||Thirty-five||

Two weeks later

It was snowing outside when I woke up that morning.

I climbed out of bed, pulling on a pair of thick fuzzy socks before padding my way towards the window seat.

I leaned against the wall as I pulled my knees to my chest, tilting my head back gently as it pressed against the wall.

The window in my room faced the front lawn, so I could see the large gate, the small roundabout by the entrance, the parking space, and the trees that decorated the area. It was all covered in snow.

I got a fuzzy feeling in my chest, a rush of excitement as I wondered if I could go outside and play in the snow like a child. I wanted to, but it was never fun to do so alone.

I had to learn that the hard way growing up.

Just the prospect of talking to another human being made my stomach lurch. I'd been hiding inside the house ever since that day in the park when I met up with Devin.

I didn't want to talk to anyone and I certainly didn't feel like it, so I turned off my phone as soon when I got back from the park and never bothered switching it back on.

Along with that, my responsibilities fell apart. Not that I had many, but one that I completely disregarded was my job. As much as I'd enjoyed it, I couldn't bring myself to do it. It reminded me of the time I showed Ian my work, the way he'd complimented me and said that I actually had a future ahead of me.

Another thing was the dog. I knew having a pet was a responsibility when I got the dog, and in my opinion I thought I did a decent job at taking care of him. Now that he lived in the house, I felt like I was slowing creating a distance between us. The maids always fed him, took him for walks, bathed him...they left me with nothing to do but pet his fur.

The window sill on the outside was coated in a thick layer of snow that must have appeared from before I even woke up. My eyes wandered up to the sky, where I could visibly see snowflakes fall to the ground.

What's he doing right now?

Is he with Devin?

I swallowed down the emotions I got just thinking about him, and I quickly got ready for the day.

I wore a relatively heavy sweater and a pair of sweatpants before leaving my room, still feeling like I was about to freeze my toes off.

"Good morning," my mother greeted me, placing a kiss to my temple, a hand resting on the curve of her stomach.

"Where's dad?" I asked, glancing around.

"I thought I told you last night," she said, "he has a meeting at a town a few hours away."

"Oh, I forgot."

She eyed me wearily. "Are you feeling okay?"

I shrugged. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Nathaniel," she started.

Not a good sign.

"You're hurting, you have the right to feel down."

"I should have expected this to happen," I muttered, my fingernails digging against the skin of my palms. "I was stupid...it was a mistake."

My heart clenched. It felt like I was lying. To myself.

My mother saw the lie, she probably spotted it a mile off. "You should talk to him about it."

I snorted bitterly. "Yeah, right."

Talk to him. 'Cause that would go really well.

I imagined it in my head.

I would be standing facing him, his soft hair peeking out beneath one of those beanies he always had on. He would probably wear some dark colored shirt so the green of his eyes would seem more vibrant, or some crap like that. His legs would be hidden beneath a pair of skinny jeans, his feet hidden under a pair of scruffy shoes.

I would stare at him while he talked. I wouldn't say a word because I'd be too captivated by his presence. I hadn't laid eyes on him for more than two weeks.

Then he'd stop talking and stare at me intently, like he was waiting for me to say something but I wouldn't able to move my lips.

His gaze would soften and he'd step closer to me and place a hand on my cheek. I would close my eyes, feeling his hand warm up my skin, and he would lean in closer until I could feel his breath against my skin.

When my heart starts racing and my cheeks flush, he'll lean in and kiss me the way he always used to. Gentle pecks, a tug at my lower lip, before he presses his lips harder against mine so I lose all senses but the feeling of him.

"Breakfast is ready."

My mother's voice called me back to reality, and I shook my thoughts away before moving to follow her to the dining room.

"Have you seen the snow outside?" She tried starting a conversation.

"Yeah," I said.

"Maybe we can build a snowman."

I frowned. "Isn't it too cold for you to go outside?"

She waved me off. "I'll be fine."

"I don't really feel like it."

She gave me one of those hard, stern looks of hers. "You haven't left this house for two full weeks."

"Mom, I really don't feel like it."

