Chapter 187 - 187 "Too Late To Regret"

187 “Too Late To Regret”

Fire and Ice mana, which is always known for being parallel, totally opposite of each other’s finally merged into one power.

The fire mana which was hidden inside of her past soul, as the past him continued to pass his mana into her dead to body to keep her warm returned to the current him.

Which contained the past memories.

The reason why he couldn’t remember the past despite having the strongest powers was because he didn’t had sufficient mana inside of him to remember the past or merge his past soul with the current body of his.

After turning back in time, both Jennifer and Alexander succeeded to control their younger self because of their strong powers and mentality.

But the past Cathain, who was weak in powers infront of his younger self couldn’t do that.

His fading soul could only use his remaining powers to show some broken memories of their tragic ending to his younger self as visions, in this life to avoid the past ending.

Among them, Eleanora, who was already dead wasn’t supposed to remember anything from their past life.

But because of the strong and pure fire mana of his which he passed into her; helped her to see those past memories and made her feel like it was her, who experienced all those things.

.....

As her past soul, which was already dead couldn’t merge in her like the past Cathain, who lacked powers.

But his powers remained inside of hers, which helped her to remember the past.

And as she healed him a few days ago, those powers gradually started to transfer into him again, along with her holy powers.

The sudden increase of powers made his body weaker as he failed to control it and thus he started to recall the past slowly.

Eleanora didn’t noticed the changes mainly because of her holy powers continued to fill the gap of those lost powers.

Which wasn’t even hers to begin with or knew about it.

But it bought a heavy impact on the current Cathain.

Not only he become weak physically, he mentally suffered most because of recalling the past little by little.

Which he couldn’t and didn’t wanted to accept.

He knew once he confirms it, there will be no away for them to be together again.

Only his current self, who had no similarity to his past self can make her heart quiver again.

Not he, the killer of her and their... Child.

If Eleanora wanted revenge by letting him execute her and then realize the truth, she had completely succeeded into achieving that.

She had suspected him to be controlled or poisoned before her death.

Everything happened too hurriedly, like a plan.

From their marriage to her first miscarriage, the sudden declaration of the war against Rua and the orders to move out from the empress palace to an abandoned mansion;

Then her second miscarriage and the sudden pregnancy of Jennifer, her being the daughter of a ducal house to Eleanora’s imprisonment.

Alexander’s sudden appearance and attacking the emperor, everything seemed to perfect to be a coincidence.

This is why, She had bet everything when she faced death and transferred her holy powers to the emperor.

So that if her guess turned out to be true and he really was being controlled, then maybe he will regret how he treated her.

When the truth comes into light, she hoped he suffered and see her face every night.

And she wished, There was not a single second where he was happy after her death.

She was the shining moonlight, which kept his dark and cold life brighten up but he crushed it with his own hands.

Everything around them blast out as a powerful field explosion occurred because of their magic powers merging together.

Even the knights, who was about to attack them all together was pushed back because of the brutal force and some of them got buried under the heavy snow.

Eleanora’s hands, which was cupping his cheeks as their lips touched each others lightly started to slip down slowly.

“...Empress,”

Cathain, who finally knows why she never accepted him; murmured as he gradually returned to his senses.

He blinked a few times and saw her face with her eyes closed, her hands cupping his face sliding down slowly.

But Cathain felt that something was not right as he felt a sharp object poking on his chest.

“Elee?”

“...Elee?”

He swallowed his saliva as his adams apple throbbed, when he found her not responding to him no matter how many times he called her.

Eleanora’s hands totally slide down from his face as her face slowly leaned on his chest, motionlessly.

Cathain’s face turned dark as he moved his trembling hands to grab her shoulder and move her away from him a little to see her face.

As he moved her, Eleanora’s head leaned back automatically as a sharp sword came into his vision.

Which was stuck between her chest.

Bloods continued to rush out from her chest as it fall on the snowy white ground, dying it red.

Cathain’s red eyes trembled as tears rushed out from her eyes and he cupped her face after he kneeled down with her motionless body in his embrace.

“...It’s a joke... R-Right?”

“I know... I know, you-you can heal... You can heal yourself right?”

“You...are...the lady of the prophecy... How can you- No way, it’s...impossible...”

“I remember... I remember our...past life..He was...”

“Really a bastard...”

Cathain continued to murmur with his trembling voice, this feeling was really to familiar to him.

Talking to her where she always stayed silent with her eyes closed tightly.

Staying in his embrace like she was just sleeping, but in actual; she couldn’t response as she was already dead.

Executed by him.

“Hey, Elee... I will stay as you want okay?”

“I will do anything you want, But wake up please?”

“Heal yourself... Heal, Elee... Heal yourself...”

“Do you want me to disappear from your sight?”

“I won’t show up infront of you ever again, okay?”

“You don’t have to... I-I will help you succeed the duchy... Even this empire... You can take it...”

“H-How about you become- you become the emperor, i will be your spouse... Or slave?”

