From Blood and Ash: Chapter 20

“‘After years of destruction that had decimated entire cities, leaving countrysides and villages in ruins, and ending hundreds of thousands of lives, the world was on the brink of chaos when, on the eve of the Battle of Broken Bones, Jalara Solis of Vodina Isles gathered his forces outside the city of Pompay, the last Atlantian stronghold. ’” I cleared my throat, wildly uncomfortable. Not only was that the longest sentence in the history of man, I always hated reading out loud, but especially when I had Hawke as an audience. I hadn’t looked at him since I’d started reading. Still, I was almost positive that he was doing everything in his power to remain alert and not be bored into falling asleep while standing. “‘Which sat at the foot of the Skotos Mountains—’”

“Skotos,” Priestess Analia interrupted. “It’s pronounced like Skotis. You know how it’s pronounced, Maiden. Do so correctly.”

My fingers tightened around the leather binding. The History of The War of Two Kings and the Kingdom of Solis was well over a thousand pages, and every week, I was forced to read several chapters during my sessions with the Priestess. I’d probably read the entire tome aloud over a dozen times, and I swore that each time, the Priestess changed the way Skotos was pronounced.

I didn’t say that. Instead, I took a deep, long breath and tried to ignore the almost overwhelming urge to throw the book at her face. It would do some damage. Probably break her nose. The image of her clasping her bloodied face brought forth a disturbing amount of glee.

I smothered a yawn as I concentrated on the text. Having been up most of the night thinking about what the Duchess had told me, I’d gotten little sleep.

And like I’d told Vikter, I’d gotten few answers. But it had been a relief to learn that what was happening wasn’t something that my mind was conjuring up. My abilities were maturing, whatever that meant. The Duchess hadn’t wanted to discuss it further. So, while I knew that what was happening was somewhat normal, I was also left with the knowledge that the first Maiden had done something that had put her on a path to interact with the Dark One, who’d killed her.

That wasn’t exactly reassuring.

Neither was the knowledge that the first Maiden was somehow connected to the Duke. Was that why he treated me as he did? Perhaps it had nothing to do with my mother.

I drew in a shallow breath. “‘‘Which sat at the foot of the Skotis Mountains—’”

“It’s actually pronounced Skotos,” came the interruption from the corner of the room.

My eyes widened behind the veil as I looked over to Hawke. His face was all but devoid of expression. I glanced at the Priestess, who sat across from me on an equally hard, cushion-less wooden stool.

I had no idea how old the Priestess was. Her face was bare of makeup and smooth, but I thought that she might be at the end of her third decade of life. There were no gray strands in her brown hair that was sharply pulled back and held in a bun at the nape of her neck, causing her face to remind me of the hawks that I sometimes saw perched up high in the Queen’s Gardens. A shapeless red gown covered her from just under her neck, leaving only her hands visible.

I’d never seen the woman smile.

And she was definitely not smiling now as she looked over her shoulder at Hawke. “And how would you know?” Derision dripped from her tone like acid.

“My family originates from the farmlands not too far from Pompay, before the area was destroyed and became the Wastelands we know today,” he explained. “My family and others from that area have always pronounced the mountain range as the Maiden first said.” He paused. “The language and accent of those from the far west can be difficult…for some to master. The Maiden, however, appears to not fall into that group.”

I was confident that my eyes were about to pop out of my face in response to the obvious insult. I bit down on my lip to stop myself from grinning.

Priestess Analia’s already stiff shoulders jerked back as she stared at Hawke. I could practically see the steam coming out of her ears. “I did not realize I asked for your thoughts,” she spoke, tone as withering as her stare.

“My apologies.” He bowed his head in submission, but it was the poorest attempt at it because his amber eyes all but danced with amusement.

She nodded. “Apology—”

“I just didn’t want the Maiden to sound uneducated if any discussion were to arise about the Skotos Mountains,” he tacked on.

Oh, my gods…

“But I will remain quiet from here on out,” Hawke said. “Please, continue, Maiden. You have such a lovely reading voice that even I find myself enthralled with the history of Solis.”

I wanted to laugh. It was building in my throat, threatening to burst free, but I couldn’t let it. My grip loosened on the edges of the book. “‘Which sat at the foot of the Skotos Mountains, the gods had finally chosen a side.’” When the Priestess said nothing, I continued. “‘Nyktos, the King of the gods, and his son Theon, the God of War, appeared before Jalara and his army. Having grown distrustful of the Atlantian people and their unnatural thirst for blood and power, they sought to aid in ending the cruelty and oppression that had reaped these lands under the rule of Atlantia.’” I took a breath.