"Fine," she said. "Just do something productive today, please? You're worrying me, and your father."

I nodded. "Okay, I'll come up with something to do."

"Remember, we have a pool. I can get someone to warm up the water for you."

I had forgotten about the indoor pool.

"Okay," I said. "That would be nice, thank you."

After breakfast, I wandered back to my bedroom and flopped down on my sheets. I pulled out my laptop and plugged in my earphones.

I didn't know when it happened, but at some point I began listening to country music. I found the same song Ian played the last night we spent together. I stumbled upon it and listened to it a few times, but I had to stop because it hurt too much.

Just thinking about it made me feel like crap, so I changed the music to something else.

Besides, Country was never my thing.

I stared up at the ceiling of my room, my eyes observing the intricate design engraved on the chandelier.

Someone opened the door to my room a few minutes later. I sat up, pulling the earbuds out of my ears.

"The pool's all warmed up," my mother said.

"Okay," I said, "I'll be there in a few."

"I'm going to rest in my room if you need anything."

I nodded and watched her shut the door behind her.

I climbed out of bed and pulled my pants off before slipping on my swimming trunks. Grabbing a pair of slippers and a towel, I finally left my room.

I walked down the hall, breathing in the scent of vanilla candles someone had lit up around the ground floor.

I eventually found the pool, which was at the very far end of the house.

The walls were made of glass from ceiling to floor. I pushed the door open and padded towards the nearest bench. I tossed my towel on a seat, pulling my sweater off.

My eyes scanned the transparent walls, and I could see the garden outside. It had stopped snowing, but the snow still covered most of the greenery.

I tiptoed against the cold marble tiles towards the railing, where I dipped my foot into the water to test it out.

The heater did its job well, and I slowly relaxed against the water, moving in so my entire body was engulfed in pool water.

It wasn't as good as the water in the lake, but it had to do.

I did a few laps around the pool before floating in the water, my limbs stretched out. When I closed my eyes, I imagined I was a dead body floating around the sea, waiting for someone to find me.

I opened my eyes, staring at the ceiling. It was also made of glass with a roof-like shape so when the snow fell, it slid down the side. Now that t had stopped snowing, I could only see the snow that collected at the edges.

When I got tired of staring at the sky, I dove down under water, clasping my hands around my legs so that I sank down to the very bottom.

I opened my eyes and felt them burning against the chemicals but ignored the feeling, holding my breath as long as I could before I quickly resurfaced.

I gasped, my chest heaving as my eyes squeezed shut and I brushed the wet hair out of my face.

"I thought I would have to dive in and get you."

I jumped at the sound of his voice.

My eyes flew open and I saw him there.

He was standing there in front of me and I could not believe it.

I was definitely seeing things.

No.

I was being dramatic.

He stood there and he was real, right there by the edge of the pool.

Same green eyes, same beanie, same dark shirt.

He lowered himself down to the floor, where he started removing his scruffy shoes. He placed them to the side and then removed his socks before rolling the legs of his pants up to a point below his knees.

Even his legs looked good.

He dipped his legs in the water, kicking them around lightly as he leaned on both hands.

Then he looked up and caught my eye, and I felt my entire body turn into jello.

"You haven't been answering my calls."

I pressed my fingers against my palms. I breathed carefully to avoid stuttering. "You called me?"

He nodded. "Where's your phone?"

"I turned it off."

He nodded again.

"Who let you in?" I asked.

"Your maid."

"You shouldn't be here."

His eyes drifted off to some place else. "I know."

I felt a rush of anger shoot through my veins and I didn't know why. "So why are you here?"

He shrugged, still looking away.

Frustrated, I pushed my body towards him so that I floated near him.

Except, he sat by the edge of the pool where the staircase was, so my feet hit the tiles beneath me, and the water rested at the middle of my chest.

"Leave."

He ducked his head, his hair falling over to cover his eyes, casting a dark shadow across the features of his face.

When did it grow that long?

"I don't want to."

My heart clenched. "Why?"

He swallowed, and I saw his throat move. "I just wanted to see you."

