Chapter 12

Hello, I just wanted to give a fair warning that this chapter is really long...like seriously too long. I read that anything over 5,000 words is boring and too long and this is over 5,500 words so 👁👄👁 I'm very sorry.

Ethan's POV

"I can't believe your family has a private jet." Nova says, going down the few steps and jumping off the last one, her feet making a small thud on the pavement.

"We don't use it often. Apparently, this was a big emergency." I grumble, following close behind her.

"Whatever it is, text me after okay? I'll bring you something to cheer you up." She turns around, giving me a smile.

The staff from the plane exit and start putting our luggage into two separate cars. We both have an extra bag, carrying the gifts we got for each other. My face twists at her words, knowing that I wouldn't be able to do that. What am I even doing? I should have just broken it off when my mother called me in Italy. I feel like I've cheated her and gave her false hope all this time. She must sense my change in moods because she walks up to me and takes my face in both her hands.

"It'll be okay." She leans up and gives me a loving kiss on my lips. I quickly wrap my arms around her, not wanting to pull away just yet.

"Sir, the bags are loaded." One of my staff informs me but I ignore him. I trail one hand up to Nova's hair and play with it, wanting to burn the feeling of her curls into my fingers.

I slip my tongue into her mouth, and Nova parts her lips wider without hesitation. After a few minutes I pull away. I lead her to her car, where another one of our men will drive her home, not saying a word. I open the back seat door for her, and we hug each other before she gets in. She rolls the window down and I bend over, meeting her eye to eye. She has a warm look in her eyes. I close mine, thinking about the day I seen her sitting by the pool from the view of my bedroom window. I think about our first kiss, first date, first time making out, first time we had sex, when we went to the beach, the happy feeling I get whenever she's around, the excitement I feel when I shop for something to give her. I push back tears that are threatening to surge to the top of my tear ducts.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper, opening my eyes and they immediately fill with tears.

"What...w-what are you talking about?" Nova asks worriedly. "You didn't do anything wrong." A frown comes over her face.

"I-...It's just..." I shake my head. I don't want to tell her. I want us to be happy. But I have to, ghosting her will only leave her more hurt.

"I can't see you again." I say firmly. "Forget about me. Delete my number from your phone. Never contact me again." My voice comes out harsh, yet tears fall from my eyes so rapidly, it seems like they're in a race.

"Ethan...what are you talking about?" She flinches at my words. "Whatever it is my love, we can get past it. Don't say things like that. I love you, okay?" I can physically feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. My chest tightens, and it feels like all odds are against me again.

"My poor baby..." I say, my voice cracking. I lift my hands up to cup her face, quickly connecting our lips.

The tears continue to fall as I desperately try to make this moment last as long as it possibly can. Her hand flies up to my head, holding me there as if she's trying to do the same thing.

"Ethan! Sweetie, is that you? My baby, I haven't seen you in so long. Come give your mother a hug!" The sound of my mother's voice comes from the distance. My eyes fly open and I quickly pull away from Nova, despite my reluctance and her protests.

"Driver, you need to go. Now." I immediately say, afraid that if my mother gets to this car she'll do something.

"Wait-" Before Nova can say anything further, the car takes off.

This is part of the reason why I never dated before. Things like this are always bound to happen with me. I was too selfish, and now I hurt someone I love because of it.

I quickly try to compose myself, wiping my tears away and sniffing. I take a deep breath then turn around, just in time for my mother to stop in front of me.

"Is that thing gone?" She smiles widely at me. I look anywhere but her.

"Who?" I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"Your little play monkey." She answers, smirking at me. I glare at her, clenching my fists.

"She's my girlfriend. And a human being." I spat at her. "Do you take pride in making me feel miserable? She was the only thing that kept me happy. And you forced me to push her away."

"Key word here: was. Hunny, can't you see? You were being brainwashed. Those blacks don't do anything good for this world. We're better off without them. You should be lucky you're doing this, imagine if you two were to get married or something ridiculous like that. I can't have my own son contributing to the reproduction of those animals. Your children will be tainted!" Anger bubbles in my body as she continues talking.

