Filthy Savage: Chapter 3

I lied.

I gave him my best friend’s name before I could stop myself.

But the idea of him knowing who I am, where I’m from, made me panic. I can’t let this man find me. See where I live. How I live. It’s too humiliating. It’s best if he never finds me.

If today is the only day we spend together, then so be it. It could be a day I never forget, and I’d rather hold on to that than have it ruined by the realities of my existence.

He grabs my hand again, and his firm grasp has me fighting a sob.

To have a man like this—a strong, kind man.

It feels nice. Too nice.

It’s as though he’d break through every wall to keep me safe. Like he’d never hurt me.

But I don’t actually know him, do I? He could be just about anyone.

We settle into a booth at the casual restaurant inside the hotel, and when the waitress with a chest triple the size of mine approaches, he doesn’t even look at her.

Xander always looked at other women right in front of me. Like he didn’t care. I swear the more I remember everything he’s done, the more I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. How could I have allowed it to go on for so long?

Fionn’s bright green eyes linger on mine, forcing me to focus on him as he orders our drinks. The way he gazes at me has my heart racing like mad, enjoying the way he takes me in, like he’s touching me without ever doing so.

“What do you wanna eat?”

I glance down at the menu, shocked at the prices. Forty dollars for a burger and fries. Thirty for a plain salad. This is crazy.

“Uh, maybe I’ll have the mozzarella sticks.”

They’re a bit cheaper, but not even by that much.

“What?” He chuckles. “You can’t just eat that. Do you like steak? The steak is really good.”

I’ve only had it once, and I remember how much I enjoyed it, but there’s no way I can justify the cost. One hundred and fifty dollars, to be exact.

“Emily…” He reaches for my hand from across the booth. “If you want it, just tell me. You don’t have to worry about how much it costs, babe.”

My heart skips a beat. I hate to admit how much I like the way he calls me “babe.”

He smirks, and it shoots right to my belly, making me warm and completely aware of how much I’m attracted to him.

My stomach growls again.

Screw it. I should get that steak. I haven’t had a nice meal in forever.

There you go, Amara. Finally doing something for yourself for once.

“Steak sounds nice. Thanks, Fionn.” Even his name is sexy.

When the waitress returns with our drinks, he orders two steaks and mozzarella sticks, then hands her the menus. I sip on my Diet Coke, biting on the tip of the straw.

All the while, I take my time looking at him. Really looking.

His deep, dark mahogany strands are coiffed back—fuller at the top, tapered on the sides. His face looks as though it was carved by the gods themselves. The snake-and-floral tattoo on his right hand stretches to the tips of his fingers, making him appear dangerous. The veins on his neck throb beneath his skin, making it hard to concentrate on anything else besides how hot he is.

My body grows taut at the sight of him. At the words he said to me earlier, the way he wanted me…

I swear I’ve never felt anything like this before. I’m aching for his hands, his body, for every inch of him.

Who am I right now? These feelings are a little scary, but exciting too.

The desire to run my fingers across the stubble of his jaw, to touch him everywhere, fills my mind. In my thoughts, I can do whatever I want to him and have him do the same. Though I could never be that brave in reality.

It’s no surprise I find him attractive. He’s older. Confident. Has protective instincts. He’s objectively handsome in a very masculine, dominating kind of way. Any woman with eyes would agree.

I wish I had more experience with men, but Xander is the only man I’ve slept with, and I definitely don’t want him to be my last. I don’t have much to compare it to, but he never really cared if I got off. He just expected me to jump on top of him, and once he came, I was forgotten. I never even enjoyed it.

But being around Fionn, I’ve felt more in every inch of my body than I ever felt with Xander.

I want to know what good sex can actually be like. Emily swears it’s way better with a man who puts his woman first. Who enjoys getting her off multiple times before he comes himself. Xander never did that.

I’d like to believe there’s someone out there for me. Someone who’ll respect me and love me enough to be loyal. Or, you know, get me off? That’s not too much to ask.

I let out a sigh.

“What are you thinking about?” His husky tone slices through my thoughts.

Wondering how it’d feel to fuck you.

My face heats up. I never speak that way out loud.

“Nothing,” I finally answer, while he orders me a refill.

I hadn’t realized I’d sucked the holy hell out of this drink. It didn’t stand a chance against my nerves.

“Just thinking about things I have to do when I get back home.”

Like deal with her…

Makes my chest cinch every time I think about returning. I often picture myself running away and starting over. But I’d miss Emily too much. Wish I could afford my own place, but I can’t.

“Where are you from?”

Damn it. I can’t tell him that.

But the city is so big, there’s no way he’d find me with just a generic first name like Emily. “Boston.”

“Wow.” His brows hike. “No way.” He leans back into the leather. “I’m from Massachusetts too.”

Of course he is…

“Really?” I force a smile, hoping we aren’t close. “Where?”

