From Blood and Ash: Chapter 34

Some hours later, a noise stirred me from sleep. I was on my side, and a long, warm body was wrapped around mine. One leg was thrust between my thighs, and I was tangled in arms. Although I was still half-asleep, every part of me immediately became aware of the unfamiliar sensations of being in someone’s hold. The feeling of skin against skin, the rough, short hairs against my flesh, the biceps under my head, and the warm breath glancing off my cheek. All of it was wonderful and new. Even with the cobwebs of sleep still clouding my thoughts, I knew this feeling wouldn’t be something easy to walk away from.

The last thing I remembered was lying facing Hawke, him toying with my hair while he told me how he’d gotten some of his smaller scars. Most of them had been earned through fighting, though a few were from when he was a reckless, adventurous child. I’d meant to share with him the truth about some of mine, but I must’ve drifted off.

Hawke shifted behind me, lifting his head as the sound came again. It was a soft knock on the door. Carefully, he slipped his leg out from between mine. He stilled for a second, and then I felt his fingertips on my arm. They coasted down and then over the flare of my hip to where the blanket lay. He tugged it up over my chest as he eased himself free, making sure the pillow had replaced his arm under my head. A sleepy, pleased smile tugged at my lips.

The bed dipped as he rose, and I heard him stop by the foot of the bed. I blinked open my eyes. One of the oil lamps still burned, casting a soft buttery glow around the room. It was still pitch-black beyond the small window, though I saw Hawke straighten as he pulled on his breeches, leaving them unbuttoned. My stomach dipped at the sight. He went to the door like that, shirtless and half-undressed. Wouldn’t that make it obvious to whoever was out there what had transpired in here?

I waited for the panic to set in, the concern and fear of being discovered in a very compromising, forbidden position.

It didn’t come.

Maybe it was because I was still only half-awake. Perhaps the pleasant languidness in my muscles had somehow infiltrated my brain and melted my common sense.

Maybe I just didn’t care about being caught.

Hawke cracked open the door, and whoever was outside spoke too low for me to hear. I didn’t pick up Hawke’s response, but I saw that he accepted something he had been handed. He was only at the door for a couple of moments before he closed it again, placing whatever he carried on the chair.

Seeing that I was awake, he came to my side. Wordlessly, he reached down, catching a strand of hair and brushing it back from my face.

“Hi,” I whispered, closing my eyes as I pressed my cheek to his palm. “Is it time to get up?”

“No.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine. I just need to go handle something,” he answered. I opened my eyes. He stared down at me as he dragged his thumb across my cheek, just under the scar. “You don’t need to get up yet.”

“Are you sure?” I yawned.

A faint grin appeared. “I am, Princess. Sleep.” He tucked the blanket around me once more and then rose. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

I wanted to say something, somehow acknowledge what had transpired between us, and what it meant to me, but I wasn’t sure how to say it, and my eyes were getting heavy. I fell back to sleep, but I didn’t stay there long. I woke for a second time, the lamp still burning, and the bed empty beside me.

Stretching my limbs, I pressed my lips together at the strange, dull ache between my legs. I didn’t need the reminder of last night, but there it was. I glanced around the room, my gaze snagging on the chair. My clothing was folded there. Had it been Magda who’d come to the door? Or someone else? Either way, whoever it was, the state of undress in which Hawke had answered the door revealed everything.

I bit down on my lip as I lay there, staring at the small window. Like before, there was no panic or dread. People talked. One way or another, what had happened here would travel beyond the cobblestone streets. It would eventually make its way to the capital, and then to the Queen. Even if by some small chance it didn’t, the gods had to know that I was no longer an actual maiden. Whether or not that meant I was still the Maiden in their eyes, I had no idea.

But I was no longer the Maiden in mine.

I couldn’t go back to that life.

A brief burst of fear pierced my chest, but that was okay because a surge of determination quickly doused it like water does flames.

I wouldn’t go back to that life of no rights, of hiding my gift and being unable to help people, of allowing others to do whatever they wanted with me and to me because I had no choice or was constantly put in a position where I had to accept whatever was done out of fear for someone else. Because even though I knew the Queen would never treat me poorly, I would still be expected to hide my gift, to be quiet and unseen, amicable, and appeasing. Every single one of those things went against the very core of my nature.

I couldn’t Ascend.

And that meant there were two options ahead of me. I either attempted to disappear and hid—living behind the veil for so long would be a benefit here since so few people knew what I looked like. However, there were enough that could give a description. I was sure that every city and town would be notified to keep an eye out for me, but I knew how to remain unseen.

But where would I go? How would I survive? And what would happen to Hawke if I disappeared while he was supposed to be escorting me?