“‘Jalara Solis and his army were brave, but Nyktos, in his wisdom, saw that they could not defeat the Atlantians, who had risen to godlike strength through the bloodletting of innocents—’”

“They killed hundreds of thousands over the time of their reign. Bloodletting is a gentle description of what they actually did. They bit people,” Priestess Analia elaborated, and when I looked up at her, there was a strange gleam to her dark brown eyes. “Drank their blood and became drunk with power—with strength and near immortality. And those they didn’t kill became the pestilence we now know as the Craven. That is who our beloved King and Queen bravely took a stance against and were prepared to die to overthrow.”

I nodded.

Her fingers were turning pink from how tightly she’d balled her hands where they rested in her lap. “Continue.”

I didn’t dare look at Hawke. “‘Unwilling to see the failure of Jalara of Vodina Isles, Nyktos gave the gods’ first Blessing, sharing with Jalara and his army the blood of the gods.” I shuddered. That was also another gentle term for drinking the blood of the gods. “Emboldened with the strength and power, Jalara Of Vodina Isles and his army were able to defeat the Atlantians during the Battle of Broken Bones, therefore ending the reign of the corrupt and wretched kingdom.’”

I started to turn the page, knowing the next chapter dealt with the Ascension of the Queen and the building of the first Rise.

“Why?” the Priestess demanded.

Confused, I looked over at her. “Why, what?”

“Why did you just shudder when you read the part about the Blessing?”

I hadn’t realized my action had been so noticeable. “I…” I didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t irritate the Priestess and end with her running back to the Duke.

“You seemed disturbed,” she pointed out, her tone softening. I knew better than to trust that. “What is it about the Blessing that would affect you so?”

“I’m not disturbed. The Blessing is an honor—”

“But you shuddered,” she persisted. “Unless you find the act of the Blessing pleasurable, am I not to assume that it disturbs you?”

Pleasurable? My face flamed red-hot, and I was grateful for the veil. “It’s just that…the Blessing seems to be similar to how the Atlantians became so powerful. They drank the blood of the innocent, and the Ascended drink the blood of the gods—”

“How dare you compare the Ascension to what the Atlantians have done?” The Priestess moved quickly, leaning forward and gripping my chin between her fingers. “It is not the same thing. Perhaps you’ve grown fond of the cane, and you purposely strive to disappoint not only me but also the Duke.”

The moment her skin touched mine, I locked down my senses. I didn’t want to know if she felt pain or anything else.

“I didn’t say that it was,” I said, seeing Hawke step forward. I swallowed. “Just that it reminded me of—”

“The fact that you think of those two things in the same thought greatly concerns me, Maiden. The Atlantians took what was not given. During the Ascension, the blood is offered freely by the gods.” Her grip tightened, bordering on painful, and my gift stretched against my skin, almost as if it wanted to be used. “That is not something that I should have to explain to the future of the kingdom, to the legacy of the Ascended.”

For as long as I could remember, everyone said that—even Vikter—and it grated on my nerves and sat like a boulder on my shoulders. “The future of the entire kingdom rests on me being given to the gods upon my nineteenth birthday?”

Her already thin lips became almost non-existent.

“What would happen if I didn’t Ascend?” I demanded, thinking of the first Maiden. It hadn’t sounded like she’d Ascended, and everyone was still here. “How would that stop the others from Ascending? Would the gods refuse to give their blood so freely—”

I sucked in a sharp gasp as the Priestess cocked her hand back. It wouldn’t be the first time she had smacked me, but this time, the stinging blow didn’t land.

Hawke had moved so fast that I hadn’t seen him leave the corner. But now, he had the Priestess’s wrist in his grasp. “Remove your fingers from the Maiden’s chin. Now.”

Priestess Analia’s eyes had grown wide as she stared up at Hawke. “How dare you touch me?”

“How dare you lay a single finger on the Maiden?” His jaw flexed as he glared down at the woman. “Perhaps I was not clear enough for you. Remove your hand from the Maiden, or I will act upon your attempt to harm her. And I can assure you, me touching you will be the least of your concerns.”

