(56) Jessica

Jessica

My phone's battery died. I thought it was finally going to give me peace of mind because then I wouldn't have to look at my phone to see if Matthew was going to call. It didn't. If anything, the urge to be with Matthew has gotten so overwhelming that I kept tossing and turning.

When I realized getting some sleep was hopeless, I shrugged on my grandmother's furry coat and went out for a walk into my old playground. I was pacing back and forth, stopped dead in my tracks when I heard keys jingle. I dipped my hand inside the coat's pocket and found my grandmother's car keys. I groaned. Now I really want to go back to Matthew's apartment.

I chewed on my lip as I was torn between hopping into my grandmother's car and... well, anything else, really. I spotted my old slide. Desperate now, I jogged toward it and decided to give it a try after all these years.

Despite the years gone by, the slide was still surprisingly slick and I slid down all the way to the ground with a very loud thud. I yelped in pain. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I saw a shadow out of the corner of my eye.

I blinked once. And then twice.

Shit.

Matthew stepped into the light. "Are you okay?"

"You saw that, huh?" I stayed on the ground, my butt still burning a bit.

"Heard it too." He walked to me and offered me his hand.

I stared at it. "How'd you know I was here?"

"I called, I think, practically everybody when I didn't find you in my apartment."

I looked up at my parents' bedroom. The light was still on and there were a couple of shadows peeking behind the window. When they noticed I was looking, the slimmer shadow elbowed the masculine one. He then panicked, tripped, and then finally turned off the light.

I sighed.

My dork of a dad.

"I got worried when you didn't answer my calls."

"Sorry," I murmured as I took his hand and got on my feet. "I thought you won't be back until morning."

Matthew watched as I sat on the bench and crossed my arms over my chest. If I could've sunk into my grandmother's coat, I would've. If there's any way I could skip this breakup talk, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Matthew's brows were furrowed together, his face riddled with worry. He walked toward the bench but didn't sit next to me. I just noticed he was holding a brown paper bag with the logo of my favorite burrito place on it.

I felt a squeeze in my heart, so intense that I couldn't breathe. Why couldn't I just get this one thing that makes me the happiest girl ever? Most of all, why can't I just childishly scream mine, mine, mine?

My eyes got blurry and then hot tears started streaming down my face. The next thing I knew I was sobbing loudly like an idiot.

Matthew rushed to my side. He took me in his arms and held me tight like he didn't want to let me go, which only made me cry harder.

"I'm sorry, Jessica. I'm really sorry. Do you want me to go?"

I was sobbing hard but I think I made an embarrassing noise that almost sounded like a no.

Matthew held me even closer. "What do you want me to do to make you feel better? Honestly, I'd be happy to murder people."

I know he said that to make me laugh and it worked so well. Too well, actually. Too well that the sound I was making was in between a sob and a laugh as if this couldn't get any more embarrassing.

I break away from the hug, using the back of my hand to swipe away the tears and probably snot all over my face. I felt Matthew's hand on my face, gently wiping my cheeks with a hanky like the perfect gentleman that he is.

I gulped down the remaining sobs I had but they ended up as hiccups instead. Despite the disgusting snot and hiccups, Matthew looked at me like they were the most adorable things he heard and looked at. How this dork doesn't find a crazy-looking, hiccuping/sobbing/laughing, snot-stained face woman repulsive is a mystery to me.

I sighed and stared down at my lap. "You know, you're making it so hard for me to unlove you."

Matthew went completely silent. I gave him a couple of minutes to clear his head and get on with whatever we needed to talk about. More than a couple more minutes have gone by but still nothing.

When I gambled a look at him, he was smiling from ear to ear, his blue eyes bright and sparkling, then he asked in utter disbelief, "You love me?"

"Uh, what?" I asked stupidly.

He gave me a stubborn look, the wide green still on his face. "No point taking it back. I heard it loud and clear."

"Yeah, well," I held my head high, willing myself to come up with a snarky comeback but Matthew pulled me into a kiss that made me want to forget what all this fuss was about.

I almost did and then as much as I hated myself for doing it, I pushed him back gently to stop his lips from tempting me. "Matthew, what about Kirsten?"

