Special Chapter (Ashar's POV)

This chapter is written upon requests and it's more like a summary of Ashar's POV like how he thought, what he felt throughout the book till now.  It's obvious that I can't squeeze his whole POV in just one chapter so it's just a glimpse.

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Two weeks later

After going through another round of my parents' yelling, I pushed opened my bedroom's door exasperatingly and stepped inside. Since Sanaya had left the house, I was experiencing this almost every day because according to them, it was my fault that she left.

Never in my dreams, I could have thought that she was planning to leave the house, leaving her newborn behind. All that time, all those months when we caged her in this house, she never, once tried to escape. But now, when she began receiving special treatment, respect and love, she chose to disappear into a thin air.

I got rid of my slim-fit, charcoal grey suit's jacket and inattentively tossed it on my bed. I undid the buttons of my cuff and rolled up the sleeves of my off white, cotton shirt. Sitting on the bed, I replayed the conversation in my head when Samara admitted all her wrongdoings.

"Samara, you're assuming on your own. I've no plans to marry you." I gritted lowly. Her face darkened, looking at me as if I'd grown two faces.

"Why? You talked to me normally. You even stopped kicking me out of your room. I thought..." She trailed off.

We both were standing outside of my room and arguing."You thought wrong." I clarified, "Just because I stopped getting angry on you that didn't mean I was reconsidering our marriage plan. I'm so messed up these days and already trapped in a marriage, why would I plan another wedding?"

Her grey eyes glistened at my words. She was shocked and hurt. I just didn't get it from where she got that crazy idea that I was going to marry her. I was hundred percent sure, I didn't mislead her in any way. I just stopped showing my anger to her because lately there was too much in my mind that left me distracted.

"So, you've no plan to marry me at all after your divorce with that girl?" She looked like she was on the verge of crying.

I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I couldn't deceive her either, so I muttered truthfully, "No, Sam."

"Don't tell me you fell for that girl?"

I stiffened at her question, sucking up my jaws a little.

"Are you going to divorce her or not?" She raised another difficult question.

"Not right now." I said in a low voice, pretending to ignore her first question. She raised her brows, waiting for an explanation.

"I can't think about divorcing her when I've a doubt that she's carrying my baby. If she would've chosen abortion, maybe, I would've thought differently. But, she decided to keep the baby, so I can't anymore." I explicated, ignoring the clench-feeling in my chest.

My heart always clutched whenever I pictured her despaired eyes in my mind. The way Sanaya looked at me that day when I told her that the baby was not mine. She looked broken. My heart wanted to believe her, but the rational part of my brain warned me not to take any risk of trusting that teenager who tricked me and made herself my wife. I had to use all of my willpower and courage to say that I didn't believe her because I was scared that what if she was telling the truth?

"I'm not that cruel, Sam. I've already done enough damage to her." I added on.

After that day, I avoided talking to Sanaya because I feared that my inner most feelings might slip out of my tongue. My brain's warnings were not strong enough, so I knew if she would keep pushing me, I would've just given up and believe her. That young woman probably didn't know but, she could lessen my anger and she did – several times.

I relaxed my restrictions on her for the same reason. At first, the plan was to limit her to a just one room of my house. But, I just couldn't do it because of the way she always tried to explain her innocence. I relaxed my restrictions and let her roam around the mansion, even didn't mind her friendship with other domestic staff. Through Aaron, I got to know about her daily activities. I began thinking she was controllable and lessened my rage for her.

"You told me you don't feel anything for Sanaya. Now, you're caring about her." Her eyes brimmed with tears.

"It's because she has already faced her punishment for her crime. We all confined her in the house for months. If I would just leave her now when I'm doubtful that I'm the father of her baby then, she would be wretched. She's too young, Samara. She won't be able to handle it." I tried to knock some sense into her.

Divorce was not possible if she was carrying my child. But, I was not sure what Sanaya wanted. If she would ask me to free her from this marriage, I would've to reconsider my choice.

"Ashar, there's something I want to tell you." She sniffled.

I looked at her, saw her swollen face. I felt bad for that woman; I could never reciprocate the love she always wanted from me. I was powerless in that matter because it just never happened. You can't force yourself to love someone.

"Go on." I hid my hands in my pants' pockets.

