Forbidden: Part One – Chapter 45

A ringing jolted me awake.

“Shit, sorry,” Theo groaned, rolling over to grab his phone off the nightstand.

Ben’s arms tightened around me as I stirred. I was warm and comfortable and automatically hated whoever had called for interrupting our morning. I had no idea what time it was besides too early o’clock.

“Go back to sleep,” Theo murmured, brushing his hand along my face before getting out of bed to take the call. I whimpered, not wanting any of my alphas to leave. Cam shifted closer, throwing an arm and leg across me, sandwiching me between him and Ben. The warm pressure of their bodies against mine and their spiced apple and cinnamon roll scents settled me.

“How’re you feeling, precious?” Ben asked, his voice heavy with sleep.

“Good,” I responded, nuzzling into his neck.

“Not too sore?” His arms tightened around me, and I noticed a slightly worried edge to his scent.

“All good,” I murmured, pressing a kiss to Ben’s bare chest. I was lulled asleep by the soothing sound of his purr.

I woke to low voices. Theo was back, his scent bitter. My eyelids were too heavy to pry open, but I needed to touch him. I reached out my hand, flailing in his general direction until he grasped it and kissed my wrist.

“Good morning, angel,” Theo said softly.

“Morning,” I mumbled. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

My eyes popped open. “You lying to me?” I asked. Theo’s eyes were tight and his smile forced.

He sighed. “Nothing is wrong, but that was Amirah on the phone. She needs us for an Alliance job this evening.”

“What’s the job?” I asked. Ben still looked half asleep underneath me. Cam was wide awake, soothing his hand up and down my back.

“There’s a pharmaceutical development team working with the Alliance,” Cam said. “They’ve developed tablets for omegas that can incapacitate any alphas in close proximity.”

“What?” I gasped, trying to sit up.

Ben grunted and pulled me closer to him, pressing his face into my neck. “If we have to have a serious conversation this early, I need you on top of me, precious.”

I smiled as Cam and Theo rolled their eyes. Ben might even be more of a monster in the mornings than me.

“They’ve been in development for a while,” Theo said. “They found a way to infuse omega pheromones with a toxin that will render alphas helpless for up to thirty minutes. The omega just has to chew the tab to release it.”

My body tensed before I registered Theo’s words. Stinging pain shot through my arm, radiating from my scar. I breathed through it, knowing the pain wasn’t real—it was the cost of remembering what had happened to me.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Cam asked, his hand settling on the back of my neck in a firm, comforting hold. “Is your arm hurting you?”

Shit. I had reached out to grab my scar without thinking.

“No,” I said quickly, dropping my hand. I didn’t want to go there, wasn’t ready to tell them about my past.

Cam’s gaze narrowed, and I thought he would push me to talk. Instead, he took a deep breath and gave me a nod. “Only when you’re ready to tell us.”

“Thanks,” I said, breathing in his cinnamon roll scent, trying to force my muscles to relax again.

Ben’s arms tightened around me, and he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“What happens to the alphas?” I asked, breaking the silence.

“It’s described that they go into a sort of trance state where they’ll do whatever they’re told,” Theo said, a slight frown on his face as he looked at me.

“Sounds like what they were doing with omegas,” Ben said.

“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady as the grip on my chest tightened. Were they talking about the device? How would they know about it? A pit in my stomach formed as horror washed over me. Of course, the DA must have used the device on other omegas. How could I have thought that I was the only one? How many more omegas had they experimented on?

“Doesn’t matter,” Cam muttered, twining his fingers with mine. “We’ll keep you safe.”

Usually, Cam’s protectiveness made me feel warm and cherished, but irritation prickled at his words. I’ve already been unsafe, and there’s nothing they could have done about it. I knew I should tell them about the device, about what Glen did to me. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes. Or worse, their judgment. Would they think I was dirty after what happened? Unworthy of being theirs?

“So, what did Amirah want?” I asked, proud of how unaffected my voice sounded. I couldn’t fool them with my scent, though.

Theo hesitated before continuing. “The tabs are finally ready to be distributed. We keep Alliance hand-offs discrete, using public events to avoid suspicion. Another alpha pack was supposed to go to a cocktail party at Donovan Turro’s home tonight to deliver the tabs to an Alliance member leading the distribution effort, but something happened and they’re not able to go anymore.”

