Damon's POV

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

This shouldn't hurt this much. It shouldn't hurt like this. Marrying Anya was supposed to solve everything. It was supposed to make things better, not worse.

But it was worse. Wasn’t it?

Dante had just stormed out of the house, and I could feel his pain. He was my brother; of course, I could feel his pain. He was hurting, and so was I. But for completely different reasons. He was in despair because of Anya, and I was in pain because of Clarissa.

I didn’t want to be the reason he was like this. I didn’t want to hurt my brother. And I sure as hell didn’t want to hurt Clarissa. But what the hell was the right thing to do? What other choice could I have made to make things better?

I knew from the start that Dante would have reacted badly to the news, so I asked for enough time to explain things to him, but Anya did not give me that time. When we were in the room, she didn’t wait for me, she immediately told him everything. I was not prepared for it at all. Seeing my brother like this was affecting me horribly.

But the real pain, the main reason my heart was squeezing painfully in my chest, was the beautiful woman in front of me. She was staring at me as if I’d just broken her heart into a million pieces.

That was never the intention. I was trying to protect her heart, not break it.

I swallow. It’s the only movement I could allow my body to make right now. It hurts even to breathe while staring at her eyes, now filled with unshed tears.

Fuck ME. I can’t believe that I’m the one that’s hurting her like this. In the past, I would kill anyone that made her cry but this time, I was the culprit. I was the asshole making her cry.

Anya was not supposed to break the news like this. I told her to give me time. I told her that I didn’t want to announce it today. Why did she have to do this? I knew it had to happen eventually, but I wasn’t ready to break the news to Clarissa. At least, not like this.

I wanted to ease her into it. I wanted to make sure that she was ready to hear this announcement. Anya had beaten me to it, and now I had to pick up the broken pieces. I had to pick up the pieces of Clarissa’s broken heart and somehow find a way to put them back together, to make it whole again. But I knew she wouldn’t let me, not with the way she was looking at me in disbelief. She never expected this from me; I knew that much.

She’s waiting for me to give her an answer. She’s waiting for me to confirm what Anya said is true. But I can’t seem to form the words in my mouth. I’m suddenly at a loss for words. I don’t want her to hate me. I don’t want her to be disappointed in me. Even though everything Anya said was true, I didn’t want to confirm it.

I can feel all eyes on us. My entire family is standing around us. My parents and grandfather had just joined and were catching up on what was happening. My whole family was watching us, everyone except Dante.

I still had no clue how to break the news to my parents. Why did Anya do this? Why did she make the announcement without asking me first?

“Tell me,” Clarissa whispers; this time, her voice breaks, tugging at my heart. It took all of my self-control not to reach forward and gently cup her face in my hands.

“Damon.” She says again in that tone that does weird, painful things to my body. “Tell me the truth. Did you agree to marry Anya?”

My jaw clenches, and I try to find the words. It was one word, just yes, that’s all I had to say, but the moment I did, I knew that everything would change between us. And a part of me, a very sick part of me, didn’t want it to change.

I needed things to stay the same. I couldn’t handle the change. It had to remain the same. It had to.

“Clarissa.” My mother tries to calm her. “Let’s take this into the family room. We can all talk about it calmly in there.”

Yes. Calmly. That’s what we needed to do. But I also knew that this discussion could never be a calm one.

“No.” Clarissa hissed, and it was the first time she’s used that tone on our mother. On my mother. Even though Clarissa was adopted, I don’t think she fully accepted my parents as hers. And I know that the main reason is partly because of me. I’ve known it for a while, but I’ve been lying to myself. Lying to myself because I wanted to protect her from herself and, most importantly, from me. Those lies were about to cost me everything. I shouldn’t have run from it. I should have found a way to deal with everything before it reached this point.

“I want to talk about it now.” She adds as she glares at me. “I want Damon to tell me the truth. He isn’t saying anything and that could only mean one thing.”

“He doesn’t owe you any explanations.” Anya snaps. “It’s his life. He doesn’t need your consent to decide who he wants to marry. As his sister, you should congratulate him and be happy for him. What are you so upset about, anyway? Can’t you see that marrying me is what he actually wants? I can make him happy; I would think that would, in return, make you happy. You should want the best for your brother and I don’t see a better option for him than I am.”

