Chapter 17: Long Distance (Part 2)

Ryan

After Ryan had made Pete a breakfast sandwich, he'd hoped to be able to call Jacky from the privacy of the bedroom, since Sam and Jordan were still in the living room. But as soon as Ryan set the plate in front of him, Pete dropped his head into his hands.

"Oh, god, I forgot I was supposed to work today," Pete moaned.

Ryan glanced at the clock; it was after five. Trader Joe's was open until nine, but Ryan didn't know how long Pete's shifts were. "When?"

"I was supposed to start four hours ago."

"Did you call them?" Ryan asked.

Pete dropped his hands. "I was passed out!"

"Okay, well, you can call them now and tell them you were sick."

"They're going to fire me." Pete stared down at his egg sandwich hopelessly.

Ryan piled the frying pan and spatula into the sink and ran some water, taking that moment to decide if he wanted to unpack this box right now, and whether Pete would care about Sam and Jordan overhearing. He took a deep breath and said, "Do you think you might want to cut back on how much you drink?"

He wasn't facing Pete, so he didn't immediately see Pete's reaction. There was only silence. Then Ryan heard a gasp over the running water, and he turned around.

Pete had the heels of his hands pressed into his eyes. His shoulders were shaking.

"Hey, man," Ryan murmured. He shut off the water and pulled a chair up so he could put an arm around Pete. "You're gonna be okay. I'm sure they won't fire you for one no-show."

"It's not that, I could give a fuck about Trader Joe's." Pete's voice was thick. "It's just been hard, you know? You're never here, and it's hard to make new friends. We're not the same as them. Everybody asks questions about my family and I just have to be like, They're dead. It's easier to drink and not talk about myself."

Ryan considered that. He hadn't really found people asking a lot about his family – being in college meant most people first asked questions about his major and where he was from. Back in high school, he used alcohol at parties as a means of not talking about his life, too.

He didn't have any answers for Pete. He barely had answers for himself.

"I get that," Ryan said. "I still have a hard time talking about my mom." His voice caught on the last word of that sentence, realizing how long it had been since he'd allowed himself to even think about her.

Pete's head bobbed. "Everybody talks about their families like it's nothing to have one. Like, I hate my dad, or Got into a fight with my mom, or my brother's such a dick, and I'm over here thinking I'd love to have all of it. Most of them still live at home and they're talking about how much they want to move out, how jealous they are that I have an apartment."

"I don't know why I thought you'd be working with a bunch of college students," Ryan said with laugh. "Instead you're with all the people who didn't go to college."

"Oh, there are a few over-achievers like you," Pete wiped at his face, smiling a little. "And some older people who treat us like they're our kids. Sometimes I'd rather hang with Tammy and Karen than a bunch of whiny kids who haven't suffered."

Ryan grinned and pounded a fist on the table. "They've never make it in the Orphan Club."

Sitting back, Pete sighed, his smile slipping away. "Sometimes I wish I could be like them. Not having to worry about paying rent or having no place else to go if I can't hack it."

"If you get fired from Trader Joe's," Ryan agreed. "Well, we can start looking for backup jobs. I'm sure we can spot you at least one month's rent."

"Thanks, man."

When Ryan stood, Jordan was intensely watching the TV, but Sam glanced over. Her gaze lingered before flicking away. At least she might forgive him for breaking up with Charlie – Harper would never let it go. There wasn't much he could do about it, so he headed back to his room to call Jacky.

Jacky

The disappointment Jacky felt when he saw the name on the caller ID made him not even want to pick up the call, but he did anyway. "Hey Monica."

"Jacky! Oh, I'm glad you picked up," Monica said in a rush. "Ryan's phone was broken and that's why he didn't text you back!"

Jacky couldn't make his mouth work. Ryan had gotten his phone fixed and immediately contacted Monica? He felt lower than dirt.

"So that's good news, right? He wasn't texting you back not being he hated you or whatever. And he texted something mysterious about not to worry about you? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay..." He was definitely not okay. "That's all he said? Not to worry about me?"

"Yeah! I'm so worried, though?" Monica laughed nervously. "I had texted him last night threatening to go to his apartment if he didn't get back to me, and I told him you were worried about him. And that's what he wrote back. Don't worry about Jacky, I'll call you later and tell you about it. But he hasn't called! He sent that text at 5!"

Jacky went through the timeline in his head. Ryan must have gone to get his phone fixed soon after they'd left. Then he'd checked his messages and responded to Monica. So what he had been doing in the hours since?

"He was supposed to call me, too," Jacky said.

"Oh." Monica's voice was full of sympathy. "I'm sure everything's fine! Maybe he's waiting until later. Or maybe he has a big paper due or something."

With a bracing breath, Jacky decided to let Monica in – maybe she would have some advice. "I went to see him."