"You're a horrible woman. Do you know that? You're disgusting, and racist. You haven't even met her before! She's kind and sympathetic and she loves me-"

"No she doesn't!" My mother cuts me off, her hand connecting with my cheek. My fingertips rise up and gently touch the stinging part of my skin where she just slapped me.

"You just..." I blink at her, shocked.

"I didn't want to. But you made me. You're spewing all this nonsense." My mother shakes her head furiously. She reaches up and cups my cheeks with her hands.

I stare down at the smaller woman, I can't believe she's my mother. Maybe I didn't spend as much time with my mother as I thought I did as a child...because this is definitely not the woman I remember.

Now that I really think about it, she was never there for me. My aunt is the only woman in my life who has supported everything I've done, and has offered her motherly love to me.

"You're broken. But it's okay, I've already called a therapist who has agreed to meet you 3 times a week so we can fix you okay? He specializes in patients who have gone through brainwashing. One of my girl friends recommended him to me. It'll be great!" The woman in front of me rambles.

I push her arms off of me, wiping all emotion from my face.

"Let's go." I say monotonously, walking to the car that has my stuff packed in it.

~~~

Nova's POV

Three weeks. It's been three weeks since I got back to the U.S, and three weeks since I heard anything from Ethan. For the first two weeks, I was absolutely distraught. I didn't understand what the hell was going on. School started up again a few days after we got home, but I talked with my professors, making up some bullshit ass story, so I can do my work at home. And to top it all off, I haven't been feeling well. I've been getting dizzy, headaches, and cramping, even though I'm on my period. I think? I've been spotting, but I don't really think much of it because my period is always irregular.

I was just going to stay at the dorms, but being on campus at all was just too much for me. So I've been home home. I told my parents I was sick and my mother has been taking care of me whenever she issn't at work. I told her to just focus on work- that I can take care of myself. I spent the daytime crying and wondering what I did to drive Ethan away, because that was the only time my parents weren't home so the house was empty. Then I spent the night time doing my assignments to keep me busy. I like this schedule, it hardly gives me any time to sleep.

Whenever I close my eyes, all I can picture is him. At first, I just wanted answers. I spent my first few days without him, texting and calling trying to figure out what made this happen. But he didn't answer. I finally decided that if he didn't want me to text him, if he wanted me to block him and delete his number, I will. So, I did. I erased all his contacts and blocked him from all my social media accounts. But I couldn't bear to delete our pictures. I archived the ones I had on my Instagram, but that's it. I changed my profile pictures, but for some reason it brought too much pain to change my home and Lock Screen. I couldn't even delete our old texts.

I just avoided looking into my photo gallery all together. Seeing all the pictures we took would bring back all the emotions I've spent these last three weeks pushing down. I officially give up. I'm tired of being sad and feeling worthless. I'm tired of spending my afternoons hidden in my dark room, wondering what I did, and why I'm not enough. I'm tired of thinking about everything I could have done better that would have made him stay.

I regretted saying no to his proposal of getting eloped. Maybe we would have been happy right now, together at least. I hold my hands out in front of me, eyeing the rings on both my hands. Before, when I looked at the rings, I just burst into tears. But now, I just get even more tired. I push down my feelings and sit up.

I start to pack my things for school tomorrow. I decided to go back because winter break is approaching soon, and so is the end of the semester. I might as well stick it out for the rest of the time school is in, right?

~~

"Nova!" I'm greeted with hugs from my two friends as I walk into my dorm.

"Hey guys." I hug them back.

"We missed you so much. Have you been okay?" Callie and Lorena both pull away, looking at me up and down.

"I've been...managing." All I can do is muster up a small smile.

"Oh, baby. It's going to be okay. Alright? Trust me, things will turn out fine." Callie rubs my shoulder.

"Yeah, who needs him anyways? I always knew he was a jerk." Lorena repeatedly punches her hand against her palm which makes me chuckle softly.

"If you need anything today, just let us know okay? We'll make an excuse to get out of class and come to you. We'll always be here for you." Lorena says, grabbing her backpack.

