Chapter 6

I sit in Biology, alone. I look at my phone, seeing that it's been 15 minutes since the class started and Ethan is nowhere to be found. I turn my camera on to see if my eyes are still as puffy as they were this morning. I tried to cover up the fact that I literally got no sleep last night and was crying, but I can see right through the makeup.

After I got inside my dorm last night I started bawling. And I have literally no idea why. I start to think I was being a little over dramatic. It's my fault, anyways. How can I say 'I love you' to someone I've been dating for a day? I mean really...if you think about it, I set myself up for this. I've felt so strongly about him since I first met him, around a month and a half ago. I can't expect him to reciprocate those feelings. When I was little, my mother always said that I was going to have many heartbreaks because of how naive I was. Apparently nothing has changed.

I haven't heard anything from Ethan since he walked me to my dorm. Usually if we aren't able to hang out with each other, we text instead. I want to laugh at myself, I should have seen this coming. I trust people too easily. Maybe I'm just a fling for Ethan. The "exotic" experiment. God, I hate that word when white men use it. I think back to his roommates and clench my fists.

Out of the corner of my eye I see my phone screen light up. I grab it immediately and see a text. From him.

Ethan 🧑🏼💞: Hey, don't wait up for me today after school. I won't be able to make it for our date. Let's reschedule for another time.

I roll my eyes, as if I didn't see that one coming. I put my phone down, unable to be bothered to answer. At least he has the decency to let me know he is a flake. I can't help but feel a pit form in my stomach, what if he just used me for sex? Made a bet or something with his roommates, and now that he won he doesn't need me anymore?

The thought of that makes me sick to my stomach, and I put my face in my hands, feeling like I'm going to throw up. I really hope that's not the case.

"Hey," I hear a gentle voice, and someone's finger pokes me. I look up, seeing Dylan looking at me.

"Are you okay?" He asks. I manage a small smile.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Thank you for asking, I just feel sick." It isn't a complete lie.

"Oh," he nods "okay. Where's Ethan?" He inquires but I shrug.

"He won't be in today, he has something to take care of." Lies. I have absolutely no idea where he is. Dylan just nods, turning back to face the front of the class.

The rest of the day went by slowly. Too slowly. Ethan wasn't at any of our classes, which made me wonder where the hell he went.

The day is finally over and I walk to my dorm, hoping to take a nap. I pull out my key as I walk up and see two bags outside my door, sealed tightly shut with a notecard taped on the front of it that reads my name. I frown, grabbing both bags and walking into my room.

"Hey girl." Lorena greets me. Callie looks over at me and smiles.

"You picked up food? How did you get it so quick. I thought you got out of class like 15 minutes ago." Callie tilts her head and frowns.

"It was in front of the door." I shrug, sitting on my bed. I open both bags. The food is still warm.

There's a piece of paper in one of them. I pull it out and unfold it, reading it in my head.

'Sorry again about the last minute cancel. See you soon.

- E'

I crumble up the note and throw it in my small garbage bin. I hand both bags to Lorena and Callie.

"You guys can have it. I'm not hungry." I say, going back to my bed and laying down.

"What? You should eat. You don't even know what it is, what if you like it?" Callie frowns.

"It's fine, I'm just really tired." I try to relax my muscles, pulling the cover over my body and facing away from my two friends.

"Babe, if you want to talk about it, you know we're here for you. Right? Whenever you're ready." Lorena coos, I look back and smile at the both of them.

"Thank you. I love you guys."

"We love you too." They say at the same time. At least they had the balls to.

I turn back around and let myself drift off to sleep.

Ethan didn't come to school the next day either. Or the next, or the day after that. And the only text I received was on Monday night, when he left food at my door, saying:

'Will be out for a bit. Don't worry about me.'

I didn't respond to that text either. He wanted to play games? Then fine. I'll play one right back.

~~

It's Friday now, and I haven't seen or heard from Ethan. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care anymore. I care a lot. I don't want to go to my classes today, I haven't wanted to go all week. The only thing that gets me up in the morning is 1) my grades and 2) the possibility that Ethan will come back. I scratch my head in frustration. If he's not here today, I'm officially giving up. I won't care anymore. I've felt lazy and worthless for the past week and I'm absolutely sick of it. I shouldn't have to feel this way because of his actions. I walk into my Bio class a few minutes early. As I turn into the room, I bump into someone.

"Oh I'm so sorry." I say before looking up at who it is. The apologetic smile on my face quickly disappears as I see who's standing in front of me.

He who shall not be named.