“Isn’t Donovan Turro that male omega artist?” I asked, his name vaguely conjuring images of large, colorful abstract paintings. Male omegas were the rarest of all designations—literally one in a million. I had never met one but had always been curious about what life was like for them.

“Yeah,” Theo said. “He and his alphas are part of the Alliance. They occasionally host these art gallery cocktail party events. Mostly, it’s an excuse for the wealthy to come together and drink.”

“And gawk at Donovan,” Ben added sleepily. “It’s gross.”

“His alphas should shield him from scrutiny,” Cam muttered.

His words made me feel defensive. “Unless he doesn’t want that. Maybe he wants to be involved.”

Cam furrowed his brows. “It’s an alpha’s job to make sure their omega is safe and cared for.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t mean we have to be shielded from everything. Omegas aren’t just like, I don’t know, fragile little creatures that have to be hidden away.”

The energy in the room turned tense at my sharp words. I wasn’t sure Ben was even breathing under me, and Theo’s eyes were wide.

“I know that,” Cam said carefully, caressing my hand. “Omegas are strong and capable. I didn’t mean to suggest otherwise.”

I knew I was overreacting, knew he hadn’t meant anything bad by his words, but I still felt unsettled. I shifted off of Ben, sitting up with my back against the headboard, wrapping my arms around my bent knees.

“So, Amirah wants you to go instead?” I asked, wanting to forget the last few minutes.

“She wants us all to go together, as a pack, and do the hand-off. The tabs will be delivered here in an hour, and we’ll get them to the other Alliance member at the party. Amirah also said this could be a good chance to show you’re part of our pack. There’s likely going to be higher-ups from the Designation Center and government there,” Theo responded, running his hand through my hair.

I leaned into his touch, but it didn’t ease the prickling of my skin at the thought of having to be around those people again. Growing up, my parents forced me to attend formal events. Even though I was a constant disappointment to them, I was still an omega and, therefore, worth parading around. I could still feel the weight of my parents’ judgment and the predatory stares I got from alphas. The only good part of those events was when Sam and I attended together. At the last one we’d gone to, we had snuck into the kitchen and stocked up on champagne and snacks before stealing one of the owner’s golf carts and joy-riding around the local golf course. A lump formed in my throat as I thought about how much I missed my best friend.

“It’s too dangerous,” Cam grunted. “Josie doesn’t need to deal with that stress. Two of us can go, and someone can stay here with her.”

I bristled. I didn’t even want to go to this party, but I hated being told what to do, hated how Cam was talking about me like I wasn’t even in the room. Before I could say anything, Ben spoke up.

“What do you want to do, precious?” he asked, kissing me on the cheek.

“I think if Amirah thinks it’s good for us to go together, we should go.” I set my jaw firmly and met Cam’s eyes, waiting for him to argue.

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Ben said quickly, picking me up and settling me in his lap.

I resisted him for a moment, unsure if I wanted to be soothed right now, but then I breathed in his spicy scent and the fight went out of me. The stress of my mother’s call, the shame of being caught binging, the joy of finally having sex with Ben… all the emotions of the past day caught up with me. I slumped in Ben’s hold, exhausted by it all.

“We’ll have to think of a plan to ensure your safety,” Theo said, his hand resting on my leg. “But I agree. I think going as a pack shows our strength.”

Cam clenched his jaw, glaring at Ben and Theo. “Fine. But we are leaving at the first sign of any danger. The Alliance mission isn’t as important as your safety.”

His scent was burnt cinnamon, so strong I could choke on it. My omega whined, wanting to please our alpha, but I refused to back down. I wasn’t going to let Cam hide me away for the rest of my life, and I owed Amirah and the Alliance everything.

“I want to be helpful,” I said, my throat tight. “If it wasn’t for Amirah, I wouldn’t be here with you.”

The tension in the room broke at my words. Cam met my gaze, his eyes soft, and Ben peppered little kisses down my cheek.

“We need to get you something to wear for the party, love,” Theo said, a smile playing on his lips. “Let’s get some breakfast and then go to Jewel’s.”

