Forbidden: Part One – Chapter 5

I hadn’t expected the person doing my interview to be so friendly or, for lack of better words, cool. She introduced herself as Clementine, and I almost smiled when I got a whiff of her faint, sweet citrus scent. I wondered if her parents chose her name because of it. I liked her already, mainly because she saved me from my mother, who was still sniffling and throwing me dirty looks, and my fathers, who seemed to be on the verge of deciding if it’d be easier to just kill me.

Clementine led me down the hallway without filling the silence with small talk, allowing me to sneak some glances at her. She was a beta, probably around my age or a few years older, with wild, curly red hair that framed her face and set off her freckled skin and brown eyes. Her dark green jumpsuit made her look chic and put together as her heels clicked down the hallway.

Jealousy surged through me—as a beta, she had so much more freedom than I would ever have—but I tried to squash it down. It wasn’t Clementine’s fault.

I followed her into a large office with dark wood furniture and a large window on the left side, showing off a view of the bay. I took in the room, still reeling from my conversation with Jericho and Richard when I realized Clementine was speaking.

“I’m looking forward to talking with you privately, Josephine. I work with the assistant director, Amirah Raven, to match omegas with their packs. We wanted to take some time to meet with you before scheduling your interviews.”

“I go by Josie,” I said. Only my parents called me Josephine, making me hate the name on principle. They adamantly refused to use my nickname.

“Josie! I love that,” Clementine said, guiding me into a deep leather armchair while she took a seat opposite me. “Amirah is going to be in shortly. She’s finishing another meeting. Can I get you anything? Coffee? Dessert?”

I would have killed to drown my feelings in an enormous slice of chocolate cake, but after my run-in with the doctor and my parents, I couldn’t silence the critical voice in my head. Why did you stop your diet? How are you going to attract anyone looking like that?

“No, thank you.” I looked around the office just to have something to do to fill the awkward silence. “Does the assistant director usually meet with omegas before they do their pack interviews?” I finally asked. I’d never heard of that happening.

“Not always,” Clementine said carefully, “But we wanted to make sure we met with you with this being a unique situation.”

“You mean because I’m twenty-three?”

“That’s definitely part of it. Here comes Amirah. She’ll explain better,” Clementine said with relief as the office door opened, revealing the assistant director, a petite omega with shoulder-length curly black hair and brown skin.

Even though I’d known the assistant director was an omega, I still felt my chest fill with shock and… pride? Amirah Raven had been the first-ever omega director of what was then called the Omega Center, a place created to support omegas in all aspects of life. When the Designation Government took over, they swiftly made it illegal for omegas to hold jobs. I had no idea how Amirah managed to hold on to a leadership position. Designation Government politicians were constantly shouting about her on the news, criticizing everything about her, from her appearance to her designation. Glen-spawn-of-Satan-Jacoby, the governor and leader of the Designation Government, was one of her loudest opponents. I shuddered as I quickly shut down that train of thought and forced myself to focus.

“Thanks so much for agreeing to meet with us,” Amirah said, her tone brusque but not unkind.

As she sat down next to Clementine, her cream-colored blouse shifted, revealing a bond mark at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. The news called her four alphas weak because they allowed her to work—as if that somehow took away from their alpha-ness. I wondered what their relationship was like. Did they support her? Did they love each other? All the packs in the romance books I read were deeply in love, the alphas willing to do anything for their omega. I had long abandoned any dream of that being a reality.

“She goes by Josie,” Clementine said with a smile.

“Ahh, thank you,” Amirah said to Clementine before turning to me. “Josie, I want to start this meeting by saying that this office is soundproof, and there are no cameras or recording devices in this space. Anything that is said here stays here.”

I didn’t know what I expected her to say, but that was definitely not it. She must have picked up on my confusion because she continued, “Your mother and pack fathers have just met with the director. Richard Porter has influence as a board member, as does Jericho being senate leader. They seem to be highly invested in you interviewing with Pack Madden—are you familiar with them?”

I shook my head, almost positive I’d never heard that name before.

“One of the alphas works with Jericho, so that’s likely the connection,” Amirah said, lip curling briefly in disdain before she schooled her expression. “Clementine and I felt it was important to meet you and see what you envisioned for your life.”

