Chapter 294: After Retiring, Writing a Memoir About My Colleagues’ Embarrassing Moments Isn’t Too Much, Right? New

“I want to be a marquis!”

“I will be a marquis!”

“I am going to be a marquis!”

“I have become a marquis!”

Xie Luoshui strutted around the main hall in her newly awarded marquis attire, her boots clicking loudly against the floor.

Her father, overwhelmed with joy, stood under the eaves, shouting to the neighbors, “That’s right! My daughter! She’s a marquis now! She even met the Emperor! Had a meal in the same place as the Emperor! And His Majesty rewarded her with a huge mansion! We’re moving in tomorrow! I’ve seen the place—wow, it’s bright and spacious!”

Just then, her mother rushed over in a hurry. “Luoshui’s father! Come quickly! Our sow just gave birth, and the piglets are pooping white!”

“Aiya!” Father Xie jumped up and was about to dash outside, but the neighbors laughed at them. “Your daughter is a marquis now, and you’re still worried about two pigs?”

Mother Xie paused, looking puzzled. “Why wouldn’t we? That sow took a lot of effort to raise, and now she’s finally giving birth! She already had five or six piglets in the last half hour—each one is money!”

“Ha! The Emperor is giving Luoshui money!”

“Ha, we all know that. But we can’t just sit around! Luoshui said we’ll move the pigpen and vegetable garden to the backyard of the marquis’ estate. Her father and I can do whatever we want there. The rules are only for outsiders.”

Mother Xie beamed, her eyes narrowing in delight, making the neighbors envious.

Who would have thought raising a daughter could lead to becoming the parents of a marquis? And to top it off, she wasn’t even their biological daughter—they had picked her up! What incredible luck!

At that moment, a visitor arrived. “Excuse me, is Marquis Xie here?”

The neighbors immediately responded enthusiastically, “She’s here, she’s here!”

“Luoshui, come out!”

“Hey! Don’t just call her Luoshui! You should say ‘Marquis’! Time to change how you address her! Marquis Xie, someone’s looking for you!”

Xie Luoshui hurriedly stepped outside. The visitor smiled as he handed her an invitation. “Seven days from now, it will be my lord’s 80th birthday. We humbly invite the marquis to attend.”

Then, he presented a gift box. “Congratulations on your title, Marquis Xie.”

Xie Luoshui glanced at the signature on the invitation—a single character, Dou. She accepted the gift with thanks and assured the messenger she would attend the banquet that evening. Only after he left did she begin to fret.

What should I gift the Prime Minister for his 80th birthday?

Xu Yanmiao was also troubled. “Gao Xiang, do you know what your uncle likes?”

The Princess of Xiangyang hesitated. “I’m not sure. But my mother mentioned that he practices calligraphy a lot. I was thinking of gifting him some of the ink that’s been very popular in the capital recently—would that work?”

“Probably…”

[But when that ink first came out, the Prime Minister already had his steward buy some…]

The princess suddenly brightened. “Wait! I just thought of something! What if I commission a painting of his entire family? An 80-year-old would love a portrait of a harmonious, happy family, right?”

Xu Yanmiao: “Can an artist finish it in three days?”

Princess Xiangyang: “……”

[Besides, the Crown Prince is already having one painted—it’s almost finished.]

The princess started considering whether she could snatch her brother’s painting.

[Crap!]

[Hahahaha!]

[Prime Minister Dou, your youngest son is truly a piece of work, haha!]

Princess Xiangyang’s ears perked up immediately.

Her little cousin—wasn’t he that dimwit who once used gold and silver ingots to please a courtesan by… smuggling them out using his back passage? What had he done this time?

Meanwhile, just outside, Prime Minister Dou, who had been passing by the Ministry of Appointments to check on Xu Yanmiao, instinctively started looking for a handy stick to beat his son with.

But he took a deep breath and calmed himself.

Think positive. My son might not have come up with an intentionally infuriating gift this time…

[What was he thinking?! That since his father is turning 80, his legs might not work as well, so he decided to gift him a wheelchair for his birthday???]

Pfft—

Hold it in. Don’t laugh!

Princess Xiangyang dug her nails into her palm, but suddenly, she felt much more confident.

No matter how ridiculous her gift was, it couldn’t possibly be worse than a wheelchair!

A soft sound came from the door. Both of them turned to see Prime Minister Dou pushing it open.

His niece immediately shot him a sympathetic look.

Prime Minister Dou smiled in return.

