In Your Dreams, Holden Rhodes: Chapter 63

“HELLO, DARLING.” Willa plopped down into the seat beside me, cheeks flushed from dancing. She wore one of my dresses, a cinnamon-colored satin dress that looked incredible with her long, dark blonde hair cascading down her back in curls. She sipped a glass of champagne while her eyes roamed the crowd.

“Hello, lovely,” I quipped back, shooting her a small smile. “That dress is perfect on you.”

She fanned herself with a mock-humble expression. “Stop, don’t stop.”

I snorted.

Above us, a cloud of disco balls hung, scattering light across the club and my friends’ faces. The sound system pumped out ABBA while partygoers danced, toasted to the end of another year, and gathered for selfies, beaming and laughing. My floor-length dress had huge embroidered flowers, sneaky cut outs on the bodice, and a soft skirt that swished around my legs. I had tied my hair up in a sleek ponytail because I didn’t have the energy to blow it out all loose and wavy, and Willa had done my makeup. Despite my minimal efforts, I looked amazing.

I felt like crap.

I couldn’t be more miserable, which was crazy, because I loved wearing pretty dresses, going out with all my friends, and ABBA. I played them whenever Olivia handed over control of the music at the bar.

The west coast was three hours earlier than Toronto so it was only eight thirty there. Was he already there, sitting at the bar, eyes on the TV? Or was his family doing something tonight and forced him to join?

DId he feel as shitty as I did? I hoped not.

I hoped he didn’t have this sinking ache in his chest that I did, and every day wasn’t worse than the last.

Ugh. Sadie, you are being so pathetic.

Willa smiled at me. “It was fun getting ready tonight. Like we were back in university.”

I smiled back at her and nodded. “Thank you for letting me stay at your place so long.” I winced. “I know it’s not ideal.”

She tilted her head, giving me a hard look. “Don’t give me that. You know I love living with you. Besides,” she added gesturing to her dress and wiggling her eyebrows. “If you weren’t staying at my place, I never would have tried this on.”

I nodded. “True. It’s perfect on you.”

Willa glanced around. “Have you seen the server? I’m craving snacky foods.” Her eyes lit up. “Tacos! That’s what I want. With guac on the side.”

My mind flashed back to the Juicy Taco night I dragged Holden to. That was the first night we had a real conversation where we weren’t sniping at each other. Where I saw a sliver of the guy I would fall in love with. I remembered the way his mouth would twitch in the early days, when I’d tell a stupid joke and he’d be trying not to laugh.

God, I loved it when he laughed.

My eyes stung and I blinked, dragging in a deep breath and pushing the memory away.

“Are you ready to talk about it?” Willa asked, careful gaze on me.

I swallowed past a knot in my throat. “Here?”

She shrugged. “Why not?”

Because I’d start crying, that’s why not.

My gaze roamed the party, everyone all dressed up, laughing and having the best time while I was stuck in the past. A year ago, I’d be one of those people out on the dancefloor, breaking it down and taking photos with my friends, toasting to the year ahead.

This year, though, being here felt all wrong. Not just here in the club, here in Toronto. Living with Willa. It was like I returned a different person.

I stood. “I think I’m going to go.”

Willa’s face fell. “No.”

“Yeah.” I winced at her. “I don’t want to be a bummer. Really. I want to take these heels off and go to bed.”

Her gaze darted around again. “Just a few more minutes. Stay until midnight.” Her eyebrows lifted and her eyes were pleading. “For me?”

I hesitated before I sat back down. Willa was my bestie, and we’d do anything for each other. She wanted me here until midnight, so I’d put on a happy face and stick it out for half an hour more.

“I don’t fit in here anymore,” I told her.

She studied me with a thoughtful expression before she nodded. “Yeah. I know.”

My stomach swooped. “You do?”

“You used to love living here and now your head is somewhere else.” A sad smile turned up on her mouth.