I might’ve stopped breathing as I watched them. No one had ever intervened during one of the Priestess’s tirades. Tawny couldn’t. If she did, she would face worse, and I’d never expect nor want that. Rylan had often turned in the other direction, as did Hannes. Even Vikter had never been so bold. He’d usually find a way to interrupt, to stop the situation from escalating. But I’d been slapped on more than one occasion in front of him, and there was nothing he could do.

But Hawke now stood between us, clearly prepared to follow through on his threat. And while I knew I would most likely pay for this later, as would he, I wanted to jump up and hug him. Not because he had protected me—I’d been slapped harder by stray branches while walking through Wisher’s Grove. There was a far pettier reason. Seeing the Priestess’s usual smugness vanish under the weight of shock and witnessing the way her mouth hung open and how her cheeks mottled with red was almost as satisfying as throwing the book in her face.

Vibrating with rage, she let go of my chin, and I leaned back. Hawke released her wrist, but he remained there. Her chest rose and fell under the gown as she placed both hands flat on her legs.

She turned her head to me. “The mere fact that you would even speak such a thing shows that you have no respect for the honor bestowed upon you. But when you go to the gods, you’ll be treated with as much respect as you have shown today.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“This session is over,” she answered instead, rising from her seat. “I have too much to do with the Rite only two days away. I have no time to spend with someone as unworthy as you.”

I saw Hawke’s eyes narrow, and I stood, placing the book on the stool as I spoke before Hawke could. “I’m ready to return to my chambers,” I said to him and then nodded at the Priestess. “Good day.”

She didn’t respond, and I started for the door, relieved when Hawke fell into step behind me. I waited until we were halfway across the banquet hall before speaking.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” I told him.

“I should’ve allowed her to hit you? In what world would that have been acceptable?”

“In a world where you end up punished for something that wouldn’t even have hurt.”

“I don’t care if she hits like a baby mouse, this world is fucked up if anyone finds that acceptable.”

Eyes widening, I stopped and looked at him. His eyes were like shards of amber, his jaw just as hard. “Is it worth losing your position over and being ostracized for?”

He glared down at me. “If you even have to ask that question, then you don’t know me at all.”

“I hardly know you at all,” I whispered, irritated by the sting his words left behind.

“Well, now you know that I will never stand by and watch someone hit you or any person for no reason other than they feel they can,” he shot back.

I started to tell him that he was being ridiculous and was missing the point, but he wasn’t being ridiculous. This world we lived in was messed up, and the gods knew that wasn’t the first time I’d thought that. But it had never hit me with such clarity before.

Silent, I turned from him and started walking. He was right beside me. Several moments passed. “It’s not like I’m okay with how she treats me. It took everything in me not to throw the book at her.”

“I wish you had.”

I almost laughed. “If I had, she would’ve reported me. She’ll probably report you.”

“To the Duke? Let her.” He shrugged. “I can’t imagine that he’s okay with her striking the Maiden.”

I snorted. “You don’t know the Duke.”

“What do you mean?”

“He would probably applaud her,” I said. “They share a lack of control when it comes to their tempers.”

“He’s hit you,” Hawke stated. “Is that what she meant when she said that you’d grown fond of the cane?” He grabbed my arm, turning me to face him. “Has he used a cane on you?”

The disbelief and anger filling those golden eyes sent a wave of nausea through me. Oh, gods. Realizing what I’d basically just admitted, I felt the blood drain from my face and then rapidly flood back in. I pulled at my arm, and he let go. “I didn’t say that.”

He was staring straight ahead, his jaw flexing. “What were you saying?”

“J-just that the Duke is more likely to punish you than he is the Priestess. I have no idea what she meant by the cane,” I continued in a rush. “She sometimes says things that make no sense.”

Hawke glanced down at me, his lashes lowered. “I must’ve misread what you said then.”

I nodded, relieved. “Yes. I just don’t want you to get into trouble.”

“And what about you?”

“I’ll be fine,” I was quick to say as I started walking again, aware of the darting glances passing servants sent our way. “The Duke will just…give me a lecture, make it a lesson, but you would face—”

“I’ll face nothing,” he said, and I wasn’t so sure about that. “Is she always like that?”

I sighed. “Yes.”

“The Priestess seems like a…” He paused, and I glanced over at him. His lips were pursed. “A bitch. I don’t say that often, but I say it now. Proudly.”

Nearly choking on my laugh, I looked away. “She…she is something, and she’s always disappointed in my…commitment to being the Maiden.”

“Exactly how are you supposed to prove you are?” he asked. “Better yet, what are you supposed to be committed to?”