I nodded, disentangling myself from Ben and heading into the bathroom. I felt shaky as I closed the door behind me. I couldn’t believe I had snapped at one of my alphas. Of course, he hadn’t lashed out at me—he would never do that, but my fingers trembled as I pulled off my clothes.

I caught a glimpse of my naked body in the full-length mirror. I tried not to fixate on my stomach rolls and flabby arms, but I couldn’t help it. The prospect of trying to find a dress that would fit me filled me with dread. The chorus in my head shouted back at me: ugly, fat, useless omega. I wiped a tear that escaped my eye before pulling on my clothes and turning away from the mirror. Last night with Ben had been a dream. Now I felt all tangled up inside.

I emerged from the bathroom and was startled to see Cam waiting for me. He opened his arms to me and I automatically stepped into his embrace.

“Have you been crying?” he asked, horrified. He wiped at my face as if he could soothe away invisible tears.

I shook my head, not ready to talk about it, and pressed my face into his chest. I might feel frustrated with him, but I still wanted his comfort.

“Are we okay, sweetheart?” His voice was as unsure as I had ever heard it.

“Yeah. I’m sorry I was so defensive.”

“I’m the one who needs to apologize. I never want you to feel like I see you, or any omegas, as less than. You know that, right?” He hugged me closer to him, one hand cupping the back of my head.

“I know… but sometimes I find myself believing the messages I heard at the DA,” I confessed. “That omegas are weak, we can’t do anything without the guidance of alphas, we’re too ruled by our hormones. I know it’s not true, but it’s like those thoughts have their hooks in me, and it makes me feel like I shouldn’t even try to do hard things because I’ll just fail, anyway.”

“What? Baby girl, no, that’s not true at all.” The look of sheer horror on Cam’s face reassured me even more than his words. “Look at how much you’ve accomplished. You survived that fucking nightmare of a place, lived on your own, started a self-defense group. I am in constant awe of you.”

I melted into his embrace. Cam believed in me. He didn’t think I was useless.

“I want you to call me out on my bullshit, sweetheart. Push back if I’m being overbearing or making you feel insecure.”

“I like when you get all growly and overprotective and take care of me. But I’m also capable of doing things on my own,” I said, trying to convince myself. Where was the girl who used to be so fierce and independent? I wasn’t sure where she had gone, but I wanted her back.

“I know, baby girl. I get so fucking scared when I think about you being around those assholes. The thought of anything happening to you kills me.” Then, as if he couldn’t stand the thought of there being any space between us, he picked me up. I wrapped my arms and legs around him.

“You get scared?” I couldn’t remember an alpha ever admitting to feeling afraid.

“Fucking terrified. You mean so much to me.”

We stayed like that for a few quiet minutes, Cam’s arms wrapped around me. I could feel his heartbeat, the rhythmic sound soothing me.

“Ben and Theo are getting impatient. You need to eat and then we’ll get going to Jewel’s.”

My scent turned bitter, and Cam froze.

“What’s wrong?” he demanded. “And don’t say it’s nothing. I can scent how stressed you are. Do you not want to go to the party?”

“It’s stupid. I’m just worried about finding a dress that fits,” I mumbled.

Cam pulled away enough to see my face. He looked totally bewildered. “Of course, you’ll find something,” he said. “And if Jewel doesn’t have the right dress, we’ll go somewhere else.”

“I wish I looked like a normal omega,” I said, my voice sounding small.

“Why the fuck would you want to look different when you’re the sexiest fucking woman I’ve ever seen?” Cam’s voice was raised, his grip on me tight.

He sounded just as sincere as Ben had last night. My alphas seemed to love my body, something I couldn’t understand but was grateful for. I thought about Ben’s suggestion to see someone to help me deal with my body image issues and trauma. The idea of telling a stranger my deepest secrets made my skin crawl, but I also didn’t want to keep feeling this way.

“Thank you,” I said, pressing a kiss to his lips.

Cam deepened the kiss, running his hands down my body and squeezing my butt. I wiggled in his arms, wanting to feel the friction of him against me.

Suddenly, the door opened, causing me to pull away from Cam with a startled squeak.

“Stop trying to keep her from breakfast,” a cranky Ben said, striding into the room and taking me from Cam’s arms. He carried me out of the room, grumbling about needing to feed me while Cam winked at me as he followed us downstairs.