"Nova." He looks down at me. He looks tired and drained of his energy. I frown.

He has his backpack on, and he has papers in his hands. He doesn't look like he's staying for the class.

"You're leaving." I say, but it's more of a statement than a question. Ethan sighs.

"Yes." Is all he says. He doesn't even care.

I push past him, not wanting to look at him anymore. I'm tired. I'm tired and over this entire situation.

I feel him grab my arm, but I yank it out of his hand and start heading up the stairs to my seat. I can feel his presence behind me. Is he staying now?

"Nova look at me please." I hear and stop walking.

"You don't have the right to ask for anything from me." I turn around on the steps to face him.

He gives me a small smile before picking me up, throwing me over his shoulder.

"Uncle we can't make it to class today. Can you please let our other professors know as well? I'll text you who to talk to." Ethan says before quickly exiting the classroom.

"Ethan, put me down." I sigh. I don't even have the energy to fight back. "Please just put me down."

"No. We need to talk." He says.

Almost everybody stares at us as we pass them. I debate on just screaming out for help. Maybe I should yell "stranger danger!", then someone might save me. He walks to the parking lot then stuffs me in the passenger seat of his car, even going the extra mile to buckle my seatbelt. Wow, what a fucking gentleman. I cross my arms over my chest as he gets into the drivers seat, pulling out of the parking lot. He puts his hand on my thigh, maybe out of habit. Despite the butterflies I feel in my stomach, I throw his hand off of me.

Silence.

Neither of us are talking. For some reason, that makes me angry.

"Are you seriously going to kidnap me and then just not say shit? You've been giving me the silent treatment for almost a week. I was worried about you, and you wouldn't even text me to let me know if you were okay." I grit my teeth. How can he just act like he is the boss of me? How could he just put me in his car and act like things are fine? Things are very far from fine.

He still doesn't say anything which makes me scoff. What was the point of me coming? I should have yelled at the other students when I had the chance, maybe I would have been in class right now.

"God!" I yell in frustration. "Can you just fucking talk to me!? I'm tired of playing this guessing game. Are you mad at me, or not? Do you even care, or not? Is this relationship even worth it to you? Because it really seems like your answer is no." My voice falters at the end of my words and I don't even realize I'm crying until tears start falling in my lap.

"Please don't say that." I hear Ethan whisper. He leans over to grab my hand but I flinch away.

"Don't touch me. Please do not touch me." I put my head in my hands and cry.

I know that if I let him close to me, if I let him hold me, I'll probably forgive him instantly. And I can't have that. I want him to prove to me that he really does still care. Hell, scratch that. I just want an explanation. I know it's my fault he disappeared, but he could have at least given me a heads up or something. Anything.

I didn't realize that he had pulled the car over until I hear him park and turn it off.

"Please don't cry. It hurts to see you cry. I'll make it better, I promise. I'm sorry I'm such a bad boyfriend." I hear his words and a pit forms in my stomach.

I don't want him to say things like that about himself. He hurt me, but I don't want him to be hurting too. I take a moment, trying to compose myself. I sniffle and finally meet his eyes. He looks like he's in pain.

"You look tired." I mumble, my voice still a little shaky from crying. He gives me a weak smile.

"I am." He whispers. "I miss you." I look away from him. I don't know whether to believe him or not. I feel him take my hands in his. I'm about to snatch them away, but he encases them.

"Please just listen to me, okay?" He huffs out a breath. I look back at him and nod. "There's no excuse for blowing you off like that, I know. But I just...I just freaked out. I don't know." He groans, leaning his head against the seat's headrest.

"When you said...that you...you know. Love me," he says it like the words are hard to get out of his mouth. "I freaked out. I didn't know how to respond. I know at this point it's been over a month that we've known each other and our relationship has moved extremely fast, but I wasn't expecting that." He rubs his thumbs over my hands.

"I don't care if you don't love me back Ethan." I whisper, my throat feeling like it's tightening. "I really don't. I just wanted to let you know how I felt. I did want you to say it back but I know that I said it way too early, and I'm sorry. I didn't want to drive you away. I wouldn't have been mad at you if you had just communicated with me, saying that's not how you feel. But the way you looked at me-" I push back the tears desperately trying to fall.

"You looked at me like I was some sort of monster. And to top it all off, you didn't talk to me for a week. You have no idea how hard it is for someone to completely ignore you because you told them you love them. Especially when they're supposed to be your boyfriend. It really hurt me Ethan. I felt worthless and sick at myself. I wish I can take back that moment. Maybe we could have been happy right now." I shake my head. "I'm sorry."

