Chapter 52

LUCAS

" I could get used to this ." Nathan mutters , placing his hands on my waist . With almost all the insecurities about my body thrown outside the room, I manage to catch his eyes .

" How was last night?" I whisper. Holding my breath as his face turned red . Does that mean I did good? I wonder .

" Good ." He murmurs. Averting his eyes to my lips then back at my eyes . " Felt like heaven. I wish we could have gone all night."

" Yeah? Because as much as I loved you inside my mouth, my jaw now kind of hurts now ." I admit.

" Aww I'm sorry I'm too big for your mouth!" Nathan teases . I pout, playfully smacking his hand away when he tries to touch my sore jaw . " I'm sorry baby, can I touch it?" He gives me one of his puppy eyes. I instantly melt, knowing I could never win with Nathan.

" Just don't put too much pressure on it ."I warn. He nods . He gently inspects my jaw with a rather serious face . I try not to smile at how handsome he looks, his forehead furrowed a bit in concern .

" Well , it doesn't look that bad . Wanna go again?" He waggles his brows . He earns a frown in return . " Or I could just go down on you?" He suggests with a smirk

That makes my body go into alert mode " Uh--no, it's fine!" I nimbly turn to the warm water .

" What's wrong?" Nathan wraps his arms from behind me in an attempt to keep me from running away, which is something I'm planning on doing . Soon.

" Oh nothing." I lie .

" Lucas...." He nuzzles his nose on my neck . " What's wrong? Talk to me baby ."

I'm so glad we are not facing each other . The shame that creeps up in my heart could have been evident on my face . " I just don't want you to see me like this . My body is not what it used to look like ." I hang my head low . Cursing at myself for allowing the insecurities to fill up my mind at such an amazing moment.

A long pause follows and I don't know if I have said the wrong thing . I'm starting to feel like an idiot for bringing this up . So I do what I do best, I jump out of the shower . I feel tears Welling up in my eyes when Nathan doesn't stop me . What did I expect? It's not his problem that I feel this way. It can never be his problem. He has the perfect body. He didn't carry a child inside him . He couldn't relate to how I feel .

I wrap the white towel around me tightly, my feet landing on the cold floor until I reach my bedroom. I don't even make it to the closet before I find myself breaking down. I don't allow the tears to take a hold of me. I breathe in and out , leaning against my bed .

" Hey, come on ."'I feel hands help me stand up . I dart my eyes anywhere but at Nathan . " Let me show you something ." He beckons towards the huge mirror by the walk in closet .

I glance over at his unreadable face to the mirror in confusion but I allow him to lead me there . When we stand in front of it . He gently pulls the towel away from my body . At first, I try not to look at myself . Every time I do, I find something to criticize about it .

" Look at yourself, Lucas. Do you see that?" His hand touches the scar that runs under my abdomen with so much care that it makes me shiver involuntarily. " A life came out of you baby . A beautiful baby boy that you carried with so much difficulty. And honestly, I would do anything to be able to do what you did . Anything!. I hate it when you do this to yourself, put yourself down . It hurts because there's nothing I can do to make you see what I see through this mirror. To make you see how beautiful your scar is and the reason you should hold on to it with pride ." My lower lip trembles as tears slowly roll down my cheeks .My eyes examine my body , and for the first time since forever, I allow myself to see it more than just scarred and broken .

I place my hand over his on my stomach. His eyes meet mine and the rest of the room fades away. " You are more than just your body .You are my world. " He places the tip of his fingers on my chin and tilts my head up to his. I slowly close my eyes as i feel my breathing quicken. The chill of his lips as they press against mine makes me buckle at the knees, falling even further into him.

Even though we never really take it far , we kiss like crazy . Our hands wanting more, touching each other in places we have longed for . By the time we are done . We are a mess . We are panting and another shower is what we take . This time I don't allow any body insecurities to consume my mind. I allow Nathan to admire every part of me , to kiss every scar on my body and to remind me that I deserve this . To be loved. To be held and to be kissed with so much care . We deserve each other.

