Chapter 7: Movie Night (Part 1)

Just when Ryan thought he'd fully acclimated to college life, homesickness hit.

Every day was something different. When Pete wasn't working, he was a fixture on the couch, playing video games. Harper often joined him when she wasn't studying. Jordan spent most of her time out of the apartment with her study groups. Sam had a work-study at the computer lab. Ryan's work-study was at the library, which let him do a lot of his own studying while at work and gave him some quiet time. He missed the quiet time forced upon them at the group home every night, one hour of no screens that usually ended up with squabbling between some of the other boys, but Ryan and Pete had always been chill, reading and listening to music in their room.

Ryan didn't know if he should be concerned about Pete. He could tell when Pete had been drinking by the bright red flush on his cheeks, and it seemed to be almost every night. But he drank too, and this was college, and Pete's first experience with any kind of real freedom.

The simplicity of life back home was what he missed. How he knew everyone, and knew his schedule, and things weren't going five hundred miles an hour. He could spend quiet nights with Jacky just watching movies and not doing anything more than loving spending time with him. Other nights there'd be a party, but it would be planned well in advance so Ryan could mentally prepare for it. And he'd know everyone there.

It was the end of his third week, and after a grueling practice in preparation for the first game of the season the following night, Ryan dragged himself home, only to find the apartment full of people. "Ryan!" Pete shouted, his face already red despite the clock over the microwave reading 6:29 p.m. "You want some pizza? I made sure they got pepperoni for ya!"

"Sure," Ryan said faintly. What he wanted to do was pass out on his bed. Or better yet, scarf down half a pizza sitting in a room by himself and then pass out. But he dropped his stuff off in his room, kicked off his sneakers, and headed back out.

He had never craved alone time this much, he thought as he loaded his plate with three slices of pizza. There had never been alone time at the group home. And after his mom died, he hadn't wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Now his brain felt crowded with everything new that was happening.

"Maybe Ryan can settle this debate," Van said, turning to him with that predatory look on his face.

Ryan wasn't sure if he could handle Van tonight. "What debate?"

"Could Jack have fit on the door with Rose, or did Rose basically murder him?" Van asked.

"That's so biased—" Sam started.

"The question is if he died unnecessarily," Jordan said. "We're not debating murder here."

Van waved his hands. "Fine, fine! Ryan?"

Ryan swallowed down his first piece of pizza. "I don't know if I even know what you're talking about."

"Titanic!" all three of them shouted.

"Rose totally let Jack die," Harper added from the couch, then savagely ripped a bit out of a pizza crust. Behind her, Charlie was massaging Harper's shoulders. Ryan felt a tiny stab of jealousy.

"She gets it," Van said pointedly.

Grimacing, Ryan said, "I don't think I've ever seen Titanic."

Everyone in the room cried out with disbelief.

"What?"

"Are you serious?"

"Did you grow up in a cave?"

"We're watching it. We're watching it right now."

Ryan managed to grab another slice of pizza before being dragged over to the couch. "How long is this movie?" Ryan asked.

"It's only, like, three hours," Jordan said, pressing play.

Ryan sighed.

About three weeks in, the homesickness hit.

Jacky just wanted his own bed, at his own house, where it smelled normal and not like Billy's cologne mixed with old socks (which, to be fair, were probably from his own laundry basket). He wanted his mom to cook him some healthy vegetarian meal and have her overly concerned about his protein intake, instead of the queasy feeling he was getting now walking into the dining hall every morning, like he knew everything he was eating was terrible for him but was unable to pick anything that looked remotely healthy. He wanted Cody to randomly text him to go out to his camper and smoke weed.

He wanted to wake up with Ryan's arms around him.

Jacky called his mom, as he had been doing once a week. She asked him all kinds of questions about college life that let him avoid telling her about all the drinking he had been doing. "Two more weeks and you'll be back home for Columbus Day!" she trilled before hanging up. "I'm going to make your favorite – spinach lasagna!"

After hanging up, Jacky sat in the dimness of his dorm room, a soft orange glow from the twinkle lights Billy had put up on his side of the room. He tried calling Cody, but didn't get an answer. He supposed Cody was probably working. He didn't know who else to call. On social media, everyone seemed to be having a blast at college. Jacky hadn't posted anything. He didn't feel like he'd made a bunch of amazing new friends. His friendship with Braedyn was still so new and uncertain, and while the faces of the people in his hall were familiar, none of them felt like true friends just yet.

Ryan also hadn't posted anything, but Ryan was always private about his social media accounts. In high school Ryan had been terrified that someone was going to post a picture of him drunk and he'd lose any shot at a scholarship, or get consequences at the group home.

Jacky pulled up his last message to Ryan in Snapchat. That had been so long ago, and he'd been the last one to respond. He couldn't be the first one to respond this time.

His phone lit up in his hand and he sucked in a breath, afraid he'd somehow sent Ryan a message. But the text incoming was from a number Jacky had put into his phone as simply Hot Gay, which he thought might have been a typo for "Hot Guy." Or maybe it wasn't.

Hey Jack this is Cam from the other night, I was wondering you would want to go see the movie playing tonight? I just remembered we were talking about our favorite Avengers and it's the new Marvel movie. No Captain America for you I don't think but it could be fun anyway!

