080

I woke up earlier the next day, making sure that New's eyes were still shut the moment mine opened. We didn't want him to have his own alone time in the kitchen as we were afraid that he might cook something that would upset our stomach, so even if I was still sleepy, I figured getting up early.

"You're up early, I guess we have the same thing running in our minds", New's mom greeted me as she sipped on her warm cup of tea.

"Yeah, I don't think I'll be able to handle yet another burnt pancake for breakfast."

We chuckled for a while and talked about a variety of things when I remembered my promise about New. I had told him I would get him any flavor of cake if he agreed to dance with me, and he hadn't stopped bugging me for the whole day yesterday about the blueberry cheesecake that he wanted.

"Ma, I'm going out for a bit. I promised New I would buy him cake today, so I better go now before I receive an earful from him."

"Sure son, here, take my money.", New's mom said as she fished her wallet from her pocket.

"There's no need, Ma. I still have money and I think it's still enough for a blueberry cheesecake."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Ma. If ever New wakes up and I still haven't come back, tell him I just went out for a bit, will you?"

"Okay, take care alright?"

"Okay Ma, I'll get going now."

I made my way to the door, put on my sneakers, and walked towards the side of the house where the bike was placed against the wall. It looked like it hadn't been used in ages, and the body had rusted through time, but it was still usable. New's mom told me that if ever I had anything to do outside I could use it, so I didn't have to ask permission for her prior to riding the bike.

It took me thirty minutes of biking before I was able to reach downtown Chiang Mai, and I was greeted by the ever lively city that looked busy even in the morning. Different from the peaceful ambiance of New's residence, the city was rather tiresome to look at, and even though it was only just a few days since I last got a view of it, I was already wanting to drive back.

I shouldn't have promised him a cake.

As if the struggle of biking all the way to the city wasn't any hard, there didn't seem to be any store opened at that hour that served blueberry cheesecake. The sun was scorching hot above me, and I had no way to shade myself from the intense heat, so biking along the city was an unbearable act. I had gone through more than ten bake shops, and not even a single one had blueberry cheesecake.

"Hi, do you happen to have a blueberry cheesecake?", I asked the shop attendant as I caught my breath from the intense heat.

It was already the eleventh store I visited, and I was crossing my fingers hardly, wishing that she would say yes. But seeing how her face turned into a frown, I didn't need to hear anymore what she would say.

"I think the coffee shop two blocks away from the high school sells them, you can check if they still have it. Here, quench your thirst before you go.", She said as she handed me a glass of water. She must have seen how lethargic I looked that she offered a glass of water for me to drink.

I didn't hesitate to grab the glass from her and drink the cold glass of water as my throat was too dried from all the biking.

"You look cute, do you have a girlfriend?", She said as she winked at me, clearly making a move.

I looked at her tag and her name said Jane. She wasn't bad looking. In fact, she looked beautiful. Her long, brown hair was curled into a wavy manner, and even if she wore little makeup, her face still made up for the lack of cosmetics.

But I already knew that I wasn't interested in her. In fact, I was never interested in anyone after that fortunate moment I was able to cross paths with New. My heart immediately became his the moment I laid my eyes on him, and after that I stripped myself of the ability to become attracted to anyone.

I finished the glass of water, put it back on the counter, and gave her a smile.

"Sorry, I already have a boyfriend."

She was both shocked and taken aback by my words that her mouth remained open even as I walked out of the room, and it would've been shameful on her side if the shop was full with customers. Luckily, I was the only one inside who saw her expression.

"Thanks for the and the water, I'll get going now!", I said as I bid goodbye to the shop and biked all the way to the coffee shop that she had told me.

While I paced the road to the coffee shop, I felt happy that I was able to say something as bold as "I already have a boyfriend" to a complete stranger. Just a week ago I experienced being ridiculed by my father for being gay, and it made me understand the stigma people have towards homosexuals. The way they are subjected to unjust criticisms, hiding in the guise of forced masculinity and coerced to adhere to the socially constructed standards that distort the moral compass of the confused, I realized that the world is a cruel place for people to live in, but it is even more grueling to people like us.

