Chapter 35

Nathaniel

The days that follow are filled with me working my ass off so I could get an off day on Tobi's 6th birthday. Each year, Summer always hosted his birthday parties but since she's expecting, Wylder offered to help me plan one . Lucas is too sick to even do anything these days.

" Nathan!" Lucas calls out the minute I slam the door behind me . Entering the warm silent home .

" Yeah?" I yell back, placing my laptop back on the couch and running up the stairs to his bedroom.

The day has been pretty hectic. I didn't have time for myself. I did all the work James required me to do without complaints . Now all it's left for me to do is finish the draft of the business presentation for Friday then I will be all good . If I submit that, I will have a few weeks off for my family .

I find Lucas sitting on his neatly made bed with his head in his hands . I quietly take a seat by him . And place my hand over his back .

" Are you okay?" I whisper. His tense up the minute I rub his back. Not a good start .

" I don't know...I think.." He sighs heavily " I think I might be pregnant."

My hand stops halfway through a stroke on the back, and somehow it starts to feel cold . It's like being splashed with cold water , and for a minute, it's hard to get out of the shock. I don't even know how to feel .

" Did you go to the doctor to confirm?" I press my lips together in a tight thin line . Lucas simply shakes his head no. " Then maybe you should . " I mumble .

A part of me does wish we could have a second baby, another one knows that Lucas is not ready for another rollercoaster of body changes, mood swings and hard kicks . It's his body he has to sacrifice after all , not mine .

" I can feel it, you know. That's why I'm so afraid to check . " He finally sits up and glances at me with tears in his eyes " I'm not ready for this .. I'm just not ready Nathan and I told you so many times !" He sobs out . I can sense that he's blaming me for this, nevertheless I try not to focus on that .

" Hey, if you are pregnant, we will get through this together, okay? " I place my hands on both of his warm wet cheeks . He slowly starts shaking his head.

" No, we won't. I did almost everything by myself while I was pregnant with Tobias , even after ....I can't go through this again ." He whispers weakly. I nod in understanding. Although I know that he couldn't be pregnant. I made sure of that .

***

After dropping by the doctor's office, we find out that Lucas is not really pregnant. Just a mere reaction to the amount of alcohol he drank at the party . Nothing to worry about . The relief on his face was enough evidence to show me that Lucas doesn't want another child with me . Somehow that hurt me more than anything .

" I guess now you can relax." I say to Lucas who's slowly licking his ice cream while looking at anywhere but me .

" Yeah ." He whispers . Shifting slightly . Tobias on the other side is enjoying his ice cream while messing up his shirt .

We sit in silence for a while . I can sense that Lucas doesn't want to talk to me , so I settle on talking to Tobias instead .

" Are you all done?" I look over Tobias . His mouth is filled with chocolate ice cream and he keeps trying to wipe it off with the back of his hand, making more mess .

" Yeah but it doesn't come off!" Tobias sighs in frustration. I'm about to help him when Lucas beats me to it .

" Let's go fix you up in the bathroom then." He picks up Tobias, placing him by his hip and throws the small bag we carry for Tobias over his shoulder .

" Do you want help with that?" I stand up nimbly, reaching out but Lucas shakes his head no .

I slowly sit back down. He walks away towards the bathrooms , throwing his half finished ice cream in the trash . I look at mine in hand, deciding that I'm not about to do such a thing . So I continue licking and biting on it . I guess we are at it again, Lucas pushing me away while I try to work things with him. What did I expect? Even after all these years of raising a child together, we are still strangers, connected by a child we made. No matter what I do, Lucas will never see me as worthy of his love .

" Nathan, is that you?" A familiar voice yells out in excitement.

I don't have to look his way to know that it is Axel . It's pretty easy to spot his voice, so easy . I almost spent the rest of my life with this person, almost .

" Yeah, it's me!" I force a smile . Axel doesn't get the hint, he plops down beside me, rather too close for my liking .

" I never thought I would bump into you ." He has the audacity to act all innocent when I raise my brows at him .

" Me too . " I mumble . Shifting slightly away from him so I could get a good look at his pretentious face .

" So when were you gonna tell me that you had a child? , I had to find out through Wylder ."

Fucking Wylder . I don't blame him though, he literally regards Axel as one of his friends because of our dating history .

" Now you know, can you drop the act and tell me what you are doing hefe?"

" Shopping, duh!" He says . Pretending as if he doesn't exactly know what I mean .

" Seriously Axel? Stop following me around . I have a fucking child and ..." And a boyfriend, someone I want to build a future with , I want to say to Axel but I don't .

" And a what? Are you referring to the miserable guy you are drooling all over? Come on Nathan, you can do better than that . "

" Don't say such nonsense about him!" I snap . My Jaw clenching.

" Oh no, I don't mean it in a bad way sweetheart . I mean , if you miss being in control and pinning someone down on the bed ...call me." He winks at me .

" I won't do that. "

" I know you will" he places a chasty kiss on my cheek then walks away . I just sit there, with a dazed face .

" Who was that?" Lucas asks the second he joins me back on the bench with Tobias by his side .

" No one ." I mumble . " You look better now ." I say to Tobias . That sets him off, he cheerfully comes over my side to tell me about his batman shirt .

***

" So you didn't knock him up?" Wylder asks . Looking at me sideways " Then why do you look disappointed? That's some good news, right?"

" Yeah, I guess ." I take a small sip of my cold beer in hand .

" Nathan" Wylder pokes my hand on the table. I just stare at him " Something is up your ass, you gonna tell me or should I guess?"

" Go ahead, guess ." I grumble. He sits back for a moment . His eyes scanning my face. Then instantly his mouth spreads into a huge smile .

" You fucking wish you got him pregnant!" He screams out . Almost everyone in the bar glare at the two of us .

" Well, no but close . Keep it down!" I mutter under my breath.

" You know, it wouldn't hurt you to tell me what's going . "

" It doesn't matter. "

" It does, at least to me . What's going on?"

" I don't know, Lucas is driving me insane with the signals he's sending my way . One minute he's warm then the next, he's cold towards me ."

" Sounds like a typical modem relationship these days. " Wylder gives me a half shrug.

" I just wish it wasn't hard this hard to love someone ."

" You know, there's this saying that goes like this , ' If loving someone makes you feel miserable then that person is not right for you'. Although I'm not saying Lucas is not right for you ...just putting it out there ." He raises up his hands when I just glower at him .

" Just saying ...you know." He adds . I quitely look down at my beer . Wondering if I'm just wasting my time with Lucas .

What if he never loved me in the first place? I allowed myself to fall for someone, once again who never gave a shit about me . First it was Axel, what's the possibility of history repeating itself? . I shake my head, trying to get rid of the negative thoughts piling up inside me . I should be positive. Positive thinking .

" Yeah, you definitely need to sort your shit with Lucas ." Wylder glances over me like I have gone crazy.

" Go big or go home I guess!" I say confidently . Wylder's face lights up and we toast to that .

***