"I think you deserve to know the whole truth about Sanaya. She is..." She said nervously, avoiding to look at me.

I narrowed my eyes, "What are you talking about?"

"Sanaya...Sanaya didn't do anything on her own. I forced her, even pressurized her to wear my wedding dress." Her voice trembled, "She didn't have any bad intentions or greed for money. She didn't even ask for money or anything in return for helping me."

I became dumbfounded. Wrinkles formed on my forehead as I frowned at her in utter disbelief. I stepped close to her. She moved her gaze and dared to look at me.

"Are you in your right mind, Samara? You're giving me chills here." I scowled, wanting her to say that she was just joking.

"I'm so sorry, Ashar." She whimpered, wiping some of the water from her face, "I got so scared at that time that I couldn't think of any excuse to defend myself, that's why I also put some of the blame on her to lessen your anger. Sanaya is innocent in this whole situation. She signed those legal papers under Dad's pressure. She didn't know that those papers were related to marriage contract. She didn't do anything deliberately. I used her for my own selfish reasons."

My heart squeezed in my chest at her words. Blood drained from my face as she continued stupefying me.

Her explanations were totally different from her previous explanations she used to give me in the early months of my marriage with Sanaya. She alleged Sanaya that she was fully involved in this offence. She purposefully signed the marriage papers and tied herself to me because she was going through some financial crisis and she was expecting to get some cash from us.

Not that I thought of forgiving Samara after hearing all those allegations, but she somehow planted the seed of doubt in my head about Sanaya and my mind automatically pictured her the way Samara described.

When I did a background check on her and found out that she lived in an orphanage and even had severe financial problems, my doubts turned into my beliefs. Although, her behavior compelled me to think otherwise, but I didn't want to take any risk. With time, my ruthlessness for her lessened, but trust was never there.

"Sanaya endured the punishment silently when she also suffered like you and me. I was the one who dragged her into this mishap. I was so mean to her still she never retaliated." She admitted guiltily.

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because," She looked away, "Since I've no chance with you anymore, I want to clear off your mind about her. I won't come in your way."

Tears trickled down her cheeks as she sobbed woefully in front of me.

"I just can't believe this. I always bear your silliness with a good heart, never get irritated with it. But, I didn't know you could be that selfish."

Few minutes ago, I was feeling bad for her, but now I felt strong fury for her. I was still unable to believe that out of all the people she would deceive me. We had spent our entire life together, was there for each other through thick and thin, we grew up together. Because of sharing so many beautiful memories with her, at some point, my heart began softening for her.

"I'm not selfish. I just wanted to save our relation." She lowered her gaze, looking ashamed.

"Like this?" I looked at her disbelievingly, "By using a faultless person? You made me a sinner too with yourself."

"Ashar, lis-"

"Enough, Samara. I can't listen to you anymore." I interrupted her.

I didn't yell at her because I couldn't. I was drowning into my own dismay and regrets that I couldn't argue with her anymore. Besides, it was useless, the irreparable damage was now done. Sanaya did everything to prove her sincerity and innocence, but I was blinded by my anger.

I always felt infuriated about this whole marriage problem because it was unwanted. I had never done anything to get trapped into this muddle and I couldn't even come out of it. I remained confused the entire time about what is right, what is wrong and what I wanted.

"Don't show me your face." I warned her.

"Ashar." She called my name. I ignored her and left the place.

I grabbed my temples as old, bitter memories gave me a throbbing headache; My  hostile  behavior towards Sanaya and those false accusations. Samara really made me do the things that could not be reversed. I didn't know she could go so low to conceal her own mistakes and to revive her lost reputation.

Since that day, I couldn't sleep peacefully because my own self haunted me. Sanaya's hurtful face popped up in my mind every time I tried to distract myself from the guilt feeling. I was trying to muster courage to apologize to her. I wanted to literally go on my knees and seek her forgiveness, but I couldn't. I was just too damn remorseful and thought that just a mere apology was not going to change anything. The wounds, the damage were beyond repair.

Besides, I was confused about her. I wasn't sure what I actually felt for Sanaya other than guilt. So, I decided to take some time to sort out my thoughts and then, I would talk to her, but I had no idea she was planning to leave my house.