Her question startled me. What I envisioned for my life? I hadn’t been asked that in… well, possibly ever, but certainly not by anyone at the Designation Center. “I’m not sure what you’re asking.”

Amirah and Clementine glanced at each other, and then Amirah turned her piercing gaze back to me.

“Josie, I have no expectation that you’ll trust us. Omegas hold a very precarious position in society. I know that better than most. We wanted to meet with you because it’s rare to not come into pre-heat before the age of twenty-three without using suppressants. I’m not asking you to confirm anything, but if you have been using suppressants, it leads me to believe you may not want to join a pack. Unfortunately, I don’t have the power to prevent that from happening, but I’ve made it my life’s mission to advocate for omegas. I’m offering our help if you want it.”

My heart beat rapidly, but I tried to look as calm as possible. If I confirmed I had been using suppressants, I could be arrested, lose the minuscule rights I had, and be forced to join a pack of my parents’ choosing. But there was something in me that desperately wanted to trust the two women sitting in front of me.

“What sort of help could you offer me?” I asked carefully.

The assistant director looked me over carefully. “Trust goes both ways, Josie. I need your agreement that you won’t share anything I say with anyone outside of this room. Lives depend on it, do you understand?”

I nodded. “I understand. I promise I won’t say anything. You’re not, um, wrong about me,” I offered, heart pounding at the risk I was taking.

Amirah nodded, a small smile forming on her face for the first time since she walked into the room. “For the past few years, we have been developing an underground network of all designations who oppose the recent legislature. It’s called the Omega, Beta, Alpha Alliance. Some of our members include unbonded alphas who want to bond with an omega but disagree with the current laws. While we can’t stop mandatory pack selection for omegas, we can try to include some of these packs in the interview process. The one thing you still have power over is deciding which pack you bond with. If you want other options besides who your parents have chosen, we can help you.”

My mind was spinning. I knew there was an anti-Designation Government group, but I didn’t know Amirah was a part of it. Their underground network was how Sam had gotten me suppressants. He had urged me to volunteer with them, to “use my skills” to help the Alliance. Each time, I made some excuse. He had such faith in me, but I knew the truth—I was nothing, could do nothing. And I knew the cost of challenging alphas. My hand brushed automatically against my scar, touching the forever reminder of what it cost to rebel.

What Amirah offered wasn’t a complete escape, but it was more than I had dreamed of. I wasn’t sure what sorts of packs the assistant director was talking about, but anything would be better than a pack like those from my family’s community—alphas who believed that omegas were weak, subservient, and needed to be controlled.

Amirah and Clementine looked at me expectantly, waiting for my answer. I looked them over and felt a lump forming in my throat. These two women wanted to help me. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel alone.

“That’s… that’s a lot to take in. But yes, I want your help, please. I can’t bond with a pack my parents choose. I can’t live my life like that.”

Amirah nodded as she started scrolling through her phone. “We’re going to do our best to have an alternative pack for you to interview. I had two packs in mind, but one of them is out of the country until the end of the week,” she said, a slight frown on her face. “The director has insisted we expedite your interview process to take place tomorrow, here at the DC.”

“Tomorrow?” I squeaked. Clementine looked at me with sympathy.

Amirah grimaced. “Unfortunately, your labs show your heat is starting within the next week, so we have to act fast, or you’ll be stuck with an assigned heat pack.”

I shuddered. In the rare circumstance an omega didn’t have a pack for her heat, the government would select a group of alphas to stand in. I would rather die than allow that to happen.

Amirah continued, “I’ll reach out to the pack we have in mind. Typically, omegas are encouraged to have interviews at pack homes so they can see the house and the nest. It also allows the pack to court the omega and show her they can provide for her. That’s not an option for you, unfortunately. We think another reason they’ve decided to have you do your interviews here is so the director, your mother, and your pack fathers can listen in.”

“They’re going to be listening?” I asked. “How am I supposed to have a real conversation with any of the packs?”

“You’ll have to be very careful with what you say,” Clementine said. “Nothing about this is ideal, especially with how soon your heat is coming.”