Sister. Why did that one word make me feel sick to my stomach? I didn’t see her as my sister. I could never see her like that.

My eyes move from Clarissa to glare at Anya. This was her mess. She’d told them at the wrong time. She doesn’t get to tell Clarissa how to feel at a time like this. She sees my anger and quietly moves back without adding to her words. She knows that I’m angry and she knows why.

“Clarissa—” that’s all I can say. That’s all my mouth is letting me say—her name. I still can’t say that one word that she’s waiting for me to say.

My heart squeezes some more when I see the tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. I did that. I was causing her to cry when it was the last fucking thing I ever wanted to do.

“I can’t believe you would do this to me.” She says as she continues to look straight into my eyes. She isn’t backing down. She’s showing me exactly what I’m doing to her by agreeing to marry Anya.

“You were not supposed to find out this way.” I finally say. “I didn’t want you to find out like this. I know it doesn’t make it better, but you were never supposed to find out this way.”

She bit her bottom lip and scrunched her nose as the love in her eyes slowly turned into something I’d never seen before. Hatred. Does she hate me? I cannot live with myself if Clarissa ever decided to hate me. My heart wouldn’t be able to take it. I would drop to the ground and beg her to forgive me if I had to, but seeing her hate me wasn’t something I could ever easily accept.

There’s so much more that I want to tell her. So much more, but I don’t know how to say it. I didn’t know what to say to make her understand that this was the right thing to do. She would disagree with me.

I knew that she would. But why does the right thing hurt so fucking much? Shouldn’t it be easier? Why does it feel like someone is tearing my heart straight out of my chest?

Clarissa doesn’t try to say anything in response to my words. She looks tired and still in shock. She seems like someone who’d lost the most important thing in their life.

I watch as she turns and walks away from me. I felt like I was letting her walk out of my life. I didn’t want to let her go. I didn’t want things to get bad between us.

My hands tightened into fists at my sides. It was taking all of my self-control not to grab her and bring her back to me. It was taking all of my self-control not to pick her up and take her away from this place—just me and her.

"What’s the meaning of all of this?” My father demands. “Have you truly decided that you’re going to marry Anya?”

Now that Dante and Clarissa knew of my plans to marry Anya, it was time to have the discussion with my parents. Even they are surprised by this news, and I’m positive they are also unhappy with my decision. I was expecting all of this. I should have been prepared for the pain as well. I should be stronger than this. I knew why I had to do it. I knew that this wedding was important. I had to suck up the pain and bury it deep inside me.

“Son?” He asks.

I can’t answer him. I’m still staring at the door, where Clarissa just walked through. I want to run after her. I want to explain. I want to make it better.

“He has,” Anya answers for me. “Damon is the man I want to marry, and while I’m devastated that I must let go of Dante, I know I’m making the right decision. Damon is the right choice.”

My parents look at each other. I don’t think anyone in this room is happy with my decision. It shows in their faces. It’s not just my parents. My siblings are also not happy.

“Shouldn’t we discuss this more before we talk about marriage?” My mother asks. “It’s a lifetime commitment.”

“You were much more supportive when you wanted Atticus to marry Autumn.” Anya reminds them. “Can’t you be supportive of Damon as well?”

My father adjusts the watch on his hand as he tries to figure out the best way to deal with this entire situation.

“Are you sure this is what you want, son?” My mother asks me gently. “Don’t rush into anything you’re not comfortable with. Everyone is here to guide you both along the way. If you’re unsure, this is your chance, to be honest with us.”

Anya looked at me with a panicked look on her face, and I knew that I couldn’t say no. Not with the way she was looking at me. I’d already agreed to marry her; she left Dante for me, chose me, and I couldn’t disappoint her.

But Clarissa... How did I fix things with her? How did I make it better?

“Damon?” My mother calls my name. “Do you want to marry Anya? Do you want us to start planning a wedding?”

I had to give my mother an answer. The longer I took to say the one word everyone was waiting to hear, the more they would think that this entire thing wasn’t my decision, to begin with. I couldn’t make them think that I didn’t want to marry Anya. If they did, it would cause plenty of problems for us. For Clarissa.

You have to do it, Damon. No matter how much it hurts you. This is something that you can’t say no to.

I can’t recognize my own voice as I answer, “yes. I want to marry her. I want to marry Anya.”