97. Rejection

Sebastian.

Two month. Two whole fucking month. That’s how long Red has been missing. No one knows where she is. Including Lilly and Claire. I don’t know if they were being honest. But they insist that they have no clue where she was.

I drink my scotch and embrace the burning sensation. I need her. I want her. Feels like I’m slowly going insane without her.

“You can’t continue like this Bash” Micah snarls while entering my office.

I ignore him because he doesn’t know how I feel. What I feel not being close to my mate. I was an idiot.

I should have realized that there was no way Red would stay. That she would think I would choose Mayra over her.

Every method my P.I have deployed has ended in nothing but dead ends and cold trails. Her parents haven’t heard from her and neither has Luke. Her phone has been off since she left and her mental blocks haven’t given an inch.

I keep banging on them. Trying to reach her but it’s of no use at all because she never answers back.

“Bash”

“Leave me alone Micah, I’m doing my job as an Alpha…shouldn’t that be enough?” I growl, throwing back the remaining contents of my glass.

“Yes, but you haven’t been yourself of late…you’re like a fucking robot just going through the motions”

he grumbles.

What did they want from me? I was doing enough. I was getting by as best as I could. So what the hell did they want from me?

“Just leave Micah. I want to be alone. I need to think” I tell him tiredly.

I wasn’t the only one who was affected when Red left. Jax misses her a lot and so does Fang. The previous day, Jax even asked me if he could start calling Red ‘mom’ when she got back.

The sharp pain that pierces my heart every time I think of her is excruciating. I should have assured her. Should have realized that the moment she shut me out spelled doom. I should have tried everything to get back to her instead of staying at the hospital.

I watch as Micah slowly and quietly leaves the room. Finally I was alone again. Alone with my regrets.

“Where are you Red?” I ask the empty room and just like always I don’t get a fucking answer.

How am I supposed to live without her when each day without her by my side is dull and painful? I feel like the air has been sucked from lungs each day that goes by without a word from her. Like there is no color or life.

“Are you finally going to accept that you fell for her?” Fang asks. “That we are in love with them”

I’ve denied that notion since Fang broached the subject but not anymore. Because if I wasn’t in love with her then why was I feeling so fucking hollow? Why did it hurt to breathe without her near me?

Does she even feel the same? What if she’s still in love with that asshat, Darren? What will I do then?

“There’s only one way to find out. We can’t give up on finding her. She’s ours” Fang says with determination in his voice.

I get back to looking at every angle. Maybe I can find something that my private investigators missed.

Fang was right. There was no way I was going to give up on Red.

A knock on my door interrupts my concentration.

“Come in” answer, still focused on the papers on my desk.

Her scent hits me the moment she steps foot into my office. Over the course of the two months I’ve managed to push the mate bond between Mayra and me.

I’ve managed to ignore it. Now I barely feel it. I didn’t want to hurt her but I also didn’t want her. I already had a mate.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, but I was hoping we could talk” she says softly.

She was discharged from the hospital a month after we found them. And she has been staying at my pack house since then.

She has healed physically but not emotionally. She was diagnosed with PTSD and so were some of the others. The doctors are trying to help them but they’re a long way from being okay.

“Sure” I tell her, setting aside the papers. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Us being mates” she replies fidgeting.

I sigh but I know I need to get this out there. “Before we begin I need to make something clear. I don’t want to hurt you or cause you any more pain than you have already been through but I love Lauren and I’m not planning to leave nor am I planning to break my mate bond with her. That being said, I will give you time till you're well enough so we can completely sever our mate bond. Sylvia assured me there is no chance of you going feral because the bond was already weak and I already marked Lauren”

I wait for an outburst but it doesn’t come. Mayra continues to surprise me every time and I respect her for that. Most women in her situation would have gone ballistic.

“You truly do love her, don’t you?” she asks.

“Yeah, with every fucking beating of my heart” I reply slowly.

I feel the truth of the words settle inside me. Fuck! I have been a dumbass. Why didn’t I realize that I loved Lauren earlier?

For the first time since I met her, I see her smile.

“I’m glad. Lauren is a wonderful woman. Anyone willing to take the pain of someone else deserves all the happiness in the world and I can’t wait to officially meet her…Would it help if I was the one doing the rejecting?”

I think about it. Rejecting her would cause her pain, but if she were to reject me then I would feel most of it. Besides, I think she needs this. For the past decade, her life has been dictated by those who captured her. Giving her this one control won’t hurt anyone.

“I think so…But Mayra, you also deserve happiness. I’ve seen the woman you are these past two months and any man would be lucky to have you”

“Any man but you…” she says with a teasing smile.

I chuckle “Any man but me…I’m already spoken for, but like I said, you deserve happiness and one of these days you’ll find a man that loves you like you deserve.”

“Thank you, that means a lot, now let’s get this over and done with” she says “I Mayra May reject you Sebastian Ashford as my mate and forsake all rights to you”

The pain is there but it isn’t as excruciating as people say it is. Probably because our bond was already three quarter dead.

“I Sebastian Ashford accept you rejection”

She doesn’t even flinch. Either because she was used to the pain. Or because my early theory was correct.

“Thank you Mayra…And if you ever need anything don’t ever hesitate to ask Lauren and I” I tell her and she nods her head before standing up and leaving.

Once she’s gone I lean back into my chair.

I was going to find Lauren and I will spend the rest of my life proving that she’s the one for me. I just hope that when I do find her she’ll accept me.