I almost jumped on him in that moment and wrapped my arms around him. I didn’t, because it would be grossly inappropriate. Instead, I gave him a sedate nod. “I’m not quite sure. It’s not like I’m trying to run away or escape my Ascension.”

“Would you?”

“Funny question,” I muttered, my heart still thumping from what I’d almost exposed.

“It was a serious one.”

My heart lurched in my chest as I stopped in the narrow, short hall and approached one of the windows that faced the courtyard. I stared up at Hawke, and everything about him said that it was, in fact, a genuine inquiry. “I can’t believe you’d ask that.”

“Why?” He came to stand behind me.

“Because I couldn’t do that,” I told him. “I wouldn’t.”

“It seems to me that this honor that has been bestowed upon you comes with very few benefits. You’re not allowed to show your face or travel anywhere outside the castle grounds. You didn’t even seem all that surprised when the Priestess moved to strike you. That leads me to believe it’s something fairly common,” he said, his brows dark slashes above his eyes. “You are not allowed to speak to most, and you are not to be spoken to. You’re caged in your room most of the day, your freedom restricted. All the rights others have are privileges for you, rewards that seem impossible for you to earn.”

I opened my mouth, but I didn’t know what to say. He’d pointed out all that I didn’t have, and made it so painfully clear. I looked away.

“So, I wouldn’t be surprised if you did try to escape this honor,” he finished.

“Would you stop me if I did?” I asked.

“Would Vikter?”

I frowned, not even sure I wanted to know why he’d asked that, but I answered honestly anyway. “I know Vikter cares about me. He’s like…he’s like I imagine my father would have been if he were still alive. And I’m like Vikter’s daughter, who never got to take a breath. But he would stop me.”

Hawke said nothing.

“So, would you?” I repeated.

“I think I would be too curious to find out exactly how you planned to escape to stop you.”

I coughed out a short laugh. “You know, I actually believe that.”

“Will she report you to the Duke?” he asked after a moment.

Pressure settled on my chest as I looked at him. He was staring out the window. “Why would you ask?”

“Will she?” he asked instead.

“Probably not,” I said, lying all too easily. The Priestess probably went straight to the Duke. “She’s too busy with the Rite. Everyone is.” As the Duke would be, so I might get lucky and at least have a delay between now and when I would inevitably be summoned. Hopefully, that meant that Hawke would also get lucky. If he were removed from his post, it was unlikely that I would ever see him again.

The sadness that thought brought forth meant that it was far past time to change the subject. “I’ve never been to a Rite.”

“And you’ve never snuck into one?”

I dipped my chin. “I’m offended that you’d even suggest such a thing.”

He chuckled. “How bizarre that I could think that you, who has a history of misbehaving, would do such a thing.”

I grinned at that.

“You haven’t missed much, to be honest. There’s a lot of talking, a bunch of tears, and too much drinking.” His gaze slid to mine. “It’s after the Rite where things can get…interesting. You know how it is.”

“I don’t know,” I reminded him, even though I had an idea of what he spoke of. Tawny had told me that once the ritual of the Rite was completed, and the Mistresses and stewards took the new Ladies and Lords in Wait, and the Priests left with the third daughters and sons, the celebration changed. It became more…frantic and raw. Or at least that was what I’d interpreted from Tawny, but it seemed too bizarre to imagine the Ascended being involved in anything like that. They were always so…cold.

“But you know how easy it is to be yourself when you wear a mask.” His voice was low as his gaze held mine. “How anything you want becomes achievable when you can pretend that no one knows who you are.”

Warmth infused my cheeks. Yes, I did know that, and how kind of him to remind me. “You shouldn’t bring that up.”

His head tilted. “No one is close enough to overhear.”

“That doesn’t matter. You…we shouldn’t talk about that.”

“Ever?”

I started to say yes, but something stopped me. I pulled my gaze from his. Outside the window, the violet-hued butterfly bushes stirred softly in the breeze.

Hawke was quiet for several moments before asking, “Would you like to go back to your room?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Not particularly.”

“Would you like to go out there instead?”

“You think it would be safe?”

“Between you and me, I would think so.”

The corners of my lips lifted. I liked that he’d included me, acknowledging that I could hold my own. “I used to love the courtyard. It was the one place where, I don’t know, my mind was quiet, and I could just be. I didn’t think or worry…about anything. I found it so very peaceful.”

“But not anymore?”

