In Your Dreams, Holden Rhodes: Chapter 5

“HEY, BUDDY.” Emmett clapped me on the shoulder as I took a seat beside him at our parents’ house.

I nodded hello to everyone. The whole family was here except Finn, who was off fighting forest fires around British Columbia until late-September, after which he was moving to Whistler for the ski season. Emmett and his wife Avery sat beside me. Across from us, Wyatt had his arm around his wife, Hannah. My parents, Elizabeth and Sam, at the end of the table.

My dad jerked his chin in my direction. “Holden, I heard the big news. Congratulations.”

Emmett whistled. “How’s Sadie doing with the news?”

A rock landed in my stomach and I glanced around, uneasy. My brothers knew Sadie from the weekly dinners she attended during her summer here. She had that same sparkly friendliness Katherine had, and got along with everyone.

Except me.

“Fuck if I know,” I bit out.

Everyone turned to me and I held back a groan. I should have skipped this dinner. I had a thousand emails to catch up on and I knew they were going to grill me.

My mom gave me a strange look before turning back to the table. “She’s grown up into such a lovely young lady. So beautiful.”

Emmett wiggled his eyebrows at me. “Hey, buddy? Do you think she’s so beautiful?”

I scowled at him. “Shut the fuck up.”

He started laughing and Wyatt shot me a grin. Off Avery and Hannah’s confused expressions, Emmett explained, “Holden had a little crush on her.”

I scowled harder. “I didn’t have a fucking crush on her.”

I had a crush on her. Her hair looked like it was threaded with gold when the sun hit it right.

Everyone stared at me. Hannah raised her eyebrows at my tone, Avery and Emmett exchanged a glance, Wyatt grinned to himself, my dad gave me a chiding look, and my mom narrowed her eyes at me.

Emmett winced at me. “Too bad she’s engaged.”

My gut rolled with irritation.

My mom made a noise under breath before lowering her voice. “Emmett, don’t bring up the engagement around her, please.”

He frowned. “Why?”

“They called it off.”

I froze. Katherine hadn’t mentioned that. That’s why she wasn’t wearing her ring today.

“That’s too bad,” my dad said. “Is that the guy Katherine didn’t like?”

My mom shushed him.

Possibility flickered in the back of my mind but I shoved it away as the old memory rang in my head.

“Ugh, why would anyone go for Holden when they could have one of his brothers?”

“Is she in town for long?” Hannah asked me. “I’d love to meet her.”

My shoulders lifted in a shrug. “I doubt it.” She couldn’t even stand this town for two days.

“That’s too bad,” my dad said. “Would have been nice to catch up after all this time. You boys always had so much fun all together.”

“Not all of us.” Emmett wiggled his eyebrows at me.

“Okay, that’s enough,” my mom said.

Emmett put his arm around Avery. “Adams and I are thinking about a weekend in Victoria at the end of September. Anyone interested?”

She smiled up at him and my heart gave a weird, yearning tug.

This gnawing emptiness in my chest started when commitment-phobe Emmett fell head over fucking heels for Avery a few years ago. The guy’s life changed when he met her. She was everything to him. After work, he either raced home to spend time with her or went to the restaurant she owned so he could watch her work. And those smiles she shot him, like she’d do anything for him?

Last year, Wyatt, who never wanted anything long term, agreed to help Hannah find a boyfriend but ended up keeping her for himself. They got married on the beach, and I watched my brother look at Hannah the same way Emmett looked at Avery.

I’d give anything to love someone like that.

I cleared my throat. “I can’t take the entire weekend off.”

Besides, the last thing I wanted was to watch Emmett and Avery stare into each other’s eyes and whisper I love you for the fortieth time that day.

Avery raised an eyebrow in concern. “We hardly see you these days.”

After a decade, Rhodes Construction employed two hundred and twelve people. When Emmett became mayor two years ago, he stepped down and I took over both roles. Two hundred people depended on me to keep the work coming in. I worked long hours, longer than I’d admit to my family, and it only got worse once Emmett left, but I’d never want him to feel guilty for pursuing something he loved.

Besides, I’d learned a long time ago that the happily married with a wife and kids path wasn’t going to happen for me.