"What? Really? You drove there? Is that why you asked for his address?" Monica scream-laughed. "I should have known!"

"I showed up at his door at like 5 am," Jacky admitted. Saying it out loud made him sound like a deranged stalker.

Luckily, Monica did not seem to take that as the red flag it was and the probably reason why Ryan hadn't called yet. "And? Did you get back together?"

"I thought so..." Jacky told her about how they'd had a long talk and ended up making out and sleeping on the chair together. "So that was good, but then this guy—" Jacky paused. "Person? Showed up? I guess Ryan's been dating them." A thought occurred to him. "Did you know about Charlie?"

The fact that Monica didn't respond immediately said volumes. "He told me about Charlie, but it was more that he was confused?"

"Confused about what?" Jacky snapped.

"Well, because Charlie is nonbinary? He was sort of questioning about whether liking Charlie meant he wasn't gay, or something. But when he showed me Charlie's picture I was like, Charlie looks an awful lot like you and clearly Ryan is not over you."

"Did you tell him that?"

"Not exactly. I think I said something along the lines of, 'You have a type.'"

Jacky tried to imagine how Ryan would have responded to that. Aside from having dark hair and being on the thinner side, Jacky didn't think he and Charlie looked anything alike.

"Anyway, if Ryan broke up with Charlie right then and there, I don't think you need to worry."

As he was about to whine, Then why hasn't he called?, his phone lit up. "Oh! Ryan's calling me right now!"

"I knew it!"

"Okay, bye!" With only a tiny bit of guilt, Jacky didn't wait for Monica to respond before he hung up on her and flipped over to Ryan.

"Hi," he said breathlessly.

"Oh! Hi. Sorry, I didn't expect you to pick up right away for some reason."

"No worries."

"How was the drive back?"

"No traffic once we got out of Boston." Jacky laid down on the bed and put the phone on speaker on the pillow beside his head. He wanted to get out of small talk. "How are things on your end?"

"Uh," there was some rustling sounds that made Jacky think Ryan was getting comfortable too, "Pete's up, finally. We had a talk about his drinking. My roommates haven't spoken to me since I broke up with Charlie."

Jacky hadn't even considered that Charlie was friends with Ryan's roommates. "Oh, god. I'm sorry. I really fucked you over by showing up, didn't I?"

"No," Ryan said quickly. But then he didn't say anything for a few long moments. "It would have happened sooner or later."

"I'm sorry." Jacky pressed his face into his pillow.

"You don't need to be sorry. I want to be with you. I wish I'd realized earlier that Charlie was more of a rebound thing, because I think we could've been good friends if not for all this, but... I wouldn't trade it."

Breathe, he told himself. Ryan wanted this, too. "I can't even tell you how relieved I am to hear that."

"Relieved?"

"I fucked things up, like I always do. I was worried you wouldn't want me back. I was worried you regretted having to break up with Charlie. I thought you have been having second thoughts and only said you wanted me back because I was standing in front of you."

"Jacky, no," Ryan whispered.

He was glad that he was alone in the room and could let the tears roll across his face onto his pillow. Unable to speak through the tightness of his throat, he focused on not loudly sniveling.

"I made the decision to break up with Charlie. I mean, I don't know that I would have done it right in that moment if you weren't there, but it was my decision. You showing up made me realize exactly how much I missed you, and it also showed me that you wanted to make things right between us. Like, we've been texting and things haven't felt quite real, so I let things keep going with Charlie. Really, I should have stopped things a while ago. The feelings haven't been there with Charlie the way they have even in texts with you. But you, in person, made me confront that, and I'm not mad about it. Honestly, thank you."

Jacky tried to get his emotions under control, unleashing what sounded like sob-laughing. "Oh, good, because if you had blamed me I don't know what I would have done."

Ryan chuckled on his end, a warm throaty laugh that Jacky had missed. Of course, he missed how that laugh would have felt coming from his head resting on Ryan's chest. How long would it be until they could be in that position again? Thanksgiving, least.

"So, where do we go from here?" Ryan asked softly. "We do this thing long distance? And what does that mean?"

"It means sexting," Jacky said confidently. "And dick pics."

Laughing, Ryan moaned, "Noooo."

"Okay, no dick pics, but other pics? I want to see selfies of you sitting in your classes so I can pretend I'm there."

"That I can do."

"And Facetime calls."

"How often?"

"Ummm, twice a week?"

"Oh." Ryan's pause brought on the anxiety again. Twice a week was too much? "I was thinking every night."

"Okay, wow, this sounds serious then," Jacky laughed.

"I mean, it doesn't have to be every night. But I wouldn't mind," Ryan amended.

"I'll warn you, I'm going to Facetime you every night until you tell me to stop."

The smile in Ryan's voice was evident when he responded, "I'm counting on it."