"Please don't say that. Don't apologize for that." He reaches over and pulls me into a hug. I bury my head in his chest, taking in his scent.

I missed him. I missed us.

"I don't want you to regret telling me you love me. I'm so sorry I acted the way I did. You don't deserve that. This isn't your fault, so I don't want you blaming yourself for anything, okay?" He rubs my back. "I want to say it back. I want to tell you that I love you and that I'll always love you until the end of the world. I want to make you feel safe, and at ease. But I just don't know...I've never experienced love before. I've seen my parents go from 'loving' each other to having these horrible and explosive fights in the matter of 2 seconds. I don't want that. Maybe I'm just trying to protect myself from that." I hear his words and feel guilty for some reason. I built up these bad feelings about him while he was gone, and the whole time he was just scared. I feel horrible.

"It terrifies me being in a relationship with you." He whispers. "You're so sweet, and caring, empathetic, and you make my heart melt within seconds. I hate to admit, but I'm whipped. You have me wrapped around your tiny little fingers, and it scares the living shit out of me. So when you said what you did, I just...I don't know. It got me even more scared. I don't know if I love you." He kisses the top of my head. "But I do know that I care deeply about you. And I know that I spend every waking moment, thinking about you. And I know you make me happy just by the sound of your voice. Maybe that is love, maybe I do love you and I'm just too afraid to admit it. But until I know for sure, I don't want to say it to you. I want to tell you I love you when I'm absolutely, 100% positive. But until then, please stay with me. I don't know what I'd do without you."

I look up at him, his eyes are glossy. I reach up to cup one of his cheeks with my hand. He leans into my touch, closing his eyes. I lean forward and peck his lips.

"I don't mind. I'll wait as long as you need. I'm always here for you, okay? I know you don't want me to say it but I love you. And I'm going to keep telling you that everyday, because it's true. I don't care if you don't love me back. I don't care if we barely know each other." He opens his eyes and smiles at me.

"I do want you to say it. I like hearing it now. Say it again." He leans down and kisses me.

"I love you." He kisses me once more.

"Again." He demands, and I laugh.

"I love you." I whisper onto his lips, earning another kiss after that.

"I'm happy we talked." Ethan sighs, pulling away. "But I also want you to know that I didn't just not come to school because of your confession." He says while turning the car back on, merging back onto the road.

"Oh? What happened?" I frown and grab one of his hands, holding it in my lap while his other steers the car.

"My aunt is sick. So I've been going over and taking care of her until my uncle can get his vacation time approved to take care of her. My uncle called me the night I walked you back to your dorm and asked if I could take some time off and take care of her, since he couldn't. He talked to all of my professors and explained the situation. I was just more than happy to go, so I didn't have to face you..." he trails off. "But when I seen the condition my aunt was in, I felt selfish for that reasoning. I should have been happy to go so I can take care of family, you get me? Anyways, I had my phone off most of the time so I can talk to her and make her feel like she's not alone. I'm sorry I didn't reach out much." He squeezes my hand.

"I'm so sorry." I feel incredibly guilty. He did have good reasoning as to why he was blowing me off, other than just being a jerk. "Geez, I feel like a dick. I was yelling at you but you probably would have been away this whole time anyways because your aunt is sick. I'm so sorry. Is she doing okay? Is there anything I can get her?" I ask, looking over at him.

"Don't apologize. You didn't know. And she's doing a little better right now. We have a home nurse that comes once a day to check on her, see how she's doing. She's stable right now, but they're still trying to figure out what's wrong." I nod, sighing.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I ask.

"Well, we're going over there right now. So I guess we'll just find out, right?" My eyes widen.

"We're what?" I ask, shocked. "Why didn't you tell me? I should have changed, or gotten ready better. I can't meet someone from your family like this." I frown. I'm just wearing jeans and a sweater.

"Nova, she's sick. I highly doubt she cares about what you wear or look like." He bursts out laughing.

"I at least need to bring a present or something. I can't show up empty-handed." I blush.

"Okay. We'll stop at the store. I think she'll be really happy to have another girl around to talk to." He hums.

I hope she likes me. What if she's racist? I swear if I have to hear another white person say some weird stuff again I'll just unplug her life support.

Is she even on life support? I have no idea.

~~

"Hey! You're getting it on my skin." I laugh and Ethan tries to clean the nail polish he got on my finger, but ends up smudging it more.