"Sure, thanks." I nod at them both. They give each other a look before saying their goodbyes, heading to class.

I quickly get changed then make my way to class too. I have no idea how I will react if I see Ethan. Logically, I feel like he wouldn't be there. He told me to cease all contact with him, so why would he be there?

I walk into my class, a few people already seated. I scan the room for Ethan, and my eyes land on him. I tense up, everything I've managed to put in a cage and push down, threatening to burst at this very moment. I look away since he hasn't seen me yet. He even switched his seats so he didn't sit next to me anymore.

Good. However, I can't help but feel hurt at that too. I walk up to my seat, seeing Dylan already there. His eyes widen as I take a seat next to him.

"So she is alive?" He says, feigning surprise. My body shivers as I feel a pair of eyes lock onto me. I ignore him, keeping my eyes on Dylan.

"And why would I be dead?" I raise an eyebrow, smiling a little bit.

"Well, you haven't shown up in a long time. I thought maybe you dropped the class." He says though I shake my head.

"I just had to deal with some family stuff. I'm fine." I shrug my shoulders.

"Alright, that's cool. Hey, why isn't your boyfriend sitting over here? He's been sitting over there since you left but I thought maybe it's just because you weren't here." Dylan frowns, pointing over at something.

My eyes follow the direction of his finger, and my eyes land on Ethan. He makes eye contact with me for a split second, before looking away. His expression was cold, unphased. A familiar lump forms in my throat again but I manage to push it down by taking a few sips from my water bottle.

"We aren't dating anymore." I shrug my shoulders, wiping any emotion I had off my face.

"What?" Dylan says, clearly taken aback. "I thought you guys were inseparable. You guys couldn't even stop messing around during class. What happened?" I just shrug.

"Some things just go unexplained." I sigh. Both of us are quiet for a minute and I take that as a sign that the conversation is over.

"Good." I hear him say. I turn to look at the boy.

"What? What did you say?" I frown.

"I said good. I finally have a chance with you." He grins.

"I-I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now, nonetheless reciprocate those feelings." I say nervously.

"That's okay. I want to get to know you. Let's hang out often, okay? So if, or when, you ever are ready to have a new relationship, we'll have already built our connection with each other." He suggests, making me raise an eyebrow.

"We'll hang out as friends though. Purely friends, nothing else. How does that sound?" He asks.

Maybe I'm just lonely right now, but this offer does seem good. Maybe it'll take my mind off of things.

"As friends, right?" I ask for clarification.

"Just friends." He confirms, smiling.

"Okay then." I smile just a bit.

"Really? Sweet! Let our after school our activities begin!" He says loudly, making people look over at us.

I can't help but to laugh as people give him deathly, or just curious, glares. I slide further into my seat, smiling.

The rest of the day goes by slowly. I found out that Ethan has been able to switch his seat in almost all our classes, except for the last one we have together. It was super awkward and we didn't talk at all. The whole day he's had a cold stare and didn't show any emotion whatsoever. I've never seen him like that before, it was kind of scary. Since I met him he was happy, enthusiastic and full of emotions. I don't know why...but it kind of hurts to see him like this.

Since school has ended I'm now waiting for Dylan outside in the schools parking lot, where we agreed to meet.

"Hey, you came." I hear a voice behind me, I turn around and am faced with the guy I'm waiting for.

"I said I was going to, right?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah, but...never mind." He laughs. "Let's go."

He starts walking off and I follow behind him. He leads me to his car, unlocking the doors so we can get in.

"Where are we going?" I ask, curious as to what our 'adventure' is.

"Bowling!" He cheers.

"I've never been bowling before. Is it easy?" I question as he pulls out of the parking lot. I feel a little nervous. Even though throughout the semester so far we've talked and became friends, I've never been alone with him.

"Oh, it's so easy. You'll see." He flashes me a bright smile before focusing on the road again.

We drive the rest of the way in silence, music playing quietly in the background. I'm not sure what to even say. Dylan pulls into a small shopping center, and parks across from a place called "King Pins".

"You ready?" He asks as we get out his car.

"Sure." I shrug as he leads me inside of the place. We get our shoes and go to the lane we're told to.

