Chapter 15

That was a really mean cliffy.  Here's a new chapter, becuase I love you guys :)

Whenever I'd encountered stress with Matt, I'd always defaulted to one of two responses: fight, where I got unreasonably pissed and shouty, or flight, where I ran and ignored the situation. Neither had served me particularly well.

For something different, I tried freezing. I stood there on Matt's doorstep, my face set to neutral but my heart clenched in anguish. Perhaps if I don't move, someone will explain what the frack is going on here.

"Evianna, hey." Matt didn't seem to be acting guilty, but he certainly appeared uncomfortable with my unexpected drop-by. "Taylor and I, we are just chatting over some stuff. Uh... Tay, do you want me to step out with Evianna or...?"

WTF? I swallowed thickly, trying to restrain myself. Why are you asking her for permission for anything? What is going on here?

Taylor pressed her lower lip upwards; it was the first time I'd seen her without a ginormous smile plastered on her face. "It's okay. We can tell Evi what's going on. She'll have to know eventually."

Pregnant with Matt's baby. That was the only thought in my mind as Matt ushered me inside.

"So, can I get you a drink?" His voice was low and sweet, as if he could convey a secret message through his simple words, a plea to listen.

"No, thank you."

We settled on the couches, Matt and Taylor on the 3-seater as I sat across from them in a recliner. I studied them both carefully, analysing their body language. Matt's body was angled towards me but he was positioned close to Taylor, while her face bore the subtle signs of recent tears. Her jeans were so tight, they looked spray-painted on, but aside from that, she wasn't dressed as showily as usual, with just a simple white sweater clinging to her tiny frame.

"Um, Tay, do you want to me to start?"

She shook her head at Matt, adorable corkscrew curls swaying around her wan cheeks. "I can talk, it's okay." She looked at me and sighed. "I'm just a little delicate today, that's all. So, I found out last week that my breast cancer is back."

"Back?" I couldn't have been more shocked than if she'd announced she was being crowned the Mother of Dragons.

"Yeah, I got diagnosed the first time about three years ago. They removed the lump, I went through chemo, the whole shebang. I fought it really hard, in fact, I've done everything I could since that day to look after my body and live right. I changed to a vegan diet, read a ton of books, meditated, worked on a better, positive attitude, and I've been in remission for over two years now."

Taylor's almost sickly-sweet demeanour and opinions on overweight people suddenly made total sense; she'd been fighting demons I had no idea about. "Taylor, I'm so sorry."

"It's not something I normally tell people about." She leaned on Matt's shoulder. "This one knows, because we were together when it all happened."

Together? My eyebrows shot up so high, I could feel the skin stretching around my eyeballs.

Matt opened his mouth, as if he was about to say something, but he changed his mind, begging me with his eyes to not flip out. No promises, pretty boy...

Taylor was still talking. "My doctor called the other day, and she told me that my latest test results showed the masses were back, on both sides. They... they have to operate. A double-mastectomy."

"Oh, Taylor..." My emotions may have been in overdrive, but that didn't mean I couldn't empathise with her pain. "That's so awful."

"So, it was just all your talk about cosmetic surgery this morning, it kinda got to me, because I've been going through all this paperwork and discussing reconstruction. And, I know that they can make fakies look good and all..." She tucked her pin-thin arms over her chest, fresh tears welling up and dripping out. "But these are mine, and we've gone through so much together. It's just weird, you know?"

"I'll bet. Listen, if you need a good surgeon, the guy I just worked with is incredible. I can give you his details if you like?"

She smiled weakly at me. "That would be great. Thanks, Evi."

Matt breathed deeply, allowing himself to relax slightly. "Ladies, can I make you a cuppa?"

"Yes, please, Matt." Taylor squeezed his leg. "Do you have any of my camomile tea bags here still?"

"Yeah, there's a few left over from last week. Evianna? What about you?"

"I'm fine," I said stiffly, as far from fine as possible. I'd been expecting a hot and heavy reunion with Matt, not personal revelations from my nemesis and a strange sense of empathy for the girl I'd been irritated with for so long.

"Okay, back in a few."

Matt left and Taylor stared after him adoringly. I looked away, unable to handle all the dynamics in play, and wondering what on earth to talk about with Taylor. I shifted in my chair uncomfortably; my pretty lace panties, the ones I'd worn just in case, were cutting into my skin with the force of a kidnapper's duct tape restraints.

