24. Selfish

"Hello?” I speak into the phone.

It was about a week and a half since Darren marked me and life has been good. After I had established my dominance, Darren had made a formal announcement that I was his mate and Luna. Most of the members were happy but some weren’t.

Those who weren’t mainly consisted of the single she-wolves. They probably had hoped that Darren would pick them as his Luna. Despite their hostility I knew they wouldn’t step out of line. Not just because Darren threatened to banish anyone who disrespected me but also because of how I had dealt with Lucy and her friend.

With wolf pack hierarchy, the strongest ruled. The fact that I had been able to take Lucy down easily proved I wasn’t one to mess with. As for Lucy since she was a great warrior, Darren didn’t banish her.

Instead she was sentenced to the dungeons for a month with only one meal per day.

After the events of that morning, we made love again before we left to pick up Iris. Ren had been excited for me. When she saw the mark on my neck she hugged me and told me that she wishes me nothing but happiness.

We had lunch then after we went back to our new home. Darren welcomed us to his home. It was a big mansion. Not as big as the pack house but big nonetheless.

Iris was ecstatic when Darren told her that she would have her own room and that we would decorate it however she wanted. She was also curious about Krystal when she learned that the room next to hers belonged to Darren’s daughter.

“Mayra” the voice interrupted my thoughts.

I was just heading inside the hospital for my session with Alice but stopped at the cold voice.

“Mother” I returned with the same cold tone.

The other reason why I didn’t keep in contact with my parents was because of how cold they treated me. I was born to Alpha parents that hated each other and in turn they hated me.

“You got marked and mated and you didn’t tell us?” she screeches on the other end.

Dealing with her was always draining and I hated being around her.

“Is that why you called? After all these months you only called because you learned I got marked?”

“Is there another reason why I should have called? Anyway I heard it was an Alpha. You did well Mayra, now all you have to do is get pregnant with his child so you can secure your position as Luna”

she says in a sing-song voice.

Do you see the reason why I avoid talking to her? Not that she goes to great lengths to talk to her only child.

I sigh. I didn’t have time to deal with her.

“If that’s why you called then I’m hanging up. I have things to do” I tell her right before I hang up the phone.

I feel the familiar hurt start to rise but I push it down. What kind of mother never calls to check up on her daughter? To see if she was alright? What kind of mother gives up on her child a month after she goes missing?

I push those thoughts away vowing that I will be a better mother to Iris. I don’t want her growing up to resent me. With that determination I walk in for my appointment.

Getting into the office I find Alice as usual seated on a solo chair. Her glasses hanging a bit low on her button nose. Note book and pen in hand.

“Hey Alice” I mumble.

“Good afternoon Mayra” she responds.

This session was going to be a hard one. Part of being a good mother to Iris meant dealing with my own issues. Dealing with an issue I’ve been trying to push away and bury. Trying to forget that it is happening to me.

“I hear congratulations are in order” she states with a small smile.

Smiling back at her, I take a more comfortable posture. “Yes”

“How do you feel about being mated?”

“To be honest, these past few days have been amazing. I never knew that I could be this happy and content. Every day when I wake up in Darren’s arms I count my blessings because I never thought I would have this. I never thought there would be any man who would accept a tainted and broken she-

wolf.”

I can feel myself falling deeper and deeper for Darren. The connection we had has strengthened and we have become even more bonded due to our mating bond. Which is amazing by the way. I feel secure and at peace.

“What about Iris, how’s she taking things?” she asks curiously.

“I think having a family structure has helped her. I’ve seen some improvement with her. She’s still really shy but I think with time she can overcome it”

She nods her head in understanding. “That’s good”

I think in all honesty what Iris needed was love and a family that valued her. She has gotten that and more and with time I believe she will grow out of her shell. I just need to continue showing her that I will never leave her.

I take a deep breath “Alice, I need your help with Raya, my wolf”

Despite being marked and mated, Raya was still acting out. It has taken a lot for me to keep her in check so that Darren and Kai don’t realize how out of control she is. Fighting her for control was starting to drain me because every day was a battle.

“What’s wrong with her?” Alice asks, her attention completely on me.

“That’s the thing…I don’t know”

“How about you start from the beginning and then I will build up from there”

I nod my head. “Okay. Her erratic behavior started when we were rescued. It started small but over the years her behavior has just gone down the drain. She is always lashing out, saying mean things and calling me names. She blames me for everything that has happened to us. Sometimes she takes control and forces me to shift. Then pushes me to the back and shuts me out. Once she tried attacking Ren and another time, it was Darren.”

A frown forms on Alice’s face. I start getting nervous because that signifies she thinks something is really wrong with Raya.

“Anything else?”

“Yeah. She’s always threatening me. Telling me that I will pay and that she’ll make me suffer. Once I was in danger, she refused to shift. She told me that she hopes the rogue tears into me and kills me”

I don’t tell her the truth about the beast because Sebastian and Darren asked me not to. No one apart from the council, the Alphas, Ren and me knew that there was something out there killing wolves.

“Has she portrayed any contradictory symptoms? Like she’s good one moment and bad the next?” she asks, jotting something down like she always does.

“Maybe once or twice. That’s when I see the old Raya. The sweet wolf I got when I was thirteen. Most of the time she’s just angry and bitter. I sometimes wonder if she’s been replaced” I sigh in defeat.

Her behavior was starting to drive me insane. I just couldn’t deal with her anymore. She’s always breathing down my neck. Telling me how she hates me and she wishes me nothing but pain.

Keeping her locked up was also mentally draining me, because I had to do it day and night. Especially now that Darren and I were sharing a bed. I woke up tired and spent the whole day moving around like a zombie.

“I can’t be sure yet, I’ll need to do more tests but my conclusion is that Raya’s mind may be split.

Usually when someone goes through something as traumatic as you have, there is a chance of them splitting or dissociating from the trauma. It’s a way of coping with what happened.”

“I’m confused. Why would that happen to her? She’s in my mind Alice, I’m the one that bore the brunt of the torture and hell we went through.”

She shakes her head, making me frown. “True but knowingly or unknowingly you pushed the emotional scars to her. You may have borne physical trauma but she bore the emotional trauma. You have the physical scars, she has the emotional ones. Why do you think you never broke like the rest during torture? Why do you think you became numb? It’s because Raya was the one dealing with the mental and emotional part of it. All that trauma is bound cause the seams holding her together start to disintegrate, when that happens her mind begins to split”

I stay rooted to the seat. My mind trying to put everything she told me together. It’s actually scary to know that all that I believed was a lie. I thought that I went through hell while Raya was just breezing and chilling inside me. In reality though she might have gone through worse.

My physical wounds healed and though I struggled I was getting much better. Raya on the other hand had emotional and mental scars. Scars that sometimes don’t heal. I’ve been selfish with her, I realize. I sought help for myself while trying to hide that she was breaking apart. That she too needed help instead of being thrown to the back of my mind and hidden out of sight.

“I’ll book an appointment next. I want us to do a comprehensive test so we can get the right diagnosis and find the best help for Raya. Meanwhile, I want you to try and talk to her instead of pushing her away. Even if she’s mean or hurtful towards you, try to understand her and get her talking” Alice tells me and I nod my head numbly.

I leave after setting the next appointment. I was a mess. Now I understood why she called me selfish.

Why she hated me so much. I was a terrible companion.

I got to the pack in a daze. If I could be there for Iris then I could be there for Raya too. It was about time I started taking her problems seriously.

I open my mental blocks.

“Raya…” I was just about to ask her if she wanted to talk or go for a run when a scream tears through the area I don’t think. I just start running towards Iris’s fearful scream.