By Fate I Conquer: Chapter 2

Voices carried through the room.

“This is a fucking mess,” Fabiano muttered.

“Can you imagine how scared she must be?” Leona said, sounding heartbroken.

Hearing her voice, my own heart ached. Then I realized who she was talking about—me.

She was heartbroken for me, worried I was scared. Was I scared? Should I be?

Of Dad? Of every man in my family? Of my own brother? I didn’t know what I was feeling. Mostly, I didn’t want to feel. I just wanted to be, in the dark and quiet, all alone.

“I doubt that’s all she is. Seeing something like that changes you,” Fabiano said. They didn’t think I was here because they didn’t know I had the code to their part of the basement.

Their voices disappeared, probably to help my family search for me.

Eight hours later—at some point I’d started counting the gentle thud-thud of the second hand of my wrist watch—I had to leave my hiding place. I needed to relieve myself and my legs and back hurt from being curled up for so long. When I was certain I was alone, I opened the lid and climbed out. The blood on my clothes had made the fabric stiff, but I didn’t smell the coppery scent anymore. My nose was desensitized to it by now.

I shivered. It was cold in the basement even at this time in the year. I hadn’t noticed before, but my fingers and toes were stiff from the cold. I looked around for a place to pee, but every corner felt as bad as the other. I felt bad about sullying Fabiano’s basement like that.

The memory of the blood puddle in the cell entered my head and I shuddered once more. Maybe I could hold on for a few more hours…but what then? I couldn’t return to my home, not yet.

I hugged myself and shivered harder.

What was I going to do now?

I glanced to my right and went into the corner. I retched as I touched the bloody fabric of my leotard to push it aside so I could pee. Squatting in the corner, I hurriedly emptied my bladder, then got dressed as quickly as I’d undressed and rushed back to my hiding place. I needed quiet, needed dark, darker than the storage room, dark enough to black out my too accurate memory replaying every detail of the man’s anguished face. I didn’t even know his name. Would anyone remember him? I wanted to forget but was it wrong of me to wish for something like that? I curled up as small as I could on top of the clothes in the box then closed the lid.

I didn’t sleep, though I was tired and hadn’t slept in more than a day. I kept counting the seconds, trying to let the familiar sound calm me.

Eleven hours had passed since I’d run away when I heard voices again but this time it wasn’t only Fabiano and Leona. Dad, Nino and Nevio were with them.

I made myself even smaller and breathed very slowly and low so they wouldn’t hear me. They weren’t in the storage room but in the corridor in front of it. I strained my ears to listen to their conversation.

“Are you sure she doesn’t know the fucking codes to leave the premises?” Dad snarled. “That’s hard to believe considering you slip out all the time.”

“Maybe she does. Greta is observant,” Nevio said. Despite what I’d seen him do, a part of me wanted to go to my brother. He’d always been the person who consoled and protected me. Now I hid from him and my family.

“She isn’t in our basement and she isn’t in the spare house basement. That leaves this basement,” Dad said.

“She hasn’t left the premises yet from our side. I checked the log of the last twelve hours,” Nino drawled. “The only code that was entered from our premises was the one to the door leading to your basement, Fabiano.”

I didn’t know they could see who put in a code.

“I don’t have a log of entered codes. Leona felt it was too stalkerish. There’s only an alarm if a wrong code is entered, and it wasn’t.”

“So she could have slipped out of your mansion,” Dad said in a tight voice.

“I doubt it.”

“You can’t base your doubt on facts,” Nino said.

“Fuck it,” Dad growled. “We have to find her. If something happens to her…”

“Maybe you should alert your soldiers in case she’s outside,” Fabiano suggested.

“No. I don’t want anyone to know. I don’t trust anyone with Greta. We’ll find her.”

“Let’s search your basement and mansion and the backyard, if we don’t find her there, we’ll consider further actions,” Nino said.

Their voices moved away. I swallowed. It was only a matter of time before they’d find me. Once I was sure they weren’t close by, I climbed out of the box once more and tiptoed toward the door. I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for. I just knew I couldn’t face them yet.

I glanced into the corridor which was empty but at the end light spilled out of two rooms, I looked to the other side where a steep staircase led up to the house. Taking a deep breath, I rushed toward it and climbed up. I slipped out of the basement. I could hear Fabiano and Nino somewhere on the first floor.

