin, I made friends with Chase, which made my brother hate me, then messed that up too, and then had to listen to him go back to his old ways because I couldn't grow up and be real with him. Which may have been for the best since he didn't seem to miss me much. Or at all. He just felt guily, and angry that a girl actually blew him off in the first place.

I hadn't talked to him in a week, or seen him since I ran away from him in the truck, yet I somehow thought he would have been sitting there waiting for me to come around. I knew he was going to the bar and I knew what he did at the bar. Hell he had me piss drunk and all over him. Twice. I knew better, yet was stupid enough to have hope anyway. He texted me a few times and called once or twice after my last text, but I didn't want to be his best friend again. Not right now. So I had responded but kept it short and sweet. Like a friend.

I didn't realize how much I liked being around him over the past couple of weeks, how comfortable I felt. He even made homework fun. Now for the past week, I went to school, came home to do my homework, then stayed home and watched movies by myself. Olivia and Cass tried to drag me out a few times, but I just didn't care to go out and do much of anything.

When I told Olivia what happened that day, she was sympathetic, but not so much after my failed attempt at talking to him. Then she got stern. I heard all about how he couldn't know I was going to be there, and he had every right to take someone home since we never became more than friends. She understood, but at the same time was determined to believe I was wrong about him despite the facts. Somehow she thought I was different.

I sighed, flipping back the covers. This would be my second weekend with no plans, nobody to hang out with, and no reason to leave the house. Last weekend Cass and Olivia had both gone home to visit their families and this weekend they were going Shopping out of town today and Sunday they had a group project to work on for their psychology course. Somehow their four person group turned into Cass and Olivia doing all the work. Meaning they would be spending all of Sunday locked up in the school library. At least they had plans.

I groaned, grabbed a change of clothes and took a shower. To make myself feel better, instead of wearing pajamas like I had been everyday this week I chose black jeans, and a pretty V neck grey pull over. I even put on makeup. Nothing crazy, but enough to feel like I could be a person again. I straightened my hair and tossed it into a ponytail, feeling better already. I got downstairs just as the girls were getting ready to leave.

"You look nice,". Cass noted with a smile.

"Yeah, you have a date or something?"

I snorted "Nice as in 'at least they aren't P.J's' and no. No date. Just me,".

"Are you sure you don't want to go shopping with us? You are dressed for the occasion. We could find you something sexy,". Olivia hit me with the classic eyebrow wiggle, which is how she usually coerces me into things. Mostly bad things, but sometimes not.

"No, you guys go ahead. I'll find something to do,".

"Stress cleaning?" Cass asked.

"No,". I lied "It'll make me feel better okay? Now go! Have fun!"

Finally they admitted defeat and left the house. I sighed in relief before rolling up my sleeves to get started. There were two things I needed to make myself feel better. Stress deep cleaning and loud music. I started with my bedroom and my Disney playlist. Everything organized and in it's place. Walls washed, floor vacuumed, dusted, and clean bedding.

Next I worked on the bathroom, and turned to my "Willow's jams" playlist. It was therapeutic to me to scrub every inch I could reach, even inside the drawers and cupboards. The bathroom was sparkling clean, as was the upstairs hallway and living room in no time. At least it felt like no time. Soon enough I was in the kitchen singing along with a smile on my face, not a negative thought in my mind. I turned the speakers up to full blast when my favorite song "look what I found" by lady gaga came on, singing along with everything I had while I did a final wipe down on the kitchen counters before sweeping and mopping. I took a breath after the sing ended, tossing the cloth in the sink.

"Wow,"

I screamed. A shrill, ear piercing, window shattering sound, grabbing a knife from the block and whirling around.  A dark haired man stood leaning against the door frame, hands out in front of him with a shocked expression.

"Chase," I let out the breath I was holding and bent over with a hand over my chest. "Fuck you scared me,". I grabbed my phone, turning the volume down to a reasonable level.

"I'm sorry. I knocked but you didn't hear me,"

"What are you doing here?" heat rushed into my face as I realized he probably heard a lot more than I wanted him to. I didn't want him to hear me at all to be honest. Or anyone really. I also didn't want to see him, but I guess I wasn't getting anything I wanted today.

"You've been ignoring me,".

I glanced at him briefly, deciding to busy myself with emptying the dishwasher instead of looking at him.

"I've been busy. Homework, photos, classes-"

"Ignoring my calls, not showing up to games, not taking photos at the arenas, not going out with your friends,".

