17 This is just the beginning

I reach my room and start pacing. Everything was crashing in on me and I didn't know what to do. My lungs felt constricted. I couldn’t breathe.

Why was this happening to me? I thought that after I got free everything would be good. Everything would be perfect. I was so fucking wrong. Everything was out of control and I felt like I was drowning.

“Karma is a bitch, isn’t she?” Raya says, coming out of her hiding hall.

“Shut up, I don’t have time for you” I scream in my head. “Especially after you abandoned me when I needed”

The events of the night were catching up to me. I can’t believe that Iris is here. Can’t believe that I almost died today. I especially can’t believe that Raya abandoned me to die. That she had hoped that the beast would kill me.

“How could you Raya? After everything we’ve been through…how could you just leave me like that?”

She gives me what I presume is a shrug. She has no regrets and doesn’t feel bad.

I was on the verge of tears. My heart was tearing apart and I had no way of stopping it. Everything inside me hurts. Seeing Iris reminded me of all I went through and how it seems the goddess is against me.

Did she hate me that much? Even after sending someone to rescue us, I was still in misery. I was still in pain and everything seemed to be against me. Haven’t I been through enough already?

“No you haven’t…this is just the beginning, trust me, there is more to come and I can’t wait to see you suffer” she gives me an evil smile before slinking off.

I fall on my bed in a heap and cry. I’m unable to hold back the tears. The pain comes rushing out of me like an avalanche. I feel like I’m being buried alive. Being buried under the layers and layers of pain and agony.

I just want all of it to end. The pain and the heartache.

I want to be happy. To be free. To be whole. I don’t want to wake up each day with nothing but emptiness and fragments of myself. Was that too much to ask?

“Please goddess, whatever I’ve done wrong please forgive me, and take away my suffering and pain.

Please.” I beg, my words clogging my throat.

There is no answer from her. No reassurance. No comforting inner soft voice. There is nothing but silence and that speaks more than words.

I don’t know for how long I lay there crying when my door opens and someone enters. I have no strength to lift my head up and check who it is.

“Mayra…” she calls, her voice soft.

I don’t look up. She is the last person I want to see. I just want to be alone.

She doesn’t get the hint. Instead I hear her soft footsteps then I feel her weight on the bed. She gently lifts my head and places it on her lap. It is a difficult and weird position given her baby bump.

“I’m sorry May. So sorry for judging you. I know your character, we’ve bonded through your pain. I should have trusted your heart because I’ve seen it and I know that you don’t have a single mean or selfish bone in your body”

Her words make me cry more. I just feel so lost right now.

I grab her hand and hold it tightly in mine. Right now she’s my anchor to the present. Without her I feel like I will collapse into a thousand pieces.

“It’s okay, Mayra…everything will be alright, you’ll see. Just trust in the moon goddess’ plan” she whispers, hugging me close.

I internally scoff at her words. The goddess’ plans concerning me have never been good. In fact it’s like she has something against me.

When I’ve finally run out of tears, I lift my head from her lap and sit up. I wipe the remaining tears from my face and face her.

“Thank you Ren”

She pierces me with her eye before answering. “Anything for you Mayra.”

“I’m going to take a shower. I feel so dirty after running through the forest.”

She nods her head and stands up to leave. After she has left, I head for the bathroom. Stripping, I jump into the shower and allow the hot water to relax my tense and tired bones.

Thirty minutes later I’m clean and in my comforting onesie pajamas. I sit on my bed and scroll through my phone, finding a message from Darren.

(I’m sorry about today darling…I promise I’ll make it up to you)

I sigh and put my phone down without replying. Him judging me hurt more than Ren and Sebastian judging me. I never expected he would look down on my like that.

I was about to sleep when my door opened again. Ren walks in but this time she’s with Iris.

“I know this is a lot to ask but she has nowhere to sleep. All the bedrooms are occupied and Colton’s bed is too small to fit both of them” she says with a guilty look on her face.

It's on the tip of my tongue to yell at her. To tell her she should have thought of that before telling Grace that Iris could stay here but I hold back. Ren never does anything maliciously.

I simply nod my head in acceptance that I will be sharing a bed with Iris.

“Go on sweetie” Ren tells her, giving her a gentle push further into my room.

She looks at Ren then at me. She’s unsure, after all I didn’t give off any welcoming or loving vibes.

“Go on” Ren urges her again.

She steps further into the room and slowly walks towards my bed. Once she gets near it she stands still and looks up at me.

The sad look she has on tugs at my heart strings. Without meaning to, my hands reach out and lift her onto my bed. I remove her shoes and shove the blankets off so she could get into bed.

She gets the hint and does so.

After she lays down, I gently cover her and make sure that she is warm and cozy.

It’s when I feel Ren’s burn stare that I realize what I just did. I snap my head in her direction only to find her smiling with tears swimming in her beautiful eyes.

“Goodnight you two” she tells us quickly before leaving.

I’m left a bit mystified by my actions. Shaking myself out of the stupor, I switch off the bedside lamps and burrow deep into the blankets.

“Goodnight Mayra” her voice is so small that I almost missed her words.

A part of my heart and mind wants to ignore her words. They want to snub her but I can't, no matter how much I want to distance myself from her Against my better judgment I find myself replying.

“Goodnight too Iris”