No matter how much I wanted it. No matter how bored I was, sitting in my big house alone, staring at the art on the walls.

“I don’t think we can make it.” Hannah gazed up at Wyatt with bright eyes. She chewed her lip and he smiled at her.

Did he look… nervous? I frowned at him.

“Right,” my mom said. “When do you two leave again?”

When Wyatt traveled for surf competitions and brand sponsorships, Hannah joined him. She ran a romance bookstore in town but had a full staff to run the store when she wasn’t around.

Hannah looked up at Wyatt with a private, hesitant smile, and he winked at her. It was that silent communication thing Emmett and Avery did all the time. I looked away.

“Should we tell them?” Hannah asked Wyatt, and he nodded. She sent that hesitant, excited glance around the table at us.

I frowned deeper.

“What is it?” Avery asked.

Wyatt’s face lit up in a proud smile. “The bookworm’s pregnant.” That was his nickname for her.

My stomach bottomed out.

A baby. My heart thumped in my ears. My brother had met the love of his life and now they were going to have a baby. I pictured Wyatt holding a tiny bundle. A strange, tight ache hit me square in the chest.

My mom gasped and jumped up to hug Hannah. “Congratulations, sweetheart!”

“Fuck, yes!” Emmett hit his fist against the table, and the cutlery clanked. “That’s awesome.”

After my mom hugged Hannah, Avery was next. Before they were sisters-in-law, they were best friends, and Avery whispered into Hannah’s ear before she wiped away a tear.

“You ready?” my dad asked Wyatt after giving him a hug.

“Nope.” My brother shot him a lazy grin. “We have no idea what we’re doing.”

“You’ll be fine,” Emmett told him. “You have us.”

I pictured Wyatt and Hannah’s kid growing up, learning to walk, celebrating birthdays surrounded by our family. Learning to ride a bike. Playing with Legos. Me taking the kid to the art gallery and pointing out my favorite paintings.

And then I pictured it as my kid, with someone I loved. With someone who looked at me like Avery looked at Emmett, or Hannah looked at Wyatt.

My heart lurched.

I stood and gave both Hannah and Wyatt a big hug, careful not to crush Hannah. “Happy for you two,” I told them.

Hannah gave me a soft smile. “Thanks, Holden.”

Hannah wasn’t just my sister-in-law, she was my friend, and even if I envied what her and Wyatt had, I was still going to be the best uncle ever.

“I’m going to spoil your kid rotten,” I told her, and she grinned.

THAT EVENING, I returned to my home in the woods, sat on the couch, and stared at the painting hanging in my living room. On the canvas, a faceless, naked couple embraced. His arms curled around her like he was protecting her from the world, and she melted into him like he was a part of her. My heart ached when I stared at it, yet I couldn’t bring myself to part with it.

This painting was everything I wanted, but would never have.

I ran my own company, lived in a beautiful house, and had more money than I knew what to do with, and it still wasn’t enough. Every time I came home to a quiet house, the clawing ache in my chest still demanded attention.

The promise I made to Katherine loomed in the back of my mind, and dread rolled through me.

“I wish I looked harder for someone,” she had said as I fixed a leaking tap in the kitchen. “I always thought I’d find someone and it never happened. It would have been nice to find a partner. Promise me you’ll try to find someone, Holden.”

Why the fuck did I say yes?

Because I wanted someone who would shoot me private smiles. I wanted to come home to someone making tea in the kitchen, humming or listening to music on the record player in the living room.

Because Katherine was my mentor. She taught me how to employ people and how to give back to my community. She would talk about her paintings and we’d visit the art gallery together. She showed me how meaningful paint on canvas could be. I owed it to her.

“Why would anyone go for Holden when they can have one of his brothers?”

My stomach hardened. No one was going to choose the silent, grouchy asshole.

A few months ago, after a few beers, Emmett had confessed to me that he had roped Avery into being his fake-fiancée while he ran for mayor in order to seem more responsible, and in the process of convincing the town they were madly in love, it became reality. Hannah had blackmailed Wyatt into helping her.

If I wanted what they had, I had to go out and find her.

Fine. For Katherine, I’d give it one last shot.