***

The weekend flies by without any trouble . Then the planning of Tobias' 6th birthday starts . Summer pitches in , wanting it to be as perfect as possible .

Nathan and I spend more time together. Finally opening up to each other about the past and even about our feelings. Even people around us start to notice how affectionate we are around each other, Wylder on the other side enjoys teasing us whenever he gets the chance.

" Oh I see you, I see you Lucas!" Wylder mutters with a tinge of amusement when he finds me hugging Nathan from behind in the kitchen .

" Good ." I give him a mischievous grin . He acts so surprised, placing his hand over his chest .

" So you guys are fucking and doing whatnot behind my back?" His eyes widens as Nathan grumbles for him to shut up . " Seriously bro, so I don't deserve to know when my best friend is getting some ass?"

" Wylder!" I snigger, hiding my flushed face under Nathan's arm. As much as I adore Wylder, he can be so...Wylder .

" You never asked ." Nathan turns around, taking me in his arms " And it's none of your business what we do behind closed doors ."

" Wow! " He feigns offence . Nathan and I just laugh at his pretence . " How long are you two planning on keeping this a secret?" He sits across from us on one of the stools beside the kitchen counter .

" I mean, it wasn't a secret in the first place but we are thinking of telling Tobias ." Nathan responds to him .

" How the hell are you two going to do that? You going to go to him and be like 'Son, your dad and I are fucking but we aren't exactly in a rel-"

" Oh God!" I facepalm.

" Wylder, you seriously need a life . " Nathan mutters beside me , laughing a little .

" This is my life . " He starts to pour himself the orange juice in front of him . " And I like it, thank you very much ." He adds .

" I feel like you are our second child, you literally live here. " Nathan comments, letting me go so I could finish up preparing breakfast for Tobias .

" Adopt me ." Wylder says cheerfully . The whole room erupts into laughter at the way he excitedly looks from me to Nathan .

" That would be pointless. You have already adopted your way into our lives. " Nathan snickers . And just like that, another round of the two bickering starts.

I go through the list of tomorrow's birthday party in my head. Everything has been sorted by Summer, even the theme. All it's left is for me to show up with Tobias and see what Summer has in store for him. He's surely going to go crazy once he sees all the presents Wylder bought him . Although we told Wylder that one is enough, he still went all out of the way . Claiming that he wants Tobias to love him more . That only makes me smile .

It's not exactly going to be a huge party . Only family members will be present and some of his friends from school. Hopefully he loves it . This is his first birthday party that has a lot of people coming.

"Hey you" I feel strong familiar arms wrap around my waist as I cut up the avocado for Tobias .

" Hmhmm" I hum softly. Leaning against his warm rigid chest in content .

" I'm going out later to do something . Will you be okay?" He stuffs his face over my neck, something that he has been doing a lot and I'm loving it .

" Where are you going?" I turn in his arms so I could get a better look at his face .

" To buy a few things for Tobias' birthday tomorrow ." He shrugs it off when I raise my brows in question . " I will be back before you know it. " He reassures me with a kiss on my forehead .

" Okay ." I mumble . He steps away from me with a faint smile on his face . Checking on the eggs he's making.

I go back to doing what I was doing, except this time my mind is occupied with what could possibly Nathan be buying for Tobias' birthday. We checked out everything on his birthday list and he agreed with me this morning that there was nothing left to add on the list .

I try not to think much about it . Maybe it's a birthday present that he's planning on surprising Tobias and I with? . I can only hope so .

A few minutes later Wylder walks in the kitchen with a refreshed Tobias in his arms . " Good morning bud!" Nathan is the first one to say with a huge bright smile on his face.

" Dad! " Tobias happily jump into Nathan's arms. Receiving kisses all over his face while he giggles , yelling for Nathan to stop .

Wylder and I just stare in awe . I mean, these kinds of moments in the morning are the reason I strive to wake up before Tobias so I could make him some breakfast. He loves getting lots and lots of kisses and tickles from Nathan while I cuddle with him after .

****