071

Amid the scorching heat of the sun outside, the room was undeniably cold with the heaviness that New's mom and I had in our hearts.

"Are you guys okay?", New asked when he woke up.

Even though her loneliness was obvious, New's mom put on the same bright smile she wore whenever she talked with her son.

"Of course, honey. By the way, I'm sorry if we didn't wake you up, you were sleeping soundly so Tawan and I ate ahead of you."

That moment, his mom's face changed drastically as if we didn't feel miserable just minutes ago. She really had a way to hide the pain that she felt, and I guess it was something New got from her too. They were both experts in hiding their true feelings.

But that day, I really didn't need to know that they were lying behind those smiles, because all three of us knew what was happening and we were only scared of bringing it up.

"Hurry up now, your treatment will start in a few hours. Your food's on the table."

New shifted for a while before jumping out of the bed, and there I saw how drastically he changed throughout his treatment. I didn't notice it last night as the room was poorly lit, but he lost a lot of weight in the few sessions of his chemoradiation.

I remember how his legs had more muscle than mine, but seeing him that day, his legs almost skin and bones, I couldn't help but feel like crying. The hospital gown covered a large portion of his lower body, and only a small part of his leg including his foot was visible, but it was enough to realize that his weight had decreased severely after the treatment.

"Wait there first.", His mom called out, stopping New from getting off the bed completely. Then, she grabbed the wheelchair on the side of the couch and opened it.

"Get in honey.", She said as she positioned the wheelchair on the bedside so New could transfer. He winced uncomfortable as he tried to get off on the bed to the wheelchair, clearly having difficulties in supporting his weight.

"Arrgh", New groaned, completely in pain. The muscles in his arms and legs shook uncontrollably as he tried to get ahold of the chair.

As shaken I was with what I was seeing, I tried my best to gain strength and rushed to help New get on the wheelchair. When I carried him to the chair, his hand gripped on my wrist with such force, as if he was scared that I would let go of him. He seemed agitated, but he didn't want it to show.

"Thank you.", He said in a faint voice.

"Can I?", I asked his mom, who was just about to grab the wheelchair's handle so she could drive him to the breakfast table.

"Of course.", She replied smiling, and handed me the opportunity to bring my boyfriend to the table.

It felt weird, holding the handle to the chair. I almost didn't want to do it as I felt miserable seeing my lover seated on a wheelchair that I was the one who's moving, but I couldn't let him know how doing it made me feel.

"I feel like a royalty sitting here, I can go anywhere without actually walking.", New joked when we reached the table.

How can you joke at a time like this?

I knew immediately that he had noticed the heaviness when he woke up, so he wanted to lighten the mood by making a joke out of his situation. I felt mad, because he was again acting like everything was okay, when in fact it wasn't. But more than anything, I felt miserable.

"Yeah, but you won't get anywhere without me."

"That is why you're a peasant, and I'm a King."

"Asshole."

He laughed heartily, to which I laughed back, and we spent the whole morning catching up on the things we missed. Of course I had to tell him a different reason why I was gone, and that was I was preparing for college admissions, but he didn't really buy it considering how his face was serious when I told it to him.

"College, huh? Since when have you been interested in applying for a university?"

"Since last week. Everyone at school was talking about it, and it made me so annoyed that I decided to go and enroll myself in one of those cram schools.", I said in an unnatural tone, even I didn't believe my words.

He continued looking at me with doubt that New's mom had to interfere with out conversation.

"Y-Yes he did! It was my recommendation for him back then, I didn't want him to end up like most high schoolers who didn't get into any university and grew up as rascals.", His mom said behind him, to which he didn't seem to doubt at all.

"If that's what you say.", New replied as he finished his breakfast.

"I'm also planning on entering a photography competition. If I win, I can get myself a full scholarship.", I said in an attempt to navigate our conversation to a different topic.

New's eyes widened in surprise the moment I announced my participation in the competition, so I assumed I was successful in changing the topic.

"Really? That's amazing!", He jovially replied. If he were not sitting in a wheelchair, he would've jumped and hugged me in excitement.

"Yeah, my adviser told me I could do it, so I'm trying my luck."

"Oh my god! I'm sure you'll ace it! Ma, have you seen Tawan's photography skills? They're superb!! He has this wall in his room with all these beautiful pictures, and I'm sure your jaw will drop when you see it!", He continued, still shouting in joy.

He didn't know it that time, but he looked so happy as he talked about my passion for photography. His eyes were brightly shining even under the intense brightness of the sun, and he talked to his mom in a manner that seemed like he was a kid who just saw superman flying across the sky.

New was always the biggest fan of my photos. Maybe it was because he was the only one aside my mom who actually saw my interest as a passion and not a waste of time, but he never stopped believing in me in the short moment that he knew about my love of taking pictures.

"Calm down, silly. It's not like I'm a professional at taking photos. And besides, it's only my first time joining a contest, so don't get your hopes up."

Just then, he gathered all of his strength and reached for the both of my hands from the other end of the table. He wrapped it around his hands, and then rested his chin on top as he looked at me, his eyes brimming with hope and enthusiasm.

"I know you'll get it. I know you'll win the scholarship and become a world famous photographer. When that happens, I will be the biggest fan who will scream from the top of my lungs, and shout to the world that I am the boyfriend of the most handsome photographer in the world."

I felt like crying seeing him get his hopes up for my competition even with the way he looked that time. How could he encourage me in that very moment, when he was in need of words of encouragement too?

I loved him a lot the first time I saw him at the hospital, but I loved him even more seeing how he gave me his heart in full support even when he needed the same thing too. In that moment, I knew I had to win. I knew I had to get the scholarship for the biggest fan of my lenses, the most beautiful subject of my photography that will never go out of style.

We chatted for a while more, until the clock struck twelve and it was time for New to prepare for his last treatment at the hospital.

"Let's go and clean you up, son. The doctors might come in any minute now for your treatment.", New's mom said in an attempt to bring her son to the bathroom.

"Ma, I'd like to bathe New, will that be okay with you?", I asked her.

That was the last time he would get his treatment, and even though he looked okay outside, New felt disheartened with the way things turned out. And with my absence being something I was deeply sorry about, and his disease getting severe at the moment, the least I could do was be his guardian and take care of him until the sun set.

"Sure, I'll just pack up so we won't have a lot to do when he comes back."

I stood up from the couch, held onto the handle of his wheelchair, and walked him towards the bathroom.