I stared at him, my eyes searching every inch of his face. "Why?"

He caught my gaze.

Finally.

"I miss you."

I wasn't sure if my eyes were playing games but he suddenly leaned in. It was so quick, I thought I imagined it and I quickly reeled back.

Due to my abrupt movement, the water made a loud splashing sound and I saw Ian back away slowly.

His expression was un-readable as he tucked his hands in his pockets.

"You should leave," I said, my voice clipped and straight to the point.

He stared at me.

"I came to see you," he said. "I didn't expect you to greet me with open arms, but I thought...I thought at least you'd smile. Or say something nice. I don't know."

My throat tightened and I suddenly felt like I was underwater again, the smell of pool water gathering in my lungs.

"You told me to leave. You said nothing would get in the way but something did."

He held my gaze, bold and brave as ever.

"I had a boyfriend, Nate. I cheated on him, your own friend. And then he came back to me in pieces. What else should I have done? Broken up with him?"

I scoffed. "You're kidding."

His eyes narrowed. "No, Nate. I'm serious."

"He told you, didn't he? He said he told you."

Ian nodded. "That he slept with someone else."

"Yes," I said. "Breaking up with him would have been completely normal. In fact, it would have made things easier for everyone if you had!"

My voice echoed, and I remembered that I was in a room made of glass.

The size of Ian's apartment alone.

We were so different.

Almost too different.

"Easier for you? For us? Your friendship with Devin? What do you think he'll say? Let's say I did break up with him. What then? You and I will be together?"

I didn't say anything.

"You think he'd like that? Seeing his best friend date his ex-boyfriend?"

"No. You're right."

I could see that what I'd said shocked him. The way his eyes flickered and his defensive posture faltered.

"He cheated on you too," I said. "Don't you think that's ironic? Like this is all some game?"

"I don't know," he said truthfully. "It would be some messed up game, though."

I glanced up at him.

I liked the way he looked. The cold treated him well. His cheeks were pink, matching the faint tint on his nose. I liked the way the little sun there was left flitted through the windows, casting odd shadows along his face.

"So...he left," I said. "What now?"

"I still need to tutor you."

I winced. "I don't think I can do that."

"Okay, fair enough. We'll give it time."

I looked away for a moment, to gaze at the melting snow outside before turning back to Ian.

He was looking at me again.

"What?"

He shrugged, without bothering to look away he said, "I just don't know when I'll see you next."

"Stop."

"I can't."

Frustrated, I kicked at my legs and swam away from him a bit. "Why not?"

"Because I'm obsessed with you in the worst way possible."

My chest ached.

It ached, it screamed, it burned for me to do something.

To grab him, pull him in the pool with me, kiss him, feel him.

Did he taste any different at all?

"Nate..."

His voice changed. I didn't know if it was the serious tone in his voice or the longing, but it caught my attention long enough to have me glance up at him.

His eyes met with my own and I had to bite my tongue to force my self not to say anything.

On a whim, I began swimming back to the edge of the pool. I climbed up the short steps and walked over to the bench, grabbing a hold of my towel as I dried my self with it.

I shivered, wrapping the towel around me before slipping my feet in the pair of flip flops I'd gotten early.

"Follow me," I said, my voice giving away my reluctance regarding the situation.

Ian eyed me curiously for a moment.

His eyes moved from the wetness of my hair to my torso that was covered in my towel, and down to my legs.

He stood up and I didn't waste another second before walking outside the room.

Ian kept a short distance between us, and I wasn't certain if that was a good thing or not.

It was.

We got to my bedroom and I led him in before leaving the door open a crack.

"I'm going to take a shower," I announced. "If you get bored then you can leave. You have no reason to stay anyway."

Unless you want me in the same way I want you.

With that, I gathered a change of clothes and locked my self in the bathroom without even a final glance.

I didn't expect him to stay, part of me was sure he would be gone by the time I got out.

I wish I could say that I took my time. That I took my time because there was no need to rush.