“West Sherwood.” He grins. “About a hundred miles from you.”

I feel a bit relieved. That’s nowhere close to Boston.

“What do you do back home?” His discerning eyes take me in, like he’s trying to solve a puzzle.

“Uh, I work at a café.” I play with my straw. “It’s not much, but⁠—”

“Don’t do that.” His forehead creases as he drops his elbows on the table and leans in, staring at me with disapproval. “Don’t diminish what you do. You’re still young. Your entire life is ahead of you.”

My laugh is small as I fight not to tell him how wrong he is. There’s nothing waiting for me in the future.

“Yes, I’m only nineteen, but⁠—”

“Shit, I didn’t realize you’re that young.” He presses two fingers into his temple, face twisting up with obvious tension.

“Sorry?” I grimace.

Knew he wouldn’t be interested in girls my age.

He blows a breath. “Don’t be.”

“How old are you?”

“Thirty-one. Now, what were you saying?”

“Oh, it was nothing.”

“Here you are.” The waitress returns with our plates, placing them before us.

The steak looks perfect, with a medley of garden vegetables and mashed potatoes with some sort of yellowish sauce. He stares at me as I start to slice off a piece, popping it into my mouth, and as I do…

“Holy shit.” I let out a moan.

I don’t think I’ve ever tasted anything this good. It’s so tender, practically melting on my tongue if that’s possible.

He chuckles. “Good?”

“Amazing!”

That has him smirking, cutting into his own.

He continues to watch me eat, like he enjoys it. His eyes radiate with so much gentleness, I wonder if I’ll ever meet a man who treats me this nicely.

Then I think about how Xander was at first, and my happiness deflates.

“So, how about you?” I ask, needing to stop him from staring at me so intently. It’s hard to eat when he watches me like this. “Are you in business? Heard you say you own this hotel.”

He nods. “Yeah. My family and I run restaurants, hotels, bars, a farm too. A little of everything.”

“Ah, so you really do have money…”

Shit, why did I just say that? Need to learn how to keep some thoughts to myself.

A rugged half-smile tilts up his face, and my body coils with need. “A little.”

“Lucky you,” I whisper, wishing I had just enough to survive on without wondering if we’ll eat the next day.

“Hey…” A crease forms between his brows. “Do you need money?” He reaches for me again, clasping my fingers tight from across the table, his thumb drawing circles on my skin. “I can write you a check, no questions asked. Just give me a number.”

I jerk back with a small laugh, and my hand slips from his, feeling instantly cold. “No. My God, I’m sorry. I’m so embarrassed. I didn’t mean to sound like I was asking you for money.”

“You weren’t.” He reaches for me again, placing his palm over mine. “It was just an offer.”

My body warms at his touch.

Slipping out of his grasp, I pick up my drink, sucking in huge gulps. Of course I could use the money, especially because I need to buy a plane ticket back home.

I’ll have to call Emily and ask her to lend me some cash. I won’t accept this stranger’s money.

“You’re sweet for offering, but I’m fine. I swear.”

“If you change your mind, let me know,” he throws in casually, continuing with his meal.

“I won’t.”

He lowers his fork, locking his gaze with mine. “Look, I know we just met and you have no reason to trust my intentions, but I want nothing in return. I just wanna help you.”

My eyes water, and I peer down at the table. “I do appreciate that, but I’ll be okay.” My lips pinch tight as I return my attention to him. “I’m not looking to be your charity case, Fionn.”

A muscle in his jaw pops. “Is that what you think?”

“Why else would you offer me money?” I tilt a brow. “Do you go around asking people if they need money on a regular basis?”

“No.” His stare only intensifies. “But I can tell you need some help and I wanted to offer mine. That’s all.”

Straightening my spine, I pick up a mozzarella stick, dipping it in the marinara sauce. “Well, I appreciate that, but as I said, I’m fine.”

His mouth tenses as he stares hard at me, like he wants to argue some more. Instead, he lets out a frustrated exhale as he continues to eat, and I do the same, the tension thick between us.

“So tell me about your family.” I clear my throat, trying to change the subject and erase this unease that’s caused a wedge between us. “They must all be so happy with the wedding.”

He nods stiffly. “Mm-hmm. My brother never wanted to get married.”

“Oh?”

Then he’s filling me in on everyone in his family, and I’m thankful he’s dropped the money conversation. He’s apparently one of five siblings, with two sisters and two brothers. Must be nice to come from such a large family. All I ever had was myself. My dad split when I was only two, and my mom never had any more children.

I often wonder about my father. Who he is. If he’s still alive. My mother won’t tell me his name, and I’ve not been able to find my birth certificate. She’s hidden it somewhere just so I don’t find him. Whenever I try to bring him up, she shoots me down, angrily dismissing my questions.