I sprinted out and upstairs toward the second floor. I’d been inside Fabiano’s house a few times and remembered the layout. I put my ear against Aurora’s door. It was quiet inside except for her soft humming. Without knocking, I slipped in.

Aurora sat on the floor surrounded by her Barbies and was playing, her back turned to me.

She turned and her eyes shot open in alarm. “Greta?”

“Shhh.” I pressed my finger against my lips. “Can I hide in your room?”

She got to her feet slowly, eyeing me. “What’s that on your clothes?”

“Blood,” I said.

She paled and looked sick. “Really?”

I nodded. I heard voices coming closer. “Can I hide? I really need to hide.”

“Did you do something bad?” Aurora asked, not coming closer.

I wasn’t even sure at this point anymore. “I don’t know. Will you help me?”

Aurora nodded hesitantly and pointed at her wall cupboard. I slipped inside and sank to the ground, hidden behind her dresses. I wasn’t sure why she had so many. She never wore them. Aurora closed the shutters, her face questioning.

She returned to her barbies and sank down a second before a knock sounded. Through the gaps in the shutters, I could see long legs enter the room. I recognized the white sneakers as Fabiano’s, and a moment later his voice sounded.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” she said, still bent over her Barbies, busying herself undressing one of them. “I’m in my room like you asked me to.”

He didn’t move. “That’s good. Have you heard something? Or maybe seen Greta?”

“Greta?” Aurora asked, lifting her head briefly.

“She ran away. She might have misunderstood something and is a bit confused.”

I bit my lip. I wasn’t confused. He said it so Aurora would tell on me in case she knew something.

“Okay,” Aurora said slowly. “What did she see?”

“Nothing to worry about. You’ll tell me if you see her, okay?” He moved closer to her and squatted beside her. I tensed because now I could see his face. I doubted he could see mine through the shutters as I wasn’t backlit like they were.

Aurora fumbled with her Barbie doll. If she kept acting like this, he might get suspicious.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” he asked quietly.

I held my breath.

“Greta and I aren’t close. I tried but she’s with the boys, not with me and Carlotta.”

Fabiano touched her shoulder. “Greta is different. It’s not about you, all right?”

Aurora nodded. Fabiano pressed a kiss to her forehead, then he rose to his feet. “Stay in your room until your mother or I get you for lunch.”

He left the room.

Greta is different.

I didn’t move. I knew I was different. I didn’t like being around people that weren’t my family. Too many people made me anxious. I never minded being different. But now I wondered if I’d hurt Aurora by being the way I was.

She got up and came over to the wardrobe, opening it. She peered down at me with a hesitant smile.

“Thank you.”

She nodded. “You can stay in my room for as long as you want. I can try to smuggle some of my lunch up later.”

I shook my head. “I’m not hungry, but I’d like to stay here.”

“Do you want to shower and put on some of my clothes?”

I glanced down at my bloody leotard, tutu, tights and ballet shoes. “No.”

For some reason, I didn’t want to get rid of the blood yet. It felt as if I’d be disregarding the man’s suffering by doing so.

“Oh, okay. But I’m sure some of my clothes would fit you, even if they aren’t your style.”

I frowned. Not my style? I didn’t have a style. I liked comfortable clothes and Aurora often wore overalls, which were the epitome of comfort. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know how to explain my reasoning to Aurora. I knew her clothes would have fit me. Even though she was three years younger, we were almost the same height and I was too thin, a constant worry of Mom.

“I just want to sit here,” I said eventually.

Aurora swallowed and nodded. “Oh, sure. I’ll close the door then and keep playing with my dolls.”

Hiding in Aurora’s room had the advantage of having a bathroom if I needed to go to the toilet. It had been thirty-eight hours since I’d run off and Aurora respected my wish not to interact. Despite her offer to sleep in her bed with her, I preferred to stay in the wardrobe or lie under her bed and stare at the slat frame. I knew I must have been smelling awfully because of the dried blood by now but she never complained.

I hadn’t slept or eaten in more than two days and was starting to feel the effects. My eyes burned as if I had sand in them and my stomach ached badly. Aurora had left for lunch 75 minutes ago. She’d probably bring me food again. Food I couldn’t touch. Not because it wasn’t vegan, but because the mere idea of eating after what I’d seen seemed impossible.

The door opened but I remained where I was in case it wasn’t Aurora.