I quickly change into my shoes and stand up. For some reason, I feel like they make the floor more slippery. Dylan goes to the little tablet they have for our lane and enters our names.

"You're going first." He says and I nod.

Walking up to the rack of balls, I pick one up. Geez, these are heavier than I imagined.

"Maybe you should start off with a smaller one." Dylan walks over and grabs a ball from the bottom rack, replacing it with the one I originally grabbed.

"Thank you." I say, putting my fingers into the holes.

"Try to roll it in a straight line. But hard so it has enough momentum to make it to the other side." He chuckles.

"Okay. I got this. This will be easy." I state, but more to myself. Dylan backs up as I wind my arm, I let out a breath as I roll the ball onto the lane.

It isn't going in a straight line, but it still looks like it is going to hit at least a couple pins until the very end when the ball curves and falls into the gutter.

"Hey, what the heck." I frown, hearing Dylan laugh behind me.

"You get one more try." He says. I grab another one of the smaller balls, aiming for the middle.

This time, it does roll right through the middle, but then curves again towards the end, only knocking down 3 pins.

"This is bs." I laugh, taking a seat as Dylan goes up for his turn.

"Let me show you how it's done." He glances back at me, smirking.

"Oh please." I roll my eyes. I watch as he picks up the heaviest ball on the rack.

He brings it up to his face, taking a deep breath before rolling it. I watch in awe as it speeds straight towards the pins, earning himself a strike.

"Whoa, you're good." I smile, clapping.

"My friends and I would go bowling all the time in high school." He shrugs, sitting by me.

I stand up for my turn, determined to get a strike of my own. Both ended up going straight to the gutter. I walk back to my seat and plop down, frowning.

"Bowling is not fun." I huff out a breath. Dylan laughs at me.

"You just need to warm up, get used to it a little." He smiles as he goes up for his turn.

We play 3 rounds, after the first round I got a little better and started to enjoy myself. I lost every round though, and I admit, I got a little irritated at that.

"Man, I'm hungry. Want to get something to eat before we go back to campus?" Dylan asks.

"Sure, I can eat." I agree.

We return our shoes and head back into his car. As we drive, Dylan's phone starts to ring. He answers it, and I silently pray for my life. I hate when people get on their phones while they drive. Especially with someone else in the car. I don't mind if you want to risk your life. But what business do you have risking mine?

"So," he starts as he hangs up a few minutes later. "some of my friends are at a diner not far from here. Do you want to go? I understand if you're not comfortable being with strangers." He glances at me for a moment.

"I don't mind." I say, if I said no I'd probably sound rude. I honestly just don't want to go to the dorms yet.

I still have pictures up on my side of the room of me and Ethan. I haven't been there for the past couple of weeks to take them down, and I didn't have time to this morning. Seeing them would make this whole situation worse.

"Cool." He nods and it goes back to silence.

Less than 10 minutes later, we arrive at the diner. It's cute and designed still like the older days. As we walk in, three boys sitting at a table wave us down. Two are sitting facing us and one has their back turned our way.

"What's up guys. Oh, Ethan. What are you doing here?" Dylan asks, I finally come in view of the guy who was facing away from us and I suddenly can't breathe.

"These are my friends. They invited me out, I didn't know you knew them too." Ethan speaks then his eyes meet mine.

"Is it okay if we're here?" Dylan awkwardly points to me. I bite the inside of my cheeks, not breaking eye contact with him. His face his blank, as if he's unphased.

"Sure, I don't mind." He shrugs and looks away from me, smiling at Dylan.

"Sweet." Dylan says. The only two seats left are across from Ethan, or next to him. I walk to the one across from him, not wanting to be stuck directly beside him.

As we sit down, the boys immediately start to go into a deep conversation with each other. I look up, noticing that Ethan isn't participating in the conversation, instead he's staring intently at me. I flinch, looking away from him.

"All right folks, is there anything I can get for y'all?" The waiter comes up to us.

Everyone places their orders, I just get a strawberry milkshake. I lost whatever appetite I had when we arrived here. I want to go home. This is so awkward and weird. At least I didn't break down in tears though.

