In Your Dreams, Holden Rhodes: Chapter 36

“HOLDEN TELLS me you made him watch Twilight,” Elizabeth said with a smile as we sat on the couch in her living room. It was his parents’ anniversary party, and laughter and conversation filled their home as their friends and family gathered on this Monday evening.

I grinned. “Whatever he says, he loved it. Women my age loved that movie. He needs to know all the references. I’m helping him.”

Her warm gaze lingered on my face for a moment. “You look so much like Katherine.”

I brightened up. “I do?”

She nodded. “She was about your age when she moved to town.”

“Oh, yeah.” I smiled at my hands. Thinking about Katherine at my age made my heart tug.

Elizabeth readjusted on the couch and leaned her chin on her palm. Her gaze turned distant and she smiled. “She fell in love with that place right away.”

I thought about the forest the other day, so serene and quiet, like a little slice of heaven. “I can see why. I didn’t get it when I was sixteen, but I get it now.”

“How are the renovations going?”

“Great.” I twirled my hair through my fingers. “I’ve never been so hands on with a project and I love it.”

Her eyes lit up. “Holden said you’re a force with that sledgehammer.”

A laugh burst out of me. “I don’t know about that. He supervises me pretty carefully.”

Across the room, Holden’s gaze met mine. He was talking with Emmett and his dad but watching me. He shot me a wink and my stomach flopped. A dozen butterflies fluttered inside my stomach.

I turned back to Elizabeth, who glanced between Holden and I with interest.

“Holden takes care of the people he cares about,” she said. “He’s always been so serious and responsible like that.”

I studied him. Tonight, he wore a black knit sweater and jeans. His hair was unruly like he had run his hands through it. His sweater fit perfect across his broad chest and the color made his eyes stand out even more. Every time he glanced over at me and gave me that warm, appraising look, my skin tingled.

“He’s not always so serious,” I said, studying him. I thought about him laughing at the bar as he lifted me up to detach the dildo from beside the TV.

“That’s why you two are so good together. He smiles more with you. Avery said she saw him laugh the other week.”

“He laughs all the time.” I was still studying him with a small smile. I liked that I brought out his fun side and made him laugh.

Wait. I frowned at Elizabeth. “We’re just friends.”

She smiled and her eyes glittered like she knew a secret. “That’s what I meant.”

I nodded. “Good.” I cleared my throat to change the subject. “How does it feel to have been married forty years?”

She tapped her finger on her chin as she pondered this. “Like the most natural thing in the world. I married the person I like more than anyone. We’ve changed throughout the years and I always worried we’d change in different directions, but we’ve grown around each other.” She regarded Sam, gesturing and talking to his sons, and her eyes warmed. “And now he can’t get rid of me.”

“He’s a lucky guy.”

She shook her head. “I’m the lucky one.”

“How old were you when you got married?”

“Twenty-three.”

My eyes bugged out of my head. “That’s so young. I feel like I was still playing with Barbies at that age.”

She laughed. “It wasn’t out of the norm back then to get married right out of high school. Sam and I met in university and he wanted to get married right away but I made him wait until we finished school.” She shook her head, smiling with nostalgia. “I didn’t want to get married at all.”

I frowned. “Why not?”

“My parents were very, very unhappy,” she told me. Her mouth twisted. “I didn’t want to repeat that.”

“What changed your mind?” I caught myself and blinked. “Sorry, Elizabeth, I didn’t mean to grill you. Ignore me.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t mind talking about it. It was important to Sam and I would rather keep Sam than break up, even if it meant compromise. And there were many, many compromises over the years, so I figured we’re even now.” She grinned again.

“You look like Holden when you smile,” I told her.

“Do I?” She glowed when I said this. “You’re the first person to ever tell me that, and I’m so glad you did.”

We studied each other for a moment.

“There are lots of risks in life,” she told me, nodding as her gaze swept around the party at all the people she loved. Her mouth twisted to the side, sweet and nostalgic. “I guess in the end, I figured, I’d take the hit if things went south with Sam, because he was worth it. I wasn’t going to say no to the good things in life because I was afraid of getting hurt.”

My stomach knotted over and over again. When Holden asked me if I ever wanted to get married, my fast answer surprised me, but even if I trusted someone else, that wasn’t enough. I didn’t trust myself.

I glanced over at Holden, smiling in that calm, steady way of his at something his dad had said.

I wished I could get over it. I wished it so hard.

Elizabeth sighed, studying me. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

“Me, too. Thanks for inviting me.”

She chuckled. “I meant, in town. Katherine would be thrilled to see what you’ve been up to.”

I chewed my lip. Sure, I was fixing up the inn, but I was avoiding my whole life back in Toronto. “You think?”