Luckily, Taylor soon launched into her old ways, which I could now recognise as inept rather than evil. "Evi, I have to say, you look really good! Are you doing something different? Your stomach normally sticks out way more, like a little baby belly, but it's really flat this week."

Ouch. I let it slide. "I've been pretty active while I've been away."

"Well, good for you. I know as well as anyone how hard life can be when you're carrying extra weight." She whispered as though telling me a massive secret. "Before I got diagnosed the first time and started eating well, I was about three kilos heavier than this."

FML. Three kilos? I could put that on after a single meal at a buffet. Taylor at that weight would still be lighter than one of my thighs. I had to change the subject. "How have things been in the studio?"

Taylor tucked her lithe legs under herself, curling her painted pink toes. "Really good! Matt's such a generous host, he's so easy to work with. He's always been like that since the day I met him."

"And where was that?" I asked, trying to be casual about it, but desperate for more information.

"We were working at the same network." Taylor's face lit up properly for the first time since I'd arrived, her wide eyes cloudy with memory. "I'd just started, and I thought he was totally gorgeous, so I asked him out. We'd only been on three dates when I got diagnosed, but he stood by me the whole time I was being treated. It's just a shame that cancer kinda sucks the fun out of a relationship, otherwise I bet we would have lasted."

"A real shame." Why didn't he tell me about this? I'd had no idea they'd even known each other prior to Jump Start, let alone had a 'TFIOS' type relationship. Matt skipping over something so huge smacked of deceit and I didn't like it.

"I'm just so glad he's around again now." Taylor lowered her voice and leaned towards me. "I have to tell you, I don't think I've ever really gotten over him properly, and I don't think I can go through this surgery alone. Who knows? Maybe, there's still love there."

And then everything fell into place: Taylor's passive-aggressive attitude towards me, the woman who shared a desk and flirted shamelessly with the man she still loved. I recalled how Taylor had told me about the bet only after I'd baited her about taking Matt home. She'd been trying so hard to stay positive and sunny, but her jealousy had been creeping in.

Now I'd been away for almost a month and she was feeling comfortable again. After all, she was the one on the desk with him, sharing her pain with him, awaiting tea on his couch. I must have seemed like a far smaller threat.

Matt re-entered, bearing two steaming mugs. He handed one to Taylor, who smiled gratefully and touched his wrist. "Thanks, Matty."

"All good, Tay. Evianna? Are you sure I can't get you something?"

"Hmm?" I'd been so busy keeping my face free from distress at Taylor's confession and their easy manner together, I'd almost missed the question. "No thanks, I'm fine. Listen, I think I'm going to head home; it's been a pretty big week."

"Oh, no! Stay!" Taylor looked genuinely sad to see me go. "We're gonna watch a movie. If you're dieting, we don't have to eat snacks or anything so you're not tempted to be naughty. We want you to keep losing weight and look great!"

Cancer or no cancer, she certainly knew how to cut me down without meaning to. "Honestly, I'm good. When will your surgery be, anyway?"

"As soon as you get back in three weeks. So, I guess I'll see you then!" She jumped up and gave me a quick hug.

I returned it gently, feeling her little bones against me like a bird skeleton. "I'll visit you in hospital. Be well, okay?"

"I'll walk you out, Evi." Matt's rolling tones reverberated through me as I met his eyes, a glistening hazel in the evening light.

"It's fine, really. Stay inside."

I began moving to the front door, but Matt followed me. "I insist."

In silence, we walked to the car. I unlocked my Smart car as Matt said, "Taylor didn't see your email, in case you were wondering. I read it on my phone while she was looking for a movie to watch. When she said we'd been talking about you, she just meant the report today."

"I hadn't even thought of that," I said, feeling trembly. I leaned against the cool metal of the car and stared up into the night, hoping that the incline of my head would help keep any stray tears in.

He leaned beside me, trying to catch my eyes. "When I read it, I knew I needed to call you straight away. You shared so much."

"I thought we were both being pretty open, but maybe I was wrong. Why didn't you tell me about you and Taylor? You guys were a couple for ages."

"Not really." Matt dropped his voice to an almost-whisper, even though we were completely alone on the street and Taylor was safely inside. "I don't know why I didn't tell you; it just seemed like so long ago, and it wasn't really a relationship the way she made it sound.