I stand up, excusing myself from the guys. I feel like I just need to breathe. I need to be away from that stupid boy. I go down the hallway where the bathrooms are, but walk into the room across from them. Thank god it's a party room- and empty. I sit down on one of the chairs and throw my head back, letting out a frustrated sound. I close my eyes and start to pray.

"God, I am sincerely begging you to get me out of here. I'm not sure what sin I committed to deserve this, but I promise I won't do it again. I can't stand being around that guy right now. Seeing him just makes me wanna....makes me wanna-"

"Want to what?" A deep voice comes from behind me. My eyes fly open and I stand up, looking to see Ethan. I glare at him.

"Why did you follow me." I ask, already feeling myself get irritated.

"Seeing me makes you want to what?" He asks again. His face is completely blank. God, I hate seeing him like this. I just want to see him smile, frown, literally anything.

"Beat the absolute shit out of you." I respond. It's silent for a moment, before he quietly lets out a small chuckle.

There it is.

"Please, do." He says, taking a few steps towards me. "Seriously, you'd be doing me a favor." His voice suddenly sounds bitter.

I don't say anything, just turn my back towards him because I can't stand to look at him anymore. I can already feel everything I spent the last 3 weeks pushing down, beginning to rise up again. I close my eyes, clenching my fists.

"Just leave me alone. Please." I whisper the last part. I wonder if he's going to ask me why I'm alone with Dylan. But then I start to doubt it, if he was going to ask he probably would have by now.

"Nova. I miss yo-"

"Don't." I cut him off. "You can't say that. That's not fair." I shake my head. Although I can't see him, I can feel him getting closer to me. The hairs on my body start to stand up.

"You don't understand what's going on." He says lowly, but just loud enough for me to hear him. His words make me angry.

"You're right. I don't fucking understand! I wonder why?! Maybe it's because you acted weird at the airport and sent me away without any explanation. Or maybe, it's because you wouldn't answer any of my texts or calls." I can feel everything coming up, and there's no way I can suppress my feelings anymore. I feel tears begin to sting my eyes.

"How can you go from loving me and making me feel safe, talking about our future together and asking me to get eloped with you one day, and then breaking up with me and completely ignoring me the next? I don't understand." Tears stream down my face at my last sentence. "I really don't understand. What did I do wrong?"

He pulls me to his chest, holding me tightly. I missed this. I missed being in his arms. This is the place I feel the most safe, the most loved.

I'm sobbing now. My hands come over my eyes as I cry, though I kinda feel trapped because Ethan is holding me so tightly against him that I can barely move. It takes me a minute to register that his body is shaking. Is he crying too? I manage to get my arms out from between us and wrap them around his shoulders. We stay like this- crying in each other's arms- for a while. It's me who pulls away from him first.

I look up at him to see he was indeed crying. I sniffle, wiping my face with my hands. He grabs my arm, leading me to the table I was sitting at before. He pulls the chair back a little bit and taps the table, mentioning for me to sit on it. I frown, but do as I'm told. He sits in the chair, places his hands on either of my knees, then spreads my legs. My eyes widen at his actions, but he pulls his chair closer to the table so he's sitting in between my legs. I sigh in relief when I realize that's all he's doing.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, laying his head on my left thigh. My hands instinctively start to play with his hair and I rub his back.

"I just want to know why." I slump my shoulders, looking down at him.

"I-I can't say. Not now, at least." He sighs.

"You don't think I deserve answers? Seriously? I spent 3 weeks feeling like I was worthless and disgusted by myself. Every time I looked in the mirror I hated what I saw. And you're going to sit here and tell me that you can't even tell me at least why you left me? Just like that?" I stop comforting him and lift his shoulders up, making him sit up in his chair.

"Oh, baby." He looks at me, an apologetic expression on his face. He lifts his hands up to cup my face.

"You really felt like that? I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen, I never wanted any of this to happen. I don't know why she couldn't just leave us alone. I'm so sorry. I still love you. I'm such a shitty person for letting this happen. I'm so sorry. I really am sorry." Tears start to fall from his eyes again and he drops his hands from my cheeks and buries his face in my chest. My arms instinctively wrap around him.