My parents adored Sanaya because she was able to do what Austin and his wife could not. They were ready to accept this marriage, even suggested me to redo the wedding ceremony and publicly announce Sanaya as my wife. But, they couldn't understand that it was not easy as it may seem to them. I was already confused about her and what I really wanted, then, the baby-bomb dropped on me. Everything was going so fast.

I agreed with all my parents' allegations that it was my fault that Sanaya was not here. I compelled her to take such a decision, but how could a mother leave her newborn behind? What if we would not look after her? What if we would maltreat or neglect her?

The answer was; she possibly trusted us. Even though, we disrespected her, blamed her, mistreated her, but still, she chose to trust us. Sanaya understood the true nature of my family. Even though, she was just a college student, a mere teenager, but she had a high intellectual and perceiving power. Sanaya was someone who didn't judge people at face value, but rather liked to go deeper.

"Ashar." Samara entered into my room without knocking. She never knocked. It was her habit.

I rose on my feet angrily, "Didn't I ask you not to show me your face?"

She winced, "I'm here to tell you something. I'll leave afterwards."

Her brunette locks were loosely tied up at the top of her head, her face had no makeup. She looked perturbed and dejected. I turned on my side and waited for her to tell me the reason of showing up and then, leave.

"I've...h-eard what happened here." She stuttered, "Don't you know where she went?"

"No." I answered.

I asked my guards to find Sanaya's location, but two weeks had passed and I was still unaware about her whereabouts. I didn't stop though and wouldn't stop. I was going to search around the entire city and drag her here and would knock some sense into her. She was angry on me, but why was she punishing her innocent daughter?

Zoya needed her mother. Although, everyone was looking after her very carefully, especially Mom, but we couldn't replace her own mother.

"How's Zoya?"

I listened to Sanaya's request and named the baby girl 'Zoya'. I also personally liked that name. "She's good."

I again sat on the bed, ruffling my hair in frustration. I was worried about Sanaya. I contacted the orphanage where she lived, but they didn't know anything about her. It had been months she last visited them. I also went to her college and found that she was no more a registered student there, instead some ex-student who didn't complete her degree program.

Then where was she? How was she? I could imagine her crying endlessly, missing the newborn. What if she got into some accident?

I balled my fists at that thought. I was going to do everything in my power to locate her, even would take the help from the police if needed.

Samara stepped towards me. I looked up to see her. The hurt on her face was still clearly visible,"You didn't tell her yet, right? Why Ashar? You do love her if I'm not wrong?"

Do I?

I looked straight, pondering on that question. It was a very difficult question. I had been asking the same thing with myself repeatedly since past few months, but I couldn't be able find the answer yet or maybe, too hesitant to accept the truth.

Was it even possible that I fell in love with a teenager?

At New Year's Eve when Sanaya explained that thing to me, I kept those hints in my mind and observed myself. She said that the person's mere smile would flutter my heart. My heart never fluttered when I saw Samara smiled. Yes, I got happy whenever I found her happy or smiling, but, her smile – it didn't hitch my breath the way Sanaya described.

What about Sanaya?

Firstly, the whole time she spent here, she barely smiled. I remembered she smiled when I accepted her birthday gift. It was a quick, small smile, but it showed that she was happy that I accepted her present. Second time, I saw her smiling when I agreed to help her in her college work. At that time, I couldn't help, but noticed her full, plump lips. It was the first time when I realized that I did feel some sort of attraction towards her. Her nervous, weak smiles did something to my heart, I couldn't yet comprehend.

Next thing she pointed out that you notice minor details of that person. This was also somehow valid in my case. I noticed that she plays with her fingers when she's nervous or scared. She bites her lower lip when she thinks or trying to control her anger. She sometimes touches her strands of hair unnecessarily when she feels uneasy.

Moreover, she really didn't care about her appearance and make up. I saw her most of the time in loose, plain shirts and jeans. In makeup, she only used soft, light lip colors that enhanced her lips prominence and plump. Her black, long waves were mostly tied up at the top of her head and sometimes remained loosely on her back.

It was evident that she was not the type of woman who cared much about her outer appearance. Her that characteristic made her polar opposite to Samara because Samara always wanted to look flawless. But, she didn't want to hide her flaws.