Even though I met with an uneventful moment of being mortified by my very own father, being able to accept who I was and being vocal about what my heart wanted to say was something that sparked the joy in me.

It didn't take me a while to reach the said coffee shop, and it was only upon arriving at the place that I realized it was the same coffee shop where New used to buy milkshake before going to school. I couldn't forget how the our first meeting was a shameful moment for him, but was actually a blessing for me. If it wasn't for his wallet that got lost that day, I wouldn't have the chance to talk to him even just for a few moments. I smiled as I reminisced the fleeting moment that was still resting in my mind as I parked the bike outside.

When I entered the shop, it still looked the same as that day. It was already past eight, so I didn't see any student at the coffee shop. There was a line of people waiting to get their orders from the counter, but it didn't take long for me to get in front of the cashier.

I scanned the shelf where the different desserts were lain, and fortunately, there was still a whole piece of blueberry cheesecake on the the far end.

"I'll get the blueberry cheesecake please.", I told the cashier in a smile.

Finally, the long search is over.

"That would be 800 baht, Sir."

800 baht? shit. I only have 700 baht in my wallet!

"Uh, can you wait for a bit? I'll just check my wallet.", I said as my wide smile turned into a weak one.

"I'll pay for it."

A familiar voice behind me said. I turned around to see who the good Samaritan was, only to see AJ standing behind me. He was in his uniform, and he looked at me seriously rather than the usual, furious face that he wore. I had no idea why he was event there because he was already kicked out of the school.

"No need.", I said in a firm voice. I didn't want to feel indebted to someone like him.

"You're still your prideful self, eh? You sure you don't want me paying for it?", He said, peeping through my wallet as if he didn't already know my money wasn't enough.

"Excuse me Sir, the line's getting longer. I'm going to need you to hand your payment in now.", The cashier interrupted us.

I looked at him fiercely as I clenched my fist. As much as I didn't want to receive help from a bastard, there was no one else inside the shop that I knew and would help me. Behind him also, the line was getting longer and I could see the people frowning at me for taking too long.

"Fine. I'll pay you, don't worry."

It's as if he was waiting for me to agree, because he smirked at me the second I said fine. He still got into my nerve even if I was indebted to him, and I was already close to losing my temper if it weren't for the crowd that stood before us.

"Thank you for--"

I didn't even wait for the cashier to finish her sentence and just snatched the cake immediately from her hand. I walked quickly out of the shop, went to my bike, and was about to leave when AJ called me from the shop's entrance.

"Hey!"

I turned around, expecting that he would throw a fist at me because of the way I acted, but he was still standing on the door looking at me.

"I'm sorry, really. I hope all is well between you and New. I..I'm sorry.", AJ said as he looked at me, his eyes not showing any sign of bluffing or edginess.

I was taken aback by his sudden apology, because it was the last thing that I thought he would say to me. AJ and I never really had a reason why we fought, and I don't remember myself getting into a serious clash with him that started the feud between us, so I didn't really understand his character.

Still, him apologizing to me made me think that maybe he was just like me, a troubled kid with no one to turn to. Maybe we were so mad at each other because we were both treated badly by the world, and we can't find comfort in each other because we were falling in the same hole that stripped us of the right to be happy.

But I was finally out of that hole, and maybe he was too, that's why he was apologizing for all the things that happened. I didn't need to think that he was bluffing as the words came right out of his mouth because I just knew that he was sincere in sending his apologies, and I had no reason not to accept it.

I climbed up to the seat of my bike, positioned myself to leave, then turned around to give him a smile.

"Go to school, you idiot. Stop cutting classes."

"You're one to talk when you're not even attending class", AJ replied in a smirk.

"See you around.", I said as I pedaled away from the shop and AJ, the cake steadily tied on the bike.

That morning, the sun stopped to feel burning in my skin, and the city didn't look like a polluted place to live in. As I drove out of the city and into the outskirts of town, I realized that even if the world was a grueling place for people like us, there will still be times that will remind you that change is constant, and it's not always a grieving moment for everyone to live.