“Is there…” I paused, afraid to ask my question. I took a deep breath and continued. “Is there any way to get me out of Luna to Sol?”

Amirah and Clementine exchanged a sad look.

“Unfortunately, no,” Amirah answered. “We have, at times, been able to do that. But our current connection in Sol was just arrested. Even if that hadn’t happened, your parents are too influential for us to risk it. There’s a high likelihood they would find you, which would jeopardize the entire movement.”

I had known that leaving wasn’t a real option, but hearing it confirmed sent a dagger through my chest. A few tears escaped down my face.

“I really am sorry. For what it’s worth, I’ve been bonded with my pack for almost twenty years. They are incredibly supportive, and I love them deeply. I know it doesn’t change the complete injustice of your current situation, but I am hopeful that the pack I have in mind will be a good fit. I can tell you they are kind and respectful. Also, we will not be abandoning you after your interviews tomorrow. You’re part of the Alliance now, and we’ll support you however we can going forward.”

Amirah reached across the coffee table to grasp my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before drawing back. I appreciated her straightforward attitude. Having grown up in a pack where manipulation and political games were the norm, the transparency she offered me was a relief.

“Alright, Josie, do I have your agreement? If everything goes to plan, you’ll have two interviews tomorrow. The first with the pack your parents have selected, and the second with the pack we’ve chosen for you. You’ll make your choice at the end of the two interviews.”

I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t okay with any of this, but I also knew Amirah had presented me with the best option I could hope for. So I nodded in agreement and thanked her.

I stood to follow Amirah when Clementine said, “Wait, will you stay here and fill out this questionnaire? We give prospective packs these questionnaires from the omega to get to know them before the courting process. Since you don’t have a courting process, they’ll get this questionnaire tomorrow before the interviews.”

I groaned internally, wanting nothing more than to return to my bed and call Sam. Clementine must have gathered my reluctance.

“I’m sorry. I know it sucks, but it’s part of my job.” She bit her lip, looking vulnerable, before striding over to a corner cabinet and pulling out a bottle of rosé. She held it out to me with a hopeful glimmer in her eye. “Maybe alcohol will make it better?”

I raised an eyebrow. The stress of the past few days broke down my normal defenses. I was tired of keeping everyone at arm’s length. I needed an ally… and maybe even a friend. I definitely needed alcohol. At my nod, Clementine beamed and uncorked the bottle, pouring us each a generous glass.

I was drunk. Like suuuuuper drunk. I reached for the box of cookies on the coffee table and accidentally knocked it over. I lunged to catch it and ended up falling off the couch, hitting the floor with a graceless thump. I giggled as I crawled towards the box and fished out a chocolate chip cookie.

“Oh my god, you are suuuuch a lightweight,” Clementine said, pouring herself another glass of wine.

“Don’t pretend you’re not drunk, too,” I said in what I thought was a normal volume but came out as more of a shout.

“I am not brunk!” Clementine slurred.

I laughed harder, curling up and clutching my stomach as tears streamed down my face. “You are sooo brunk!”

Clementine joined in and for a few moments, the only sound I could hear was our laughter. This moment felt like the long summer days I spent with Sam when we were kids, escaping our homes and getting into trouble.

“Okay, okay, we have to finish this questionnaire,” she said, wiping her eyes.

“Why do these alphas even deserve to know anything about me? I know nothing about them,” I whined.

“Well,” Clementine said slowly, a mischievous gleam entering her eyes, “No one said you had to give them the correct information.”

“You mean lie?” I gasped.

Clementine raised her eyebrows at me suggestively. “If they want to know these things about you, they should have to figure it out.”

“You are a genius.”

Clementine wiggled happily in her seat while I pulled another cookie out of the box.

“Alright, here’s the next question—how do you take your coffee?”

“With seven sugars, seven creams, and a shot of caramel syrup,” I deadpanned.

“How do you actually take it?”

“Sweet, but not like that,” I said, sending myself into another fit of giggles. I rubbed my cheek back and forth on the carpet I was lying on. I wanted all the soft things right now.

“What about this one—favorite flower?”

“Oh wait! I have a real answer. I love peonies.”

