Chapter 4

ANNA

They arrived back at the den together, Zach having easily caught up to Anna.

They had walked in companionable silence, and it made Anna wonder why she was more comfortable with Zach as a wolf than as a man.

When he was human, she felt intimidated by him even though he had done nothing to provoke that.

It seemed silly to be less intimidated by a huge wolf that could chomp her whole almost in one bite.

As they came around the boulder, Zach bounded off to his clothes that he had left neatly folded next to the cave entrance, and Anna quickly averted her gaze as a cloud of sparks seemed to envelop his body, transforming him from wolf to man.

He dressed in record time and turned to look at Anna, who was still steadfastly looking away until he cleared his throat.

“It’s safe to look.”

His voice was filled with humor, but Anna ignored him and started walking down the steep slope into the den.

She tried to concentrate on her footing, but he was close behind her, a force of heat at her back that made her feel lightheaded.

One second, she was putting one foot in front of the other, and the next, her entire body was starting to topple down toward the bottom of the incline.

Just as she began to brace for impact, his hands grabbed both her shoulders and wrenched her back against him.

Anna’s breath rushed out of her lungs as her body collided with his.

The heat seemed to sear her skin at every point of contact, even through her clothes. Anna inhaled sharply, feeling like electricity was coursing between their bodies.

The feeling only lasted a second before Anna quickly shrugged off his hands and stepped away from him.

“Uh... thanks...” She turned to look at him and found his intense blue eyes fastened on her face.

They seemed to almost glow in the dim lighting of the cave and made Anna wonder if he could read every thought running through her head.

He kept watching her closely for a silent moment, his face completely unreadable.

Eventually, he gestured for her to keep walking, and after they reached the bottom of the slope, Zach took the lead.

Anna followed him until they were back at the infirmary.

There was nobody there, but Zach walked across the room to a door that Anna hadn’t noticed before.

He knocked briskly, and Natalie called out, “Yes, come in.” As they walked in, Natalie stood up from her chair.

She looked flustered, with her brown hair starting to fall out of a loose ponytail and a small pencil tucked behind one of her ears.

She was seated in front of a large wooden desk littered with various papers and files.

Anna glanced around the room, noting that the walls were decorated with pictures that young pups had drawn for Natalie.

Anna walked in, and after Natalie gestured for her to sit, she fell into a soft armchair that faced the desk, still feeling out of sorts after the perplexing moment she had had with Zach.

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, watching as he leaned against a wall with one knee propped against it and his arms folded across his chest.

He didn’t seem fazed at all, so Anna concluded that she was reading way too much into…whatever it had been.

He obviously hadn’t felt what she had felt.

She must have imagined how luminous his eyes had looked, and when he had paused, it was probably just to check whether she was okay, like any good alpha would.

Natalie sat back down behind her desk and started talking.

Anna blinked at her, trying to focus on her words while ignoring the silent male on the other side of the room.

“I’m glad you’re back. Anna, Zach told me that you’re having trouble shifting. Can you describe exactly what happens?”

She smiled, clearly trying to make Anna feel at ease. Anna thought about it for a minute, trying to find the words.

“I was able to shift from the time I could walk, just like everyone else. Over time, I remember it seemed to get harder… It would take me a few seconds longer and then even more the next time. It felt like my wolf was in a fog, one that I couldn’t penetrate at all.”

Anna sat back, staring at a space beyond Natalie’s head.

“I could still feel it right beneath the surface though whenever I was sad or angry. Until…”

Anna trailed off, her eyes darted to Zach before looking at Natalie again.

Natalie, who had grabbed the pencil behind her ear and started to jot down notes as Anna spoke, lifted her head when Anna stopped. She looked at her intently.

“Until?” Her voice was quiet as if she didn’t want to scare Anna into silence.

Anna looked down at her hands, noting that they were clasped so tightly together that her knuckles were almost white. She almost didn’t want to say it.

It was something she had never spoken out loud to anyone, although she guessed most of her family had known.

“I haven’t felt my wolf for almost a year.” Her voice seemed shockingly loud in the quiet room, but Anna refused to look up.

She didn’t want to see their reaction to her revelation.

She knew that she should have mentioned this when she had transferred, but she had been so desperate to leave her pack that she didn’t want to risk Silver River rejecting her.

Now Zach knew and would probably make sure she was in the first car out of there.