Sanaya was ordinary – in a good way, indeed. I liked ordinary. It looked more real, believable, comfortable and felt like home. Ordinary is something related to your everyday life and that's why I always preferred ordinary, simplicity. Her weird fashion sense, her meek attitude, her carelessness about her appearance makes her different from other women I had met.

Also, she was an open book. I could get to know most of her thoughts by just looking into her big, leave-shaped eyes. Her chocolaty, deep orbs carried all emotions; anger, sadness, love, fun, tenacity and desire.

My heart always saddened whenever she looked at me with her despaired eyes. I wanted to give her hope, support and tell her that she was not alone.

I tried few times to tell her that through my actions, but since my words didn't support them, so she couldn't figure out. But, if she would've noticed closely, I was always there for her since we met. Even I was angry on her still I couldn't leave her alone to deal with her own distresses.

She got pregnant and thought I was not there for her but, she was living in my house. I knew everything. I knew my parents were looking after her. I wasn't physically present for her, but I didn't leave her alone either. My Mom used to update me about her almost every week.

"Ashar?" Samara's voice broke my chain of thoughts. I looked up at her.

"What are you thinking? Why are you not answering my questions?"

"It's because I don't have any answer right now." I said.

I didn't yell at Samara or ask her to leave my room because I was so distracted right now that I just put aside my anger. My mind was only flooded with Sanaya's thoughts.

"Sanaya is not going to wait for you forever. She has already left and you're still not sure about your own heart?"

"I do feel some powerful emotion for her that controls me. But..." I trailed off.

She sat beside me on the bed, "I know you're angry with me, but you can tell me your concerns, maybe, I can sort them out for you."

Her strong perfume hit my nostrils. I glanced at her, considering her offer.

"What's stopping you?"

I lowered my gaze, thinking, "The circumstances, the guilt, age-gap and also its new for me."

The fact that she was too young for me always bothered me. I always felt an oldie in Sanaya's presence. That's why I purposely favored Samara in front of her, forcing her to abort the baby. She was too young for me. I knew I was hurting her, but I was only doing this to keep myself away from her and forced her to do the same.

She was supposed to be with a guy who was around her age. I wanted to set her free from this marriage, so she could spend her life like normal teenagers do. She needed to have a proper life instead of becoming a mother at nineteen. But, then she didn't choose abortion and now forever tied herself with me. She was so stupid. I knew the abortion was not an easy decision, but she should have thought for herself first.

But, that girl didn't care about herself, about her life and made everyone happy, made my family happy and shattered herself in the process.

"First of all, you need to show her your good side. She has always seen the rude, arrogant, angry Ashar. Show your softer side, the charms you possess." Samara suggested, "Show her that you also care about her, that you're not a bad person."

I thought on her words and realized she was palpably right. I never had a decent conversation with Sanaya. We always argued, always fought. She didn't know me yet. I couldn't show her my good side. What could I say? Everything went wrong with Sanaya from the very start.

I try to be a gentleman most of the time and follow all the principles that defined the term. I was against showing unnecessary power or control especially on females. I certainly didn't let my male ego control me – the typical male ego and dominance feminist women condemned and rebelled. However, I didn't remain a gentleman when I get angry because normally people don't think about morals when they are angry.

And, I had a very strong reason to be angry with both of the women.

Just imagine you thought you got married to the woman you were supposed to then, almost a month later, you found that, no, there was some dramatic twist. My wife was not the one I thought, but a new, young, cook who was working at my house. Could someone even imagine how I would have felt?

The answer was a – BIG NO. No one could. Because this was mind boggling. A random girl, who had met with me few times, suddenly became my legal wife and I didn't even know. It was like someone was pulling a mischievous prank with me, but damn no, it was not a prank, it was real – outrageously real. I was stupefied for weeks.

And after that, that girl came after me, weeping and saying that she didn't do it anything purposely, looking at me with her imploring eyes, making me feel that I was the bad guy here.

Why did I feel that? I didn't do anything. That feeling made me angrier. I was furious, very furious and hated them.

"And all your other concerns will disappear with time if you just work on your relationship with Sanaya." She advised, "I've known you since childhood, Ashar. I know you better than you. You denied me not because you didn't want to marry me, but it's that girl. She's the first woman who captured your heart. Sanaya is so lucky. I tried for that place for years, but she managed to do that in a very short period."