“Me too!” Clementine said. “So, hopefully, you’ll get peonies and coffee so sweet it kills you. Next question: favorite book genre?”

“Mechanical engineering manuals,” I said with a smirk.

“Excellent. Who doesn’t love a bit of light reading?”

“Is this seriously what alphas want to know?” I whined, trying to crawl my way back onto the couch, but my limbs were not cooperating. “There’s nothing on there about actual compatibility, like where we want to live, if we want to have children, or our values and beliefs. Because I don’t get to have a say in any of that—the alphas do.”

“Do you need help?” Clementine asked, interrupting my tirade with an amused expression as I tried again to pull myself onto the couch.

“This couch is my Everest.”

“We could add mountain climbing as a hobby,” she suggested.

“Then they might actually try to make me climb a mountain,” I said, finally pulling myself onto the couch. “Although look, I did it! Maybe I would be an excellent mountain climber.”

Clementine giggled. “I’ll skip the mountain climbing for now. We’re almost done. Favorite movie?”

“Hmm… my actual favorite movie is Pride and Prejudice. But put down Silence of the Lambs. Maybe if the alphas think I’m too creepy, they won’t want to bond me.”

Clementine shot me a skeptical look. “Unfortunately, I highly doubt that. I hope you know you’re a real catch. You’re funny and beautiful and deserve a great pack. I’ve met the alphas Amirah mentioned, and they seem really nice.”

I sat up abruptly. “Wait, you know them, and you’re just now telling me?” I screeched, suddenly feeling completely sober.

“Sorry! I just got a message from Amirah saying they’ve confirmed they’ll be there tomorrow. I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure.”

“Well, what are they like?” I asked, my heart racing so fast it almost made me lightheaded.

“I don’t know them really well. I met them at a function last year. Their names are Cam, Theo, and Ben. Cam and Theo were more reserved, while Ben was more outgoing. I didn’t talk to them beyond basic introductions, but they’re, like, really hot. And rich. Not that it matters, but if you have to be stuck with a pack, it might as well be one that can buy you copious amounts of terrible coffee.”

“Is there anything else you can tell me?” I pleaded, hating how desperate I sounded.

“I don’t know any more right now, but I’m going to try to get more information to you before you meet them, I promise,” Clementine said apologetically.

I nodded, sipping more of my wine. The reality of the process was sinking in again.

“I know this sucks,” Clementine added softly. “Everything about the Designation Laws suck.” The depth of the sadness in her eyes took me off guard. I wondered how Clementine had been affected by the laws. I wanted to ask her more, but I understood not wanting to share painful memories.

“Oh wait, there’s one more question on here,” Clementine said, breaking the silence. “Boxers or briefs?”

“What, will they switch out their underwear to match my preference?” I sorted.

“Who knows,” Clementine said, laughing. “What will it be?”

“Definitely commando.”

I looked around, realizing we’d been at this for two hours and had finished two bottles of wine.

“Alright, I just sent those answers off to the match board to give to the packs before the interview. I think we should ask Dave to drive us home.”

Omegas were banned from driving four years ago. I remembered watching Glen Jacoby’s press conference when he announced the new law, and could still hear him saying omega hormones were too erratic for us to drive safely, as if alphas weren’t the real erratic ones. Sam taught me how to drive in secret when we were teens. I loved borrowing his car to cruise around the countryside. It was one of the rare occasions I felt free.

Now I mostly walked or rode the bus since I couldn’t drive and didn’t have money to hire a car. Omegas were strongly discouraged from riding public transit since our scents could cause the entire bus to erupt into chaos (Glen’s words, not mine), but it was technically still legal. But right now, I had no desire to ride the bus in my vulnerable, tipsy state.

“Who’s Dave?”

“Dave is an alpha who works here in the center. But he’s part of the Alliance,” Clementine said without meeting my gaze, a blush forming on her cheeks.

A smile tugged at my lips, and I wondered if there was anything between them. I was tempted to ask but wasn’t sure if it was too personal. It had been so long since I really opened up to anyone besides Sam. My self-protective defenses prevented me from getting too close to anyone.

