Chapter 42

Lucas

You don't understand depression until you can't stand your own presence in an empty room. it's like trying to comprehend why everything is going wrong in your life, and concluding that it's you. You are the problem. Perhaps I deserve this. To feel like my world has fallen apart. I break things off with Nathan, only for someone to snatch the only person I thought I had . It's like reliving my childhood again, except this time I don't have Elizabeth to keep me going.

I stare at the ceiling, finding it impossible to even close my eyes . Every time I do, I'm reminded of the child I might never see again and Nathan's face when I told him that we should separate for good. I'm reminded of the fact that, all I have ever done is cause so much heartache to Nathan. He's better off without me . Even if Josh says otherwise.

" Okay Lucas .." Tyron comes in my room. It's already noon and all I have done is just stay in my bed . " You have done enough of mopping around, come on, time to get some fresh air and eat something decent ."

" No, I'm not ." I mumble. My voice coming out raspy and a little weak from not using it much .

" Yes, you are ." Tyron stands at the foot of my bed and pulls off the comforter on top of me with one swift move.

I groan in annoyance, and try to yank it back on me but he pushes it off the bed. Leaving me exposed with my basketball shorts and pyjama top . The cool air coming from the opened French door is not helping.

" I'm not going anywhere until Tobias comes home ."

" He will come home if you get up and try to find him . Whatever you are trying to do here isn't helping us find him ." He says, taking a seat besides me on the bed.

" Maybe.. maybe he's better off with whoever has him then . I wasn't a great parent, I suck at everything. " I cover my face with my hands and pull my knees up my chest, holding them tightly.

" We both know that's not true. You were the best thing that has ever happened to Tobias. I'm sure he's waiting for you to save him like you always do ." I feel his rather cold hand over my arm . I shiver involuntarily under it ." Sorry" he quickly pulls it away.

"Where's Nathan?" I ask out of concern and mostly, to avoid Tyron lecturing me about being a good parent while I know I'm not .

A good parent strives hard to make sure that their child grows up with two parents, they try to build a relationship with the other parent instead of pushing them away because they are so afraid of being hurt . A good parent doesn't lose a child , especially at home , a place where a child should feel the safest .

" Out, with Wylder . Probably drinking . That guy only cares about himself. His child is missing and all he can think about is drin-"

" Can we not do this, please?" I groan. Tyron sometimes can be so ... let's just say he isn't a fan of Nathan . From day one, he has always shown that without any care in the world.

" Okay . I will shut up about Nathan if you get up ." Tyron mutters . And I'm sure as hell , he's smiling ear to ear from the little trap he just put me in .

" Fine!" I give up . There's no winning against Tyron . He happily leaves the room, giving me some privacy.

I get up , my stomach soughing painfully from not eating anything for the past few days. I moan and pull myself towards the bathroom. Turning the shower on, I wait for the water to become hot before I step in. My mind drifts off to the quick showers I used to take whenever Tobias was around . The only time he left my side was when he played with his toys or watched cartoons. So during those times, I always took quick showers so he wouldn't try banging on the door for me to come out . I don't like this reality, without him. The house is so cold and empty . No warmth in it . Before I could fall in another pit of depression, I jump in the shower . The hot water hitting my skin. Making me relax a bit .

***

I meet Tyron downstairs . " What do you have in there?" I ask curiously, gawking at the backpack over the kitchen counter.

" You will see, come on!" He beckons. I follow him in the dining room. Joining him in the dining area, sitting across from him.

" Thank you ." I smile over the plate of two sandwiches and a glass of orange juice . As appealing as they look, I don't feel like eating but I try .

" Eat up!" He urges with a grin on his face . I nod . Then take a small bite of the sandwich, followed by another .

Tyron steals a few glances at me very so often. " We will find him, you know . Don't worry yourself too much ."

" Yeah . " I give him a small smile.

" I brought you something. " He runs off to the kitchen then comes back with his backpack.

He starts to take out the things in his backpack, starting with some chocolate muffins, followed by snacks and candy .

" My treat tonight!" Tyron hands me one muffin. I eagerly take it, thanking him . Happy to avoid eating the sandwiches.

" I love this ." I say after taking a small bite of the muffin. Even though the ones he has brought today taste a little different , I still shovel some of them down .

Tyron is nice enough to give me more of his, which is a surprise. He never shares his muffins . " Thanks?" I giggle a little when he just smiles at me .

" How are you feeling?" Tyron asks across from me. I just shrug. Unsure of how to answer that . All I know is that, I feel like I'm walking on cloud nine. Everything seems so funny to me and out of place .

" What did you even add in here?" I look down at the last piece of muffin in my hand .

" Something to make you feel good ."Tyron gives me this strange smile that makes my stomach flutter , not in a good way.

Before I could process what is happening, I feel myself being swept off my feet . At first,I think I'm doing it to myself but when my droopy eyes look up . I find Tyron staring back at me blankly .

" What are you---erhh- what?" I feel like my mind is too slow to respond to whatever Tyron is doing to me . It's like I'm not even part of the body I once had control over .

It's like floating on air but this is different, I can see myself being placed back on my bed .My whole body is tense at every muscle and a feeling of weird apprehension sweeps over me, strangles me, suffocates me.

" We are going to make our own baby, okay? And forget all about Tobias and Nathan . They don't deserve you especially Nathan . " Tyron whispers to me .

Suddenly he seems to be repeating himself over and over like a slow-motioned echo chamber. I start laughing, wildly hysterically. " You like that? Our own baby?" He repeats once again, smiling down at me.

" Our ba-baby?" I stutter. Unable to comprehend whatever he means by that . Instead I try to get up but Tyron pushes me back down .

" No, don't move. This will be over soon and you won't remember a thing ." I feel the weight of him on top of me .

At first, I see a part of me fighting for Tyron to get off but he doesn't . He keeps saying he loves me but I don't understand why he's hurting me while he claims that he loves me . He eventually overpowers me and all I'm left with is staring into space.

***