𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟑𝟖

FAIZAN

Businessman Kamran Saidi faces accusations of mismanagement, leading his company to the brink of bankruptcy.

My eyes reread the headlines of the article opened on my laptop multiple times as if waiting for some kind of feeling to hit me.

A second goes by.

Businessman Kamran Saidi faces accusations of mismanagement, leading his company to the brink of bankruptcy.

And another.

Businessman Kamran Saidi faces accusations of mismanagement..

And another.

Businessman Kamran Saidi faces accusations..

And another.

Kamran Saidi…

Nothing.

No sympathy. No worries. No nothing.

Maybe I’m becoming numb to my emotions again-

My thought is proved wrong when Arzo steps out of the bathroom into the room, bringing a sense of comfort and happiness into my body.

Never thought happiness would be in the form of a beautiful woman dressed in sweatpants and an oversized shirt.

Her eyes lock with mine and after a second, her cheeks turn a bright shade of red. She quickly breaks away the eye contact leaving me frowning at the sudden act.

Without looking at me, she returns back to bed. Wrapping her arms around my arm, she rests her head on my shoulder and starts drawing patterns on my arm with her fingers.

I put away my laptop, “amar?” I say, looking at her, “why are you so quiet?”

She pauses, lifts her hands and signs, “I’m always quiet.”

I hum, “you weren’t so quiet last night-”

My comment earns me a hit on my arm and an adorable glare from my wife which is hard to take seriously considering her face is turning red.

Yesterday, after we spent time at the beach, we came back to the resort and spent the rest of the day inside our room.

I don’t need to say the details.

“Am I wrong?” I ask.

She makes a face and gets up to leave but before she can, I grab her arm and pull her back, earning a small gasp from her.

She falls on my lap, her eyes widening as our faces stay only an inch apart. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer.

“You’re not getting away from me.” I say and place a soft kiss on her lips.

“I wasn’t going to.” she signs, lifting her chin.

I smile and kiss her cheeks. She rests her head on my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my stomach, gently drawing circles on my back.

After a moment, she sits back, frowning at my laptop placed on the side table.

She looks back at me and signs, “the article… that’s..”

“My biological father.”

Her eyes widen a little then she signs, “why are you reading it?”

I shrug, “keeping track of their life for some reason. Not sure why.”

“Do you always read articles about them?” I nod, “does everybody else know?”

“Farhan might.” I say, “he caught me multiple times reading through these articles. I am not sure if he still knows.”

She lifts her hand to sign but drops them, shaking her head at herself, looking down.

“Ask me.”

She lifts her head, “I don’t want to ask something you don’t want to answer… or can’t.”

“You’re my wife, amar. It’s your right to know about my past and my goals for the future.” I gently caress her thighs, “I promised to answer any question you ask.”

She swallows and hesitantly signs, “what happened with you and your parents?”

I release a heavy breath, “I am not sure. What I am sure about is that they never wanted to be parents. Never acted like parents. Never showed any interest.”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you sure you want to know, amar? I don’t want you to look at me differently after hearing this.”

She shakes her head, “I won’t. Nothing can make me feel different for you or look at you differently.”

I take a moment then say, “Okay.” I take a deep breath, “My father saw the duty of being a father as a burden. He tried raising me as a tutor. A very strict tutor. In his eyes, he was trying to make me strong. In the end, he just made me numb.”

Arzo doesn’t tear her eyes away from me as I continue, she interlocks our fingers together and places them between us.

“I started school earlier than most kids. He thought it would help me in the future, that I would be wiser than other kids. I was the youngest in my class. I didn’t mind going to school, it was an escape from him. But I also had to work, more than I was capable of.

“The house I grew up in till the age of six wasn’t a home. It was an examination hall and my father was the strictest man. If I got a question wrong, even by accident, he wouldn’t let me eat a meal. For every wrong question, I got a hit from him. At first, it sting, I cried but it only made the hit more harsher and painful.”