"We went out on a few dates, slept together one time, and then she called me, hysterical. She'd been told she had cancer. What kind of guy breaks up with a girl after she's found that out? The relationship petered out on its own, and we've been in and out of contact after that, but I helped her get the interview with Robbo for the weather gig. We've been friendly but not close friends, not until all this health stuff flared up again."

"Did..." I wanted to ask if he used to love her, but I was terrified of the answer. "What about now?"

"Now, I'm going to stand by her and support her in any way she needs. She's been dealt a really tough hand, Evianna. She might say thoughtless things sometimes, but Tay tries really hard to be a good person. She doesn't deserve what's happening, and if I can make it better in anyway, I will."

"You're a good guy." But where does that leave us? Selfishly, I still wanted Matt's full attention, but the world had shifted and that wasn't going to happen.

Besides, did I really dare steal a guy away from his cancer-riddled ex, who was still in love with him and wanted desperately to be his girl? I wanted Matt, with everything breath and every cell and every thought, but I couldn't force him to choose. I didn't want that anyway. I wanted Matt to be with me because he wanted to be, because he couldn't live without me. If he chooses Taylor, so be it. It obviously wasn't meant to be.

"Listen, there's enough going on at the moment," I started slowly. "I'm not even sure what's happening between us, but now isn't the time to work all that out. So, let's just agree to be friends, nothing more, until after I get back and Taylor has had her surgery."

"If that's what you want..." Matt's voice was indifferent, but his face was pinched as he avoided looking at me.

Of course it's not what I want! It wasn't about what I wanted. I had to make him understand that he was free to choose between us. If we were going to be together one day, I wanted it to happen out of free will, not because he felt bound. "This is just easier. You and I... We're a lot of hard work right now, and that's not where you should be spending your energy when you've got a friend that needs you."

"This friend needs me too," he said, reaching for my fingers.

I pulled them away, just a fraction beyond his grasp. "I'm actually pretty good right now. I've got another three adventures, and Heather is amazing. I'm eating better, moving more, feeling great. I think I've even lost some weight too."

"I have to be honest, Evianna, you've always looked perfect to me, but it's good to hear you're feeling great."

"So, don't worry about me. Look after Taylor, and we'll both just do our own things. If you want to see someone in the meantime, great, no harm, no foul, and I'll do the same. Then, we'll see where we're at in a few weeks."

My throat burned forcing the words out, but Matt seemed to accept my proposal. "Alright, Evianna. Sounds like a plan."

I'd wanted him to fight more, even though I'd made it impossible for him to do so without seeming unreasonable. "You'd better head back in. See you, Matt."

I folded myself into the little car, but before I could close the door, Matt leaned down and kissed me.

Electricity crackled, leaping between us as his smooth lips met my pillowy ones. Helpless, I opened my mouth to his. His sweet breath poured into me and my hands, operating of their own accord, wound up into his hair, pulling his face even closer.

Too soon, he drew away. "Bye, Evianna. Don't forget about me."

And he vanished back into the house, leaving me sitting in the car with a stupid grin on my face and a pooling heat in my lower abdomen.

***

"So... Are we mad or sad or happy or what?"

Heather opened her tray table and slid up the blind on her business class window. The flight to Darwin took about four hours, and Heather had been so exhausted from catching her 6am plane from Melbourne to Sydney so we could travel together, that she'd slept most of the way to the Northern Territory.

Now, she was awake and ready for the gossip. I'd relayed the story, but I didn't know how to answer her question. "Um... a bit of everything, I think. I'm pissed he didn't tell me about Taylor, but I also understand it. I'm upset for her, because even though she still annoys me, that's a truly horrible thing to go through. And then I'm happy because he kissed me."

"Did you mean it when you said you wanted to put romantic stuff between you on hold until after you're back?" Heather opened a pre-packed tub of fruit salad and the smell of watermelon and cantaloupe drifted between us.

"I did." I stole a piece of pineapple before she could protest and squished it thoughtfully between my teeth. "It hurt like buggery, but I meant it. I don't want to fight Taylor for him; what's the point in convincing someone they need to be with you? Besides, I couldn't compete with Taylor on any level anyway. She's prettier, skinnier, they have more history.

"On top of that, she's about to go through a huge, traumatic surgery. I might not like Taylor, but I get why she told me about the bet now I know how she feels about Matt. I'm not going to sabotage her happiness. She really cares about Matt, and she needs him way more than me right now. So, I'm just going to run my own race. Then, he needs to choose." I plucked out a grape absently.