When will you learn he doesn’t love you, Amara? He never has.

Those words are like a knife to my heart. Did my father really not love me, or is she just lying?

“You okay?” he asks, bringing me out of these awful reminders.

“Yeah, sorry.” I tug a few strands behind my ear. “I’m looking forward to the wedding. I’ve never been to one.”

He grins. “Wait until you see how we party.”

My eyes suddenly widen. I just realized I don’t have anything formal to wear. There are only two dresses in my small luggage, and he’s seeing one.

“Do you think I can wear this?” I glance down at my sundress.

“Of course you can.”

But just one look at his tux says otherwise. What choice is there, though? My other dress is way more casual than this.

We finish our food, and then he’s paying for the meal and walking me out toward the elevator.

As he stands beside me, his arm brushes mine, sending jolts of electricity shooting through my body. Both of us stare straight ahead at the elevator doors, waiting for them to open.

All the while, I wonder what he truly thinks about me. Does he really find me attractive? Is my age really a big deal? I mean, thirty-one isn’t that old. Though the thought of getting naked in front of him makes my stomach turn.

“Thanks for everything,” I tell him, meaning every word.

And I don’t just mean for the food, but for Xander too.

“Anytime.” His husky timbre lands in my gut and grips like thorny vines.

His eyes fix on mine, his jaw visibly flexing. My breathing grows shallower, unable to fight this connection I feel in my core every time he looks at me. His stare drops to my lips, and before I can wonder what he’ll do next, he takes a step forward, his body growing nearer second by second until it’s almost pressed to mine.

My stomach somersaults as a finger slowly brushes a strand of hair away from my face, his hooded gaze capturing mine where I stand.

As I remain here gazing up into his eyes, I wonder if he’ll kiss me, wishing he would.

Seconds tick by, and he doesn’t even try.

My heart instantly sinks when he backs away, running a hand down his face just as the elevator arrives.

We ride up together in complete silence—so heavy around us, I can feel it.

When the doors open, he’s the first to get out, waiting for me to follow. A few steps to the right, and we’re beside my room.

He hands me a keycard. “I’ll get you in a couple of hours.”

“Okay. Where are you staying?”

My eyes enlarge when he gestures toward the room next door.

“Oh.”

He chuckles dryly before his face turns intense. “Don’t look that excited.”

Those eyes hungrily scan my body, and my nipples grow achy and tight.

I clear my throat. “I just didn’t realize you’re right next to me.”

How am I going to sleep knowing this man is next door?

His hand lowers to my chin and he grasps it firmly, causing every inch of me to come alive. His eyes sink into mine—so deep and forceful, all I want is to be kissed by him. To feel something. Anything. It’s been so long since I’ve felt things besides anger and sadness.

I want to get lost in someone and forget my problems for a night.

His thumb brushes over my lips. “I wanted to be close by in case that asshole comes back.”

My skin tingles. He cared enough to watch out for me twice now.

“Thank you,” I whisper, the air around us thick with something I can’t name.

Temptation? Yearning?

His jaw flexes, eyes glassy as he peers at my parted mouth. I grow slick between my thighs, never once having felt this much desire for a man before.

“Go on inside,” he rasps, like a warning. Like if I don’t, he won’t be able to stop himself.

I don’t want him to.

When I bite my lip again, he growls.

“Fuck.” His croaky, hungered baritone sets my skin ablaze.

My heart races as he drops his mouth lower, and when it strokes mine, I let out a little moan.

But it’s not enough. I want a real kiss. An earth-shattering kiss.

“I need you to go inside, little rabbit.” His hand sinks into my hair and he tugs my head back, not letting me go.

Little rabbit.

My chest swells at the nickname.

His warm breath cascades down the column of my throat, and my palms grasp his biceps, hard and strong, causing my body to turn molten. I’d let this man do anything to me right now.

Forget my insecurities. Forget everything but the two of us.

My God. Emily was right, and I haven’t even slept with him.

“You’re killing me.” His whispered breath across the shell of my ear has me clenching my knees, aching for him, needing to feel him inside me.

His head moves back an inch, eyes boring deeper before his mouth falls closer.

And closer.

Oh God. He’s gonna kiss me. Really kiss me.

Just when I think he’s about to, he pulls my forehead to his.

“I need you to go inside before I do something I can’t take back.”

Before I can argue that I want him to, he pushes off me, taking the keycard I forgot I was holding and opening my door.

“Go on.” A hand at the small of my back ushers me into the room, and my face falls.

I stare up at him, my body flushed, need filling my veins while his eyes drink me in, unable to stop himself.

“I’ll see you in a bit.” His nostrils flare, eyes hooded.

Then he’s closing my door, leaving me there wondering how I’m supposed to forget a man like him.

When his door slams shut, I lean against the wall, a mess of emotions, unsure how my life could’ve changed this much in such a short time.