95. Leaving him before he leaves me

“Are they ready?” I asked my lawyer.

“Yes…everything is as you instructed” comes his reply.

“Good…Drop them by the house as soon as possible” I tell him before cutting off the line.

It’s been a week since the rescue mission and I haven’t seen Sebastian. One whole week of him not even coming home. I guess that just proves where his loyalty is.

Every time I think of that. It gives me the sense of deja vu. I mean, isn’t this how things started out with Darren right before everything went to shit?

This time though, I wasn’t going to wait to be kicked out. I would show myself out the door instead.

I haven’t been to see Mayra and I don’t plan to. Call it jealousy or whatever but my obligation to her is about to end. After that, we will never have to cross paths again.

“I don’t think this is a good idea” Blue mumbles.

“I second that” Midnight adds.

I sigh. Already freaking tired. I thought that once the mission was over I would finally get enough sleep but I am not. I still feel tired each day I wake up feeling completely drained of energy.

“Whether it’s a good idea or not, it’s what we have to do. It’s what’s best” I reason with them.

“Best for who exactly? Because I don’t see how this is beneficial to us” Blue grumbles.

I pinch my nose and pray for patience. She and Midnight have been irritable and it was driving me insane.

“Have you forgotten what happened the last time we fell in love with a man who has already been spoken for? Have you forgotten how painful it ended for us?”

I remember that pain and I don’t want to feel it again. Darren broke us but Sebastian has the power to destroy us. To completely annihilate us. I can’t risk that. I can’t go back to nothing but pain and heartache.

It’s already painful to breathe. Painful to imagine him at Mayra’s bedside day in day out. Falling for her.

While I wait here on the sidelines. Craving his love knowing I can’t have it. That it will never be mine.

When we signed the contract, he warned me about falling for me. Said that there can never be love between us. I didn’t have a chance of making him fall in love with me before. Now with his mate alive, it’s impossible.

“Maybe he will choose us” Midnight says in a small voice.

Fuck does it hurt. Knowing that I now have a new love to bury.

“You’re delusional if you think that Midnight. He has found his fated mate? What makes you think he’ll want us now?” I ask, my voice catching at the end.

I remember when he talked about his mate. The emotions that clogged his voice when he spoke of her.

How broken he was that he never even got to meet her before she was taken from him. He loved her despite never meeting her.

Now that he has her, broken or not, he will choose her. I’d rather not see that happening. I’ve already gotten my heart broken too many times to count. I can’t survive another man not loving me.

The door rings and I get up from my bed.

There was no one in the house except for me. I dropped off Jax at the pack house yesterday and lied to him that Krystal and I had to go for a while on a moon goddess mission but we would be back.

I hated lying to him but I also couldn’t break his heart like that. Jax was among the first to love me and accept me when the whole city had turned on me. I wanted to take him with me. Fuck did I want that, but I couldn’t. I had no right to him.

I open my door and my lawyer is standing on the other side together with Claire.

“Come on in” I say.

“Like I said on the phone…everything is in order and just as you requested” he says handing me the papers.

I silently take them and read through them. Satisfied, I take the pen from him about to sign it.

“Are you sure about this Ren? Aren’t you going to fight for him” Claire asks.

I shake my head before signing my name on the separation papers.

“No. I can never win against a fated mate…Darren taught me that and with the way things are headed with Sebastian, he’s also proving the same point”

I hand over the signed papers to the lawyer. He nods his head before speaking.

“Mr. Ashton will get the papers tomorrow”

“Thank you for everything Chris” I tell him and he leaves.

I leave Claire in the living room and go bring our luggage down. I used the entire week to pack our things. To make sure that there was nothing of mine left, especially in the master’s bedroom.

The last thing I wanted was for Mayra to feel uncomfortable or unwelcomed in her mate’s home.

Once I am done I take a break.

“You’re running again…I don’t like that Renny” it’s the first thing Claire says when I sit down next to her.

“I know. But what choice do I have? Stay and watch the man I’m in love with fall head over heels in love with his fated mate? I can’t do that Claire. I can’t survive it”

For once since this entire thing started, I let the tears fall. I let the pain I’ve been pushing back, come forth and pour out. This is the second time I'm in this situation but for some reason it hurts more.

If only I could tear out my useless beating heart and be able to live without it, then I would.

“It’s okay Renny. I’m here, let it all out. You know I will always catch you when you fall”

I cry even harder if that’s possible. “You know what the sad part is, I was happy. I was starting to accept that good things happen to me also but after the last vision, deep down I felt that my life was about to be turned upside down, I just never imagined this taking place”

“Maybe the goddess is testing the love between you and Sebastian just like he did with Darren. To see whether it will stay strong or crumble”

I wanted so badly to tell her that Sebastian doesn’t love me. That this whole mating was a sham. Just a contract. That the love she’s talking about is one sided. But I can’t tell her. I can’t breach the contract I signed.

“I doubt that Claire Bear. I know you think I'm running away but this is how I deal. I need time to deal with the heartache. Time to set it aside. Time to come to terms with this new development” I plead for her to understand me.

She sighs. “I will always support your decision. If time is what you need then that’s what you’ll get.

Don’t worry about anything. Sheryl is already running the company like she was born to do it, so take all the time you need”

“Thank you Claire” I whisper, hugging her.

“Now, let’s go pick Krystal and then I can drive you both to the airport” she says standing up.

Krystal was at Darren’s parents’ house. Darren was admitted to a rehabilitation center but I already explained things to him and his parents. I didn’t tell them everything, just that I needed a break after everything that has happened. They were very understanding.

About an hour and a half later. Krystal and I were saying goodbye to Claire.

“Promise you’ll call me when you settle and you’ll keep in touch” she pleads, tears swimming in her eyes.

“I promise”

“I love you Renny” she says. Her words filling my heart.

“I love you too Claire Bear” I hug her then kiss her cheek before turning towards the airport.

Krystal doesn’t say anything. Just looks at me with understanding eyes. I give her a small smile and begin walking with her hands in mine. Heading to our new beginning. A beginning that had no Sebastian in it.

This was for the best. I keep telling myself. I was leaving him before he could leave me.