His words came back to her about how he thought Gray Wing was planning on using her as a weapon.

She knew that there was no way he would let her stay, not if she was weak and he saw her as a possible threat to the pack.

She chanced a look at him, peeking out from under her lashes, and swallowed hard when she found him watching her intently.

His head was tilted down and his brow furrowed, casting a shadow over his eyes.

“I would like to run some tests.”

Natalie’s voice made Anna glance back at her. The healer, leaning back in her chair, was also considering her intently.

“I think that deprivation from the pack energy is to blame here.”

She put the pencil back behind her ear and leaned forward, crossing her arms on the desk.

“I’ll be honest; I haven’t seen too many cases like yours, but whenever a shifter has reached the point of not being able to feel their animal…well, that’s the critical point. Not long after, the human form usually starts deteriorating. I think it’s a credit to your strength that you’re still able to sit in front of us today.”

Anna had some doubts about that, but she didn’t comment, mulling over the healer’s words.

“Is my wolf gone forever?” Her voice was quiet, but she was proud that it came out clear and sure.

She hadn’t stumbled over her words, although her head was a swirling mess of emotions and fears.

“I can’t say for sure, Anna…but I don’t think so.” Natalie got up from her seat and came around to Anna’s chair.

She dragged Anna up into a hug, and Anna stood stiffly before awkwardly hugging her back.

After a moment, she felt some of her tension leave and relaxed against the healer. It had been so long since anyone had comforted her.

“Don’t worry, Anna. I think you are going to be just fine. I believe that with all of my being. Now, go and get some rest.”

***

Anna ended up back in her quarters, sitting on the bed and staring blindly around the room.

She felt overwhelmed by everything that had happened today, and her time with Zach kept playing on her mind.

He had walked her back to her room but had been utterly silent, and it was not the comfortable silence they had shared outside when Zach was a wolf.

This silence had been filled with tension, and by the time they had reached her door, Anna’s head had been aching.

Her thoughts kept racing, thinking about everything that had happened since transferring and wondering what her future at Silver River would be like, or if she even had one.

The last thing Zach would want was a shifter who couldn’t, well, shift.

What could she even offer to the pack that would benefit them or make them stronger?

The starkness of her quarters made Anna glad she hadn’t gone shopping yet.

If she were asked to leave, the only things she would need to pack were her clothes. She was beginning to wish that she had never come here.

At least with Gray Wing, she’d known what her place was.

She may have been at the bottom of the food chain, but at least she hadn’t been filled with all of this uncertainty.

However, the thought of returning to Gray Wing made Anna’s stomach churn, and she worried her teeth into her bottom lip.

She couldn’t go back there, no matter what happened.

Anna went into the bathroom and splashed cold water onto her face. As she patted her face dry with a towel, she looked in the mirror.

Her eyes still looked bruised and her skin was pale, but a little color was coming back into her cheeks.

She wondered what Zach must think of her. A second later, she cursed herself for caring what he would think.

She had only just met him, and alpha or not, what he thought of her didn’t matter. Anna steeled her spine.

If Zach decided that she couldn’t fit in here, she would never go back to Gray Wing.

If they decided she couldn’t stay, she would go off on her own and make a life for herself far from either of the packs.

***

A couple of days later, Anna was sitting by herself at a table eating lunch in the dining hall.

She had just taken a bite of a BLT sandwich when a middle-aged woman approached her table.

She had dark-brown hair streaked with gray and swept up into a bun.

She wore a white singlet tucked into a brightly colored boho skirt with a denim jacket thrown on top.

Both her wrists were covered in bangles that chimed together with every movement of her arms.

She sat down across from Anna without waiting for an invitation, smiling warmly.

“Hi, Anna,” she greeted. “I’m Theresa, the lead maternal.” Anna took the hand that Theresa proffered and shook it.

“Hi, Theresa, nice to meet you.” Anna smiled back at her, taking an instant liking to the woman. She emanated a warm, welcoming feeling. “How are you?”

“I really think I should be asking you that. You’ve had a bit of a rough start here.”

Theresa tilted her head, her green eyes sweeping over Anna’s face and lingering on the dark rings still prominent under Anna’s eyes.

“Definitely not the first impression I wanted to make!” Anna said ruefully. “I’m perfectly fine now, though.”

“I’m glad to hear that because this isn’t really a social visit.”

