Forbidden: Part One – Chapter 48

The car ride back to the house was fucking torture. Josie sat stiffly next to me—a stark contrast to our closeness on the way to Pack Turro’s. She stared out the window, her body angled away from mine. But when I offered her my hand, she took it and held on tightly.

Theo had filled me in on what had made Josie upset, and I felt like the lowest piece of shit. I knew the time had come to tell Josie everything about my past. I trusted her with all of it, but I was terrified it would change how she saw me.

When we got to the house, Josie was out of the car before any of us could get the door for her. Ben clasped me on the shoulder.

“She’s feeling jealous and insecure,” he said, “But she still loves you.”

I took a deep breath, steeling myself before following Josie through the house to the backyard.

She whipped around towards me, and my heart clenched in agony when I saw the tears in her eyes.

“I talked to some of your previous lovers. They had a lot to say about your expectations in bed. Is that why we haven’t had sex yet? Because I don’t have enough experience, and you don’t think it will be good?” Her lip trembled, but her look was defiant.

My chest tightened with panic. I realized how deeply I had fucked up by holding back. That she could believe for even a moment I didn’t want her fucking killed me. I had been terrified to do anything to scare her, convinced I would be too much for her, but my caution left her questioning my feelings.

“Baby girl, please listen, that’s not…”

She cut me off. “Well, that’s fine. I’m sure those women are still there, so you don’t have to worry about it anymore. Just go fuck them.”

I growled, anger shooting through me. Josie’s eyes grew wider as I stalked towards her, unwilling for there to be any space between us. She took a few stumbling steps back until she was pressed against the brick wall. Her eyes were wide, and I was momentarily worried she was afraid of me when I caught her sweet scent deepening with arousal. Fuck, this whole time, I’d been holding back because I thought I would frighten or trigger her, but maybe I had gotten it all wrong.

“You want me to fuck another woman?” I growled, crowding her against the wall. “You’d be okay if I went back and fucked a beta in the bathroom? You would be fine with me putting my hands on someone else? Because baby girl, let me be crystal clear—if you ever touch someone outside of our pack, I’ll fucking kill them. You. Are. Mine.”

She was breathing rapidly now, her pupils dilating.

“That’s barbaric. And possessive.”

“Fuck yes, it is.” I ran my hands up her body before capturing her hands and pinning them to the wall over her head. “And you like it.”

She scowled and shook her head no, but her little whimper as I pressed my body firmly against hers gave her away.

“I’ve never in my life wanted someone like I want you. My thoughts are filled with you every single waking moment. I’m fucking obsessed with you, baby girl. I want to do anything I can to make you happy, to keep you safe. And to give you more pleasure than you’ve ever experienced.”

Her hips rolled against mine.

“You didn’t answer my question,” I said as I pinned her harder, my lips hovering an inch from hers. “Do you want me to leave to fuck someone else?”

Fire blazed in Josie’s eyes. “Never,” she said fiercely.

“Mmm, you sure about that?”

“You’re mine,” she said in an omega growl so adorable I had to bite my cheek to keep from smiling.

“Damn right I am,” I said, closing the gap between us and kissing her.

I cupped her ass with one hand, squeezing it until she whimpered, pressing her firmly against me. My other hand had a possessive hold on her neck as I deepened the kiss, thrusting my tongue into her mouth. She threw her arms around me, one hand curling into my hair and pulling my face tightly to hers. I ground against her core, wishing I could rip her dress off of her right now.

I forced myself to pull away. We were both breathing heavily, and Josie’s pupils were dilated. She whined at the distance I created, trying to pull me back. I was tempted to throw her over my shoulder and take her to bed.

“Hold on, sweetheart, we need to talk.”

She made a frustrated sound as I led her to a chair and sat down, pulling her so she was straddling my lap. Her cheeks were flushed, and her hard nipples peeked through her dress. It was almost enough to make me abandon my plan of having a rational conversation, but I remembered her tears and knew we needed this.

“What happened back there?” I asked, playing with a strand of her hair. Her head tipped towards my hand, greedy for my touch. I forced myself to keep my touch light when all I wanted was to twist her hair around my fist as leverage to guide her where I wanted her.

“There were some betas in the bathroom, and one of them said that you used to sleep with them and that you like BDSM, and that I’m not your type and wouldn’t satisfy you in bed.”

