chapter 11

The next morning, I awoke inside my car. I do not remember climbing back in the car or the

stray leaving. Maybe I was more intoxicated than I thought. The morning light was bright, forcing

me to squint while my eyes adjusted to the brightness. Reaching for my phone, I peered at the

screen. The battery was on three percent. The time was 7:30 am, I forgot to set my alarm. Luckily, my

body clock didn't fail me this morning. Getting out of the car, I breathed in the clear crisp morning

air.

Closing my eyes, the last few day's events came back to me like a bad dream. Only this time

more painfully. I could still hear her last gasp. Feel the life leave her body as her hand went cold.

Pushing the memory aside, I shook my head trying to remove the memory that was firmly imprinted

in my head. Nothing about it felt real, like it happened to someone else. Only I could feel the pain of

her loss, so I knew it was definitely my life that was falling in tatters. Now I was motherless as well as

homeless and hopeless.

Two more years, I can do this. Just going to be two more years, then I can have my life back on

track hopefully. Instead of dwelling on my shitty life, I got dressed. Tom doesn't need to see me like

this. I don't want him to feel sorry for me even more than he does. I don't want to break down, and

seeing the pity in his eyes would definitely be the last straw. I already felt like I was failing at this so-

called thing they call life. I didn't want to see my failures confirmed in someone else's eyes.

Getting undressed, I forgot about the cut from the wire fence. As soon as I ripped my singlet

off, along came with it was the bloody gauze and the skin underneath. I had bleed through the

gauze and onto my singlet, I must have bumped it in my drunken stupor getting in the car.

Reaching inside my vehicle, I grabbed some more gauze and the bottle of vodka. Dousing the cloth,

I quickly placed it over the wound. The profanities that left my lips when the cloth brushed my skin

would have made a sailor disgusted. Cleaning it effectively and also nearly making myself throw up

or pass out from the intense burn. I wasn't sure which, but I would rather pass out right now.

Once the burning subsided, I redressed the wound and slipped on my navy skirt and blazer

outfit I retrieved from the storage locker. The skirt nearly fell to my knees as soon as I did it up.

Surely, I haven't lost that much weight. I know I hardly eat but this was starting to get out of hand.

Reaching in, I grabbed my belt from yesterday and did it up, holding my skirt in place before

chucking my blouse on and blazer over the top. Luckily, the blazer covers the belt that does not

match my outfit at all. Deciding I looked decent enough, I won't be able to remove my jacket today.

Slipping my heels on, I quickly flipped the visor down and started doing my make up. I looked

terrible. My face looked grey and drained of life. My eyes looked exhausted, puffy, and had no light

left in them. By the time I was done, Tom was walking up the ramp towards me coffee in hand.

“Hey Tom,” I said with a wave.

Tom smiled upon seeing me. “Ready early dear, hair and all.”

I just nodded. Yes, it was a rarity that Tom didn’t see me in my car head glory. Tom walked me

to the elevator like every morning. It was good listening to him tell me what Mary and himself got

up to the night before. Made me forget about everything. When it came time to part ways, I was

actually sad to see him turn and leave because I knew I was going to be left with my own torturous

mind

Once I made it to the office, I quickly turned everything on and started my work. Just before 9

am, I made the coffees for Theo and Tobias and had them waiting at my desk for when they

entered. I busied myself with sending and replying to emails. When they stepped out of the

elevator, they both stopped and stared. For a second, I wondered if I forgot something or that

maybe something was on my face, until they continued walking towards me.

“Good morning,” I said, overly cheerful. They both raised an eyebrow at me. I nearly laughed. It

was almost comical and perfectly in sync with each other. They clearly didn't think there was

anything to be cheery about this morning. Truthfully, there was nothing joyful in my life at the

moment. But hey, fake it till ya make it, right?

“Are you sure you should be here? We don't expect you to work, Imogen.” I looked at Theo and

noticed Tobias looked away guiltily. It's kind of pissed me off. I didn't want their pity and sad

worried looks. It wasn't his business to tell what he had seen, even if he only told Theo. It was bad

enough I listened to this yesterday.

“Nope I'm good,” I said. I knew my face looked unimpressed at them mentioning anything

about my mother.

“No, really Imogen, if you need some time off to organise funeral arrangements. We can

manage on our own,” Theo told me, repeating exactly what Tobias said yesterday.

“Nope everything is fine. Funeral arrangements have been organised,” I said, turning back to

my computer. There wasn't going to be a funeral. I didn't have the money to afford one. Instead the

hospital was going to have her cremated and notify me when I could pick the remains up and add it

to the already never-ending hospital bill. Besides, where would I even go with time off? Go stare at

all my junk in the storage locker? Like that was going to make feel any better.

No, I needed the distraction of work. Need something to do. But most all I needed to be left

alone. One thing I was good at is hiding my emotions. I make sure not to rely on anyone, that way

when they don’t come through or step up when needed, I can't be disappointed. I was already

disappointed in myself; I didn't need the added disappointment of others.

“Nope, everything is fine. I have your schedules here and coffees,” I told them, passing them

everything they needed before putting my head back down and ignoring them. They must have got

the message because after a few tense seconds of feeling their eyes lingering, they both walked

away into their offices. I sighed, relieved to be left to go about my work with hopefully no more

mention of death and funerals. I shoved my problems to the back of my mind and completed the

tasks in front of me.

When lunch time came around, I knew that meant seeing Theo and Tobias, so instead of

staying at my desk like I do most of the time, I ducked down to my car. Sitting in my passenger seat,

I laid my chair all the way back. The sun felt nice and warm on my skin. There was a slight breeze

but not to chilly. My lunch break was an hour long. Rummaging through the bag Sally gave me, I

pulled out the last protein bar. I quickly unwrapped it and took a bite. If I weren't so bloody hungry,

I would have spat it out. The taste was terrible, like cookie dough but chewy and sugarless. The bar

had nuts in it that were rock hard, and I'm surprised I didn't break a tooth. Swallowing the last

mouthful down, I tried to rid the taste from my mouth.

My teeth ached from constantly chewing, I had never eaten a protein bar that resembled nutty

chewing gum. When I tried and failed from removing the taste, I looked at the bottle sitting in the

footwell of my car. Smirnoff Vodka, it was one the better tasting ones. Would it be inappropriate to

have a mouthful while at work? It was definitely inappropriate, I knew that, but the taste was foul,

and I also needed the liquid courage to go back up there and pretend everything was peachy.

Reaching over, I grabbed the bottle and twisted the cap off. Bring the bottle to my lips, I took

two big mouthfuls and swallowed them down suddenly feeling the burn all the way to my stomach.

Placing the cap back on, I sat back, only to find the watchful eyes of my new stray friend staring at

me. He was sitting directly in front of my car looking through the windshield.000