Matthew looked intoxicated and confused as if it was the first time he heard that name. A second later, his eyes sobered in recognition. "She's fine. I talked her out of the bathroom, left right then because you might get hungry and there's not enough food in my fridge, ordered take out on the way home."

"Uh, what?" It took a second to realize that if they had a heart-to-heart conversation, it wasn't about cheesy, fuzzy, romantic feelings.

Matthew stared at me. He gave me another minute before finally interrupting my thoughts. "Are you just trying to change the subject? Because just so you know, I'm not letting you off the hook."

The corners of my eyes started to sting again. "Look, I know I said what I said. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it." I buried my face in my palms.

I felt Matthew's hand on my knee. "But why?"

I gambled a peek between my fingers. "Because then you'll be too polite to say you don't feel the same way."

Matthew gently tugged my hands away from my face. There was a deep furrow between his brows. "What makes you think that I don't feel the same way about you?"

"Because I'm me and you're you."

Matthew sighed, his gaze dropping to the ground and then bouncing back up. "Yeah, you're right."

I gulped, suddenly too self-conscious to speak.

"You're you, a kind, charming, funny redhead who can have any man she wants. You walk into a room and all the men scramble to catch your eye. And I'm me, a boring goody-two-shoes in a suit and just another one of those men desperate to get your attention. Heck, I'd use our godchildren just so I could be with you."

A wayward laugh came out of my throat.

"I know. Stalker-y, right?" Matthew shakes his head, frowning at himself. "I'm that guy, a boring lovesick fool so crazy about you that he'd use children to lure you."

My cheeks burned red but I tried to play it off with an awkward laugh. "Trust me, you're far from boring."

He arched his brow.

I bit on my lip. "Okay, fine. I thought you were but that was just my first impression."

His dimple started poking again. "Okay. It's a maybe on the boring part. On the crazy part though, I don't think that can't be fixed."

My face felt like they were on fire and I had these hysteric butterflies in my belly.

Matthew reached for my hand. "I don't think I'd want to fix it. It's crazy but I'm so crazy-happy. I don't think I've been this happy in all my years."

"You are?" Fresh tears started brimming in the corners of my eyes, but this time, they didn't come from an anguished place.

He squeezed my hand, lifted it to his face, and then placed a soft kiss on my knuckles.

I started restraining my sniffles but to no avail, so I just threw my arms around his neck. Matthew pulled me closer to his chest and started my back with his hand. He held me tight for a while until I was feeling all warm and fuzzy.

I wanted us to stay close forever but my stomach had other plans. I ignored it the first time but it growled again.

Matthew chuckled and gently put me at arm's length.l and reached for something from behind him. "Good thing I came prepared, huh?"

I grinned at the sight of his take-out burrito. "My hero."

"You want to hear it up though?"

I look back to my parent's house. I still see their shadow, but this time, they are in the living room. "Yeah. Just a heads up, my parents are snooping. I guess retirement makes them a little nosy."

Matthew looked over his shoulder. "Oh. Is that them in the living room? They probably should've turned off the light if they wanted to be discreet."

"Yep. They're not the best at spying."

He chuckled. "Should we keep on pretending that we don't see them?"

"Yeah. I guess it'll make it less awkward." I jumped to my feet with my newly acquired enthusiasm now. I stuck my hand out for him and he took it.

He was grinning as wide as I was. His eyes were bluer than ever, his dimple adorably in full display now.

Happy New Year, ladies! Man, I miss you. I know it's been a while. A lot has happened. Long story short, my sister is planning to get married this year, one of my three cats is now in cat heaven so there's just two of them now, my dad had heart problems but he's fine now--still recovering but he's fine now, I (finally! 🤗) got a job as a junior editor. Man, 2024 was a roller coaster but I tried to pull through and did. Anyway, it's good to be back. Man, I have so much plans this year, you know, creative-wise and I'm so excited.

My deal with Inkitt is done, so Wattpad is the only place you can find my stories now, which is a good thing because I can focus on just the writing part. Honestly, advertising my books on socials wasn't easy. I just didn't know how to get likes and get more followers. 🤷‍♀️When I was college, we studied the whole advertising thing but I guess I was just zoning out the entire time because I literally have no idea how to grow and manage socials.

How about you? What's 2024 like for you? What'd I miss?