Lorenzo: Chapter 29

My blood is damn near boiling when I walk into the library and slam the door closed behind me. She spins around, her face a mixture of shock and surprise. Like she didn’t know this would happen. This is exactly what she wanted, right? To provoke me enough that I’d beg her to stay?

She opens her mouth to say something, but I don’t allow her the courtesy. “Is this some kind of punishment?” I ask with a snarl, crossing the room in a few strides until I’m standing so close to her that I can smell that damn sweet scent of hers. Jasmine and lemon.

Her forehead wrinkles with confusion. “What?”

“You heard what I fucking said, Mia.”

She puts her hands on her hips. “I heard you, but I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“It’s a pretty simple fucking question. You asking Dante to get you a fake identity. Is that payback for what happened yesterday?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she huffs.

I fold my arms over my chest so I don’t put my hands on her. If I touch her, it’s likely to only end one way. “So what the hell are you playing at? Because it feels like you’re doing this to prove some kind of point. Were you hoping I’d ask you to stay?”

Backing up, she scowls. “I need to leave. That’s why I went to Dante.”

“If this is truly about you leaving, why not ask me to get you the fake papers?”

“You seriously have to ask me that?” Mia scoffs.

“I just fucking did, didn’t I?”

“Ugh! For a man who’s so intuitive, you’re incredibly blind.”

What the fuck is she talking about?

“I didn’t ask you because I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. You would’ve looked at me that way you do and I’d have completely lost my nerve. I had to ask Dante or I never would have done it. I couldn’t have summoned the courage to leave and I need to.”

“Why? Because I snapped at you?”

“Mother of bananas, give me strength,” she mutters, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Why do I feel like I’m missing something here? “Mia!” I shout, frustrated.

She flings her arms down by her sides and yells, “I’m leaving because I’m in love with you, Lorenzo.”

I stagger backward, feeling like I’ve been sucker punched.

She softens her tone. “And I know that you can never love me like that.” Closing the space between us, she places her hand on my cheek, and her touch soothes me in a way nothing else ever has. For the first time in two years, the constantly simmering rage dissolves, as though her light traveled through her fingertips and seeped into me, just enough to smooth the edges of my fractured heart and soul. “And I would never ask you to. But if I stay here, I’ll convince myself that I can survive on any scraps of affection you throw my way. Don’t I deserve more than that, Lorenzo?”

She does deserve more than I can give her. She deserves every-fucking-thing. “Yes.” The word burns my mouth like acid.

“I want the whole package. I want kids and maybe even to get married again one day. I want a man who looks at me like he’d hang the moon if I asked him to. And if I stay here much longer, I’ll never summon the strength to leave and find that for myself.”

I stare at her, wanting her to stay but knowing that I must let her leave. She’s far too good for an angry, black-hearted monster like me. She has too much to offer this world to waste any of her love on me. “I’m sorry, sunshine.”

She gives me a smile that would melt my fucking heart if I had one. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I will never be sad about loving you, Lorenzo Moretti. I’ll never regret a single second that I’ve known you. Just because this is the end of our story doesn’t mean that it has to be all tears and sadness. I’m seeing it as the start of a new adventure. A chance for me to begin again, with a better understanding of myself and the kind of love that I’ve discovered I want.”

There’s a deep, gaping wound in my chest. Is she talking about the submissive lifestyle? About the things I’ve done to her body that she’s realized she enjoys now? Why does the thought of her finding that with someone else shred through every single part of me like shards of glass?

“What about Brad? He’s still out there,” I remind her.

“He always will be.” She shrugs. “I refuse to live in fear of him forever. I’m going to start a new life with a whole new identity, and I’ll do what I can to keep myself safe, but existing in terror behind these four walls isn’t what I want. Being a prisoner here wouldn’t be all that different from the life I left in Boston.”

She’s right. She’s too free-spirited to be contained. For the past few weeks, I’ve been a curious child who caught an exotic bird and kept her in a cage to admire her beauty. It’s time to let her go and watch her fly. “And besides,” she adds as she looks around the library, “I’ve finished sorting through your mom’s things. It seems like the perfect time to move on. I hope it feels less cluttered when you’re working in here now … and I hope you think of me sometimes.”

I glance around the library, and a ball of emotion wells up from my chest, sticking in my throat. I will surely think of her every time I set foot in this room. I’m selfish enough to ask her to stay. And if I asked, she’d let me lock her in this gilded cage.

But could I live with myself if I clipped her wings by denying her the life that will allow her to soar? I can never offer her what she needs, or what she deserves—

Mia’s mouth opens and promptly snaps shut, and she looks down like she’s afraid to say what’s on her mind. But this is Mia—keeping her thoughts to herself when she’s got something to say isn’t her strong suit. “I know you think you’re some tough guy with these walls you’ve built, but you’re letting fear hold you back. It takes real bravery to open your heart and start again.”

“You think I’m afraid? Of what? You?”

“I think you’re afraid of feeling anything for anyone, Lorenzo. Of loving again. But love is always worth the risk. Even if your heart gets broken in the process. What’s the point of living if you won’t let your heart soar?”

“I could never love anyone the way that I loved her.”

Sorrow clouding her hazel eyes, she shakes her head. “I know you believe that.”