But I wanted to get that shower out of the way. I wanted to leave the bathroom and see him again. To make sure whether he'd stay or not. I wanted to know if he'd stay.

I hopped in the shower, turning on the water at full blast.

I sighed at the warm water embraced me, shielding me away from the cold that was my house.

My house.

It was mine now.

I could call it my own again.

I watched the water droplets slide down the tiled walls and thought of what Ian had told me.

Devin was gone.

Did he go back to his parents? Was he gone but still in the city?

I didn't know. Maybe he called me but I had no intention of switching on my phone anytime soon.

Does this mean...I'm free?

Can I be with Ian again?

I still cared about hurting Devin but not as much as I did before.

He slept with someone else. Maybe he didn't care either.

Ian was right all along.

Devin didn't love him and he didn't love Devin.

I switched off the water and dried off.

At first I desperately wanted to get out of the shower, now I just wanted to stay locked inside my bathroom forever.

What now?

Will he try to kiss me?

I changed into my clothes and took a deep, long breath before I opened the bathroom door.

I shivered at the sudden loss of warmth.

As soon as I stepped outside, my eyes scanned the room and my shoulders tensed.

I thought he'd gone, for a split second I didn't see him and I felt a wave of disappointment.

Then my eyes landed on the figure sitting on the floor, hidden behind the bed.

"Why are you sitting over there?" I asked.

He stood up and I saw a book in his hand. It was a book my mother gave me a few days ago as an attempt to have me do something.

"Reading," he stated, "but I could barely focus on anything."

"Oh?" My heart beat quickened.

He nodded, setting the book on my bed side table. "I was distracted."

"By what?"

My voice sounded far away, like it was coming from someone else. It didn't sound like my own.

"I think you already know."

"Why were you on the floor?"

He shrugged.

I saw he was trying to hide his frustration at my attempt of changing the subject.

"I didn't want to sit on your bed, I didn't think you'd like that."

My face felt warmer. "There's a seat over there."

He didn't say anything and took a long steps towards me.

"I know you're avoiding it."

Act dumb, I thought.

"Avoiding what?"

"This," he said.

I frowned until he took a final step towards me and placed a hand on my cheek.  His eyes met mine before he trailed them down the length of my face. He stopped at my lips before looking me in the eye.

A question.

My heart started beating out of hand, and it suddenly became difficult to breath.

"I want to show you something," I blurted out before he could do anything else, stepping away and moving towards the door.

He looked conflicted, like he didn't want to be anywhere but in my room.

It burned my chest.

I gave him one last glance before grabbing the handle on the door and pulling it open.

I walked down the hall.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

I didn't reply as we climbed the staircase, leaving a step between one another.

"Is this an indirect way of you telling me that I'm fat?"

I bit back a laugh.

"I hate silent treatments."

Good to know, I rolled my eyes.

"Are you going to hide me in the attic? Usually people opt for basements instead. You know, 'cause they're closer to the ground. Where people burry other people's bodies after they die."

I pulled down the stairs to the attic and climbed them to the very top, waiting for him to catch up.

We stood in my old room and I sighed.

"No one's going to die today. Not in here anyway," I muttered.

"That's reassuring," he said. "What are we here for?"

I shrugged. "This is was my room for a huge portion of my life...and no one can hear you scream from here."

"Ha. Ha."

It felt weird then. I didn't exactly plan on having Ian here and it was odd seeing him surrounded by all my pre-teen crap.

He walked to my desk, lifting a framed picture of Devin and I.

I took it from his hand and turned it over so it lay face down on the desk.

I looked up and he was staring down at me.

Staring at my lips.

"Stop," I muttered. "This won't work."

His fingers found the side of my face again and I shivered. "He's gone now."

"It's wrong."

"Only if you're still letting him in your life."

I felt my eyes fall shut.

"Will you push me away this time?"

I bit my lower lip. "Have I ever?"

"I don't remember," his voice subsided to a whisper.

"Me neither." I opened my eyes.

His eyes shined.

Green like moss with flecks of brown. Something I thought only exists in a painting. The way the colors swirled and blended together so perfectly, I didn't know it was possible.