I didn’t assume that my now very unknown, uncertain future included Hawke. However, my chest still fluttered. What we’d shared last night had to mean something more than simply seeking physical gratification. He could find that anywhere, but he had chosen me.

And I chose him.

That had to mean something that went beyond last night—something that I never thought I’d get the chance to experience.

Whether or not Hawke was a part of my life or not, the only other option was to go to the Queen and be honest. Now that scared me because I…I didn’t want to disappoint her. But she had to understand. She had with my mother, and I was the Queen’s favorite. She had to understand that I couldn’t be this. And if she didn’t, I needed to make her.

Sitting up, I kept the blanket wrapped around me.

I knew what I couldn’t do, but I didn’t know what that meant in the long-term for the kingdom or for me. The sky outside the window started to lighten. I would talk to Hawke about it, and I wouldn’t wait. He needed to know, and I wanted to know what he thought.

What he’d say.

Knowing that dawn was fast approaching, I rose and got ready, using the remaining water to quickly wash up. The water was cold, but since I had no idea when we’d have access to clean water again, I wasn’t complaining. Relieved to be wearing clean clothes, I strapped the dagger to my thigh. I was just finishing braiding my hair when the knock came.

Figuring Hawke would’ve just come in, I approached with caution. “Yes?”

“It’s Phillips,” came the familiar voice.

I opened the door, and he rushed in, forcing me back as he closed the door behind him. He turned, his cloak parting to reveal his hand on the hilt of his sword.

Warning bells went off as I took a step back.

“Are you alone?” he demanded, his gaze going to the bathing room.

“Yes.” My heart kicked up. “Has something happened?”

He turned back to me, his eyes wide. “Where is Hawke?”

“I…I don’t know. What’s going on?”

“Something about this place isn’t right.”

My brows lifted.

“Things haven’t been right about this whole damn thing. Should’ve listened to my instincts. They’ve kept me alive this whole time, but I didn’t listen this time,” he rattled on as he went to where a small saddlebag was placed. “I did some looking around here. Didn’t see one single Ascended. And Lord Halverston? Seen no evidence of the Royal.”

“I was told he’s hunting with his men,” I assured him. “I asked Magda where he was yesterday.”

My bag in hand, he faced me, his dark brows arched. “What Ascended do you know that would go hunting?”

“I don’t know any that would, but we don’t know every Ascended.”

“You know who we don’t know? This Kieran fellow.” He stopped in front of me. “We know nothing about him.”

Confused by where he was going with all of this, I shook my head. “I don’t know any of you.”

Except for Hawke. Him, I knew.

“You’re not understanding what I’m saying. I’ve never seen Kieran. Not until the morning he showed up at the Rise. Couldn’t get anything from him other than that he worked in the capital. Everything else was short, vague answers.”

I recalled how I’d seen them speaking often throughout the trip. Still, Kieran’s unwillingness to answer questions from a stranger meant nothing. “A lot of guards are on the Rise. Do you know everyone?”

“I know enough to find it suspicious that a new transfer is part of the team tasked to escort the Maiden,” he stated. “He was personally requested by Hawke, another relatively new transfer that, somehow, in a matter of months, became one of the most important people in the entire kingdom’s Royal Guard.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. “What are you talking about?”

“Hawke is another that no one knows hardly anything about. But he showed up, and now you’re down not one but two personal Royal Guards.”

My mouth dropped. “I was there when both Rylan and Vikter were killed—”

“And I know it’s not normal that several guards were passed over to become your guard in favor of a boy who’s barely a man,” he cut me off. “I don’t care what recommendations he came to Masadonia with, or whatever the Commander said about him. Hawke requested Kieran, and here we are, in a keep where no Ascended can be found.”

“What are you trying to say, Phillips?”

“I’m trying to say this is a trap. We walked right out of the city with them and right into a godsdamn trap.”

“Them?” I whispered.

“Kieran,” he answered. “Hawke.”

For a moment, all I could do was stare at him.

“I know you don’t want to hear this. You and Hawke seem…close, but I’m telling you, Maiden, something is not right about this place or about them, and—”

“And what?”

“Evans and Warren are missing.” He referenced the two guards while looking back at the door. “Neither Luddie nor I have seen them since about an hour after we got here. They went to their assigned rooms, and now they have disappeared. Their beds have not been touched, and there’s been no sight of them anywhere in the keep.”

That… If it was true, it was not good. But what he was suggesting was unbelievable. I didn’t know Kieran, but I knew Hawke, and if Hawke trusted Kieran, then I did, too. So, what would Phillips have to gain by saying these things?