Oh Lord. Jacky closed his eyes and sank back on the bed, trying to swallow down his embarrassment. Of course he would have gotten drunk and fangirled over Steve Rogers to some apparently Hot Gay. After a moment Jacky lifted his phone up and read the paragraph-long text again. The guy, Cam, didn't seem put off by Jacky's passion for Marvel.

And, unless he was completely misreading things, Cam was asking him out on a date.

Was he ready to date again? He hadn't even hooked up with anyone. It's because you're a one-armed freak, a mean little voice in his head whispered.

No, he thought at that voice. It's because he was still hung up on Ryan. He'd thought being the one to break up would make him immune to that. What he needed to do was get out there. Rather than just wander around at parties getting so drunk all he could do was gush about how Captain America and the Winter Soldier had palpable chemistry and the relationship between Steve Rogers and Sharon Carter was forced, he needed to take the opportunities presented to him.

And what better opportunity was this? He was being asked out on a date, which meant he didn't have to wonder if this guy was interested. And he also didn't need to feel guilty if things didn't work out, or awkward about who was going to pay for tickets, because the college had free movie nights over at the Gifford Theater. No harm, no foul. Worse come to worse, he'd enjoy the new Marvel movie.

Sitting up, he responded with a short, Definitely! I'll meet you outside Gifford at 7:30?

Jacky got up and rifled through his drawers until he found the perfect t-shirt to wear. It was black, of course, but it had a faded Captain America shield on it. The short sleeves would drive home the fact that he was an amputee. If he was going to get rejected for that, he wanted to know right away, before he could get attached.

Billy came back from dinner as Jacky was about to head out. "And where are we off to tonight, all dressed up?" he asked, spinning around and looking Jacky up and down.

Jacky looked down at his Captain America t-shirt. "I'm going to the movies."

"On a date?" Billy clapped his hands. "My baby is leaving the nest?"

Groaning, Jacky pulled open the door. "I'm not, and will never be, your baby. And it's with Cam from that thing you dragged me to last week."

Billy sucked in a breath and clasped his hands together. "Hot Cam?"

"Oh, is that his nickname?" Jacky asked drily.

"It's what you put him in your phone as," Billy said with a smirk. Hot Cam was two letters off from Hot Gay, making Jacky confident that Billy hadn't actually seen it.

"Ok, I'm leaving now. Good-bye." Jacky stopped into the hallway. Two doors down, he saw Braedyn and Brandon leaving their room, and he hadn't quite shut his door when Billy called out.

"I hope you get laid tonight!"

Jacky slammed the door, drawing the attention of Braedyn and Brandon. His face was hot. "If anyone wants to switch roommates, I'm game," he said.

Brandon laughed. Braedyn, on the hand, gave him a smile that just a bit off from its usual brightness. "Are you going to the movie, too?"

"Yeah, I'm meeting a friend there," Jacky said, hoping to make things less awkward. They all started walking together.

"Cool." Braedyn nodded.

"I hope the popcorn is free," Brandon said. "You think they have other movie snacks and stuff? I could scarf down a whole thing of nachos."

Jacky couldn't quite explain why everything about his current situation felt weird. Was it the fact that he had a date, or that he hadn't checked with Braedyn to see what he was up to this weekend? He didn't know if Braedyn was really a friend yet, or just someone who lived near him. "I didn't realize you liked Marvel, or I would have asked if you wanted to go, too," Jacky said.

"I just want free popcorn," Brandon said, as if Jacky had been talking to him. "Ooh, what if they have hotdogs! I could totally suck down a footlong."

At that, Jacky met Braedyn's gaze. "I bet you could," Jacky deadpanned, and grinned when Braedyn nearly choked on his laughter.

"I swear, I eat seconds at dinner, but I'm always starving," Brandon continued.

They pushed out through the dorm's main door. A light drizzle was falling, and Jacky reluctantly untied the flannel he'd wrapped around his waist and put it on. When he was done, he saw Brandon turn his head as if he hadn't been staring the whole time. Like it was some kind of freak show to watch Jacky do things with one arm.

"I'm not super into Marvel," Braedyn said. "More into DC. But I like movies in general, you know? Like any movie. Except maybe hardcore horror movies."

"Yeah, this guy watches girly romance movies," Brandon said, turning to walk backwards. "You know, maybe he's batting for your team. What was that movie you were watching yesterday?"

"It was The Proposal, and it's a really funny movie," Braedyn huffed.

"I mean, you can't go wrong with Ryan Reynolds," Jacky said. "He was Deadpool."

Braedyn made a face. "He was also Green Lantern."

"True." Jacky glanced at Brandon, who looked mystified by their conversation. He probably thought calling Braedyn gay for his movie choices would be a cool insult. Jacky raised his eyebrows as if daring Brandon to try to make another stupid joke. He hoped Brandon would push the issue. Then maybe he'd have an answer about whether or not Braedyn was gay.

Brandon just turned around and kept walking, and Jacky swallowed his disappointment. After all, he had a date with a hot gay named Cam, and everything about this movie was going to help him not think about Ryan.