Chapter 59

My entire body tenses when I pull up in front of my grandmother’s house and find Xavier leaning against the hood of his car, his arms crossed. He’s wearing one of the suits I bought for him, and it’s unfair how good it looks on him. My heart races wildly as I step out of my car, and he straightens when I walk up to him, his arms falling to his side.

“You’re here.”

He nods. “You asked me to come.”

“I also asked you to come home.”

Xavier looks away and sighs. “I think this might not be the time or place to discuss that.”

I nod, my heart wrenching. “Right. When is it ever?” I smile humorlessly and take a step away from him, but he grabs my waist and pulls me flush against him.

“What are you doing?” I ask, trying not to notice how good he smells, how amazing he feels against me.

Xavier wraps his hand into my hair, and I instinctively place my palm against his chest, noting how fast it’s beating. “Your grandmother is standing by the window,” he says, dropping his forehead to mine.

Disappointment washes over me, and I let my eyes flutter closed in an attempt to hide the pain. “Thank you for putting up an act for her,” I tell him, my breathing uneven. It’s been so long since we’ve been close enough to kiss each other, and I’ve missed it even more than I realized. “She’s been worried about you. I told her that you broke a few bones on a skiing trip, but when you didn’t join me for a few weeks straight, she grew suspicious. I didn’t realize you’d still been going to see her every other week, without me, and I ended up misspeaking. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

It hurts to know that he kept seeing Grandma without me. He couldn’t have made it clearer that it’s just me he doesn’t want anymore. “No inconvenience at all,” he says, cupping my face. I lean into his touch without thinking and tense when I realize what I just did, but he tightens his grip on my hair before I have a chance to pull away. “Pretend for me, Kitten. There’s no need to worry your grandmother. Our issues are ours, and they shouldn’t affect her, especially not given her health.”

I sigh and wrap my arms around his neck, laying my head on his chest the way I used to. He hugs me tightly, and for a few moments, it’s easy to pretend nothing has changed between us.

I’ve barely seen him since that day in his office, and every phone conversation or meeting we’ve had since felt cold and impersonal. Every time I even remotely gave him any indication that I was treating him as my husband at work, and not just a business partner, his expression would fall, and eventually, I stopped trying, unable to bear feeling like I was pushing unwanted affections on him.

We’ve been around either his family or mine a handful of times since, but each time, he conveniently found ways to be on the other side of the room, as far away from me as he could be without drawing suspicion. I’ve learned to fake bright smiles and hide red eyes, and slowly but surely, I’ve gotten used to sleeping alone.

“Let’s go in,” I say, pushing off him, my eyes on my feet as I turn toward Grandma’s front door, only to startle when he grabs my hand and entwines our fingers. I glance at our joined hands, my heart throbbing painfully as he pulls me along.

I smile at my grandmother when we walk in, and she seems relieved to see us together, her gaze moving between us. “Hi Grams!” I murmur, injecting as much excitement into my voice as I can before rushing up to her and enveloping her in a tight hug. I try my best not to notice how thin she is these days, how sickly she looks. I remember when she seemed invincible, an immovable boulder in my life, and I took it for granted. I thought she’d always be there, her arms providing me with shelter during the toughest storms. When did our roles reverse?

“Xavier,” she says, tutting. “I’d begun to worry about you both, you know? Seems like it was for naught, judging by how indecently you behaved with my sweet little girl right in front of my house.”

He chuckles, the sound having become so foreign to me that I can’t help but sneak a look at him as he approaches us. “I do apologize,” he tells Grams, pressing a kiss to her cheek before offering her his arm.

She takes it like she’s used to him offering her assistance, and I watch them together, noting how close they are, how much he seems to care. Xavier helps her onto her chair at the kitchen island, and it pains me to see how easily she tires these days. “I’m glad I wasn’t wrong about you,” she says, cupping his face. Xavier tenses, his eyes widening, and I frown, surprised by his reaction. “When you came to me, all but begging me to let you marry Sierra, I almost said no, since you’d thrown a wrench in my plans. If not for my grandsons telling me they stood by your decision, I wouldn’t have been swayed.”

“What?”

Grandma smiles at me, that same old cunning look in her eyes. It’s faded now, and she looks worn out, but it’s still there. “Will you do something for me, my sweet girl?”

I nod and reach for her hand, well aware she just evaded my question. “Of course.”

“Spend the night here, both of you. I don’t think I have many nights left, Sierra. I’d like to spend one more under the same roof with you both, just to put my own heart at ease. Let me sit with you for a few hours tonight, and let me make you two breakfast tomorrow. I’d like to see with my own two eyes that you’re happy, that you’ll be okay without me.”

“I won’t be,” I tell her, my voice breaking. “You can’t leave me, Grandma. I won’t be okay without you.” Tears fill my eyes, and Xavier pulls me into his arms as I try my best not to cry. I cling to him, and he cups the back of my head, my nose pressed to his neck.

“We’ll spend the night,” he tells grandma, hugging me tightly. “But only if you promise not to say things like that. You’re breaking my heart, Grams.”

“Fine,” she says, and I pull away from Xavier a little, acutely aware she’s watching us. He must be too, because he cups my face, his gaze roaming over me like he’s really seeing me, for the first time in months. I look into his eyes as he leans in and presses a soft kiss to my forehead, and it takes all my strength not to burst into tears all over again.