I deflated. Was it that obvious? My thoughts strayed back to Queen’s Cove, shuffling through my stack of memories from my time there. Holden. The bar. Olivia. The inn. Holden. Avery. Hannah. Elizabeth. Holden.

Willa sipped her drink. “I can hear you crying at night.”

My gaze shot to hers, embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head with a sad expression in her eyes. “You’re not over him, Sadie.”

Regret and pain flared in my chest and I sighed, staring at the floor. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be.”

“That good, huh?”

I turned to her and nodded. “The best, Will. The best man I’ve ever met.” I pressed my mouth into a tight line, thinking about how I’d never walk in the forest, holding his hand, ever again. “He wanted to get married. Not yet, but one day, and I said no.” I swallowed. “I said I’d never want to get married and if he loved me, he wouldn’t push me.”

Holden had once asked me if I thought I’d be able to find someone for him and I reassured him I would.

And then I stomped all over his heart.

Willa blinked. “Whoa. That’s a lot.” Her expression turned baffled. “Oh my god. He asked you to marry him?”

The ring I had found flashed into my head.

It was beautiful. I’d never seen a yellow stone like that, all radiant and sparkling. It was so unique. My mind kept wandering back to it and what it meant to Holden.

Why didn’t I take a day to think, back in Queen’s Cove?

“Why didn’t you say something?” Willa asked.

My stomach rolled with nerves and I chewed my lip, gathering the words in my head. Here it was, the conversation I never, ever wanted to have with her.

“The apartment. We’ve wanted to live together for years.”

She gave me a flat look. “Do not tell me you were about to give up your dream guy so we could live together in a creaky old apartment.”

I shook my head at her. “It’s so much more than that. You’ve always been there for me, and I want you to have the extra time and money to make a go at your painting.”

She stared at me like I was insane. “Sadie. Do you know how many people have asked if they could move into that apartment with me in case you changed your mind?”

Record scratch. “What?”

She nodded, holding my gaze with wide eyes before she gestured around the party. “At least half of our friends.”

“Oh.”

She nodded with a small smile. “Yeah.”

We sat there without talking for a moment, listening to the music.

“The thought of never seeing him again breaks my heart,” I told her, “and now I’m wondering if I fucked it all up for nothing.” My eyes stung again and a tear rolled down my face. “I think I did. I think I don’t care about the whole marriage thing in the end, if it means I get to be with him.”

My chest pulsed with tight, strained energy and my heart squeezed up into my throat as more tears fell.

“Great.” I rolled my eyes, laughing and wiping it away. “Now I’m that girl at the party, crying on New Years’ Eve because she’s single.”

Willa gave me a sad smile. “But it’s because of so much more, isn’t it?”

I nodded. “Yeah.” I sniffled. “Okay, now I really do have to go. At least to the washroom to calm down.”

“Wait.” Willa’s hand came to mine. Her gaze flicked around the room before it snagged over my shoulder. Her eyes were bright as she chewed her lip. “Don’t be mad, okay?”

I frowned. “Why?”

Nerves flashed across her face. “Based on how miserable you’ve been since you got home, I made a few assumptions.”

I stared at her. “Okay?”

She winced. “I knew you were in love with him and missed him, even if you didn’t tell me. On account of all the crying.”

“Right.” Where was this going? My pulse picked up.

“And I thought…” Her gaze flicked over my shoulder again. “…that you two should talk.”

I blinked. She didn’t even know his last name. How would she—

“He messaged me on Instagram,” she continued with a worried expression. “Or, Olivia did because he doesn’t have social media.”

My jaw dropped. “He messaged you?” I blinked about a hundred times, processing this.

“I got him a ticket for tonight and he flew out here.”

“Oh my god.” That was all I could say in response to her information bombs. “Is that why you’ve been scanning the room—”

Her gaze flicked over my shoulder again and a smile lifted on her face. “I knew he’d show up.”

My head whipped around to see Holden in a tux, standing ten feet away.