My blood pressure and self-loathing rose in equal measure. I had a feeling I knew exactly who had cornered Josie in the bathroom, and I fucking hated them for it, but ultimately it was my choices that had made my mate feel crushed and rejected.

“I’m so sorry they said that to you, but you have to know they don’t know what they’re fucking talking about.”

“So, you’re not into… dominating me?”

I opened my mouth and then closed it again. That was not the question I expected her to ask. I needed to be honest, but I was scared shitless that I would make her afraid of me.

“Well, I mean, I am. But I would never push you to do something you didn’t want or do anything to hurt you. I promise I will never abuse you. I don’t need to have that kind of sex and don’t want you to feel…”

Josie placed her hand over my mouth, cutting me off. My chest tightened, sure that this was when she would leave me when I noticed a small smile playing across her face.

“You’re panicking without letting me respond,” she said.

I immediately went to say something, but her hand still covered my mouth. She arched an eyebrow. Josie was here with me. She wasn’t running away or yelling, even though I wouldn’t blame her if she did both. I gazed into her deep green eyes and nodded slowly. Then, because I couldn’t resist, I licked her hand. She let out a startled laugh and scrunched up her nose before wiping her hand on my shirt. Her laughter loosened the tension I was carrying in my chest, and I couldn’t resist pulling her in for a quick kiss.

“I’m listening, sweetheart,” I murmured in her ear, allowing her vanilla cupcake perfume to soak into my clothes and calm me further. The burnt edge to her scent had dissipated, and she was relaxed and pliant in my arms.

“Cam, I know you would never hurt or abuse me. Since we met, you’ve been caring for me and protecting me. I trust you.”

I pulled her in closer until her head rested on my chest. She wrapped her arms tightly around me and squeezed.

The words I’d never spoken to anyone outside Ben and Theo started tumbling out.

“You know we all grew up in North Woods. My father was, and still is, one of the leaders. He and my pack fathers put a lot of pressure on my brothers and me to be the most aggressive, dominant alphas. They thought that any kindness or sensitivity was a weakness. My fathers tested me by forcing me to fight them all at once. I was a kid, so I could never overpower them. If I cried or backed down, they would tell me I was weak and often punished me by locking me out of the house for days without food. No one in the community did anything to help me because they knew they would have to face my fathers if they did.”

Josie jolted upright from where she was curled against my chest. Her eyes blazed with anger. “You were a kid and no one helped you? No one put a stop to it?” She was shaking with rage, her hands clenching my arms.

“They didn’t have much of a choice. I used to be angry with my mom because she just stood by and watched it happen. But she was abused, too. She couldn’t risk herself.”

“That’s crap,” Josie said, putting her hands on either side of my face. “Others should have stepped in. You didn’t deserve any of that.”

Warmth spread through my body at my mate’s indignation at what I had gone through.

“People should have stepped in and stopped what was happening to you as well, sweetheart,” I said, gently cupping her face with my hand and running my thumb across her cheek.

She leaned into my touch. “Yeah, well…” She took a deep breath. “Will you keep going?”

“Things got better once Theo moved next door. At the time, I was aggressive, getting into fights at school. Theo somehow saw through that, and we quickly decided to become a pack. It was the first time I felt like I had someone on my side, especially since my two younger brothers are fucking clones of our pack fathers. People didn’t mess with us once we formed our pack, including my fathers. Soon after, we noticed this younger alpha who was friendly and sensitive, all the shit alphas shouldn’t be. Oh, and he liked to talk all the fucking time.”

Josie smiled at my description of Ben.

“I saw him for the first time at school. He was a couple grades below us and was just a fucking nice person. He wanted to make friends with everyone, which put a target on his back.

“We decided quickly that we wanted to protect Ben. It was crazy shit to see this alpha be so happy and easygoing. He was getting bullied at school and we stepped in to protect him. He annoyed the shit out of me at first with his positivity, but we quickly realized he was pack, too. The three of us stuck together. Theo and I served the year of military service our community required. Theo stopped after the first year, but I kept going with it, not because I liked it but because I didn’t have anything else I was good at.”

“Did Ben do the year of military training?”

“We left before he had to,” I said.

Josie looked at me with such sweetness and curiosity. None of us had told her why we left, and I dreaded saying it out loud.