My skin chilled when the only option formed in my mind. Phillips had to be a Descenter. Shocked, I didn’t want to believe it, but I remembered how the Descenters at the Rite had been dressed for the celebration. They had been mingling with everyone the entire time. It wasn’t impossible.

Because nothing was.

And if Phillips was a Descenter, then this…this was bad. He was exceptionally well trained. Worse yet, he knew that I was armed and trained, as well, so I didn’t have the element of surprise. I also didn’t like the idea of being in this room alone with him, especially where I didn’t know who was nearby.

I needed to be around people.

“Okay. You’ve…you’ve been at Masadonia for a long time. And Vikter…he always had nothing but good things to say about you,” I told him. As far as I could remember, Vikter had never mentioned Phillips at all, but I needed him to believe me. I opened my senses then. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Thank the gods, you’re smart. I was afraid I would have to drag you out of here.” He glanced at the door once more as his emotions filtered through me. “We need to get out of here and fast.”

“And then what?” It took a moment for me to make sense of what I felt. There was no remarkable pain, but I tasted the tang of…fear.

“Come.” He motioned me toward the door, hand still on the hilt of his sword. He cracked the slab open and checked outside, too quick for me to take advantage of him having his back turned to me. “It’s clear.” His eyes met mine. “I want to believe that you know I’m telling you the truth, but I’m not stupid. I know you’re probably armed, and I know you can use it. So, I want you to keep your hands where I can see them. I don’t want to harm you, but I will incapacitate you if that means getting you out of this place and to somewhere safe.”

Being threatened didn’t exactly make me feel safe, but he was scared.

He was frightened. I knew that much as he stepped aside, and I realized that he wanted me in front of him. My hand twitched to reach for the dagger. What was he afraid of? Getting caught?

“Luddie and Bryant are waiting for us in the stables. They’re readying the horses.”

I nodded, stepping out into the hall just as the door at the other end of the hall opened.

Kieran walked out as cold air rippled down the corridor. Without my cloak, I wouldn’t make it far. Did Phillips not realize that? Or was that not relevant? Kieran came to a stop, his brows raised. “What are you doing out here?”

Before I could answer, I heard Phillips unsheathe his sword. My heart started pounding.

“What are you doing out here?” Phillips demanded. “It’s not time to leave.”

He started forward. “I was going to my room.” His gaze moved back to me. I didn’t think he realized that Phillips had readied his sword. “And you didn’t answer my question.”

Phillips was behind me, and I knew I had to be careful. He may want to keep me alive, but I was just as effective as a message if I were dead. He’d have the sword in my back before I could get a grip on my dagger.

I stared at Kieran silently, hoping to the gods that he was able to see what I couldn’t say.

He came forward, his hand casually going to the sword at his side. “What’s going on here?”

Phillips grabbed hold of my arm, tugging me back. He was fast as he thrust his sword forward. So was Kieran. He deflected the blow, but the deadly point of the blade was only knocked off course. Instead of penetrating his chest, it sliced into his stomach and leg. I cried out as Kieran stared down at himself—

The sound that came from Kieran as he stumbled back raised every single hair on my body. I froze. It started out as a low rumble that was not even remotely a sound a mortal should make. I’d heard it before—the night Rylan had been killed in the Queen’s Garden. The Descenter had made that same sound.

The rumble rose, turning into a deep growl that stole my breath. When he lifted his head, my heart nearly stopped.

His pale blue eyes…

They glowed iridescent in the dim light.

“You really shouldn’t have done that.” The voice that came out of him was garbled and all wrong as if his throat were full of gravel. “At all.”

Kieran tossed his sword aside, and it clattered off the wooden floorboards. I couldn’t understand why he’d throw down his weapon, but then I saw why.

He’d changed.

His skin seemed to thin and darken. His jaw popped up, elongating along with his nose. Bones cracked and reformed as fawn-colored fur sprouted from every inch of skin I could see. The tunic he wore split across his chest. His breeches tore as his knees bent. He pitched forward, fingers growing, claws replacing nails. Ears lengthened as he opened his mouth in a cold, violent snarl. Fangs punched out from his jaw as his hands—his paws—smacked down on the floor.

It took seconds—only seconds—and a man no longer stood before us. A huge creature stood on all fours, nearly as tall as Phillips in a solid mass of muscle and sleek fur. What I saw was impossible, what I saw was something that had been extinct for centuries, killed off during the War of Two Kings.

But I knew what Kieran was.

Oh, my gods.

Kieran was a wolven.

“Run!” Phillips shouted, grabbing hold of my arm.

I didn’t need to be told twice.

Phillips was utterly wrong about Hawke, but he wasn’t when it came to Kieran. There was obviously something incredibly not right about him.