Heather eyed me, a small smile tugging her freckled lips. "You're getting pretty mature, Moore. But steal anymore of my fruit and I will stab you with this spork."

"Oh! Look!" I pointed past my friend's scarlet hair out the window, and used her distraction to furtively swipe another piece of her pineapple before becoming side-tracked myself by the vista below the plane. We were flying over the western corner of the Gulf of Carpentaria, and the sea below us drew together in a perfect right angle, just like a roughly drawn map of Australia. The dusky tan of the land met the silty aqua water, and the whole view was so beautiful I felt like crying.

An hour later, we stepped out of the airport and a wave of hot wind blasted us in the face. "Goddamn!" Heather swore, clutching at the hem of her pretty summer dress as it rose in the air. "That's so freaking hot!"

"Welcome to the Northern Territory, ladies," grinned a dark-skinned cab driver. "What did you expect? Quick, jump in!"

Heather had explained that the particular workplace we'd been allocated for the week didn't open until lunch, so we had enough time to swing by our rented house and throw the bags into the garage, before heading down Mitchell Street, the main drag of Darwin.

The city centre reminded me of Surfer's Paradise, the beachside tourist destination we'd just left – only, it was about twice as hot. The noon sun blazed down onto the street, which shimmered in radiated heat while tourists slathered in zinc dashed between cheap souvenir shops. Indigenous Australians ambled around quietly, smart enough to know that moving fast only made you hotter.

We pulled up out the front of a grimy shop, the windows decorated in swirling black designs and the sign reading, 'Croc-INK-dile.'

"Heather, what is this place?"

"Come in and see," she said cryptically, before opening the door of the cab and cursing loudly at the wall of heat that immediately slammed us.

We hustled inside hastily, the strong air-conditioning like a soothing balm after the temperature on the street. I absorbed the store interior: black and white tiled floor, the walls covered with drawings, photos and sketches, and behind the counter, several people lay flat on beds while others worked over them with glinting needles.

"Holy shit! Evi Moore! In my shop!" A muscular woman with green and black hair and arms like the Hulk barrelled towards us. "I never really believed it would happen! Come here, you!"

She reached me and enveloped my body in a crushing hug. Squeezed inside the death grip of her tattooed arms, I squeaked, "Nice to meet you, uhh..."

Her accent was strong, a true Aussie drawl that clung to her vowels as she answered, "I'm Shelley, love, and this is me tattoo parlour!"

Heather was grinning behind me. "Surprise! I'll leave you guys to it – I'm going to go buy groceries and stock up the house for the week. Call me when you're done!"

"She'll be right, mate, don't you even worry." Shelley drew me forward into the store as Heather left. Whether I would be right or not, I was in it now.

I tried to make the best of it. "Wow, a tattoo parlour, cool. I've just come from a week at a cosmetic surgery clinic on the Gold Coast, so this is a bit of a change."

Shelley bellowed with laughter. I could see inside her mouth, where even her gums were tattooed. "So, you've been swanning it up by the beach with a bunch of hoity-toity beauty queens? Follow me, sweet-cheeks. I'll introduce you to a whole new paradigm of beautiful."

So many comments on the last chapter!  The most so far for the whole book.  Some of them made me giggle, some made me cringe.  I know we're all invested in Evi, but after there's been so much talk in this story about non-judgement, it was fascinating to see so many "Taylor must DIE" comments, or people immediately writing Matt off as a scumbag.  Thanks goodness Evi has matured in this tale enough to face the situation between Matt and Taylor without flipping out.

Please let me know what you think of Taylor's news, how you feel about Evi giving Matt some space or what you think about Matt's dedication to Taylor even when he wasn't really in love with her.  And then, please vote by hitting the little star!  It's easy to forgot when you need to vent your spleen :)

This chapter is dedicated to Morrisgirl, who has been a huge supporter of my work and a wonderful commenter.  Her brain is obviously aligned with mine, as it was her comment on the previous chapter which pushed Taylor's story to the next level.  Love your work!

There is a map attached as a pic to this chapter, so you can all see where Darwin is.  Thanks so much for reading and supporting this tale - honestly, your comments and stream of consciousness allow me to better gauge where to take Evi's story and her reactions, so thanks for keeping me honest and on track!  xxoo Kate