"Are you keeping tabs on me? Where I take photos is none-"

"Of my business. Until you use it to lie to me. I'm tired of you ignoring me Willow,"

"Do you keep tabs on all of your friends?" I heard a chair scrape across the floor, before he presumably flopped into it.

"You're not my friend,".

Ouch. Although I was the one pushing him away that did kind of hurt. I felt my face heat up. It was for the best though. Him making the decision himself would mean he would leave me alone.

"If that's what you want,". I replied raising the volume a couple notches. Maybe he would take the hint and leave. I heard the chair scrape again as he got up. The music was too loud to hear footsteps, but I gave more than enough time for him to be out the door before bowing my head. I took a deep breath, letting a tear roll down my face. I thought I would feel relieved when he decided to give up on me, but I didn't feel any in this moment. I felt guilty and confused. Hurt and ashamed. I felt like I was getting what I deserved. A few more tears escaped and I gave up, slamming the dishwasher closed with a curse.

"You are not my friend,". I jumped, turning back around to see Chase standing a few feet behind me   " I don't look forward to seeing my friends every chance I get. I don't look for my friends in a crowd at the arena. I don't kiss my friends, " He was right in front of me now. "I don't get turned on when they steal my clothes, or help massage the knots in my shoulders,". His eyes were dark and clouded now as he backed me against the counter, hands on the marble top on either side of me.

Now, with him standing so close, I had no choice but to look at him. I stared at his broad chest, covered by a burgundy long sleeved shirt, that sat perfectly against his skin. I had my hands balled into fists beside me, face red up to my ears.

"I don't think my friends are cute when they're embarrassed. I don't care if my friends ignore me, walk away from me, ghost me, assume the worst about me and run with it," One hand grabbed my chin, lifting my face so I had to look at him. "It doesn't hurt to see my friends cry because they hate themselves or me. But you?" He grabbed the side of my face, wiping at the tears. I was humiliated. I wanted to run. I had no idea what to do, but he wasn't going to let me leave.

"You aren't a friend. If that's all you will have me as, then fine, but you don't get to walk away because you think I don't care; that I'm only after you for sex, that Will was right about anything he had to say about you. If you hate yourself, you don't get to hate me for it,".

I sniffed, staring up at him frozen but I couldn't look away. I wanted to yell at him, tell him he didn't know what he was talking about and tear him a new one but I couldn't. He was right about everything. I was running because I was scared. Until my attempt to talk to him. Then I was hurt and guilty. He hurt me, but it was my fault and he didn't mean to.

"Talk to me,". I shook my head, unable to sort through my thoughts. "Yes, Willow,".

I felt like an idiot, standing here crying over a boy who was right in front of me because I panicked and ran away like a little girl. I looked down at his chest again, taking a deep breath.

"The other night when I came over, " I cleared my throat. "I heard- I didn't mean to, I went-"

"Outside with Miles, " He said quietly.

I nodded. " I- was she- uh. Have you been. . . "

"No. I haven't seen her before or since. Or anybody else for that matter. I got drunk and I wanted to feel better, blow off some steam so I took her home,"

"On the couch? " I asked "It didn't seem like you were too bothered with me at that point," I admitted.

"Because you ghosted me, and the last woman in my bed was you. I wasn't letting her take that away from you. From me. I didn't even get her name,"

I was taken aback. I hadn't expected that kind of a response from him.

"I got checked out after that night. I used a condom, I am clean, and I don't want anything to do with her. I wanted you. But you decided to hate yourself and take it out on me. I'm trying to understand here, but you can't just do this shit to me. I would love to be your friend if that's what you want,".

I looked back up at him, he was gazing down at me with no hesitation, his gaze steady. I could smell his cologne, a delicious scent that I didn't realize I missed until now. I cautiously lifted my hands and put them against his chest. My heart was hammering in my chest, drowning out the music around me. My fight or flight was kicking in. I fought the urge to tell him to leave and go cry in my room again. I wanted him, but I wanted to run. He was right, Will made me hate everything about myself, making me second guess everything I felt. Everything that happened between us, but this was Chase in front of me. Being more honest with me than he ever had been. He wasn't belittling me and calling me crazy or accusing me of attention seeking. He was trying to understand me and it was terrifying.

I slid my hands up higher, gazing back at him. I took a deep breath and vaguely registered that the tears had quit coming, sometime after my hands started shaking. I leaned toward him, but he didn't move.

"Chase," I whispered, my voice cracking.

"Willow,".

