𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟓𝟎

FAIZAN

My grip on the back of my hair tightens as I reread Doctor Zahra’s email.

Dear Mr Malik,

As you know, your wife has decided to start her treatment in order to regain her past memories. I want to write to you personally and let you know that there may be changes in your wife’s behavior going further and I want you to stay calm, for yourself and your wife’s wellbeing.

Her decision will cause her to get dreams she may not like. I advise you if you see her in the state of getting a nightmare, do not wake her up. It will only make the situation worse. I suggest you do not leave your wife unsupervised during this time as she will be zoning out now and then. However, supervision does not mean she has to know. You have to give her space as well so she does not feel suffocated. Let her go out if she likes.

Most importantly, do not let her know that you are worried. It will only push her into guilt and she may want to rethink her decision. We need her to know that we support her decision. You need to understand as hard as it is, this is good for her. If she stops right now, it will only affect her in the future.

I hope everything is clear and you understand where I am coming from.

Regards,

Doctor Zahra Iqbal

I let out a frustrated sigh and shut my laptop.

No matter how many times I read the email, knowing this is right for her, I can’t stop feeling helpless.

When I picked her up from Zahid’s house a week ago, Arzo was so shaken. I didn’t ask her what happened till we came home and she broke down in tears, saying that she had to remember the incident.

The incident is not only connected to Arzo but Shoaib’s change of behavior. Arzo doesn’t remember how Shoaib was before the incident happened and she wants- needs to find out what led to Shoaib being such a coldhearted, rude person. The incident revolves around his father’s death.

We went to visit Doctor Zahra the next day because Arzo’s decision was obvious.

And the impacts have been killing me.

She has been getting nightmares every night. Her broken sobs and whimpers wake me up every night and I can’t do anything. I can’t wake her up because it will only break her. So, I only hold her and pray that she knows I’m not leaving her.

When she wakes up, she doesn’t remember what she saw in her dreams and it only worries her. The rest of the day, her every movement is mechanical. As if she isn’t aware of her surroundings.

I sometimes sign so she has to focus on me instead of my voice. It sometimes works and her movements aren’t so mechanical.

I can’t stay home for work because it will worry Arzo. so, I told Salma to keep checking up on her without making her think we’re worried about her. She needs to think that everything is normal.

Taking a deep breath, I get up from my chair to leave for home.

I pick up flowers on the way, like any other day because our routine won’t change. I won’t let it.

I reach home and find Salma in the kitchen.

“Assalamu Alaikum,”

“Wale Kum Assalam,” she greets back, then adds, “She’s been in her room since you left.”

“Okay. I’ll bring her downstairs for lunch.”

“Alright.”

I take the stairs to our room. When I walk in, I find Arzo on the bed, sketching.

She looks up when I close the door, her lips forming a weak smile.

“Assalamu Alaikum, amar.”

“Wale Kum Assalam,” she signs as I walk up to her.

I hand her the bouquet and capture her lips in a soft kiss, my hands cupping her cheeks.

She returns the kiss, aware of whats happening.

I pull away softly and caress her cheeks, “have you eaten?”

She shakes her head.

“Let me go fresh up then we’ll go downstairs, okay?”

She nods. I kiss her cheeks before I disappear into the bathroom.

I take a quick shower, change then go downstairs with Arzo. Her movements become mechanical as she walks. I don’t let go of her hand till she takes her seat on the dining table.

We don’t speak during lunch except for when I ask her what she did all day. Other than that, lunch goes by silently.

After lunch, Arzo helps Salma put away the dishes then we make wudu and offer Salah.

Just like everyday, after Salah, I do Dhikr on her fingers while she rests her head on my shoulder.

I feel her drift off after a while, her breaths steady. I sigh in relief. She barely gets any peaceful sleep because of the nightmares, it’s good if she’s sleeping even a little during the day.

Carefully, I pick her up and carry her to the bed. I lay her down and cover her with the duvet-

“Stay,”

I freeze at the sound of soft voice.

Arzo’s voice.

I stare at her, thinking she will speak again. I’m not sure she’s aware she spoke.

But it doesn’t matter. Because the sound of her voice is etched in my brain.

Her sweet, soft, angelic voice.

I lay down beside her, placing my arms around her and place a kiss on her head.

Ya Allah, please don’t let her slip away from me.