“We talked about leaving for years but knew it meant we wouldn’t have contact with our families anymore. We all had omega sisters we wanted to look out for.”

“You have a sister?” Josie asked, confused.

“No, not anymore,” I said. I looked away from my mate, trying to get my emotions under control. I never talked about my sister. It was still too painful, even over a decade later.

“Oh, Cam,” Josie said, pulling me in for a hug and placing gentle kisses on my face. “You don’t have to tell me what happened if you don’t want to.”

I took a shuddering breath. “No, I want to. It’s just hard for me to talk about.”

My voice was tight and I felt tears building behind my eyes. I wasn’t sure how I would get this next part out when I felt a slight vibration run through Josie’s chest. The vibration strengthened, and I realized my mate was purring for me. I held her close, allowing her purr to work through my body. I had never dreamed of being gifted an omega purr, and a tear spilled onto my cheek.

“Thank you,” I said gruffly. Josie pressed her face into my neck and intensified her purr.

“My sister’s name was Ellie. She was four years younger than me and the best fucking person in the world. She was an omega but was always really mischievous and a risk-taker. I would catch her sneaking out of the house to go to the movies or pull pranks, and she would just give me this haughty look and ask if I was coming with her. She became close with Ben’s sister, Lilah, and they were total fucking terrors. They had this asshole teacher they hated, so one night, we went to the teacher’s house and stole his car.”

“Wait, what? What did you do with it?” Josie asked, her eyes lighting with laughter.

I chuckled. Ellie had been fourteen at the time and very focused on righting injustices.

“We stole the car and drove it to the school so the teacher wouldn’t be able to get to school in the morning, but the staff would think he was there. Then we broke into his classroom, and the omegas rigged a glitter bomb so when the teacher eventually arrived at school and sat in his chair, glitter would rain down on the whole classroom.”

“Oh my god, that’s so ridiculous. Did it work?”

“Fuck yeah, it did. We recruited Ben and Theo to erase all the security footage and help us break into the school, but hot-wiring the car and rigging up the glitter bomb was all Ellie and Lilah. You would have loved them.” My heart clenched with the reminder that Josie and Ellie would never get to meet.

“When she was seventeen, our parents sat her down and told her they had arranged for her to join a pack. The alphas were all in their forties and had previously been bonded with an omega who had mysteriously died. Ellie was terrified and tried to contact me, but I was on a training mission. Now I know my fathers arranged it so I would be gone when they told Ellie. They made her move into the pack house the next day, and her alphas bonded her immediately. By the time Theo and Ben were able to make contact with me, it was too late.

“Her alphas wouldn’t allow me to see her and kept her locked in the house. We tried to break in one night when we thought they were gone, but it had been a trap, and I was arrested. I didn’t know what to fucking do and my mother was absolutely useless, just telling me to let it go. Within a month, Ellie was dead.”

Josie gasped, her hands tightening their hold on me.

I knew if I stopped, I wouldn’t be able to finish the story, so I pressed ahead.

“Her alphas said she tried to leave the house through her window and had fallen and died instantly. Everyone knew Ellie had a habit of leaving my parents’ house growing up, so no one questioned it. But her room was only on the second floor. There’s just no way that fall would have killed her. They didn’t even bring her into the hospital, and they refused an autopsy. They murdered my little sister and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

My voice broke and I couldn’t keep going. The memory of my mother calling me to tell me the news, her voice numb and detached as she shared that her only daughter had died, flooded me. I had immediately gone to my parents’ house and demanded an investigation. When my father walked in, I’d jumped him, punching him in the face until my pack fathers pulled me off. Then they all set on me. I had been convinced they would kill me, and they probably would have if Ben and Theo hadn’t barged into the house and gotten me away.

Josie held me tightly, running her hands soothingly over my body and pressing little kisses to my neck and chest as she continued purring. I tried to hide the tears rolling down my face, but she cupped my cheeks with both hands.

“It’s okay to cry. Not a single bit of what happened was your fault,” she said softly, wiping away the tears as they fell.

“I should have done more to protect her,” I choked out between sobs.

“You did everything you could. It sounds like you were Ellie’s everything, the best big brother she could ever hope for. I can’t imagine she would want you to blame yourself for what those horrible alphas did.”