But that smile… Princess Xiangyang considered for a moment. It looked like when she visited, she not only needed to bring an 80th birthday gift for her uncle, but also some ointment for her little cousin’s bruises.

Xu Yanmiao warmly greeted him, “Prime Minister, what brings you to the Ministry of Appointments?”

“I just submitted my request to retire to His Majesty. Before I leave, I wanted to check on how you’re doing.”

He spoke casually, but Xu Yanmiao and Princess Xiangyang were utterly stunned.

“Retiring?”

Princess Xiangyang panicked. “Uncle! Did someone say something bad about you?”

Like accusing him of clinging to power at 80?

“You’re still healthy—your hearing’s sharp, your vision’s clear. Why are you retiring?”

Dou Qing chuckled. “I really don’t have the energy anymore. Besides, I’m getting old. I want to spend more time with my family. It’s time to step down.”

There was also something else he didn’t say.

As long as he remained in the position of Prime Minister, none of his family’s younger generation could hold high office. No matter how much favor a powerful family had, the Emperor would never allow a single household to dominate the court.

There was a brief outcry from the people around the Investigating Censor. The Investigating Censor himself slammed his fist on the table, gritting his teeth. “That old bastard…”

In truth, many officials write memoirs after retiring, recording all sorts of interesting anecdotes. A lot of historical sources are actually dug up from these memoirs.

But as long as no one finds out, it’s fine. If someone does find out, well, don’t blame them for retaliating.

Just wait! He would write one too! Prime Minister Dou wasn’t so “clean” either!

[Oh, oh, and also…]@@novelbin@@

Prime Minister Dou shuddered as he thought about what was recorded in his own memoirs. “Ahem, Xu Yanmiao, I have something to do, I’ll take my leave first.”

On his way out, he also casually swiped the plate of sunflower seeds from the table.

Xu Yanmiao: “Ah, sure, let me see you off—”

“No need, you’re busy with official duties. These old bones of mine can still move.”

After Prime Minister Dou left, Xu Yanmiao turned to look at Princess Xiangyang. “What’s wrong with you?”

Princess Xiangyang patted her chest and let out a breath. “Nothing, just got a little nervous because my uncle was here.”

Of course, that was just an excuse to fool Xu Yanmiao.

She had actually been thinking: Thank goodness! I didn’t open my mouth and ask my uncle for a gift just now! Otherwise, if he ended up exposing some weird historical anecdote or ancient record… she didn’t have the divine protection of a White Zephyr like Xiao Baize did!

Seeing that Princess Xiangyang was fine, Xu Yanmiao happily continued swimming in the ocean of gossip.

[Oh ho! Prime Minister Dou, your memoir even includes the story of the Minister of War’s youngest son being kept by the tribal chieftain’s wife for seven days?! This is so outrageous… wait! I didn’t even notice this story got updated!]

[During those seven days, the chieftain’s wife would say every day, “If you beat me, I’ll cancel this agreement.” But every time, she emerged victorious, and after each fight, she carried him straight into the house…]

[Wait a minute! After seven days, the young lord left… and now the chieftain’s wife is pregnant?! She’s already seven months along?!]

Minister of War: What!!!

He’s going to have a grandchild?!

[Oh ho! The chieftain is even excited, saying he’s never seen such a fair-skinned baby girl.]

Minister of War: It’s a granddaughter!!!

[Tsk tsk, the Minister of War must be dying of envy. He has seven grandsons but not a single granddaughter. He’s been so distressed lately that he even started renovating his house, thinking the family’s feng shui was off.]

The Minister of War nodded vigorously: Yes! Yes!!!

Now that he knew he had a granddaughter, he absolutely had to bring her back! She was part of their family’s bloodline!

[Lmao, the chieftain’s wife is already scouting for a husband for her daughter—someone with the best teeth, no cavities in decades, and excellent health. She’s planning to abduct a strong young man in ten years to ensure that her future grandsons and granddaughters will have fair skin, strong teeth, robust bodies, and arms capable of riding warhorses…]

[As for height, that’s not a concern. Her family hasn’t had a man under 1.8 meters tall for three generations, and the Minister of War’s youngest son isn’t short either.]

[Hiss—]

[Isn’t this just selective breeding?!]

[But honestly, this might actually work.]

[In general, children of short parents rarely grow particularly tall.]

[And if both parents have bad teeth, the child is more likely to have cavities too.]

The officials of the Great Xia Dynasty had their pupils quake in shock.

So… this was possible too?!

Did they need to adjust their marriage policies?!