Theresa turned to wave at someone who had called out her name before refocusing on Anna.

“Everyone who was welcomed during the ceremony has been assigned roles within the pack. All of them except one…you. I’ve spoken with Zach, and we think you would definitely suit a role under my jurisdiction.”

Anna took a moment to let that information sink in, relief flooding her body. This had to mean they were letting her stay.

There was no way they would assign her somewhere and then kick her out…right? Anna felt the churning in her stomach lessen just a little bit.

“Where were you thinking of putting me?” she asked Theresa, pushing her plate away.

There was still half a BLT left on it, but her appetite was still missing in action after all the turmoil of the past week.

“That’s what I wanted to speak with you about.” Theresa swiped the uneaten sandwich from Anna’s plate, winking at Anna as she did.

“I’d really like your input. From what I understand, you don’t have a lot of experience in anything. Sorry.”

She grimaced as she saw Anna wince.

“No, it’s okay.” Anna laughed, but it was a harsh and self-deprecating sound. “It’s only the truth.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter. I know you’ll be a great learner.” Theresa reached over and patted one of Anna’s hands comfortingly.

“Now, is there a particular area that you think you would enjoy working in? There’s the kitchens, gardens and farms, cleaning… The list goes on.”

She took a bite of the sandwich she was holding, watching Anna patiently as she chewed.

Anna placed her elbows on the table, cupping her chin in her palms. She looked around the room as if trying to find inspiration.

She tried to imagine herself in all the different jobs. Gardens involved dirt, so no. She couldn’t imagine she would be any good in the kitchen; she’d probably lose a finger.

It was so hard because she really had no idea what she could be good at except…maybe…

“Is there any chance that I could possibly work in the nursery?” she asked tentatively.

“I don’t have a lot of experience, but I did sometimes get put in charge of the young when everyone else was busy. I love children. I think I’m better with children than adults, actually. I think I could be quite good in the nursery if that’s okay… If it’s not, I guess I could give cleaning a go.”

Theresa grinned at her, and Anna trailed off as she became aware that she was nervously rambling.

“I think you would suit the nursery, actually.” Theresa finished the sandwich and abruptly pushed away from the table, standing up.

“You’ll start tomorrow. Meet me outside the nursery at eight o’clock sharp, and I’ll introduce you to the other carers.”

Without waiting for a response, Theresa walked away, greeting several other pack members as she went.

Anna watched her go, feeling a little shell-shocked. That was easy.

She had thought she would be assigned to a job that was tough to get volunteers for, something difficult or gross.

To be in the nursery, though, with the young… A bright smile took over Anna’s face. This was something she could be good at and really enjoy.

She was still smiling when Mitch slid into the seat that Theresa had vacated.

He placed his plate down on the table and Anna eyeballed it; it was overflowing with food. Mitch grinned at the look on her face.

“Just a light snack.” He shrugged. “Gotta keep my energy levels up for training!”

“Of course,” Anna agreed. “Can’t have you wasting away… I feel like you’re fading away right before my eyes!”

Mitch rolled his eyes at her dramatics before digging into his food.

“I saw you talking to Theresa,” he said between mouthfuls. “Did you get a job?”

“Yes! I’ve been assigned to work in the nursery!”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Mitch looked at her commiseratingly. “That is just the worst… There wasn’t any room for you in the kitchens?”

Anna looked at him in confusion, but he just kept on going.

“Just imagine being stuck with pups all day. Poop and snot everywhere… Not to mention the crying and the whining.”

Anna laughed, finally holding up a hand to stop Mitch’s rant.

“Actually, I asked to be put there. I like kids—poop, snot, and all.”

Mitch eyed her like she was certifiably insane before confirming it by saying, “I don’t think I can be friends with an insane person. My mom wouldn’t like it.”

Anna laughed before pushing herself up from her seat.

“Well, the world would be a little less fun if I weren’t insane. I’m going to go for a walk. Enjoy your lunch.”

Mitch waved her off, his mouth too full to say anything.

***

Anna left the dining hall and turned left, smiling at the people she passed on the way. She didn’t really have a destination in mind, but she was feeling restless.

Her feet seemed to have a mind of their own, and so Anna decided to let them lead her.

Zach popped into her head, and she wondered what he was doing. She hadn’t seen him since he’d walked her to her room, which was obviously normal. He was the alpha to a pack of two hundred-something wolves, which must keep him very busy.