“You can toss me aside... You can beat me up... I won’t even complain... I won’t ask you to love me ever again...”

“... How about you execute me too?”

“But...please, Don’t scare me like this...”

Cathain’s hot tear drops continued to drop on her pale face, as her body was hardly even breathing.

Eleanora panted heavily as she tried to open her eyes, but she couldn’t.

Earlier, when she saw him getting distracted and being attacked; she subconsciously blocked the sword for him.

Like he once took an arrow for her...

Eleanora didn’t knew why she sacrificed herself for this man, or even if she knew why, she could no longer accept it now.

Cathain stroked his fingertips on her face, which was full of splashed bloods.

“Elee... Let’s live happily from now on, won’t you give me a chance to make it up?”

“You can do whatever you want, rule this empire, i won’t say a word...”

He continued to shake her body lightly, didn’t even dared to take out the sword which was pierced into her chest.

His red eyes looked lifeless as his pitiful appearance made people feel sorry for him.

Cathain looked like a soulless person, who had lost the meaning of life.

“...Am not even qualified to say love you...”

“You can do whatever you, just don’t sleep... Stay awake, Elee... You can punish me, take the throne, kill me... But please don’t,”

The word ‘Die’ couldn’t came out from his mouth as he started to wail out loudly, in the complete deserted mountain.

.....

“ELEEE!!!”

He yelled her name as he closed his teary eyes and faced the sky, his voice contained sorrow and regrets.

His pitiful loud wailings, like a madman kept echoing in the mountain, making him feel like even the nature was laughing at him.

At his past foolishness, who got controlled by others because of his own mistakes.

His pride was the one to blame for their ill-fate.

His arrogance was the reason for him to be mistaken by her continually.

He regrets to not reaching out to her and hug her tightly when there was still time.

“I regret it... I regret it all...”

“I should’ve cherished you... I should’ve showed my concern and give you all the love that you deserved when i had time!!”

“I should’ve loved you better...”

“...I only realised after losing you,”

“I wish i had faced my feelings sooner... Cherish you and be happy with you... Protect our children’s, grow old together...”

“I regret it much, Elee...”

He has been waiting to see her closed eyes open again and look at him with her bright jewel like blue eyes.

And call his name with her smooth and gentle voice, which he has been waiting to hear for decades.

But now, he once again had nothing but her cold freezing body in his arms.

“No... This can’t... Can’t be like this again...”

“I... I will... Save you, this time... I promise... I will...”

Cathain wiped away his tears with his hands, but as he had her bloods in his hands, his white face become coloured red because of this.

He stood up shakily as he carried her motionless body in his embrace tightly.

“Wait... Wait a little okay... I...I will bring you to someone...who can heal-heal you...”

“Nothing will happen to you... Don’t give up, You are the bravest… the strongest…”

“Everyone... They are waiting for your return... Your father... Your duchy... The empire’s people...”

“Everyone loves you... You are the role model of our empire... You can’t give up on your life so easily...”

Cathain continued to talk to keep her awake a little as he knew she was listening to him.

Her breathing was slow but she was still alive.

The memories in his mind, which is so deeply engraved just felt like a faded nightmare to him.

All the promises he made till now, he is afraid that he can’t declare his love for her proudly anymore.

But still, he hopes; hope that she, who once loved him dearly might give him another chance to prove himself to her.

She doesn’t needs to love him, it will be enough as long as he can show his love this time.

He doesn’t dare to ask for more.

“Just a little more... We will reach the army camp soon... Till then, let me tell you some secrets... Okay?”

“Just don’t sleep again... I will really die if it happens again,”

“So please... Stay with me...”

Cathain tried to talk more with his trembling voice, even if his voice didn’t wanted to came out.

His legs was becoming weak but he still continued to walk with her in his embrace.

He knows he can save her if they reach the camp somehow, the people there will come up with a solution for sure to save her.

Eleanora was trying her best to heal herself, but she couldn’t.

Her heart was breaking into pieces as she continued to hear his trembling voice in an almost unconscious state.

‘He... Recalled the past... Why now... Why...’

‘Maybe i could accept the ‘him’, who would never know what happened between us in the past... But, how can i accept ‘him’ who knows how pathetically i died?’

‘Wouldn’t i will just become a shameless person, who got together with him even after what he did to me in the past?’

“You know, Elee... I had fallen for you at first sight..”

“You don’t believe it, right?”

A bitter smile appeared on Cathain’s face as he spoke because who would believe his words after what he had done?

“You never failed to make my heart skip a beat for you...”

“Either it was the four years old little prince, who fall from a tall tree and was saved by the one year old Eleanora...”

“Or the eighteen year old Crown prince who was mesmerised by the fourteen year old crown princess, or the eighteen years old empress,”

“...But, no one will believe me now, It’s too late to regret...”

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[A/N: I don’t know if you all liked this chapter or not, but this is the scene which i have been waiting for so long to write… I was excited and nervous at the same time while writing this chapter a lot.

I wanted to write the craziness of a person who recalls and regrets his past actions terribly.]