“No,” I whispered. “Not anymore. It’s strange how no one speaks of Rylan or Malessa. It’s almost as if they never existed.”

“Sometimes remembering those who died means facing your own mortality,” he said.

“Do you think the Ascended are uncomfortable with the idea of death?”

“Even them,” he answered. “They may be godlike, but they can be killed. They can die.”

Neither of us spoke for several minutes as servants and others passed behind us. Several Ladies in Wait had stopped and pretended to take in the view of the garden while talking about the Rite, but I knew they were lingering near where we stood not because of the stunning flowers and lush greenery or because it was so rare for me to be seen, but because of the beautiful man who stood beside me. He seemed unaware of them, and even though I kept my gaze forward, I could feel his stare every couple of moments. Eventually, one of the Mistresses came along, shooing the Ladies away, and we were left alone once more.

“Are you excited about attending the Rite?”

“I am curious,” I admitted. The Rite was only two days away.

“I’m curious to see you.”

My lips parted on a soft inhale. I didn’t dare look at him. If I did, I feared I’d do something incredibly stupid. Something that the first Maiden could’ve done that had made the Duchess feel that she was unworthy.

“You’ll be unveiled.”

“Yes.” I also wouldn’t be expected to wear the color white. It would almost be like going to the Red Pearl because I would be able to blend in, and no one would know who I was—what I was. “But I will be masked.”

“I prefer that version of you,” he said.

“The masked version of myself?” I asked, guessing that he was thinking of our time at the Red Pearl.

“Honest?” His voice sounded closer, and when I took another deep breath, the scent of leather and pine surrounded me. “I prefer the version of you that wears no mask or veil.”

I opened my mouth, but as was becoming commonplace where Hawke was concerned, I didn’t know what to say. It felt like I should discourage such statements, but those words wouldn’t come to the surface either, just as they hadn’t before.

So, I did the only thing I could think of. I changed the subject. “I remember you said your father was a farmer.” I cleared my throat. “Do you have any other siblings? Any Lords in Wait in the family? A sister? Or…” I rambled on. “There’s only Ian for me—I mean, I only have one brother. I’m excited to see him again. I miss him.”

Hawke was quiet for so long that I had to look to make sure he was still there and still breathing. He was. He stared down at me, his amber eyes cool. “I had a brother.”

“Had?” My senses stretched out, and I didn’t even have a chance to control them. I opened myself up, and I locked my legs to stop myself from taking a step back. I didn’t feel anything strange, but I felt Hawke’s anguish, the bitterly cold pain that pelted my skin. It was sharper. This was where his pain stemmed from.

He’d lost a brother.

I reacted without thought to what he would think or to the fact that we were not alone. It was an uncontrollable urge, as if the gift itself had a hold of me.

I touched just his hand with mine and squeezed it in hopes that it would be construed as a gesture of sympathy. “I’m sorry,” I said, and I thought of warm beaches and salty air. Those thoughts quickly changed to how I’d felt when Hawke had kissed me.

The taut lines of Hawke’s expression smoothed out as he stared out the window. He blinked, not once but twice.

Lifting my fingers from his, I clasped my hands together, hoping that he hadn’t realized that I’d done something. He stood there, though, as if he’d been struck immobile. I lifted my brows. “Are you okay?”

He blinked again. This time, he laughed softly. “Yes. It’s…I just had the strangest feeling.”

“Is that so?” I watched him closely.

Hawke nodded as he rubbed the palm of his hand over his chest. “I don’t even know how to explain it.”

Now I was starting to worry that I’d somehow done something other than relieve his pain. What, I wasn’t sure, but if my gifts were evolving, anything was possible. I reached out with my senses once more, and all I felt in return was warmth. “Is it a bad feeling? Should we find a Healer?”

“No. Not at all.” Hawke’s laugh was stronger then, less uncertain. His eyes, now a warm honey, met mine. “My brother is not dead, by the way. So, no need for sympathy.”

Now it was my turn to blink repeatedly. “Oh? I just thought…” I trailed off.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like to visit the garden?”

Thinking it was far past time for me to lock myself away before I did yet another reckless thing, I shook my head. “I think I would like to go back to my room now.”

He hesitated for a moment but then nodded. Neither of us spoke as we made our way. Apparently, Hawke was trying to figure out why he felt…happier, lighter. And I was left wondering what exactly had happened to his brother to cause that kind of reaction, especially if his brother was still alive.