“I wanted to kill my parents and those alphas. They don’t deserve to live after what they did to her.”

“What stopped you?” she asked without judgment.

“Theo and Ben convinced me that if I went after them, I would end up dead or in prison for the rest of my life. They said the best thing I could do for Ellie was to live my life and help fight for other omegas. That’s why we joined the Alliance.” After a pause, I added wryly, “They also kept me locked in a hotel room for days while I healed from the beating my fathers gave me and refused to let me leave until I promised I wouldn’t go after them.”

“That sounds about right,” she said with a small smile.

“We left the community, and they officially banned us from coming back. Theo and Ben aren’t allowed to talk to their sisters since they’re bonded to packs in the community. I was in a really dark place and didn’t think I deserved to have an omega since I couldn’t protect my sister.” The final part of my sentence came out in a whisper, and the fear that Josie would agree with me swept over me again. My hands were in fists and I tensed my whole body, waiting for her response.

“Cam, I need you to hear me on this. I’ve spent my life around terrible alphas. Alphas that wanted me to be scared and under their control, that didn’t listen to me, that violated me. I know what cruel alphas are like. Do you think I would be here if you were anything like that? I love you.”

I exhaled, tentative hope seizing my chest. “You love me?”

“Of course, I do,” Josie said with a smile.

“I love you, sweetheart, so fucking much.”

More tears spilled down my face, but I knew Josie wouldn’t judge me for it. We both went in for a kiss and came together fiercely. I cupped the back of her neck with my hand, keeping her glued to me as I deepened the kiss. A thought occurred to me, and I pulled away.

“I haven’t been with anyone in the past year,” I blurted out.

“Oh?” Josie said, looking dazed from our kiss and the sudden change in topic.

“I haven’t wanted to be with anyone in the past year until I met you. The way I want you is something I’ve never experienced before. I only chose betas to sleep with who I wouldn’t form an emotional attachment with, but baby girl, I am so attached to you.”

“Good,” she said, doing her happy little wiggle from her perch on my lap. A pensive look crossed her face, and she looked like she was going to ask me something before she stopped herself.

“What is it?”

“WillyoutellmeabouttheBDSM?” she asked, her words coming out so fast I almost didn’t catch what she had said.

“What do you know about BDSM, baby girl?” I asked.

“I read books,” she mumbled, her cheeks flushing.

“I think I need to know what books you’re reading. They sound very naughty,” I whispered in her ear, relishing the shiver that ran up her spine.

“Answer my question,” she said with a pout, her cheeks flushing a darker red.

I chuckled. “I met this guy, Liam, through a job. We were helping him do a security eval for his company. Anyway, he’s a cool guy and we started hanging out some. He was in the scene and went to clubs. He told me about it and convinced me to give it a try.” I watched Josie for any signs of disgust, but she just looked curious.

“What do you like about it?” she asked.

“Liam showed me that being an alpha and wanting dominance wasn’t inherently bad. My fathers always used violence to get their way, but that’s not what BDSM is about. It gives me an outlet to be myself, but everyone involved consents and wants to be part of the scene. It helped me accept being an alpha.”

“That makes sense,” Josie said slowly. “What kinds of things do you like?”

“Liam used to tease me about how vanilla I am. I’m not into anything extreme. I like some bondage, spanking my partner, controlling her pleasure and orgasms.” Josie perfumed with arousal and my cock grew hard under her. “I also like the more nurturing aspects of BDSM. It’s not something I’ve explored at clubs or with any partners, but you bring out that side of me. I want to make sure you’re safe, make sure you follow the rules and care for yourself, punish you if you put yourself in danger or disobey,” I said. Her breaths were coming faster now and her cheeks were flushed.

“You like that idea, baby girl?”

“I felt like there was something wrong with me when I read things like that in romance books and wanted it.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” I said firmly. “What did you like about it when you were reading?”

“I liked the idea of letting go of control but knowing that my partner was safe and looking out for me. And, I don’t know, it was just hot to read about.”

“Would you ever want to try it?”

“Yes,” she said, her pupils dilating.

“It’s really important that you know you are ultimately always in control. You would have a safe word and I would always, always listen to it.”

“I know. I trust you,” she said.

“That’s the greatest gift you could give me, sweetheart,” I responded, pulling her in for a kiss.