Chapter 19

“You look stunning,” Raven says as she analyses the emerald evening gown she designed, her smile bittersweet. None of us have managed a real smile since we learned about grandma’s illness. Not even work and my sudden engagement to Xavier have been able to distract me from it.

I’m acutely aware that I only have a few more months left with my sweet grandmother, and I don’t want to spend them fighting with her. It’s clear he’s not willing to walk away, and if marrying Xavier is what’ll make her happy, then I’ll play my part. I just hope he does too. I’m not sure what it’ll do to her if she finds out what kind of person he is behind his charming smiles.

“Since you’re both going, you should’ve just attended together,” Raven says carefully. She’s tried to talk to me about Xavier and our engagement a few times, and each time, I’ve shut her down. For so long, I’d imagined what it’d be like to find out who I’d marry. Raven and I would cyber stalk him first, and then we’d tail him the way we did to Celeste, to make sure he’s a good person and not some kind of whacko, and it’d be this whole experience.

But since it’s Xavier, I don’t need to do any of those things. I know he’s not meant for me. I know he’s not a good match, not in any shape or form. Raven knows it too, and she’s the one person I don’t want to lie to. I can’t keep up a pretense when I’m facing my best friend, who knows about all my romantic dreams that’ll never come true.

“It’d just start rumors, and I don’t want anyone to know. I plan to keep our marriage a secret, and the second I can, I’ll divorce him.”

Raven looks at me with twinkling, knowing eyes. “We’ll see.”

I huff and mess with the fabric of my dress. “I will.”

“Windsors don’t divorce, Sierra,” she says, smirking. “Not because it isn’t possible, but because the matches are always right — even if grandma has to scheme and trick us into thinking we were making our own choices.”

“There’s an exception to every rule,” I tell her, shrugging.

She laughs. “Perhaps, but you won’t be it.”

I glare at her. “Honestly, what’s gotten into you? I thought you’d be on my side, and you just haven’t been.”

She reaches for me and gently pushes my hair out of my face. “I’m always on your side, babe,” she says, sincerity oozing off her. “But what I won’t do is pretend I don’t see what grandma sees. He’s a perfect match for you, and deep down, you know it too. You’re just too scared to admit it, to put your heart on the line.”

I stare at my best friend, my heart aching. “Forget it,” I mutter, defeated. “There’s no talking to you when you’re like this.”

She knows how hard it is for me to let someone in. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been too scared of the eventual pain that comes with loving someone, the inevitable abandonment. Raven has always been my only real friend, the only one I’ve let in that wasn’t already essentially family. Even Celeste was already Zane’s girlfriend when I first befriended her.

Every other friendship I’ve ever had has been shallow, never growing beyond pleasantries. I can’t even imagine opening myself up to Xavier — he’d just use every single thing he learns about me as ammunition to eventually tear me down. Surely Raven sees that too?

“Sierra?” Raven says as she walks me to the door. “It takes time to learn how to communicate with your partner, especially if you have history. Give him the benefit of the doubt, okay?”

I purse my lips and nod, but I can’t help the tinge of vulnerability I feel. The thought of trusting him, only to have him betray my trust… I’m not sure I’d be able to take that.

My sense of foreboding follows me all the way into the annual real estate charity auction, and just as I’ve decided that coming tonight was a mistake, I spot Xavier across the room. He looks incredible in that tuxedo, and for a few moments, I just stare at him, struggling to comprehend that Xavier Kingston is about to become my husband — in no less than three weeks, if my grandmother gets her way.

He looks up, and then he takes a second look at me, his eyes lighting up with equal parts surprise and appreciation. He smiles when he notices I’m wearing one of the Laurier pieces he sent me, and I hesitantly take a step toward him, only for Valeria to appear by his side.

My heart twists painfully, and I turn around, rushing away to the restrooms in need for a moment to myself. I stare at myself in the mirror without really seeing myself — all I can see is the way Valeria just grabbed his arm, and the way he instantly turned to look at her with pure tenderness in his eyes. I should’ve known there’d never truly be trust and loyalty between us, but a small part of me had hoped that he meant what he said, that things would’ve changed, and he’d have come here alone. If I’m truly honest with myself, that’s why I’m here, to see for myself what my marriage to Xavier would look like, what his word is worth.

“Sierra?”

I blink in surprise when Valeria walks in, her long, dark, wavy hair cascading down to her waist, enhancing the way she looks in that deep crimson evening gown. I’ve never seen her up close, and it pains me to admit that she’s even more beautiful than I thought she was. She’s a natural kind of beauty, the kind that barely needs to wear any makeup to look perfect, like Raven.

“It’s Sierra, isn’t it? We’ve never formally met, but I’m Valeria.”

She wrings her hands, seemingly growing more nervous by the second. She gives off a sweet and innocent kind of vibe, kind of like Faye, and I can easily see why Xavier is so protective of her.

“I… um, well, I just wanted to clear some misunderstandings about Xavier and me.”

“And why would you need to do that?” I ask, trying my best to push aside my distaste. For years, I’ve caught glimpses of her, built an opinion of her based on nothing but my own perception, and now that I’m facing her, I don’t know what to make of her.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve congratulated you first. It’s just that I saw the way you looked at Xavier when you walked in, and the way your expression fell when you saw me.”

Had I been that obvious? Insecurity unlike anything I’ve ever felt before renders me speechless, and Valeria smiles shakily.

“I know what Xavier is like,” she says, “and he’s just not the best with words. He tends to hide behind this facade he’s crafted, and I’m concerned he’d just let you misunderstand because he doesn’t know how to explain himself. It’s all my fault, but he tends to be scared to say the wrong thing, so unless he loses his temper, he just doesn’t really say anything at all.”

I tense and look away, something akin to jealousy putting its claws in me. “I don’t need you to make excuses for my fiancé,” I tell her, my tone more hostile than I’d intended. “Nor is it necessary for you to show off just how well you know him, or how close you are. I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing that for myself over the last few years.”

I study her for a moment, my heart aching. So this is Xavier’s type. She’s my polar opposite. I’m much taller than her, curvier, and I’m most certainly not soft-spoken, like she is. Disappointment blends with helplessness as I step away from her.

“No, please,” she says. “You’re misunderstanding. Oh god, I didn’t mean to… I just thought…”

I look over my shoulder and raise a brow, uncertain whether that desperate look in her eyes is all an act. “I suggest you think twice the next time you decide to educate me on anything related to my fiancé.”

My entire body is tense when I walk out, and my steps falter when I find Xavier waiting just outside the restrooms. For a second, it crosses my mind that he might have come looking for me, but then his gaze moves past me, pausing on the door.

“She’s inside,” I tell him, my voice carrying a hint of bitterness.

He looks at me in a way he has never before — with suspicion and blame. “What did you do to her?” he asks, his tone threatening. He’s never spoken to me that way before.

My heart twists painfully, and I step closer to him, pure fury rushing through my veins. “What do you think, Xavier?” I ask.

No woman has ever been able to inspire that kind of emotion in him — until her. Is this what I’ll have to contend with throughout our marriage? He clearly has no eyes for anyone but her, and I’m not sure why that hurts as much as it does.

“Xave!” Valeria says from behind me. He instantly steps away from me, and I stumble back as I watch the two of them together. He looks her over and exhales in relief, and his behavior answers every unspoken question I had, destroys every last shred of hope.

“Xavier, if this is what fidelity and loyalty look like for you, I don’t want it.” My voice breaks on the last few words, and I hate myself for it.