In Your Dreams, Holden Rhodes: Chapter 46

“YOUR HOME SMELLS LIKE YOU,” I told Holden as we stepped through his front door that night, and he smiled while he kicked his boots off.

The blanket fort was still in the living room. I took a step toward it.

“Well,” I told him with a wave, like the fort was my bedroom. “Goodnight.”

He arched an eyebrow, humoring me, and waited.

I pressed my mouth into a line and stared back at him. My heartbeat picked up and nerves coursed through me.

“Let’s go upstairs.” His eyes were soft and he took a step toward me.

I stepped back. “I’m okay to sleep on the couch.”

He took another step toward me and I backed up against the wall. “I want to sleep beside you again, honey, and I don’t want to sleep on the couch tonight.”

Worry creased between my brows. The idea of moving here was already working its way into my head. I bit my lip and glanced at the stairs. I hadn’t gone upstairs today because I didn’t want to even tempt myself.

He stepped into my space and his hand brushed up my arm, sending shivers across my skin. “Aren’t you curious about what my room looks like?”

He leaned in to kiss the side of my jaw and all the air in my lungs rushed out.

“Yes,” I whispered. “Describe it to me.”

“Come see it for yourself.”

I made a noise of hesitation.

His eyes melted, soft as velvet. “What are you worried about, baby?”

“That I’ll love it,” I admitted.

He pulled back to search my eyes. “And what would be so bad about that?”

My throat worked. Because I’d stay forever.

When I didn’t answer, he pressed a soft kiss to my mouth. My hesitation wavered.

“You’re the boss,” he reminded me before pressing another kiss onto my lips. “If you want to sleep on the couch, we can.”

I bet his room was lovely, and his bed smelled like him.

One night wouldn’t hurt.

“Is your neck sore?” I asked.

His expression was rueful and a little embarrassed.

“I guess you are thirty-four,” I told him, wrinkling my nose, and he rolled his eyes at me. I thought about how generous and sweet he was, and I had the urge to give that affection right back. “How about I rub it better?”

His eyes darkened. “I would like that.”

“I thought so.” I glanced at the stairs before I nodded to him.

He took my hand and led me upstairs. When we reached the end of the hall, I stepped through his doorway and my hand flew to my mouth.

It was the painting Katherine bought from me years ago. My gaze shot to Holden’s and he nodded and sighed like he had let out a secret.

I pointed at the painting, gaping at him.

“Yeah,” he said.

“How did you…?”

He stood beside me, studying the painting with a thoughtful expression. “I always loved this painting. She’d catch me staring at it all the time and then she’d think of you and talk about you.” He shrugged. “I liked it when she talked about you, and I didn’t even realize it.”

My stomach wavered with a big feeling. Holden loved some dumb painting I did years ago.

“I asked you if you had seen it and you said no.” I wasn’t mad, just confused.

He watched me carefully. “I wasn’t ready to part with it. I’m still not.”

I shook my head in confusion. “Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“Because then you’d know.”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I blinked, but before I could freak out, I saw the other two paintings.

“Holden!” I pointed at the crappy paintings I had done at the inn, looking out Katherine’s office’s window at the ocean. They hung beside the painting of him crying. “I threw these little ones out.”

“I know. They’re beautiful, Sadie. They’re not garbage.”

I shook my head and put my hands on my cheeks, trying to understand it all.

Holden loved me.

The words filtered into my blood stream, winding and coursing through me, warming me and expanding deep in my chest.

Holden was in love with me, and he loved every part of me, even these dumb little paintings I did on a whim for practice.

I should be freaking out. I should sprint to my car and drive straight to Toronto this second. Instead, I felt seen, like I was important to Holden. Like everything would be okay.

You’re okay, he had told me at the beach all those weeks ago.

I’d never hurt you, he had told me at the art rave.

Maybe I’d be okay if I let myself fall deeper into Holden’s life. Into his bed. Into his family and his home and his love. Just a little deeper. One more taste.

I stared at the painting on his bedroom wall and my heart panged. Again, the thought of staying flickered in my head.

What about all my debt, though? If I didn’t find Holden a wife, I’d be back at square one, paying off my mistake for a decade. I’d be fucking over my best friend for selfish reasons. I’d be turning down the career opportunity I’d been wishing for since I sat in Claire’s first lecture.

I couldn’t make this decision right now. For tonight, I’d let myself sink one foot further into Holden’s life.

“You kept my paintings,” I told him before I stepped toward him and wrapped my arms around his neck.

He nodded down at me, eyes flickering with affection.

I leaned forward to kiss him.