We've been at his aunts house for about 2 hours now. I brought her flowers, some chocolates because Ethan said it's her favorite sweet, and I bought some nail polish and face masks since Ethan said she hasn't been able to leave the house. I thought we could have a little "girls day" to make her feel more comfortable, instead of feeling like she's trapped in her home.

When we arrived at the house in question, I was beyond shocked. I assumed Ethan's family had a lot of money because of his car, and the fact that he lives at the frat that everyone deems the "rich white boys", but her house was absolutely breathtaking. The interior is even better, she really has an eye for decorating.

I was nervous about what she would think of me. I had seen 2 confederate flags when we turned into the neighborhood and I told Ethan that I was definitely not safe here. He just laughed at me and told me that they never come out their house, and it's the same person who owns both properties. It didn't really make me feel any better. But Ethan's aunt, who's name is Helen, is an absolute gem. She is so full of energy that if it weren't for the countless bottles of pills on her nightstand next to the bed she slept in, I would have thought she was completely healthy. She welcomed me into her home as if I were part of her family. Since we got here, we've watched a couple of her favorite tv shows, and painted each other's nails. Ethan is currently trying his best to paint mine, but failing horribly. It took a lot of convincing to let Helen and I paint Ethan's nails. She painted one hand blue while I painted the other a light purple. We put on our face masks while we watched tv earlier. None of us could keep a straight face, even though that's the whole point of it.

"Nova, it's so wonderful having you here! You should have came last week when Ethan was here. It would have been a lot better being able to see you, rather than hearing him blubber off about you all day. I swear, 90% of the day it was 'Nova this, Nova that'." She imitates a deep voice.

I burst out laughing and look at Ethan who's blushing.

"Oh? Is that right?" I question, narrowing my eyes at the boy in front of me.

"No." He mumbles, cheeks red.

"I'm sorry, I would have loved to come last week. Unfortunately I don't have the same connections as he does around the school." I completely lie.

"Ethan said you two got into a pickle of some sort. But he didn't share the details." Helen raises an eyebrow.

"Okay! Done with your nails." Ethan jumps up from his seat, clearly seeming like he wants to change the subject.

"What should we do now?" He asks.

"I'm actually really tired. And I don't want to keep you two here for long, I know it's kind of a long drive home. Nova, please come visit me again, I'd love to spend more time with you." She hugs me and kisses both my cheeks, I do the same to her.

"Of course, I can't wait for the next time I'm able to come. I'll bring something fun for us to do, okay?" She grabs my hands and squeezes them.

"Oh you're so sweet. Thank you!"

Ethan gives her a hug and Helen walks us out the house, watching as we drive out of the neighborhood safely.

"I think she really likes you." Ethan puts his hand on my thigh. I smile fondly, hoping that's the case.

"She's such a nice woman. Beautiful too! And full of life, she didn't look that sick." I put one of my hands over his.

"She has some good days, and then there's some really bad days. Today seemed like it was one of the good days. She can be like that today, and then extremely weak tomorrow. That's why a nurse comes in daily." I frown, nodding.

"I hope she gets better soon. She's such an angel." I lean my head back.

"Me too." He whispers. "I spent a lot of my childhood with her. Since it was always off and on fighting with my parents, she would offer to watch me. Which was almost every night. She's like a mother to me. I don't know how I would get by if she leaves me." Ethans voice sounds quiet, full of pain.

"It's okay love, from what I seen today, she is a strong woman. She won't be going anywhere any time soon." I bring his hand up to my lips, kissing it before putting it back on my thigh.

"Thank you for coming with me today." He glances over at me, squeezing my thigh in the process.

"You didn't really give me much of a choice though, did you?" I laugh. "But I'm glad I came. I would like to come again with you some time if that's okay."

"Of course it's okay with me. We'll get to spend more time together and my aunt can have some girl bonding time. It's perfect." Ethan grins.

I smile. Things are going right again. I feel like a kindergartner who was just told they're getting candy.

"Hey," i look over at Ethan.

"Hmm?" He doesn't take his eyes off the road.

"You owe me a date. Quiet a few of them, actually." He laughs at me.

"You're right, let's go on one now. I know a cool place out here I want to take you to." He says.

"Wait, are you serious? Right now right now?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Yes, at this very minute. Our date awaits!" He deepens his voice to sound like some type of narrator.

"Okay, it's not like we have to be home right now anyways." I shrug, excited to see what we're going to do.

I have a few views on each of my chapters I've posted so far and that makes me really excited yet really embarrassed at the same time, lmao. I also haven't edited any of these yet so Ik there's a lot of mistakes, I'll work on that soon.