She gave me a sad smile. I felt uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable every time she talked about her love for me.

"It's you who brought her in my life." I mumbled.

Samara understood what I was unable to understand about myself. That's why I'd loved her, but only as a friend because she knew me too well. I never needed a good friend because I always had one in her face.

I remembered since our college time, Samara didn't like it when I talked with other girls. She even fought with them few times because she thought they were flirting with me. I always laughed at her silliness, but never got irritated. I enjoyed her stupid acts.

Later on, she announced in front of the entire college that she was my girlfriend, so that no other girl could think of their chance. I didn't stop her and let her do everything she wanted to do because I also wasn't interested in any woman at that time. I flirted with few, but never got serious.

She began treating me like her boyfriend and then, her fiancé, I didn't mind it. However, I warned her several times that I didn't feel the same way. But, she always stayed positive and believed that I would fall for her charms sooner or later. I was close to Samara than any other woman all my life. Then, her father came up with the idea that my family and her family were life-long friends, and I and Samara also knew each other then, let's plan a wedding.

Samara's love for me was true. That's why, I accepted her father's suggestion. I thought I had spent years with Samara, I wouldn't mind spending the remaining years of my life with her.

I thought I would try to love Samara in a way she always wanted, but it never happened. I just couldn't see her as a woman. But, she was hopeful and confident about this new relation that we would do well as husband and wife.

But, after meeting with Sanaya and spending time with her, I started comparing them. I realized that Samara was only good as a friend, but she was not a wife material. She was a difficult person. For instance, she was very demanding. It was not easy to satisfy her sometimes. She was rigid, like not ready to compromise for even small things. She expected the other person to compromise for her. Spending life with her as her husband seemed impossible to me.

She was beautiful, good looking, but I was not a kind of man who only attracted towards beauty. I preferred intellectuality, playfulness, real and natural, kindness and not-so-perfect. And I observed those traits in Sanaya and that's why, an invisible thread always pulled me to her. But, the circumstances weren't good for us. So, I couldn't be able to show her how I actually felt.

"I've heard she also signed the divorce papers?" Samara asked.

I motioned my head up and down, "Yes."

It was entirely Mom's fault. She was the one who dropped the file to Sanaya's room without informing me.

When I asked her why she did that, she said she thought that's what I wanted. She assumed on her own. I was quite mad at her. I didn't have a clue that she sent the file to her room. I know this was probably the last thing that provoked Sanaya to leave the house. She would've thought that the divorce was my decision.

I became so furious when I saw her signature on the divorce document that I immediately tore it and then, dumped it. Problems after problems!

Sanaya was still my wife and I hoped that I would soon be able to tell her that.

"That's bad. Don't make her wait too long, Ashar. Anyways, I was here to tell you that I'm going abroad." She stood up and moved in front of me.

"What, why?" I also rose on my feet.

"It would help me to get over you."

I slowly nodded in agreement. It was best for her. She had to move on with her life. I had decided to announce my fake divorce with Samara through news media to get rid of this acting.

She embraced me into a hug, "I'm sorry once again for everything. I hope you'll find her soon and tell her how you really feel."

I lightly patted her back once, "Take care."

She pulled back, gave me one last glance and then, walked out of the room.

I moved my hand in my hair, thinking of possible locations where Sanaya could go. I realized that the major problem between me and Sanaya was the lack of communication. We had never properly talked, instead assumed stupid stuff about each other. I had misunderstandings in my head about her and she also misunderstood me.

I wanted to tell her that I didn't mean to be so harsh with her, that I would look after our daughter, fulfill all my duties as a father. But, I was late. However, I was not going to give up, I was not going to let Zoya live without her mother, I would compensate for my mistakes. Till then, I would take care of Zoya and listen to Sanaya's request that she mentioned in her letter.

I picked up my jacket from the bed and scurried out of the room to check on my daughter who was with Mom right now.

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I missed Sanaya while writing this update because I have a habit of writing only her thoughts, hahaha. Did you miss her too?

By the way, Samara is now out of the book. The way is clear, lets see what happens next.  I hope Ashar would find Sanaya soon :( But, I wonder how she's going to react if they cross the path again.

Don't forget to comment your thoughts.