“I really don’t have time to play dolls right now,” Nevio muttered as he followed Aurora into the room.

I froze under the bed where I’d been lying for two hours.

“I’m sorry, but I had to get him. He was going mad from worry about you,” Aurora said, sounding absolutely miserable.

“What?” Nevio said then fell silent. “Fuck.”

He moved toward the bed and fell to his knees then peered under the bed. His face filled with relief and a flicker of guilt overcame me. Worrying my brother always made me feel bad. He reached for me but I tensed and backed away. His expression transformed with realization and pain, which felt like a stab in my heart. He lowered his arm and stretched out on his back on the floor, his face tilted toward me.

“Give us a moment, Rory, and make sure no one interrupts us.”

Aurora left without hesitation, closing the door almost inaudibly.

Nevio put his outstretched arm, palm upward between us. An invitation, one I didn’t accept.

I looked at Nevio, at the dark eyes that were mine too, only the look in them was different. Where my face was soft, Nevio’s was harsh. Where I was thin and short, he was tall and already muscled from fight training and parkour.

Where I despised violence, Nevio needed it.

“We’ve been looking for you nonstop. Everyone’s worried, Greta. We thought something might have happened to you.”

Something had happened, something I couldn’t explain quite yet. My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. The furry sensation on my tongue reminded me that I hadn’t brushed my teeth in too long. My pulse picked up thinking about what this would do to my teeth.

“Greta?”

I simply stared back at my brother. Meeting other people’s eyes cost effort, not with him.

“Are you scared of me now?” he asked in a strangled tone. Tears filled my eyes. Deep down I had always known what Nevio was. I had felt it. But I hadn’t quite understood the enormity of it, how pitch-black Nevio’s longing really was. What I’d seen him and Dad and Nino do, had opened my eyes to a brutal truth I had trouble handling.

“Greta,” Nevio said, shifting a bit closer. I glanced at his palm with the crisscrossing scars. Pain meant little to Nevio. He liked pain, feeling it, causing it.

“I don’t fear you,” I pressed out. Nevio visibly relaxed and a small joyless smile pulled at his lips.

“I fear what you’re capable of. I fear for the people who’ll cross your path in an unfortunate moment.”

“That’s how nature works, you know?” he murmured. “There’s dark and light, there must be. Maybe it’s the same with twins, but it wasn’t split evenly between us. I got all the darkness and you got all the light.”

“That’s too much of a weight to carry, so much darkness,” I whispered, my heart aching for him.

He smiled sardonically. “I like the dark, Greta. I belong there.”

I wished I could argue with him but after seeing his expression in the cell, I couldn’t.

“Very few people can bear what I am,” he said quietly.

“I can.”

Nevio searched my eyes. “You ran from it.”

“Not from your darkness. From…” I shuddered, remembering everything. Tears stung my eyes once more.

Nevio nodded as if he understood. How could he when even I didn’t?

“I won’t ever run from you, Nevio. I’ll always be at your side, no matter what.”

“You swear?”

“I swear.” I extended my hand and touched my palm to his. His touch didn’t revolt me. Maybe it should. Why could I bear his touch after what I’d seen when I could hardly bear most people’s closeness? Maybe my light wasn’t as bright as Nevio thought.

“We should go home. Dad is about to send out the cavalry to search the city for you.”

A weight sunk into my stomach but I allowed Nevio to pull me out from under the bed. He scanned my bloody clothes but didn’t comment.

I felt shaky because I hadn’t eaten in too long. Nevio tightened his hold as he led me out. He towered over me, his fingers linked with mine. Aurora leaned against the wall in the corridor and she straightened when she saw us and gave me an apologetic look before she smiled at Nevio.

He nodded at her. “I owe you.”

He pulled me past her and down the corridor. When we’d almost reached the stairs, I looked over my shoulder, mouthing Thank you at Aurora who still stood where we’d left her. Then she disappeared from view as Nevio led me downstairs. Soon we were crossing the basement corridors and entered the mansion. Nevio didn’t stop until we arrived in the common room area where most of my family had gathered. Alessio and Massimo lounged on the sofa while Nino and Savio sat across from them on the other. Dad was pacing the room, and Kiara was consoling Mom who looked horrible.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Dad muttered, then his eyes settled on me as I stepped out from behind Nevio. Silence fell in the room.