"I don't think I can wait any longer."

I didn't say anything.

"Tell me," his voice stressed. "I need to know. I don't want to hurt you anymore...I just want to be with you."

"Why?"

"I don't know. That sounds like bull shit but it's true. We haven't known each other for long, not that way you've know Devin-"

"Devin? What's Devin got to do with anything right now?"

"Your crush on him. You knew him for longer."

"So?" I forced a humorless laugh. "That was ages ago!"

"And Jake?"

"That was...forget about that. Forget about them."

His eyes fell shut, eyebrows frowning. "There's just a feeling that I get when I'm around you. Like I have to be around you and if I'm not than something feels off."

I felt the same exact way. My stomach clenched.

"And you're so...you. You're so Nate. You're my boyfriend's best friend, the one I hurt. I didn't even know how much I was hurting you at first. You must have hated me. But you're also the guy who dropped out of high school for his best friend. Who moved away from his parents because he simply could."

"Because they have money," I said.

He smiled a little. "Because they couldn't say no to you and now I understand why. You're irresistable."

I scowled. "I'm not."

He shook his head, his finger hooking beneath my chin. "You're talented."

"I'm just lifeless."

"You're smart."

"Grades don't determine whether you're smart or not. Again, lifeless."

"You're beautiful."

Everything ached.

"Good genes," I said weakly.

He smiled. "I mean in the inside."

"So I'm ugly."

"You're the best looking guy I've ever seen."

"Have you looked in the mirror lately?" I blurted before I could stop myself.

He nodded. "To make sure I looked good enough before I saw you."

Cheesy.

"You always look good. Even if you're tired...how?"

His finger lifted my chin up. "Maybe I'm just falling for a short sighted person."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not perfect."

"I know," he said, "that's what pulls me in the most."

"Still..."

"What's standing in our way? There's nothing stopping us anymore."

I sucked in a sharp breath. "Then do it."

Ian spent one millisecond staring at me before he brought his lips down on mine and kissed me.

His lips felt the same. Comforting, warm. I shivered, my heart racing in my chest as my fingers trembled to reach for his hair.

His lips moved, parted, pressed against mine and all I could do was reciprocate. I knew nothing else. I felt nothing but the electricity at the tip of my fingers, his lips, and his touch.

My legs felt wobbly and I slowly pulled my lips away but kept my arms over his shoulders.

"You know," he murmured, his lips brushing against my skin, "I wasn't going to give up until you said yes."

I raised my eyebrows.

"We were in the same bathtub, naked, and I sat on you." He chuckled. "You're crazy if you think I'd let you go after that."

"You'll have to work harder. I'm not fully convinced."

"I can tell," he said, "It's too bad, though. You're stuck with me forever."

I wrinkled my nose. "Boring."

He laughed, pulling me by my hips. "I really, really like you Nate."

My heart fluttered. "Shut up."

With hands still on my hips, Ian managed to lead me to the bed before he pushed me down on the sheets.

I stared up at him as he climbed over me.

His lips pressed kisses against my jawline as his fingers traced the skin of my stomach under my sweater. I felt his hips pressed tightly against mine, my fingers tangled in his hair as I tried to tame my breathing.

He pulled back and looked down at me, his hands on either side of my head.

"I'm not having sex with you," I stated.

I never saw Ian laugh as hard as he did at that moment.

Cheesy.

I want to cringe, omg.

So in case you can't tell, the end is near! I know, the ending probably feels rushed but life. That's all I'm gonna say. ('Cause I have no other decent explanation)

I'm going to post an epilogue after this since there are still somethings that are unanswered. Otherwise, I'm done. I am ready to move forward. (Why does it sound like I'm at war?)

Okay, bye.

Question: what should Nate's mom call the baby? No, I won't be using any of your suggestions 'cause I already have one picked out (lol). So go crazy with this one. Like, you can call him...Idk but something crazy. Or not. Just leave 'cause I'm lame.

THANKS FOR READING! WE GOT TO 100K WTF! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME. <3333