She studied my face. “Yes. I do. She would be so proud of you. Although,” she continued in a brighter tone, “I’m also thrilled you could come by for the party. Holden asked us to move it to a Monday and that worked better with Avery’s work schedule, too.”

My stomach wobbled and dipped with warmth. “He did?”

She nodded as Sam appeared at her side. “Can I refill your drinks?” he asked us.

Elizabeth stood and shook her head before looping her arm around his waist. His arm came up around her shoulder. “I need to check on the food, anyway. Sadie, do you want anything?”

I shook my head. “Nope. I’m happy.”

They wandered into the kitchen and I surveyed the room. Emmett, Hannah, and Wyatt were talking near the fireplace. Hannah’s bump was showing now and her hand rested on it as she smiled up at Wyatt. Avery was in the kitchen with a few of Elizabeth’s friends.

This was nice. My throat squeezed. Would I ever have this, one day? Would I ever figure out the secret to picking a good guy? Elizabeth made it sound so simple, but I knew it was anything but. Trusting someone enough to build a life with them was a big deal.

I thought back to myself last year when I had said yes to Grant. How could I have been so impulsive? I didn’t even picture a life with him. I just got swept away. I was so excited someone wanted me to marry them, I didn’t even stop to think if I wanted him.

Grant was a little boring, I realized, wrinkling my nose. He was too perfect. He agreed with everything I said and he always laughed at my jokes even when they weren’t funny.

“Hi,” Holden said, taking the seat beside me.

“Hi.” I smiled at him. “You look handsome in this sweater.”

His mouth hitched. “You think?”

I rolled my eyes. “You know you do. Stop being bashful. It’s not a good look on you.”

His eyes glinted. “Are you having fun?”

“I am.”

This time, when I glanced around the room, I realized, this was Holden’s dream. A big house full of people, celebrating a long marriage between two people who loved each other. I pictured him here in forty years with a faceless woman, asking her if she wanted a drink and giving her heated, affectionate looks across the room.

My gut twisted with jealousy and I frowned.

He’d meet someone. He was a catch, and it was only a matter of time before he met another catch and they got a joint bank account and made gorgeous, brooding children. A lump formed in my throat.

I heard my name on the other side of the room. Miri Yang and Emmett watched her phone before they burst out laughing. Hannah and Wyatt leaned over to watch and they started laughing, too.

Miri said something and pointed at me. I frowned and exchanged a curious glance with Holden.

“Sadie,” Miri said, hustling over. “You’ve got to see this.”

Emmett waved at her to come back. “Let’s put it up on the TV.”

He turned the TV on and showed her how to stream it on the screen. The dark, grainy video appeared on the TV and people from the kitchen moved into the living room to watch.

“It’s the bear cam,” she explained to everyone. “They’re hibernating now and we live stream them for educational purposes.”

On the screen, a black bear lumbered past the camera. The night-vision gave everything a green tinge. Another bear entered the frame, holding something. The bear’s eyes flickered as they caught the camera.

Emmett bit his fist in anticipation. His eyes were bright.

The bear lifted the object and swung it at the other bear.

“What is that?” I murmured.

“Doesn’t it look familiar?” Avery asked, hiding a grin.

I squinted at the screen. The bear lifted it again and I gasped. Laughter burst out around me.

It was my alien dildo.

I mean, not my alien dildo. It was the alien dildo I was mistakenly sent.

The bear swung the rubber wang and smacked the other bear across the face. A roar of laughs rose.

“It’s Sadie’s!” Miri announced to the party. “It’s Sadie’s dildo.”

My face burned hot and I shook my head furiously. “It’s not mine! It was sent to me by accident.”

Oh my god. Everyone was either staring at me and laughing or staring at the screen.

“Sadie.” Miri’s hand came to my shoulder and she gave me an understanding expression. “It’s okay. Women’s sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. We’re all very excited for this new phase of your life.”

“Miri, play it again,” someone called.

“No—” I started, but Miri unlocked her phone and pressed play again.

Beside me, Holden shook with laughter. I covered my face with my hands as the bear slapped the other bear with the toy.

“I’m posting this.” Miri’s fingers flew on her phone and my stomach tightened again. “Sadie, can I tag you?”

“No,” I gasped, and Holden laughed harder. “Don’t tag me.”

She winced. “I already did.”

“Oh my god.” I wanted to disappear into the couch. “They must have dug it up in the forest?” I asked Holden.

He shrugged, eyes bright with amusement. “You should have left it up at the bar.”

Another round of laughter rose as the video played again and again and I sighed.

“That thing is cursed,” I muttered to Holden, and he grinned and put his arm around me.