Mom stepped out of Kiara’s embrace, her blue eyes scanning me from head to toe, horror mixing with relief. She rushed toward me and pressed me against her chest in a crushing hug. “Oh Greta.” She sobbed. “Greta.”

I accepted her embrace but my eyes were directed at the rest of the room. Nevio headed over to Dad, clapping Massimo’s and Alessio’s hand on the way. He said something to Dad, probably how he found me.

Dad’s eyes locked on mine, and I felt a deep sadness. I looked away and pulled out of Mom’s arms. I didn’t look at anyone in the room, unable to bear it. “We need to clean you up, okay?” Mom said in a careful voice.

“No,” I said firmly.

“Greta.” Mom cupped my face. “We really need to get you out of these clothes. You’ll feel better then.”

I backed away but my refusal to eat and drink caught up with me and my legs gave in. Mom gasped, reaching out to stop my fall. But my knees hit the floor before she could grab hold of my arms. Dad crossed the room in a blink and knelt beside me.

I tensed when he lifted me in his arms. “When have you last eaten?” he asked in a low voice.

I briefly glanced into his eyes then looked away and gave a small shrug.

“She’s dehydrated. I can tell from her skin,” Nino said as he stopped beside us. He reached for my wrist but I jerked it away. Dad’s grip on me tightened but he didn’t say anything.

“I want to feel your pulse, Greta,” Nino explained calmly.

“I don’t want you to touch me,” I said.

Nino glanced at Dad.

“I’ll take you up to your room now, Mia Cara, where you’re going to let your mother help you clean up and get dressed, and then Nino will take a look at you, and you’re going to eat and drink, understood?”

I blinked up at his dark, serious eyes, then glanced down at myself. I gave a nod.

“You stay here,” Dad said.

“Why?” Nevio groaned.

“Stay.”

Dad carried me upstairs, followed by Mom and Nino. He put me down on the marble floor of my bathroom but didn’t release my arms. “I can take over now,” Mom said in a pinched voice. A tense look passed between them but Dad finally released me and left the room.

Mom closed her eyes briefly then turned to me with a pretend smile.

She didn’t try to speak to me as she helped me undress. If she was bothered by all the blood on my clothes and skin, she didn’t show it. I supposed being married to Dad, she’d seen worse over the years. When we pulled down my tights, I winced at a sharp pain in my sole.

I had a cut under my foot that looked as if it was inflamed. “Nino will have to take a look at this,” she said neutrally. “Or would you prefer if I called a doctor?”

I immediately shook my head. Nino had always treated me when I was sick. I didn’t want someone I didn’t know taking care of me.

“Okay. That’s what I thought. I just thought I should ask considering everything that’s happened.”

I could tell that Mom was angry.

“Are you mad at me?”

She let out a sharp laugh and shook her head, her palm sliding over my hair as she began to rinse it with water. “No, why would I be?”

“But you’re mad.”

“I am.”

“At Dad.”

She held the shower head out to me and I took it and washed away the dirt and blood while Mom gathered a fluffy bathrobe.

“Why are they the way they are?”

“I don’t know.” Mom held the robe out to me. I wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth. Her blue eyes were soft as they settled on mine, but her mouth was set tight with worry. She wasn’t wearing any makeup and her blond hair was a mess. “I wish you hadn’t seen what you did. I wish I could take this burden from you.”

“Why would you think you can carry it better than I do?” I asked, honestly curious.

Mom smiled. “I don’t think I do, but I think I should. I’m your Mom. I want to protect you.”

“I don’t need protection from Nevio, Dad and Nino.”

Mom touched my cheek. “No, you don’t. I’m glad you realize that. And that’s not what I meant.”

I nodded because I understood what she meant. “I would have found out eventually.”

“Maybe. But this was a very brutal way to find out. It’s a lot to take in.”

I didn’t deny it. I hadn’t dared to fall asleep after all. When I was dried off, I put on my fluffy bunny pajamas, seeking their familiar comfort. Mom grabbed something from the shelf and held out my stuffed rabbit. I’d had it all my life but recently I hadn’t cuddled with it anymore. I took it from her.

“What can I do?” I whispered, clutching my stuffed rabbit to my chest. It was soft and white.

Mom sighed, looking exhausted. She probably hadn’t slept these last two days either. “Love them.”

When Mom and I emerged from the bathroom, Dad and Nino were waiting for us in my bedroom. Dad scanned my face with furrowed brows, his dark eyes cautious, as if he worried I’d bolt again.