Kieran’s claws scraped across wood as he lurched toward us, sweeping out and narrowly missing Phillips’ cloak. I ran faster than I’d ever run in my entire life. I looked over my shoulder as Phillips yanked open the door. Every instinct inside screamed for me not to, but I couldn’t stop myself. I looked.

The wolven leapt, twisting in midair. He landed on the wall. Claws dug into the stone, and then he launched himself off, landing halfway in the hall.

“Go!” Phillips tugged me into the stairwell in front of him.

The space was dark with only the faintest light to lead the way. My boots slipped over the stone. I grabbed the railing as I swung onto the landing, nearly falling. But I didn’t stop.

We blew through the final set of stairs and burst out the door, my brain finally spewing out something helpful, reminding me that I had a weapon. Bloodstone. It could kill a wolven if the heart or head were struck, just like a Craven.

My feet pounded off the frozen ground as I yanked the dagger free.

“The stables.” Phillips ran, his cloak billowing out behind him like waves of black water.

Hawke.

Had Kieran done something to Hawke? My heart lurched—

The howl from above shattered the early morning silence, jerking up my head just as the wolven came over the railing.

He landed on the ground behind us, letting out another spine-tingling howl.

From the woods or from the keep, I heard an answer. A roar that sent a bolt of cold terror through me.

There was more than one.

“Gods.” I gasped, pushing harder than I’d ever pushed before. There was no way I was leaving here without Hawke, but I needed to get as far away from that thing as possible. That was all I could focus on because if I slowed down for even half a second, he would be on me.

We rounded the corner, Phillips slipping but regaining his balance as we rushed toward the stables, not a single guard in sight, and that wasn’t right. There should be guards out at this time.

I saw Luddie and the other guard.

“Shut the doors!” Phillips shouted as we exploded into the stables, startling the saddled horses. “Shut the godsdamn doors!”

The two men turned as I skidded to a stop, whipping around. I knew the moment they saw the wolven.

“Holy shit,” Bryant whispered, the blood draining from his face.

Kieran was gaining on us.

I shot forward to one side of the doors just as Luddie and Bryant snapped out of their shock. Grasping one side along with Luddie, we swung it closed a second before Bryant and Phillips closed their side.

“Bar it!” yelled Luddie, and the other two turned, grabbing the heavy wooden support. They brought it down, and the wood groaned into place.

Panting, I backed up—I kept backing up until I walked into one of the poles. The hilt of the dagger pressed into my palm. I looked down at it, at the wolven bone—

I jumped as the large, double doors shuddered as the wolven crashed into them.

“Is that what I think it is?” someone asked. I think it was Bryant. “A wolven?”

“Unless you know of another large wolf-like creature, then yes.” Phillips turned as Kieran hit the door again, shaking the wooden slab. “That door isn’t going to last. Is there another way out?”

“There’s a back door.” Luddie came forward. “But the horses won’t fit through it.”

“Fuck the horses.” Bryant picked up his sword. “We get out of here, first and foremost.”

“Have you all seen Hawke? He was called away in the middle of the night,” I told them. Three sets of eyes settled on me, and I didn’t care what they thought. “Have any of you seen him?”

A wood board splintered as a clawed, fur-covered hand punched through. Kieran grabbed the chunk of wood, tearing it free.

“We need to go.” Phillips started for me.

I moved out of his way. “I’m not leaving until I find Hawke—”

“Did you just see what I saw?” Phillips demanded, his nostrils flaring. “You told me you understood what I was telling you. Hawke is one of them.”

“Hawke isn’t a wolven,” I argued. “He isn’t a part of that.” I pointed at the door as the wolven took out another section. “You were right about Kieran but not Hawke. Have either of you seen him?”

“I have.”

My head jerked toward the sound of the voice. A man stood in the shadows, and something…something inside me shrank back.

He stepped into the light. Shaggy brown hair. A trace of a beard. Pale, winter blue eyes. A flash of pure, unadulterated rage pulsed through me.

It was him.

The man who’d killed Rylan was here, and he smiled. “Told you I’d be seeing you again.”

My gaze flicked over him, and my brows rose as the three guards pointed their swords at him. “You seem to be missing a hand. I wish I had done that.”

He lifted his left arm that ended in a stump just above his wrist. “I manage.” Those eerie pale eyes flicked to me as the sounds of Kieran ceased behind us. I could only hope that was something that would put the odds of us walking out of this in our favor. “Remember my promise?”

“Bathe in my blood. Feast on my entrails,” I said. “I haven’t forgotten.”

“Good,” he rumbled, taking a step forward. “Because I’m about to make good on that promise.”