I leaned forward, leaning in until our lips were almost touching, sliding my hands up further to grip both sides of his face. He pulled in a breath, still not making a move. If he wouldn't run, neither would I. Pulling him down to me, I kissed him. Gently at first, then growing more confident when he rested one hand on my waist. I wrapped one hand in his hair and the other in his shirt, more persistent now. His mouth slanted against mine and took over. I let out a sigh when his tongue traced my bottom lip, letting him in. I let him have full control while he moved his lips against mine. This time it wasn't frantic. He was taking his time with me. Gentle, but firm hands slid down to my thighs and lifted me onto the counter. The new angle let me wrap my legs around him with my arms around his neck. I moaned when he put his hands on my lower back and pulled me closer to him. One hand fisted in my hair at the nape of my neck and the other one wrapped around my back. I took in a shuddering breath, pulling away for a minute. This time I didn't freak out and run.

I looked back at him with a smile while we both panted. He leaned back in, kissing me hard before tugging my bottom lip between his teeth. I gasped and felt him smile against my mouth before his lips slanted over mine once more, the hand in my hair tugging my head back and eliciting another moan from me. He pressed his lips to the soft spot under my ear, slowly tracing his way down my neck, alternating between gentle kisses and nipping the skin. I released a breathy sigh and he brought his lips back to mine.

"I think," I murmured against his lips "We," another kiss "Should,". "Slow down,".

"Mm, so no kissing, or just less kissing?"

"Less," I pressed my lips against his once more and pulled away. "Or maybe more?,". He kissed me again, this time releasing his hold on my hair while I placed my legs back on either side of him. His hands went down to my knees and rubbed lines up tp my hips and back.

"honestly I think you might be right.  if you keep kissing me like that I'm going to have a problem,".  He smiled sheepishly and I bit my lip. "So, " He sighed, taking a step back and giving me a view of the tent beginning to form in his pants. "Friends?".

I laughed, my face flaming again. "Absolutely not,". I kissed him once more then settled for a hug with my head resting against his shoulder.

We sat there for a moment, his hands rubbing soothing circles against my thighs and my arms around him, rubbing against his back. "I'm sorry I ran out on you last time, and for ghosting you,".

He sighed before responding "Me too. I'm sorry you witnessed. . . that. If it makes you feel any better, Miles has been busting my balls about it since,".

"It kind of does,". I admitted, chuckling.

I scooted forward on the counter so I was standing in front of him and wrapped my arms around his waist briefly before pecking him on the lips again.

"Have I told you it's cute as hell that your ears turn red when you're embarrassed?"

"Have I ever told you to shut the hell up?"

"Ouch. Speaking of which, when are you going to sing for me? With a voice like that I'd gladly listen to you for hours,"

"Ha! Never,".

We spent the majority of our time laying in my bed watching Grey's anatomy. I thought it would take more convincing to make him watch it with me, but he didn't seem to mind it much.

"Hey, now that we're. . . a thing, does this mean I'm allowed to go to the arena with you instead of watching you from the truck? I have a game tonight". He glanced up at me from his spot on the bed. He had his arms bent behind him him comfortably, while I sat leaning against the headboard behind me.

"Yeah probably. Guess that means I have to tell Wyatt so he doesn't come at me for lying,".

"But you weren't lying,". He stated, his eyebrows raising "We were friends,".

I snorted, I cut him some slack since he was an only child, but he had to know something about my brothers character by now. " Yeah, but not only does he enjoy seeing the worst in every one, he really loves doing it to me. That on top of the fact you're practically his 'nemesis', and you 'stole' me from Will makes me the slutty sister who cheated on one of his best friends with the guy who was completely off limits,"

"Hey. Don't call yourself that. He's the slut. Both of them. For each other,"

I laughed, ruffling his hair. "We've never had that super close Disney level relationship, and it only got worse when he found out I had a crush on one of his best friends, then somehow worse again when we started dating. He got kicked off the high school team for a year after he tried to beat the shit out of Will on the ice over it. I 'ruined his career before it could start' we broke up right after that for a few years and got back together  shortly before he started school here while I stayed home until I decided what I wanted to do with my life.  Ironically he's now accused me of doing the same to Will by ruining his goal streak,"

It was Chase's turn to snort. "what career? Nobody gives a fuck about high school hockey. Will won't even make it to a draft. He's the shittiest centreman I've ever seen. Wyatt could actually stand a chance if he had a better team," His tone turned to thoughtful. I was surprised he had anything even remotely nice to say. "Guess it's easier to blame his little sister than admit he's a pussy," There it was.

"Yeah, yeah,". I sighed, running a hand through my hair, the ponytail long gone from Chase's hands ruining it. "I'll text him tomorrow,". I really did not want to have this conversation with him. I didn't HAVE to tell him, right? He could wait