Mom ignored both of them and helped me get into bed. She pressed a kiss to my forehead then she straightened.

“Go to bed and get some rest. I’ll join you when I’ve talked to Greta,” Dad said to Mom. She didn’t look at him, only at me. “Do you want me to stay?”

Anger filled Dad’s eyes.

“No, go sleep.”

Mom hesitated but then she nodded and turned around. Dad held her by the wrist when she tried to pass him. Mom sent him a scathing look. He released her and she slipped out but left the door ajar.

Nino gave Dad a look I didn’t understand. They often shared these moments. Dad approached me and sank down on the bed, then he motioned at the glass of water and plate with scrambled tofu and toast on the nightstand. I emptied half of the glass and nibbled at the toast. “Nino is going to check you now.”

I nodded, because I knew Dad wouldn’t accept a no in this case and it was the reasonable thing to do anyway. I didn’t want my wounds to get infected. If my foot stopped me from dancing that would be unfathomable. I knew I’d have to spend many nights alone in my ballet studio to get over this.

Nino sank down on the other side of the bed. “I’m going to start with the cut under your ribs.”

I lifted my pajama top enough for him to see the small slash I’d inflicted on myself. Nino was careful as he cleaned and taped it. “We had the man tested for possible diseases since the knife you used was contaminated with his blood but he was clean.”

His voice was matter-of-fact, professional, something I usually appreciated. Whenever I needed a neutral opinion or wanted to truly understand something I asked Nino, but today I couldn’t bear his emotionless tone. He moved on to the cut in my foot without missing a beat.

“How does it feel to hurt someone so badly that they pled for death when you could save them with your abilities instead?” I asked softly.

Nino’s fingers halted on my foot. He glanced up at me then at Dad.

Whatever passed between them, they obviously decided Dad should answer.

“He deserved death.”

“By whose standards?” I asked.

“Mine. They are the only standards that matter.”

I stared into Dad’s unwavering eyes. I couldn’t detect a hint of guilt or doubt in them. I’d known he was Capo all my life. It had taken a long time to understand what it meant, and I still wasn’t sure I knew everything. I’d never understood people who chose obliviousness over information, who weren’t driven by strong curiosity to know everything. Maybe I was slowly getting there.

“Do you want me to explain why?”

“No,” I said firmly. “It won’t change the way I think.”

“You can’t know that,” Nino interjected.

“I have my convictions.”

Nino rose to his feet and began to put everything back into his medical kit. “That’s a luxury not everyone is allowed.”

Silence settled in the room. Nino closed the kit and looked at Dad for a moment whose expression was a mask of control. Their silent interactions often reminded me of Nevio and I, but Dad and Nino’s thought process was more similar than mine and Nevio’s.

I swallowed, remembering Mom’s words. “Thank you, Nino, for treating my wound. I appreciate it.”

He tilted his head. “You’re welcome.”

“I’m not scared of you, you know,” I said before he could slip out of the door. He regarded me curiously, then a tight smile pulled at his mouth. “You don’t have to fear any of us.”

He left and closed the door.

“You should try to sleep,” Dad said in a low voice, still perched on the edge of the bed, not touching me.

He was about to get up but I pushed up and pressed against him. I didn’t want him to think my feelings for him had changed. He was tense at first then his arms came around me in a tight embrace and he released a long breath. “I love you, Dad.”

Dad pressed a kiss to my temple. “I love you more than life itself, Mia Cara. Never forget that.”

I nodded, because I wouldn’t. I’d never doubted his love, not even in the basement.

“There’s darkness all around you, pitch-black like hell itself, and no matter how hard I try to protect you from it, some of it will inevitably touch you because you are part of this family. But I swear I’ll make sure no other darkness comes close to touching you.”

I closed my eyes, listening to his steady heart.

I wondered how Mom and Kiara felt, knowing what Dad and Nino were. They’d chosen them despite what they were. I didn’t think I could ever be with someone like that. I had always loved my family. I didn’t choose them. But choosing someone who was capable of such horrors, of acts of utmost cruelty? I couldn’t do it.

The men in my family were bad men. Nevio, my other half, was possibly the worst of them. But this love was inevitable.

It was only fitting that I should fall in love with a man who was just as bad, as brutal, as cruel as the men who’d raised me.