“Why didn’t your mom do anything?” Arzo signs, her eyes shining with unshed tears, “why didn’t she stop him? You were just a kid.”

“She thought he was right. That his brutal training would help me in the future.” I say, staring into the distance, watching as my childhood plays out in front of me, “I purposely failed my class, multiple times, hoping that she would see how painful it was, how brutal he was being. But she didn’t do anything. She hid in her room when our ‘classes’ begun and only came out to wipe my tearful face and tell me ‘he’s doing this because he wants you to become stronger.’

“At the age of five, the pain only became physical. It didn’t hurt emotionally to know that my parents weren’t like normal parents. They didn’t hug me, kiss me or held me when I cried. I didn’t get to go out and celebrate for my tiniest achievements. I always stayed at home and worked more than I could. At one point, I started purposely failing hoping either they’d throw me away and I’d escape or I’d give out in the middle of a lecture from the pain.

I sigh, “after another year passed and I failed again, my father finally gave up. He told me I was a disgrace. That I would never be successful if I didn’t work hard. That people would chew me up and spit me out. That they would step on me and ruin me. He spat those words then left.

“That same day, Zahid and his family were coming to visit us in Saudia Arabia. That day was when I found out I had a family other than my parents. When they arrived, I didn’t let them touch me or hug me. Mama was the sweetest person I had met, she talked to me with love and care, bought me gifts and told me how happy she was to meet me. I didn’t say anything to her, I just stared at her as she talked with a genuine and warm smile on her face.

“Zahid dragged me out and forced me to play soccer with him and even though I sucked, he didn’t give up, he taught me how to play and talked about his favorite show. Baba took us out for ice cream and when I hesitated to get anything, he got me four different scoops of his favorite ice cream and explained why they were his favorite.” a small lips curves at my lips at the memory, the first day I found out what caring for someone meant.

“Later at night, when everyone was asleep, I went to get water and heard mama talking to my mother about me, pointing out why I was so scared and hiding behind Zahid or baba whenever my father was present. My mother explained everything and mama was horrified. She scolded my mother, telling her how wrong she and my father were that I was just a kid and that they can’t force me. My mother was ashamed.

“The moment mama said that she will take me with her, for the first time, I felt hope bloom in my chest. I was scared that my mother would refuse but she didn’t. She said that it would be better for me to live with her sister instead of with my parents. The next day, baba talked to me about it and asked me if I was okay with the decision of them adopting me, I spoke for the first time in front of them and said yes.” I look back at Arzo, locking my gaze with her, “After the documentation were done, mama and baba brought me to their home, were patient with me knowing that I had become numb to my emotion and made me feel at home.”

A tear escapes from Arzo’s eyes as I finish. I lift my hand and wipe away the tear, cupping her cheek, “don’t cry, amar. It’s okay.”

She shakes her head and signs, “you were just a kid.”

“I know.” I kiss her cheeks, wrapping my arms around her waist and burying my face the crook of her neck. “but I’m fine now.”

I pull away after a moment and she signs, “Did you feel sad when you heard your mother was okay with giving you away?”

“No.” I say, “I was relived. For the first time, she made the right choice. I’m not sure if that makes me look like a good person, being happy that my own parents don’t want me.”

“You are a good person. They were wrong to do that to you.” she says, her jerky gestures showing her rage, “I am so thankful that mama met you and brought you back. If she hadn’t, we would have never met.”

I chuckle, “that’s true.” an easy smile takes over my lips, “and if it weren’t for baba and Zahid, I wouldn’t have realized that I wanted to marry you.”

She sniffs, “I need to buy them gifts.”

I let out a soft laugh which makes her smile. She leans in and kisses my cheeks.

“Do they hurt?” she signs, hesitantly, after a moment.

“They used to. Not anymore.”

“Really?”

I nod, “A lot of things have changed, for the better,” I say, staring into her eyes, “after a certain event took place in my life.”

“What event?”

“Marrying you.”