“Stay back!” Phillips demanded.

“He’s a wolven,” I warned, now knowing there were at least three at the keep.

“Smart girl,” the man said.

Phillips held his ground. “I don’t care what kind of ungodly creature you are, you take one more step, and it will be your last.”

“Ungodly?” He threw his head back and laughed, lifting his arms at his sides. “We are created in the gods’ very image. It is not us who are the ungodly ones.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself to feel better,” I replied, tightening my grip on the dagger. “The head or the heart, right, Phillips?”

“Yes.” Phillips dipped his chin. “Either will—”

Behind us, the slab splintered as the doors blew off their hinges, slamming into the sides of the barn. The horses reared, but tethered, they had no place to go. I twisted sideways, keeping my dagger pointed at the wolven as I looked, fully expecting to see Kieran tearing across the straw.

What I saw almost brought me to my knees.

“Hawke!” I cried out, too relieved to be embarrassed about how I sounded as I started toward him. “Thank the gods, you’re okay.”

“Stay back from him.” Phillips caught my arm.

I went to pull free of Phillips as I saw that Hawke carried something in his hand. It looked like a curved bow, but it was mounted to a handle of some sort, and a bolt was already nocked, somehow held in place. Whatever. It would work. “Kill him!” I shouted, slipping free of Phillips. “He was the one—”

A hulking shape appeared behind him, so huge it nearly reached Hawke’s chest. Kieran prowled toward him. My heartbeat stuttered. “Hawke, behind you!” I screamed.

Phillips caught me around the waist, dragging me back as Hawke lifted the strange bow. Kieran was almost on him, and I didn’t see any bloodstone on the bow. It wouldn’t kill him.

Hawke’s gaze met mine. “It’s okay.”

Without any warning, Phillips was torn away from me. I fell forward, landing on my knees. My braid slipped over my shoulder as I looked behind me, half expecting to see the wolven with Phillips in his grasp.

The wolven from the Queen’s Garden hadn’t moved, but Phillips…

Phillips was leaning against the pole, the sword lying on the straw. Wait. He was leaning because his feet weren’t even touching the ground, and something dark dripped onto the straw. I looked up.

I couldn’t even scream as my stomach roiled. Hawke had fired the bow. I hadn’t even seen him do it, but he had. The bolt had gone through Phillips’ mouth and through the pole, pinning him there.

Shuddering, I heard Luddie shouting. I dragged my gaze from Phillips as I turned back to Hawke.

In wolven form, Kieran stalked right past him, his large head low to the straw as he sniffed the air. Luddie charged him, but he lost his footing, falling forward.

I took a breath, but pressure squeezed it right back out of me.

Luddie hadn’t tripped.

The black bolt had caught him in the back. Stepping out from behind one of the horses was the guard who’d greeted us at the door the day before. Delano. He had those pale eyes, too. Eyes that I now knew belonged to the wolven. He lowered the bow.

Bryant bolted.

Spinning around, he made a run for it, but he didn’t make it far. Kieran crouched and then launched into the air. As sleek and as fast as any arrow—and just as accurate. He landed on Bryant’s back, taking him to the straw. The guard didn’t even have a chance to scream. The wolven bared his teeth and lunged—

I cranked my head away at the wet crunch that echoed through the barn.

Then there was silence.

I saw the man who’d killed Rylan stride forward, his long-legged pace loose and relaxed. He smirked down at me. “I’m so glad I’m here to witness this moment.”

“Shut up, Jericho,” Hawke replied, tone flat.

Slowly, I looked at Hawke. He stood where he’d stopped, the wind lifting and tossing those dark strands of hair back from his striking face. He appeared as he had when he left the room in the middle of the night, like he had hours before that when he’d kissed me, touched me, and held me in his arms.

But he stood there with a bloodied wolven standing next to him.

“Hawke?” I whispered, my free hand grasping at the damp straw under me.

He stared at me, and my gift came alive. The invisible cord reached out, forming a connection, and I felt…I felt nothing from him. No pain. No sadness. Nothing.

I drew back, my chest rising and falling. Something had to be wrong with my gift. Only the Ascended lacked emotions. Not mortals. Not Hawke. But it was like the connection had hit a brick wall as thick as the Rise.

As formidable as the wall I built around myself when I tried to keep my gift locked inside. Was he…was he blocking me? Was that even possible?

“Please tell me I can kill her,” Jericho said. “I know exactly what pieces I want to cut up and send back.”

“Touch her, and you’ll lose more than a hand this time.” The coldness in Hawke’s tone chilled me to my very soul. “We need her.” His gaze never left me. “Alive.”