A new pack member who couldn’t shift wouldn’t even come up on his radar.

Anna growled at herself, shaking her head to clear it of all thoughts of Zach Thomas. It was ridiculous how much she kept thinking of him, especially since she had just met him.

He was so far out of her league. He was a powerful alpha, and she was a weak shifter who couldn’t even shift. He was strong and confident, while she was an insecure little girl whose own family had despised her.

Anna suddenly lifted her head, looking around.

She had been walking for a while, and the cave system looked slightly familiar, but then again, all the halls around here did.

They were all shaped from the rock, with lights and ventilation shafts in the ceiling. Anna could tell that she had never been down this way before.

The smells from the kitchen tended to waft through the halls, especially around the living quarters. Here, though, the smell was completely different. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it told Anna this was an unexplored area for her.

There was no foot traffic down this way either, which was unusual compared to what Anna had seen from the den so far.

There were always people around, doing jobs or just socializing. Anna couldn’t even hear any voices. The silence was unnerving.

She wondered if it was getting darker the farther she walked but decided that her mind was playing tricks on her.

Anna froze, her head tilting back as she sniffed the air.

There was a new smell invading the hallway. It was faint, but it made something shift inside of her.

It almost felt like a part of her was waking up from a deep sleep. Anna glanced down at her body as if she could somehow work out what was going on inside by just staring at it.

She kept walking forward, trying to find the source of the smell. As she moved, her ears picked up muffled voices.

They seemed to be coming from a room around thirty feet in front of her, and they were increasing in volume as if the occupants of the room were standing just on the other side of the door.

Anna stopped, staring intently at the door. She didn’t even realize she was holding her breath as she waited for it to open.

When it did, everything felt like it moved in slow motion. The people standing inside the room were still talking, not moving yet.

Anna could hear their voices, although she couldn’t make out what they were saying.

One voice, in particular, reached her ears. Anna began to panic and her eyes darted around, looking for somewhere, anywhere, to hide.

The nearest door was right next to the one that was open, and there was no way she could reach it without being seen or heard.

Anna spun on her heel and started walking quickly in the opposite direction.

She didn’t even register that as soon as she had started walking, the voices had fallen quiet.

“Anna?” Her name was spoken softly, but Anna pretended that she hadn’t heard it.

Her breathing was hard and fast, her cheeks starting to flush in embarrassment at being caught here.

She could now guess why her stupid feet had walked her in this direction.

“Anna.” He was closer and now his voice was harsh, cracking her name into the air like a whip.

Anna couldn’t act like she hadn’t heard that, and she froze, almost as if she had smacked right into a wall.

She tried to slow her breathing down, but his scent seemed to surround her, and it was all she could focus on.

After a moment, she turned her head to look at him over her shoulder.

He was standing right behind her, his head tilted slightly to the side as he watched her.

He was so close that she could see flecks in his eyes that looked silver in this light. They bored into her intensely.

It felt as if they were burning a path right to her soul, and Anna felt like a wide-open book, unable to hide anything from him.

A lock of white hair was flopping around on his forehead, and her palm itched to push it back, to touch his hair and find out if it felt as wonderful on her skin as his fur had.

Anna gave him a wan smile before saying, “Uh, hi.”

He didn’t move or speak, just kept watching her and waiting.

She didn’t know what for, but she felt like she had to fill the silence. “I took a wrong turn, but gotta go. Bye.”

She waved a hand weakly at him before turning on her heel and walking off. She managed to stop herself from breaking into a sprint, but barely.

She had only moved around ten feet when a large hand wrapped firmly around her bicep.

Anna gasped quietly, feeling the same sparks she had felt when he had stopped her from falling.

She felt like her heart was going to beat itself right out of her chest.

His grip was gentle, but Anna knew for a fact that she was not going anywhere while he held onto her.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

The words were tinged with amusement, and Anna bet everything she owned that one corner of his lips was curled up into a smile, but she refused to look.

He slowly reached around as if he was trying not to spook her and grabbed her other arm, tugging until her body turned to face him.

She let herself be moved, but Anna stared steadfastly ahead, her eyes locked on his chest.

“B-back to my quarters,” Anna groaned inwardly, wanting to pinch herself for sounding like a stuttering idiot. She cleared her throat and tried again.