Even though he hurt me, I just want to comfort him. I hate seeing him like this, but I like it better than seeing a blank face all day. Is that bad? I'm really glad that he's not afraid to show himself to me when he's the most vulnerable.

"Who are you talking about?" I frown. Who couldn't leave us alone?

"I-I can't say." He chokes out. I decide not to press him further about it, he's clearly distraught. Maybe even more than I am...if that's possible.

"It's okay. I'm still here for you. I love you." I close my eyes, letting him let out his emotions. A few minutes later he pulls away from me so I wipe away the tears from his cheeks.

"This is probably the last time we'll be able to talk to each other for a while." He looks at me and I frown.

"Why?" I ask. I don't understand, we're talking okay right now.

"I'm lucky to even be out my house right now. I'm not able to go out anymore. I'm constantly being watched. It's a pain." He groans.

"By who? Ethan, what the hell is going on?" I sigh, leaning forward.

"I can't talk about it right now. But I promise to someday, okay? Right now, it's just not the right time. But it isn't your fault. So please don't think of yourself as anything less. You're perfect, and you're beautiful, and everything else wonderful in the world. Okay? I love you." He cups my cheeks again, running his thumbs over my skin.

"I love you too." I say, frowning. He gives a small smile my way, and I can't help but to give one back.

I wrap my arms around him, if he says that we won't be able to talk to each other for a while after this, I might as well hold him for as long as I can.

"I don't love you anymore." He whispers. Even though it sounds like he's trying to convince himself that it's true, I can't help but to feel dread come over my body.

"I don't believe you." I say, confused. "You were just telling me that you do." I whisper.

"You're bad for me." He whispers back. "We'll never be together." He closes his eyes.

"W-Why are you saying these things?" I drop my arms to my sides, but his don't leave my face.

"These are the things I'm being told everyday. They're trying to brainwash me, Nova. They're killing me." He sounds like he's in so much pain.

"Who's telling you these things? What's happening? Please, if you don't tell me what's going on I can't help you. Why don't you go to the police?" Who is doing this? Why are they torturing him? Is it because of me? Why else would they tell him to say all these things?

"We can't go to the police. I'm working on something, okay? I just need you to trust me. Can you do that baby? Can you trust me?" He asks, looking into my eyes. I gulp, nodding.

"Okay." I whisper. "Please be safe...I don't know what's going on but I hate seeing you in pain." He gives me a small smile, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

He pulls my legs so I'm sitting on the edge of the table before leaning in to kiss me. I quickly close the gap between us, more than willing to feel his lips against mine after what feels like years without them. My hand immediately flies up to his hair and I run my hands through it. His hands don't stay still- they're roaming all over my body as if they're starving for my touch. I don't mind how he touches me, I missed him.

Before I can register what's happening, Ethan has taken my shirt off and placed it on the table, right beside me. I'm about to protest but he starts attacking the exposed part of my breasts, licking and biting any piece of skin he can get his mouth on. I throw my head back, letting out a quiet moan. I remember that we're in a diner, and I quickly put my hand over my mouth. Ethan takes me throwing my head back as an invitation, as there's more skin exposed on my neck now. He moves his lips there, kissing and leaving love bites once again, everywhere he can.

"I missed you so much." He mumbles against my skin.

"Ethan what if someone walks in?" I murmur. At that, he pulls away. He gets up and I think he's going to walk out, but instead he places a chair underneath the doorknob.

"Look, problem solved." He smiles, walking back over to me. He puts a hand on my cheek, smiling, but it soon fades. "I have to leave soon." He frowns.

My expression matches his and he sits back down in the seat in front of me. He rubs his hands over his face and groans. Sometimes I get these really strong feelings of self confidence, and I end up doing something I'll probably look back on and regret later.

Well, this is one of those times. I hop off of the table and kiss Ethan again for a few seconds. I pull away, grinning at him before I get on my knees in front of him. I see his eyes widen as I start to unbuckle his belt.

"Nova...w-what are you d-doing?" He asks nervously.

"Giving you a good-bye present you won't forget." I smirk at him.

"God, I love you." He grins down at me.