Damon's POV

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I demand from myself.

I’m inside my room, with the door locked, lying on my bed, with my eyes closed, and all I could think about was her.

Not Anya.

No.

I was thinking about Clarissa. She was the only one on my mind. I tried to get her out of my head, but I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t trust myself around her anymore. That’s why I locked my door tonight.

I couldn’t risk her coming inside here and asking me to let her sleep in the same bed as me for a second time. I almost didn’t survive the last time that had happened. I couldn’t allow myself to lose control.

I had to keep fighting back as much as I could. If I let her sleep in the same bed with me again, there’s no telling what would happen. Just the thought of it terrified me. She couldn’t stay in the same bed with me, not again, never again.

Not after what happened today in that forest. Clarissa kept on shocking me. She kissed me not once but twice. I never thought I would kiss her in this lifetime, but she found a way to make it happen.

Both times, not kissing her back was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. My dick hardened and demanded attention just at the thought of the way she stared at it.

I couldn’t get the look in her eyes out of my head. I thought Clarissa would have looked away, gotten shy, and done anything to get away. But instead, the sweet girl that I once thought was innocent widened her eyes and openly stared at my damn dick. My dick was as hard as a rock for her.

Hard because she kissed me. A damn kiss! She didn’t have to touch me anywhere else; all she had to do was kiss me, and I was ready to drop to my knees in front of her and do anything she asked me to do. Even now, she had me wrapped around her tiny fingers.

I kept denying the attraction and sexual tension between Clarissa and me. But this time, I couldn’t deny it any longer.

After today, I couldn’t deny the obvious. I wanted her. I wanted a girl that was supposed to be like a sister to me. She had my last name. She was considered my sister by most outsiders. Yet, I knew I could never see her as my sister.

I would always be protective of her, but not because I wanted to be her brother. I wanted something else. Something that I could never have. The tension between Clarissa and me had just increased after today.

It would be even harder to control my need to have her, but I didn’t care what I had to do; I must fight it.

I still had a mate, damn it. I was betraying her trust by encouraging this thing between Clarissa and me.

And what sense would that make when we could never be anything but siblings?

That’s what the world saw us as; it’s what our family saw us as. It wouldn’t be easy to change everyone’s minds and make them see us as anything else.

I knew I had to speak to Clarissa. I knew I had to explain to her how wrong this was. But it was hard to explain anything to her. She was stubborn. She wouldn’t listen to me. Instead, she would do something drastic to make me change my mind.

I was avoiding that from happening as much as I possibly could. When Clarissa was determined to get something, she didn’t give up until she’d gotten it.

I’d made her angry multiple times today, but I was only trying to protect her from herself. She wasn’t thinking about the future; she wasn’t thinking about her life and what would happen if anyone ever discovered everything that had happened between us recently.

Why did I ever think I could get over the strong urge to have her? All this time, I thought it would be easy because Clarissa didn’t see me as anything but a brother, the way it was supposed to be. But now I’m beginning to realize how wrong I’ve been this entire time.

Someone who saw someone else as a brother wouldn’t stare at his damn cock like it was something she wanted to eat.

I punched the wall behind me; I needed to stop thinking about her staring at it. Damn.

Why did she do that? How long has Clarissa wanted me? How long has she craved for things I thought I alone craved?

I’d wanted her so much today. So much that it hurt like hell. I still want her. Even now, I’m hard for her. And it might be hard for days to come if I didn’t get the release I needed.

She didn’t know what she was doing to me. Well, now she might have a fair idea after seeing it for herself. It would be hard to convince her that it had nothing to do with her.

I had to find a way to make her give up on this thing she was trying to achieve. It would only harm her. It would only bring pain, and she didn’t realize that. Clarissa didn’t realize how horrible things could become if she continued down this path.

I had to find a way to show her. I had to find a way to convince her. Protecting her has always been the most important thing to me. That would never change.

I knew that my words hurt her today, and that wasn’t easy for me to do. If I wanted her to stop this madness, my words would only get harsher. I wasn’t prepared to hurt her. I wasn’t prepared to break her heart. But if that was the only way to protect her from herself, it had to be done.

But first, I needed to find the damn strength to do it. I needed to remind myself why this had to be done. I needed to remind myself that I couldn’t have her. I couldn’t have Clarissa.

I could never have her.

She’s not mine to keep.

She never was.