There was a sharp knock on the door before it opened, revealing Dave. He was huge—I was guessing at least 6’ 5” with broad shoulders and massive arms. His brown hair was cropped in a military-style cut, and he was wearing an all-black DC security uniform with a gun holstered at his side. My heart rate picked up at his intimidating presence.

Clementine, however, didn’t seem remotely concerned. Her face lit up when he walked in, and she started giggling. Dave quirked his eyebrow at her, taking in our mess of wine bottles and opened treats.

“You tipsy, Clem?” There was a warmth in his eyes, fueling my suspicion that there was something between them.

“No, why would you say that?” she responded, laughing so hard she slid out of the chair she was sitting in.

Dave shook his head with a smile before looking at me and introducing himself. The room spun a bit as we picked up Amirah’s office, Dave doing most of the work. I kept a wide berth, not wanting to get too close to him. But as Dave moved around the space, I caught his pleasant lemon scent.

Clementine and I gathered our things and made sure we both looked serious and presentable before leaving. Being locked away in Amirah’s secure office had almost made me forget we were in the middle of the horrible, oppressive place that was the DC. It would look suspicious if we appeared drunk or too lighthearted, so we quietly followed Dave out of the office. I breathed a sigh of relief once we got to the parking lot. Just being on DC property made my skin crawl.

As we neared the town car, I couldn’t help it. I leaned close to Clementine and asked, “Do you like him?”

I meant for it to be a whisper, but it must have come out louder than expected because Dave choked out a cough, and Clementine’s freckle-laden face flushed red as we got into the back of the car. I shot her an apologetic look. Damn alcohol.

When Dave closed the door behind us, she turned to me and gave a little nod. Before the DC laws, alphas could bring betas into their packs and even bond them. But since the new laws, betas could no longer be with alphas. Tears pricked at my eyes, the alcohol making me more emotional than usual at the reminder that betas didn’t have it easy, either.

As the car pulled out of the parking lot, I curled up in the back seat, having far surpassed my limit for the day. I couldn’t believe I had gotten my blood work results just this morning. I felt I had lived several eternities since then. The car was warm and dark, a relief after being under bright lights all day, and Dave and Clementine’s fresh citrus scents swirled around me as I dozed off.

“We’re here,” Dave said quietly, startling me out of my sleep. I sat up and saw we were parked in front of my apartment building.

“We’ll be here to pick you up in the morning,” Clementine said. “It was really nice to meet you. I hope you can get some rest tonight.”

“Thanks, Clementine.”

Dave opened the door for me, but I hesitated before getting out.

“Some nights, I go to a self-defense class down the street. An alpha there holds a class for omegas, but it’s really empowering and you’d be welcome to come with me sometime if you wanted to.” Maybe it was the alcohol that made me trust Clementine enough to invite her, or maybe I was just so fucking exhausted doing everything on my own.

Clementine beamed. “Oh my gosh, I would love to. Let me know the time and date and I’ll be there.”

“I’m going to escort you to the door,” Dave said solemnly. “Clementine, don’t get out of the car for any reason.” He growled that last part protectively. I looked over at Clementine and gave her a wink as she rolled her eyes.

Dave waited until I fished out my keys and unlocked my door before saying goodbye. I headed into my apartment, locked the deadbolts behind me, and stripped off my clothes. After wrapping myself in my fluffiest blanket, I walked to the kitchen to make hot chocolate, needing something warm and sweet. My hand hesitated over the tin. Even though I didn’t want to join a pack, the idea of being around alphas tomorrow and having them judge me and my body made me want to vomit. I blinked back tears as I tightened the blanket around my soft curves and rolls.

See, this is why no one could ever love you or find you desirable. A nasty voice that sounded suspiciously like my mother rang out in my head. I took a deep breath and repeated my mantras to myself. My body is a good body. My body doesn’t exist for the sole purpose of being thin. The tightness in my chest eased a little, and I forced myself to make the hot chocolate. I shuffled to my bedroom, the blanket still wrapped around me, and set up a fort of blankets and pillows, nestled my way into the middle, and then grabbed my latest romance book. I needed some fictional men to carry away the fears of meeting with the alphas tomorrow. Fictional men would never hurt me or think I’m too fat. Who needs real men?