“I was exploring, but I’m done for the day, so…yeah.”

That was a slight improvement—a full, coherent sentence.

Then, there was a long pause where neither of them said anything and no one moved.

Eventually, Anna couldn’t take the silence anymore and she peeked up at him.

He was staring at her face thoughtfully, but when his eyes met hers, his lips quirked up into a smile.

“Here, I’ll take you. Wouldn’t want you to take a wrong turn again.”

Zach let go of her arm, and Anna turned to start walking back the way she had come.

As he fell into step beside her, he rested his hand on the small of her back.

Anna’s breath hitched in her chest, her entire being focusing on the warm imprint she could feel through her shirt.

The rest of her body felt cold compared to where his hand was, and she couldn’t decide if she wanted him to stop touching her or not.

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, but he was staring straight ahead. His expression was serious as if he was deep in thought, and he gave no clue as to what he was feeling.

It made her wonder if the physical reaction was completely one-sided. Anna quickly turned her eyes forward again before he could catch her looking at him.

She wondered why being in his company felt so different this time, so much more intense.

She had been nervous the other day, but today, apart from when he had caught her, she didn’t feel like she was going to burst into flames just because his hand was resting on her.

She felt almost intoxicated standing next to him and began to wonder if maybe he just had this kind of effect on every female.

The thought of Zach with any other female made her scowl, and she felt Zach turn to her.

“What’s the matter?” he asked quietly. Anna steadfastly refused to look at him and shrugged her shoulders.

“Nothing,” she murmured. “Just wondering how anyone gets around here without getting lost.”

Zach raised a disbelieving eyebrow at her but answered anyway.

“I’ll get a special map printed, just for you.”

“No need,” she replied smartly. “I have a fantastic sense of direction.”

“Didn’t you just say that taking a wrong turn made you end up here?” Anna stopped walking so that she could turn and glare up at him, her hands on her hips.

His own hand fell away from her, and she had an internal war over whether she was disappointed or relieved.

“How very rude of you to point that out.”

Anna poked him in the chest and almost immediately regretted it, especially when he started laughing at her.

She growled softly before stomping off, but heavy footsteps followed her.

“Stop following me!”

“I’m just making sure your sense of direction doesn’t let you down again.”

Anna ignored him as she turned a corner and immediately recognized where she was.

She could hear chatter coming from the dining hall at the other end of the hallway.

She turned to face Zach and said grumpily, “Okay, go away. I know where I am now.”

Zach watched her thoughtfully for a moment, not commenting on her ungratefulness.

“Has Theresa spoken with you?” Anna blinked at the sudden change of subject before nodding.

She focused on a point over his left shoulder. He was easier to talk to if she didn’t have to look at his face, especially his eyes.

“I’m starting at the nursery tomorrow.”

Zach put both hands into the front pockets of his blue jeans, his eyes never leaving her face.

Anna could feel herself turning red again, and she ducked her head so that he wouldn’t be able to see. She focused on his dark gray shirt. It was a V-necked shirt, she noted, with short sleeves that left his large arms bare.

She couldn’t quite drag her eyes away from the bottom of the V, which showed his tan neck and the top of his chest.

“Are you happy with that placement?” he asked and she nodded her head, not trusting her voice.

She thought about how nice it would be to bite him right where his shirt was open, right where his neck met his shoulder.

“Are you happy with your quarters?”

She nodded again, not really hearing him, her eyes still glued to that spot on his neck. She didn’t notice that her breathing had sped up.

“Anna.” His voice had deepened, if that was possible, and it was rough with a growl that seemed to start in his chest. Her eyes jerked up to his.

His eyes were luminous, almost as if they were glowing, and Anna knew his wolf was close to the surface.

She swallowed hard and watched as his eyes dropped to watch the bulge in her throat.

His nostrils flared as if he was smelling something, and his head lowered toward her. She heard a rumbling start within him, and panic filled her body.

“I’m s-sorry, I have to g-go,” Anna stuttered, and before he could say anything, she sprinted off in the direction of her room.

She didn’t dare glance behind her, but she instinctively knew that this time, he wasn’t following her.

She didn’t stop running until she reached her room, got inside, and slammed the door shut. She leaned against it, breathing hard and wondering what the hell had just happened.

She made a decision right then to stay away from the alpha. Anyone who made her act like a crazy person was definitely someone she needed to avoid.